Dating While Heavy

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  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    TwitchyMacGee wrote: »
    I imagine some men won’t date an overweight woman and vice versa. I don’t know how much that matters.

    Yeahhhh... Having experienced both ends of the spectrum, I know that even men who knew me before prefer me slim. I prefer me slim as well! lol... Literally, my only issue is maintenance. I haven't created a good system to maintain the weight once I get it off beyond walking multiple hilly miles per day and being vegetarian. NYC was good to my figure!
    I've dated a wide spectrum of sizes. I think I prefer short husky guys. I like the extra weight when they're also really strong, but I know women who would never date short men, so I definitely see your point.
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    "Ethan: I’m being serious. You’re like so yourself or something. I don’t know, it’s cool.

    Renee Barrett: No, keep talking.

    Ethan: Uh, I think a lot of people are confused about themselves. They like obsess over whatever negative quality they perceive in themselves and they completely miss the thing that really makes them awesome. You like know who you are and you don’t really care how the world sees you."

    I Feel Pretty

    This is a great quote. I totally understand what you mean, but I haven't arrived at the point where I don't care how people see me... Mostly, like ever since I was a kid, I just wanted to be beautiful and loved. On a bad day, being overweight and single does major damage to my confidence. Next time that happens, I'll try to think of this though.
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    If you’re not happy with yourself maybe just don’t date for now - nothing wrong with that - focus on you for now and when you’re ready and feeling more confident then date - just my 2 cents - best of luck either way

    Thank you for the advice. Currently, I have no choice but to remain single lol, so mission accomplished!
  • TarryTaffyTwo
    TarryTaffyTwo Posts: 448 Member
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    One thing I'd like to add is, at 25-lbs over your normal weight, unless you're under 5' tall, that's certainly not "heavy" as you titled the thread. Sure, the extra weight feels uncomfortable... it does for us all... but, you're not heavy, just heavier.

    You also have a lovely smile, a beautiful face & are a lovely, humble, kind person. You'll be at your normal weight soon enough, but you'll always have the former characteristics & that makes you someone who'd be very special in another's life.

    Good luck with your new home & with your fitness goals! I'm sure you'll do just fine.
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    that_night_in_paris wrote: »
    MISSNYA92 wrote: »
    Hello Everyone! I’ve recently returned to MFP to lose the weight I gained since moving back to Florida from NYC almost a year ago. I’m 27, single, and 25lbs overweight... so I’m feeling kinda down about that today. I know I have redeeming qualities for sure, but sometimes I wonder if my standards/expectations are too high in relation to how I look. Can anyone relate? Do you have any encouragement or advice?
    Then let people see that. Those are the ones you want to attract and it will be worth the wait if need be. When I entered my 30s, it stopped being so much about looks. Can we sit by the lake and talk about our deepest fears for 3 hours? I can't be scrolling through Instagram selfies forever. You go to the gym ok cool. What else you got. I have hopes and dreams, man. Let's chat over a pretentious tea neither of us can pronounce.

    Getting fit and losing weight is for ourselves. It's not for anyone else. Certainly not for some chump prospective daters. We have a soul. We gotta let our souls shine and blind these cuties!

    Awww!!! You're super romantic. My goal is to think that way, but honestly... I want both! I want really sound and thoughtful romantic interactions with someone I find devastatingly attractive, who is equally attracted to me! lol This is the part where I wonder if my expectations are too high.
    There was ONE guy. One. We broke up for good reasons and moved on. I never found chemistry like that ever again and its frustrating because now I'm fat, but he's still hot. His new girlfriend is also hot. I would very much like to move on in a new relationship too!
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    magnusthenerd wrote: »
    I spent my whole relationship with my ex-wife at around 285 pounds. I lost my weight when she left and divorced and haven't really managed a date since then, even when I've been single digit body fat.
    There's a lot more elements to what makes someone attractive than the scale.

    Are you actually having people that are interested, but you just aren't interested in them?

    If I may ask, why don't you date? Personally, if I got down to single digit body fat, I'd want someone to enjoy my BOMB body with! lol... and not just hookups either, like someone who really wanted the whole package. That's literally goals.

    To answer your question, I suppose the answer is technically yes, but only because I made a profile on a dating app. There is no one in real life that's expressed interest in me. Apps are strange because it's so easy to make a fuss over someone you never have to follow through with. At this point in my life, I'm interested in marriage. Like, I only want to date the type of men who have the same faith and similar values/attitudes about family, money, kids, etc. At 27 I'm a little pressed... Most of the people I grew up with who think like me are taken. Soooo that means looking outside of my community, which is particularly daunting when I'm not in my best shape. I feel like I wasted my cutest years in a dud relationship with nothing to show for it... thus the depression.
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    gothchiq wrote: »
    A lot of men like 'em thicc. I don't think 25 lb is going to be an obstacle for you. When I was 40 lb over, even with my short legs and round belly there were men pursuing. Dress in a way that makes the most of what you have and it will be fine.

    Haha!!! This has got to be the most encouraging thing I've read all day!!! Thank you for making me smile. Based on your picture, you have a cool vibe, so I definitely get it. I guess I'll take another look at my wardrobe, that can't hurt! Good advice, thank you!
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    _Miss_chievous_ wrote: »
    He sounds like a *kitten* who doesn't deserve you.

    I appreciate the edit lol. How'd you know there was a he? That obvious?

    ...I guess, the not deserving part is true and I knew that, but I sure wish I hadn't wasted my young and thin body!
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
    edited March 2020
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    MISSNYA92 wrote: »
    Hello Everyone! I’ve recently returned to MFP to lose the weight I gained since moving back to Florida from NYC almost a year ago. I’m 27, single, and 25lbs overweight... so I’m feeling kinda down about that today. I know I have redeeming qualities for sure, but sometimes I wonder if my standards/expectations are too high in relation to how I look. Can anyone relate? Do you have any encouragement or advice?

    I wouldn't hesitate to date a woman that was 25 pounds overweight and motivated to lose the weight.

    Heck, I would probably be okay if she just was slightly motivated to lose the weight and was comfortable in her own skin.

    Based on your photograph & smile, I think it would be difficult to find a guy who didn't want to date you.

    Best of luck moving forward.

    Haha! Thank you for bringing the sunshine! I needed that. I hope you're right... I'm definitely trying the online dating thing. So far, no energy has been returned, but today is a much more hopeful day than when I originally posted.
  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,666 Member
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    MISSNYA92 wrote: »
    PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »
    You are gorgeous. I would think you'll find people with various preferences. What I look for in a partner I aspire/work towards being. people with similar interests will gravitate towards each other.

    That's really helpful advice! I think I think I do know this on some level. The things that are most important to me: faith, family, stability, generosity, flexibility, wonder/adventure... These are things that I am and currently enjoy, but would prefer to share with a partner.
    However, not so long ago, I made a move on a guy from church/school that was not reciprocated. That was huge blow to my ego! Growing up "other" and an ugly duckling/late bloomer, I went through a lot of steps to feel beautiful/confident including losing weight and getting fit! That earned me a lot of attention, especially in the city.
    Now that I'm heavy again on top of being older, sometimes I feel like it's an uphill battle. I'm at that point in the romcom where literally everyone else is married and this can go one of two ways... My favorite aunt is an old maid though and I've been terrified of becoming her my ENTIRE life.

    I totally get this. I value humor, kindness, intellect in a partner. But since physical attraction and chemistry matters too I also had to ask myself how important is it to have a Mate that works out, has a healyhy lifestyle, drinks/doesnt drink, and so on...

    So I needed to make my lifestyle and physical traits similar to what I'm looking for. Hope that made sense.

    i don't want to constantly have to monitor every macro and lbs.
    I decided I'd like someone moderately healthy 😂
  • MISSNYA92
    MISSNYA92 Posts: 36 Member
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    jessicagrey27 wrote: »
    Girl I know how you feel!

    I need to lose 25lbs right now and after a recent breakup and all the verbal abuse I’ve suffered, I literally feel ugly and fat. I am not in a position to date someone else right now because I need to learn to love myself again.

    I suggest you do the same hun. I’m taking time for myself to focus on my health and well being. Eating healthier, being more active, praying/meditating, spending time with family, reading books I never had the time to read and learning to accept myself.

    Hey, I'm sorry for your loss. Toxic relationships and bad breakups are the worst! I've been single for a bit, I'm in school, recently moved... I definitely more myself than ever on the inside. I'm extremely decisive, and these are the reasons why my standards/expectations are higher than ever. I know the way I want to be treated and I have dreams that I want to share with a partner and ultimately a family. However, I'll be 28 in June. The reality of online dating is that I'm in a pool of women including IG models lol... that's just not feasible... not even at a smaller size!
    I guess, my frustration is with the pressure to either step up my game and lose the weight, or lower my standards.

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