Vent out your bad news here

TarryTaffy wrote: »

Nothing bad to vent, really... it's actually good coming from 'bad'. I prefer to view the good in all... makes living easier & I'm normally a very easygoing, cheery type.

But, it's gotten ridiculous at how long it's taking for me to feel strong enough to get up & do anything... 3-wks now... I can barely stay awake for longer than a couple of hrs/day & have fallen asleep sitting up, repeatedly. I've been too exhausted to eat or take showers & have taken 1/2-shower & had to get out to go to sleep... was too bloody exhausted to stand or deal with combing out the mane. I've tried to get out for errands, slumped over my steering wheel in the parking lot for a moment a couple of times & fallen asleep... so I got scared to drive, came back inside & slept for 7-8 hrs. I've woken up on the bathroom floor or in the walk-in closet... got so tired putting things away, I just had to lie back for a moment, (I guess... I don't remember lying down) & fell asleep on the floor for 5-6 hrs. Had to check myself for bruises, cuz I didn't know if I were passing out (I wasn't & had no bruises) or just falling asleep.

It's gotten scary, cuz I need to be job searching now, not too exhausted to actually look for one or too tired to get to one when I find one. Further, since I couldn't remember a lot, I was wondering if I had some sort of head injury & short term amnesia or if I were developing early onset ALS.

It suddenly hit me today after sleeping over 12-hrs... it's not exhaustion, it's deep depression... I'm a bit slow in recognizing it, since I don't experience it often, thank goodness. I realized it as, I don't sleep all day, then wake up & feel refreshed, as is normal... I wake up feeling as tired if not moreso, then need to sleep again within hours or sometimes, immediately, for another 5-7 hrs.

So, after a long day of sleeping (my last), I'm finally awake at 9pm to look depression in the face to say, "For whatever reason you were here, thank you, but that's enough, I don't need you anymore... you can leave". I know it won't leave on its own, especially, if I keep giving into it. So, tonight I recognized what it was & can now change it. That realization made me instantly improve my mood... I feel normal again.

I've got a list of things to do tomorrow... will be nice to get out & about again & I'm elated that I figured it out. It's a nice thing to finally get it. For the 1st time in a month, I'm good. I'm still a bit tired, probably from 3-wks of mostly inactivity, but I'm already feeling more energy & yea, joy has returned... it's something I normally feel for no reason & it's nice to see it again.

I hope this helps someone else & do appreciate everyone's kindness with my 3-wks of "I'm tired" posts... you've all been very patient & kind. I'm off to do an hour of stretching & yoga... I know I won't fall asleep on the mat this time, cuz I don't need to anymore. The dark cloud is gone.

Have a lovely New Year, Everyone! Ring in the joy! I'm going to be walking the beach this weekend... my 1st time since I arrived in FL. It's what I moved her for, after all.

It's gone, li'l dude... you can stand up & smile again...

mommabear4315 wrote: »

Your story is so touching. I hope you continue to smile and feel better. We’re here for you. I have found kindness and understanding from the mfp community. Shine bright like a diamond

TarryTaffy wrote: »

Nothing bad to vent, really... it's actually good coming from 'bad'. I prefer to view the good in all... makes living easier & I'm normally a very easygoing, cheery type.

But, it's gotten ridiculous at how long it's taking for me to feel strong enough to get up & do anything... 3-wks now... I can barely stay awake for longer than a couple of hrs/day & have fallen asleep sitting up, repeatedly. I've been too exhausted to eat or take showers & have taken 1/2-shower & had to get out to go to sleep... was too bloody exhausted to stand or deal with combing out the mane. I've tried to get out for errands, slumped over my steering wheel in the parking lot for a moment a couple of times & fallen asleep... so I got scared to drive, came back inside & slept for 7-8 hrs. I've woken up on the bathroom floor or in the walk-in closet... got so tired putting things away, I just had to lie back for a moment, (I guess... I don't remember lying down) & fell asleep on the floor for 5-6 hrs. Had to check myself for bruises, cuz I didn't know if I were passing out (I wasn't & had no bruises) or just falling asleep.

It's gotten scary, cuz I need to be job searching now, not too exhausted to actually look for one or too tired to get to one when I find one. Further, since I couldn't remember a lot, I was wondering if I had some sort of head injury & short term amnesia or if I were developing early onset ALS.

It suddenly hit me today after sleeping over 12-hrs... it's not exhaustion, it's deep depression... I'm a bit slow in recognizing it, since I don't experience it often, thank goodness. I realized it as, I don't sleep all day, then wake up & feel refreshed, as is normal... I wake up feeling as tired if not moreso, then need to sleep again within hours or sometimes, immediately, for another 5-7 hrs.

So, after a long day of sleeping (my last), I'm finally awake at 9pm to look depression in the face to say, "For whatever reason you were here, thank you, but that's enough, I don't need you anymore... you can leave". I know it won't leave on its own, especially, if I keep giving into it. So, tonight I recognized what it was & can now change it. That realization made me instantly improve my mood... I feel normal again.

I've got a list of things to do tomorrow... will be nice to get out & about again & I'm elated that I figured it out. It's a nice thing to finally get it. For the 1st time in a month, I'm good. I'm still a bit tired, probably from 3-wks of mostly inactivity, but I'm already feeling more energy & yea, joy has returned... it's something I normally feel for no reason & it's nice to see it again.

I hope this helps someone else & do appreciate everyone's kindness with my 3-wks of "I'm tired" posts... you've all been very patient & kind. I'm off to do an hour of stretching & yoga... I know I won't fall asleep on the mat this time, cuz I don't need to anymore. The dark cloud is gone.

Have a lovely New Year, Everyone! Ring in the joy! I'm going to be walking the beach this weekend... my 1st time since I arrived in FL. It's what I moved her for, after all.

It's gone, li'l dude... you can stand up & smile again...

Pupnuzz wrote: »

Well, the LGBT group I wanted to join has had a lack of interest and the meet up date has been moved back. Due to my anxiety and impatience I'm probably not even gonna go anymore as things like this throw me for absolutely no reason (have done my whole life) and it's hard to work myself back up into wanting to go to something that's changed.

Ontop of that I'm lacking motivation to exercise, still so tired even though I've been doing this for about 53 days now.

Depression has come back with a *kitten* slap today. And with it a whole bunch of bad memories.

Just don't know what the point in fighting is anymore.

mi_nina_lola wrote: »

WOW this is inspirational - after coming from such a place where you were, and coming to this realization. thank you for sharing your journey here - i hope it helps others who have been through what you've encountered. my very best wishes for you - dear lady - for a fantastic 2020 - and beyond~

Tinydancer106 wrote: »

I have a fever that won't go....day three and I'm feeling yucky and wish I could blink it away like I dream of Jeannie.....or Sam and do the bewitched nose twitch thingy and make it all gone....or change my dog into a unicorn for a day....that would amuse me and I think Cookie would enjoy a day as a mythical beast too....💗🦄

I just realized some of you may have no idea who I just referenced or at very least realized I'm old ....meh.....I'm sick and feverish I'll care tomorrow ?🤷🏻‍♀️🙈🤗