What was the moment? When did you decide to take back control?

Yesterday. When I held my first grandson for the first time. No more blaming my age, stress, Covid-Quarantine...it's me and my choices that gained these 30 lbs. MFP helped before and it will again.

I got a new job, after five years of working in an environment that was not a good fit for me and made me feel like I was trapped in it. I thought "if I can finally escape and get a new job, I can lose weight too." So I started working on my eating the same day I started my job. Probably not the best idea in hindsight, but since it was a better environment, I was able to succeed, The environment has changed to a not so good one again for reasons out of my control, but the habits are much more ingrained now, so I'm glad I took the opportunity to build habits when it was easier.

When I counted and noticed that im taking about 14 pills a day. I can't stop taking pills for my lupus and migraine but I can eliminate others by managing my weight.

For me the moments come and go frequently. My weight loss/ body comp journey has been a rollercoaster. I am not one of those who had one "ah-ha" moment and "got it right" from then on, suddenly loving lean meats, veggies, and all things health. I have many "whys" but they never exactly correlated with 100% success in following through. It's been ups and downs over the years - with habits becoming more ingrained over time. When I am on track and proud of how I look its because I am consistent in my actions and behaviors - regardless of my "mood" or "feelings". When I slide off a bit, its usually seeing myself in the mirror or in a workout that creates awareness then I start reeling it in. I love to eat and have a sweet tooth, so my downfall is typically too many "cheats" and not enough greens. I always remind myself that I don't have to feel like eating a salad or veggies to do it. I joke that I should tattoo that on myself but really I should LOL.

Leaving my 70+ hour work week job and realizing I need to take care of myself again (December 2019). It's been a slow process but now I am back here and getting my act together.
That job was a job I will call my dream job till the end- I never would have left if it wasn't closing- however I painfully neglected myself to the point I broke every fitness and good eating habit I had pre that job and gained back every pound I fought to shed before getting said dream job.
Now I just want to find balance and love myself again (and have 1 less chin in photos )

I teach Spin and was talking to a student after class who referred to another teacher as ‘really fit’. At that point I realized that even though I was okay I could do a lot better! Also, I put boots on that I hadn’t worn in a while and they were so tight I had to unzip them when I was at dinner. Boots!! And then there was being down to 1 pair of pants I could actually wear in public. You can make a lot of excuses and modifications to hide the problem, accepting and changing is a whole different thing.

Last year I went on holidays with my daughter and I paid extra for the front exit seats for the legroom. On the the flight over it was fine, just about, but coming back the belt was just too short to close. The attendant said I couldn't sit in that seat with an extension belt, so I had to move seats as well as the embarrssment of having to sit with an extension. I was mortified. I cried silently the whole way home. But that wasn't it. I've struggled with my weight since my late teens and at that point I gave up and decided that I was stuck like this forever. My doctor told me that I was pre gout and had inflammation. I was past caring. I had back pain, knee pain, foot pain but I didnt care. I had given up on myself.

It was around this time that I had started to see a new psychologist for depression. I thought I was going to spend my time talking about the usual stuff therapy always been about for me - abuse and complex trauma - but she started digging at stuff I hadn't looked at in therapy before. She gradually over a few months brought the conversation around to my weight. I have a better understanding of why I have gained so much and why when I start to lose a lot of weight I always sabotage it. I had no idea how screwed up the reasons that I have allowed my weight to get so bad were. She has helped me realise that I have an eating disorder, but that she says it's secondary to all the other stuff in my head. And by dealing with this other stuff while bringing my weight and eating into the conversation I've had some lightbulb moments and I'm back losing weight. There's a long way to go till I get to a healthy weight. It's slow and I sometimes mess up but this time I have some hope that I'll actually get there.

I had just about every moment there is to have. I followed up each of those moments with a terrible plan and another failed attempt to lose my weight.

This time I didn't have a moment. I had given up. I was going to need a huge casket and a piece of machinery as a pall bearer.

I accidentally created a calorie deficit and started losing weight. When I realized what was happening my whole attitude towards weight loss shifted from something that I force to happen to something I can just allow to happen. I started going back over all my other past failures, made up some initial rules for myself, and here I am over 200 pounds lighter and a few pounds away from starting to watch for a place to stop and call it an initial goal weight.

I unfortunately have had multiple “moments” in my history of yo-yo weight loss/gain. This time - I have been doing a lot of video conferencing for work (thanks Covid-19). I saw myself on the screen over and over. I realized that I was fat. I always had excuses before but this fact was indisputable on the screen. Then I got down about it. Then I decided I either needed to find a way to be ok with it or find a way to fix it. I don’t think I can find a way to be ok with it. So I am fixing it.

I had a job interview and went to put on my only pair of black trousers. They were too small, like not even close to being able to button. I had to wear jeans to the interview. I broke down crying and I was like this has to end. (I did get the job though!)

When I thought I was going to have an heart attack walking up 2 flights of stairs. What a wake up call and I never looked back.

I got an email from a friend of mine traveling through Africa..."Bad news buddy. They're killing off your brothers and sisters for their ivory".

I had an amazing opportunity that I wasn't able to take full advantage of because of chronic pain, either originating from or at the least exacerbated by my morbid obesity. I pushed myself hard during that time because I didn't want to have regrets, but there were things I still wasn't able to do because of my body holding me back.

I've spent years feeling shame about my weight but shame never worked on me. If anything negative emotions have always, always derailed my attempts to be healthy. What finally clicked was being part of something that was so uplifting and feeling like... Every day could be like this if I could just have the physical strength to reach out and grab these opportunities.

I don't ever want to come across another once-in-a-lifetime moment and look back on it thinking of all the times I was sitting down, panting, on the verge of tears from pain. I want to look forward to my future and make happy, healthy memories.

When my back started to hurt like hell.
When i couldn't catch up to my friends when walking.
And the one that kicked me into gear quickly was how i looked in the mirror.

I was deleting old pictures that I didn’t need anymore, and seeing myself getting bigger & bigger as I scrolled just flipped something in me. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and made so many excuses over the years