Should we try to make friends with the resolutioners?
spartan_d
Posts: 727 Member
Wow. Once again, I see people saying that instead of being annoyed with the resolutioners, we should strike up conversations with them and try to become their friends.
I gotta say, I don't mind conversations that occur naturally. And if a friendship results from that, that's fine. When some is clearly trying to start a conversation and make friends with me at the gym though, I find that annoying. I'm there to work out, not to engage in prolonged chit-chat.
And I certainly wouldn't go around telling other gym goers that it's their responsibility to make resolutioners feel welcome so that they'll stay.
Besides, does anyone really think that the resolutioners quit by February because they didn't make enough friends at the gym? I doubt that that's the reason.
Sorry if that offends anyone.
I gotta say, I don't mind conversations that occur naturally. And if a friendship results from that, that's fine. When some is clearly trying to start a conversation and make friends with me at the gym though, I find that annoying. I'm there to work out, not to engage in prolonged chit-chat.
And I certainly wouldn't go around telling other gym goers that it's their responsibility to make resolutioners feel welcome so that they'll stay.
Besides, does anyone really think that the resolutioners quit by February because they didn't make enough friends at the gym? I doubt that that's the reason.
Sorry if that offends anyone.
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no but we all were in there shoes at some point. so there no harm being nice to people. who wants to go to a gym where the people arnt friendly. i've quiet because of it.... i refuse to go live high school again20
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I have no interest in making friends at the gym...resolutioners or regulars. I go to workout and then go home. I seek my friends out in running groups that have beer afterwards and are designed for socializing around a common interest.7
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I'm not saying that we shouldn't be nice. And as I said, I don't mind conversations that start naturally. There's a big difference between being nice to a stranger and trying hard to become that person's friend, though.michael1976_ca wrote: »no but we all were in there shoes at some point. so there no harm being nice to people. who wants to go to a gym where the people arnt friendly. i've quiet because of it.... i refuse to go live high school again
I'm like @MotherOfSharpei . I go to the gym to work out. I have made friends there, but these friendships just happened. Nobody tried to make them happen.3 -
Someone thought it might be a good idea to try to encourage new people at the gym. It’s just an opinion. It’s not mandatory.
And I don’t think it’s an offense against your personal dignity for them to suggest such a thing.
If you don’t want to interact with people during your workouts, don’t interact. That’s a perfectly acceptable choice.
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Someone thought it might be a good idea to try to encourage new people at the gym. It’s just an opinion. It’s not mandatory.
And I don’t think it’s an offense against your personal dignity for them to suggest such a thing.
If you don’t want to interact with people during your workouts, don’t interact. That’s a perfectly acceptable choice.
It's not a question of encouraging people. Of course you can encourage total strangers. Nothing wrong with that.
Specifically trying to become friends, though? Sorry, but I would find that very off-putting. It'd be more likely to drive me away.
Also, the comments I read said that we *should* try to do so. The word "should" suggests more than a suggestion.1 -
Depends at the gym. At my "normal" gym (the kind with weights and cardio equipment), I don't really think it's my place to converse with anyone. That is what the gym staff is there for. If someone strikes up a conversation with me, I'll be happy to politely have one. That's just good human interaction. But I'm not going to be part of the welcome committee.
I also workout at a martial arts gym in group class format, and that's completely different. It's always the same students in the class, and we train together as partners, so we get to know each other well. In that situation, whenever there is a new person (resolutioner or not), I will go out of my way to make them feel welcomed. Our training is tough, especially for a new person, and what helped me out a lot when I first started was the experienced classmates who mentored me along the way. Now that I have some experience under my belt, I'm happy to give that back.10 -
I would agree that a martial arts gym is totally different. After all, that's a scenario wherein you are required to work together.
So yes, to be more specific, I'm talking about a general purpose gym. The kind that New Year's resolutioners normally join. It would be more unusual for a resolutioner to join a martial arts gym as a means of getting fit, though I'm sure that does happen on occasion.0 -
I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.2
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Excellent points, folks. I think there's a lot of wisdom here.
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I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. ....
I am so glad you said that.
When I brought this subject up in another forum, people got angry, "Of course you should be friendly to the newbies! Why do you think that being hostile is a good idea?"
They clearly didn't grasp what you do -- that you can be friendly with a simple hello or a gesture without making a concerted effort to become friends. And yes, trying hard to become friends will likely make them more anxious.1 -
I stopped reading comments in the other thread (until now when I went to the last page), because it seemed so pointless after a while. We have this same discussion every year.
I didn’t realize that maybe there were more emotional reactions in that thread—that’s why I couldn’t figure out why this one was necessary. And the whole “try to make friends with them” is not something I would respond to under any circumstances so I just let that pass by. I understand the perspective now.
The new year’s increase in fitness traffic is such a regular occurrence, I guess I just don’t pay that much attention to it. I have a certain fatalistic attitude: It’s going to happen, it’s going to be somewhat annoying, a bunch of new people are going to show up, some will be nice, some will be jerks, some will be clueless. In 4-6 weeks most of them will be gone. And history has shown that there is not much you can do about it.
In the past, figuring out how to keep the newbies engaged was part of my job, and so I had to fool myself into thinking we could make a difference in the numbers. I don’t have to do that anymore.
I don’t see where anyone needs to act any differently than they would otherwise. There are certain rules of gym etiquette that you should follow every day no matter who the other exercisers are. And, in general, while one does not have to be gregarious, I think general politeness is a good rule of thumb.
To me those standards don’t change, whether it’s Jan 1 or Dec 1.
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If it's a "rock" climbing gym, of course you should try to make friends. Nobody goes to those places to climb plastic telephones, the whole point is to meet new climbing partners for outside.2
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I think everyone has their own personality. Just be true to yourself--no guilt. If you're very friendly and like interacting with people then do it if you find someone who welcomes it. If you're introverted there's nothing worse than forsing yourself to approach someone. Common sense is all that's needed.1
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I got cussed out at the gym b/c I didn't want to be friends with someone anymore. That made going to the gym tense for awhile.
I'm not making new gym friends. I'm not going out of my way to be rude, but I don't want someone else to ruin the gym for me.4 -
I have heard people say, "Be the reason they stay, not the reason they leave."
Sorry, but no. I hope they will stay, and I won't try to make them leave. Their motivation for staying has to come from within them, though. Maybe we can help a few people in small ways, but in general, there's almost nothing we can do to help them stick around. This is especially true of the resolutioner crowd, since they're driven by an artificial date (January 1st) rather than making changes immediately.
And honestly, I don't think any of us should feel obligated to modify our routines and cut into our workout times. Be friendly? Absolutely. Make ourselves the welcoming committee? There should be no obligation to do so.1 -
Every year, there’s a small percentage of the resolutioners that will become new lifelong fitness people 👍3
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According to my trainer who is also physio - February is his busiest month of the year dueto injured new year starters. He said many try to do too much too soon.
It's not your job to make anyone feel welcome in a gym you go to workout. But if you do - you will feel good about it .
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I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.
I just said something similar to this in the other thread. I could not agree more.
(And imagine if you welcomed someone assuming they were a newbie and they turned out to just be someone who normally worked out at a different time!)1 -
I don't talk to anyone at the gym but if they talk to me I will talk to them to not be rude. If someone looks new and asks me something I will help, maybe we'll become friendly. I don't go out of my way to be social at the gym but willing to help people if they ask.1
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I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.
I just said something similar to this in the other thread. I could not agree more.
(And imagine if you welcomed someone assuming they were a newbie and they turned out to just be someone who normally worked out at a different time!)
Or a different gym. I'm not a noobie, but I'm starting at a new gym next week.2 -
I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.
I just said something similar to this in the other thread. I could not agree more.
(And imagine if you welcomed someone assuming they were a newbie and they turned out to just be someone who normally worked out at a different time!)
I can not agree more. Honestly, I just don't see why there is so much attention and energy put into this. I don't know everyone at my gym and couldn't tell who is a newbie or not. There are a couple of regulars who have such poor form and technique that you might think they are if you didn't know better.
Other than being a polite and considerate human being, I don't owe anyone anything at the gym. Newbies are going to do what they are going to do and I'm not responsible for their decisions or choices as to whether to stick with it or not. If someone would ask for my help and I felt knowledgeable enough to answer their question, I would gladly do it. But, I am under no obligation to other gym goes to be their new buddy.4 -
The prospect of navigating the social aspects of the gym is why I opted to put together a home gym and I'll be forever grateful for that decision.
I've never belonged to a commercial gym but I never fully felt like I belonged there when I would go to the rec center in college. I'd routinely go late at night to avoid crowds and still didn't dare wander over to the weight room more than once or twice. The rowing machines were relegated to a corner of the indoor track and there was a single lonely weight bench/rack nearby where I could do some limited lifting. I felt like that's all I deserved, who was I kidding? I'm a nerdy engineer, not a weightlifter. In hindsight I so wish I believed in myself enough at that time, and was educated enough on how to properly train to have made better use of that facility. I don't know that anyone making friendly overtures would've made much of a difference but had someone reinforced the negative thoughts with which I was already plagued it definitely would've been detrimental.
TL;DR - I don't think it should be the responsibility of gym members to actively try to retain new members but they have just as much right to be there as everyone else, don't be a jerk for the sake of gatekeeping.4 -
The closest to social I get at the gym is "Are you done with that?".1
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Other than being a polite and considerate human being, I don't owe anyone anything at the gym. Newbies are going to do what they are going to do and I'm not responsible for their decisions or choices as to whether to stick with it or not. If someone would ask for my help and I felt knowledgeable enough to answer their question, I would gladly do it. But, I am under no obligation to other gym goes to be their new buddy.
I said something similar on another forum, and people tore into me for being "judgy" and unfriendly.
Sorry, but my gym time is MY gym time. I don't think it's being selfish to want to use the gym as intended instead of assuming the responsibility of being a one-man welcoming committee.
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I can see where you are coming from, and I agree with you. I go to the gym to work out, not be Social and 99% of the time I have my earbuds in with music blaring so its unlikely I would hear anyone trying to talk to me anyways. I also agree that we should all be decent humans and be polite, smile, and politely acknowledge each other when someone does try to initiate a conversation.
I think most gym goers are polite and courteous. On rare occasions I have seen downright rude behavior from "regulars" though, and it makes me sad and angry when I do. I recently saw a very obese man in my gym working out with a trainer for a few weeks, then I noticed he started coming on his own. It had been a few months and he happened to be there around the same time I was. I though how awesome it was to see him sticking to it, even though you could clearly see how hard it was for him. One day I while working out there is a couple near me, both very fit and clearly knew what they were doing. I'd seen them before but normally were not there during my normal workout times. I overhear them talking about the other gentleman and saying things like I don't know whey they even let him in here, nobody wants to see that, and that particular exercise would be easy for a 3yr old and look at him struggle. They then proceeded to critique his form and body.
It costs nothing in this world to be kind, but you absolutely do not need to try to make new friends either.1 -
Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.1 -
Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.
Absolutely, this makes me properly ragy in the pool.
I respect everyone's right to be there, I don't care how fast you move.
But if you are just going to stand and have a chat for 45 mins get out of my flipping way!
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littlegreenparrot1 wrote: »Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.
Absolutely, this makes me properly ragy in the pool.
I respect everyone's right to be there, I don't care how fast you move.
But if you are just going to stand and have a chat for 45 mins get out of my flipping way!
Yeah, already had to deal with the a new girl at the gym.
She used the squat rack for about 2hrs. That's rude enough as it is, but all but about 15 minutes of it was spent taking selfies, playing on her phone and then a friend showed up and she chatted with her for about 30 minutes. She brought a blanket and had her bag in the back of the rack too and was camping out after each set. Oh...and each set was one rep and at least 10 minutes between each!0 -
friends ??1
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I am glad that you folks agree about not treating the gym as a social club.
I mentioned discussing this topic on another forum. Some of the people there got angry at this suggestion. Somehow, they interpreted "not treating the gym as a social club" to mean "let's be hostile to the newbies."
The gym isn't meant to be a hangout, and I don't think we should encourage this way of thinking. That's yet another problem I have with the whole "Try to befriend the resolutioners" idea. It's likely to encourage this kind of behavior from people who are already inclined to treat the gym as their place for kaffeeklatsches.
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