Dating While Heavy

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MISSNYA92
MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hello Everyone! I’ve recently returned to MFP to lose the weight I gained since moving back to Florida from NYC almost a year ago. I’m 27, single, and 25lbs overweight... so I’m feeling kinda down about that today. I know I have redeeming qualities for sure, but sometimes I wonder if my standards/expectations are too high in relation to how I look. Can anyone relate? Do you have any encouragement or advice?
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Replies

  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,668 Member
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    You are gorgeous. I would think you'll find people with various preferences. What I look for in a partner I aspire/work towards being. people with similar interests will gravitate towards each other.
  • TwitchyMacGee
    TwitchyMacGee Posts: 3,120 Member
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    I imagine some men won’t date an overweight woman and vice versa. I don’t know how much that matters.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    "Ethan: I’m being serious. You’re like so yourself or something. I don’t know, it’s cool.

    Renee Barrett: No, keep talking.

    Ethan: Uh, I think a lot of people are confused about themselves. They like obsess over whatever negative quality they perceive in themselves and they completely miss the thing that really makes them awesome. You like know who you are and you don’t really care how the world sees you."

    I Feel Pretty
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,061 Member
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    If you’re not happy with yourself maybe just don’t date for now - nothing wrong with that - focus on you for now and when you’re ready and feeling more confident then date - just my 2 cents - best of luck either way
  • magnusthenerd
    magnusthenerd Posts: 1,207 Member
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    I spent my whole relationship with my ex-wife at around 285 pounds. I lost my weight when she left and divorced and haven't really managed a date since then, even when I've been single digit body fat.
    There's a lot more elements to what makes someone attractive than the scale.

    Are you actually having people that are interested, but you just aren't interested in them?
  • jessicagrey27
    jessicagrey27 Posts: 26 Member
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    Girl I know how you feel!

    I need to lose 25lbs right now and after a recent breakup and all the verbal abuse I’ve suffered, I literally feel ugly and fat. I am not in a position to date someone else right now because I need to learn to love myself again.

    I suggest you do the same hun. I’m taking time for myself to focus on my health and well being. Eating healthier, being more active, praying/meditating, spending time with family, reading books I never had the time to read and learning to accept myself.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    A lot of men like 'em thicc. I don't think 25 lb is going to be an obstacle for you. When I was 40 lb over, even with my short legs and round belly there were men pursuing. Dress in a way that makes the most of what you have and it will be fine.
  • _Miss_chievous_
    _Miss_chievous_ Posts: 2,765 Member
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    He sounds like a *kitten* who doesn't deserve you.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
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    TwitchyMacGee wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    MISSNYA92 wrote: »
    Hello Everyone! I’ve recently returned to MFP to lose the weight I gained since moving back to Florida from NYC almost a year ago. I’m 27, single, and 25lbs overweight... so I’m feeling kinda down about that today. I know I have redeeming qualities for sure, but sometimes I wonder if my standards/expectations are too high in relation to how I look. Can anyone relate? Do you have any encouragement or advice?

    I wouldn't hesitate to date a woman that was 25 pounds overweight and motivated to lose the weight.

    Heck, I would probably be okay if she just was slightly motivated to lose the weight and was comfortable in her own skin.

    Based on your photograph & smile, I think it would be difficult to find a guy who didn't want to date you.

    Best of luck moving forward.

    You say true things in a very nice way

    @TwitchyMacGee

    Thank You.

    I'm a compassionate *kitten* *kitten*.
  • TwitchyMacGee
    TwitchyMacGee Posts: 3,120 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    TwitchyMacGee wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    MISSNYA92 wrote: »
    Hello Everyone! I’ve recently returned to MFP to lose the weight I gained since moving back to Florida from NYC almost a year ago. I’m 27, single, and 25lbs overweight... so I’m feeling kinda down about that today. I know I have redeeming qualities for sure, but sometimes I wonder if my standards/expectations are too high in relation to how I look. Can anyone relate? Do you have any encouragement or advice?

    I wouldn't hesitate to date a woman that was 25 pounds overweight and motivated to lose the weight.

    Heck, I would probably be okay if she just was slightly motivated to lose the weight and was comfortable in her own skin.

    Based on your photograph & smile, I think it would be difficult to find a guy who didn't want to date you.

    Best of luck moving forward.

    You say true things in a very nice way

    @TwitchyMacGee

    Thank You.

    I'm a compassionate *kitten* *kitten*.

    I picture you more as a *kitten* *kitten*
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
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    TwitchyMacGee wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    TwitchyMacGee wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    MISSNYA92 wrote: »
    Hello Everyone! I’ve recently returned to MFP to lose the weight I gained since moving back to Florida from NYC almost a year ago. I’m 27, single, and 25lbs overweight... so I’m feeling kinda down about that today. I know I have redeeming qualities for sure, but sometimes I wonder if my standards/expectations are too high in relation to how I look. Can anyone relate? Do you have any encouragement or advice?

    I wouldn't hesitate to date a woman that was 25 pounds overweight and motivated to lose the weight.

    Heck, I would probably be okay if she just was slightly motivated to lose the weight and was comfortable in her own skin.

    Based on your photograph & smile, I think it would be difficult to find a guy who didn't want to date you.

    Best of luck moving forward.

    You say true things in a very nice way

    @TwitchyMacGee

    Thank You.

    I'm a compassionate *kitten* *kitten*.

    I picture you more as a *kitten* *kitten*

    That just might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. <3
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    MISSNYA92 wrote: »
    Hello Everyone! I’ve recently returned to MFP to lose the weight I gained since moving back to Florida from NYC almost a year ago. I’m 27, single, and 25lbs overweight... so I’m feeling kinda down about that today. I know I have redeeming qualities for sure, but sometimes I wonder if my standards/expectations are too high in relation to how I look. Can anyone relate? Do you have any encouragement or advice?

    Wow, I'm so encouraged by the responses I got from you all. Honestly, on the rollercoaster of life there are good days and bad days. I posted this on a particularly bad day when I was feeling fed up with being single on top of my frustrations with my body and myself for letting it get this way. A little insight helped bring me back to earth, which is really awesome! I appreciate this community very much.Thank you!
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
    edited March 2020
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    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    I never had a problem dating at any size.

    *sigh that must be nice! lol
  • TwitchyMacGee
    TwitchyMacGee Posts: 3,120 Member
    edited March 2020
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    👍
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »
    You are gorgeous. I would think you'll find people with various preferences. What I look for in a partner I aspire/work towards being. people with similar interests will gravitate towards each other.

    That's really helpful advice! I think I think I do know this on some level. The things that are most important to me: faith, family, stability, generosity, flexibility, wonder/adventure... These are things that I am and currently enjoy, but would prefer to share with a partner.
    However, not so long ago, I made a move on a guy from church/school that was not reciprocated. That was huge blow to my ego! Growing up "other" and an ugly duckling/late bloomer, I went through a lot of steps to feel beautiful/confident including losing weight and getting fit! That earned me a lot of attention, especially in the city.
    Now that I'm heavy again on top of being older, sometimes I feel like it's an uphill battle. I'm at that point in the romcom where literally everyone else is married and this can go one of two ways... My favorite aunt is an old maid though and I've been terrified of becoming her my ENTIRE life.
  • Dootzy1
    Dootzy1 Posts: 2,215 Member
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    Recognize your value as waaaaay beyond your body weight/size. Also, people of normal weight are not superior to those overweight. Because. Human qualities rule.

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