I like my best friend... should I tell him?

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  • Thankilates
    Thankilates Posts: 432 Member
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    Tell him. It's that simple. He knows you for who you are and if you tell him he'll know how you feel.

    I agree! Trust and honesty is always respected and if it's not, than whoever feels it's not isn't worth it!

    My husband and I were friends first in a bit of a hairy situation. Well not hairy, but I mean we met through my ex boyfriend. Long story short, my ex's best friend, is the younger brother of my current husbands best friend. LOL did you get that? So we hung out all the time from the time I was 17 to 21. I always had a crush on him, but I was dating somebody. When we broke up, I was worried about the "bro before hoe (I hate that expression) and that he would still see me as a "little girl." Anyway. I went for it and he was AMAZED! LOL Turns out he never thought I would like him, etc.

    And now here we are, married for 2 years this January but living together for the last 6 years and dating for the last 8 but known me for 11! LOL Soooooooo- friends first to me- the only way to go! :)

    TELL HIM! Go listen to songs to encourage you to do so! Besides, if you are asking forums about it, your mind is pretty much made up! You just need the extra push! You can do it! :):):)
  • shelleilei
    shelleilei Posts: 122 Member
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    I would tell him.... But only if you get somewhat of a vibe that he's into you as well. My BF and I were best friends for 2 years till I finally said something and now we're going on three years together.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

    Good luck and let us know how it works out! :flowerforyou:
  • Thankilates
    Thankilates Posts: 432 Member
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    All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

    Good luck and let us know how it works out! :flowerforyou:

    Yes, tell us how it goes! :)
  • kaitimae
    kaitimae Posts: 727 Member
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    All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

    Good luck and let us know how it works out! :flowerforyou:

    Yes, tell us how it goes! :)

    I will! Since he IS in Africa, communication is spotty at best, especially since we are on completely different time schedules now, haha. I've talked to him twice in the last week and I who knows if I'll catch him again before he gets home on Sunday. Anyway, after talking more with one of my friends on here, I've decided just to ask Scott on a date. But yeah, I'll update you all. =) Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice!

    (Also, @KimWins999, is that a Tortie cat!?!?!)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,704 Member
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    We met at church and have known each other for about a year. 8 months ago we started hanging out a lot... and right when I was about to let him know I was interested, he started dating another girl.

    They've had a rough relationship and broke up a few weeks ago.

    However, during the time they were dating, he became my best friend. (Though, we don't refer to each other as each others' best friend, if that makes sense.) I talk to him every day on Google Chat. I trust him completely. We text each other when we have a rough day. I know a lot about his relationship with his ex, as he would always come to me when they were having problems. We hang out together at least once a week and always sit with each other at church. We tease and flirt with each other constantly.

    People at church have noticed that we are very close, and I have received comments from them, wondering if the two of us are more than friends.

    On one hand, I am terrified to tell him for fear of losing my best friend. On the other, I don't know if I could handle seeing him date someone else again.

    Anyone been through this before and/or have any advice?
    I say wait. He's vunerable right now and catching him on the rebound may not reveal what his true feelings are.
  • kaitimae
    kaitimae Posts: 727 Member
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    bad news - he isn't interested in being anything other than friends.

    good news - we both made each other promise that we wouldn't act all weird now. so far, nothing has been weird. we have been talking all day on gchat just like we usually do.

    also, now i have my answer, and can move on with life.
  • Thankilates
    Thankilates Posts: 432 Member
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    IT IS!!! She is so crazy! She has that "tortie-tude!" LOL

    Her name is Kuma Tanuki Boushi (bear Raccoon eye in Japanese) and we call her Kuma or Kumi for short! She is the MOST vocal cat ever! She sits and comes when told to! She greets you at the door and EVERY person who meets her tells me she is like a dog! LOL She is finnicky with soft food. She likes some and others she doesn't. Then on a random day, she will eat food that she didn't like the day earlier. She whines and gets all sad and puts her nose in the air when she doesn't like it! TORTIETUDE!!!!! LOL I LOVE CATS!
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    At least now you know!
  • Speedy89
    Speedy89 Posts: 64
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    fo sho.
  • kaitimae
    kaitimae Posts: 727 Member
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    IT IS!!! She is so crazy! She has that "tortie-tude!" LOL

    Her name is Kuma Tanuki Boushi (bear Raccoon eye in Japanese) and we call her Kuma or Kumi for short! She is the MOST vocal cat ever! She sits and comes when told to! She greets you at the door and EVERY person who meets her tells me she is like a dog! LOL She is finnicky with soft food. She likes some and others she doesn't. Then on a random day, she will eat food that she didn't like the day earlier. She whines and gets all sad and puts her nose in the air when she doesn't like it! TORTIETUDE!!!!! LOL I LOVE CATS!

    That is awesome! My parents got a tortie a few months ago, and I liked their cat so much I got my own a couple weeks ago! I named mine Greta. She is quite possibly the most affectionate cat I have ever seen... she always wants to cuddle, which is good because I want to as well, hahahaha. She likes to wake me up in the morning by sitting on my head... weirdo. =) Torties are great!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    my hub and i were friends and we also met at church. he had the biggest crush on me but i wasn't into him in that way. we stopped seeing each other for while and then i saw him again several years down the road. i was 21 and he was 19. i was in love now but he had changed his mind about me lol. so instead we became friends. i always let him know that i liked him alot. he would reject me and joke with me as i would to him. i didn't think he'd ever return the feelings so i would tease, test and flirt alot with him. it's not like i had much to lose. i also started seeing other guys and he would get jealous.

    suddenly he took a turn and fell completely in love with me. it was the strangest thing. he fell HARD. it would get awkard at times for me, sure, but i was always open with him about how i felt. he kept coming around (as friends) so i knew it wasn't freaking him out and honestly i think he liked the attention.

    it's a risk you take if you tell him... but for me, i like to say what i think. if he were to reject you, then its up to you to get things back to the way they were or else you could lose his friendship.
  • Chill_10
    Chill_10 Posts: 16 Member
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    You know what I'd do? Of course you don't, but I'll tell you.

    I would ask him on a date.

    Don't make it a huge deal like, "OMG, I am so totally in love with you!"

    Just say, "Hey Scott, I've been thinking that I'd like to go on a date with you. What would you think about us going out to a dinner and movie (or whatever you want to invite him to do)?"

    Sometimes when we have a crush on a friend for too long a time we put too much pressure on it when we tell them our feelings. It comes out as some huge thing that HAS TO change the relationship. But if you just go slow, and suggest a date, I think i can be fine.

    A couple of details that I think are important.

    1. Definitely use the word date. That way he understands that you're talking about a romantic relationship, not just hanging out like friends. You don't want to be the only one there who thinks it's a date.
    2. Dress up for the date. Girls do not usually dress up when they're just going out to hang out.
    3. Be quick to try to pay for yourself (or both of you if you want), but if he tries to pay let him. Not because girls should always pay, but because it helps set the stage for what the purpose of the evening is.
    4. If you feel that things go well give him a kiss at the end. I'm not talking about anything huge, but just a quick kiss on the lips. There's no way to misinterpret that.

    10 years ago I was pretty much exactly the same type of guy as Scott (according to the little I've read about you). While we're all different, this is what I'd have wanted one of my church pals to do.

    Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

    from a guys pov, this is probably the best advice I've seen.. I've been in the predicament where one of my close friends came on wayyy to strong and it ruined our friendship.. The best thing you can do without always wondering what if, is make it kinda casual; go on a "lunch date", go to a dinner and a movie like this person said. But include the word date, dress up, shock him, then maybe sneak a kiss lips or cheek depending on how it goes.

    edit: didnt read the whole thread.. im glad that you guys will continue the friendship :) the right one is out there. I used to think I was destined to be single too.. :)

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