Does hating your mother mean you are a bad person?

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  • Melaniegibson
    Melaniegibson Posts: 30
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    You are not evil. I do not have a good relationship with my mom - but I do not say I hate her. I just choose to not allow her toxic behavior to influence my life. I call her for birthdays, etc but otherwise I just choose to keep our lives separate so I can eliminate unnecessary drama in my life.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    Any female with the right working parts can be a mother but that doesn't make her loveable. There are some really horrible people out there, many of them who shouldn't be raising children. Some of these people do horrible things to their children and abuse them emotionally or physically. I can easily see how a child could grow up hating such a parent and I don't think that makes the child any less of a good person for it.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
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    I used to hate my mother. Now that I don't (her behavior, yes) I feel so much better! I refuse to let anyone have that much power over me!
  • Wasabi_L
    Wasabi_L Posts: 2
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    You are right, being a mother does not automatically make you a great person. Some mothers are horrible to their children and then expect them to stick by them just because they gave birth to them. My mother is like that. For her, it's a mind game. I don't blame you one bit. You are definitly not a bad person!
  • illy823
    illy823 Posts: 63
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    Well, I'm in the same situation... My mom is still in "1820 is a good year" kind off mentality... Nothing i have ever done or ever will do is good enough for her... If things aren't done her way, then she doesn't speak to you... She's the advocate to "conditional love"... I swear... She used to hang out with my 3 kids, but now since they are older, and she has no "control" over them, then she doesn't spend time with them... I always tell her, "don't regret the day after tomm, when your grandkids dont want tohave anything to do with you"... its your fault... She's gone as far as to tell my daughter that " she will not come to any family functions"... How funny I always see her at them... (just not mine)... she also has told me that she "doesn't reply to email"... Really, funny bc everyone else in the family tells me otherwise... So, its all about not having control over me... Oh well, tooo bad soo sad.. .been doing it alone for half my life, its not like im missing much...

    I feel for you... I hope that either she changes or you just move on...
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I don't know that I hate my mother, but I sure as heck do not like her. She's a very unhappy person who has chosen me as the recipient of her unhappiness. Her and I have never really gotten along, but it has all come to head in the last few months.

    Just because she is your mother does not mean she automatically gets your undying love and devotion to her. Sorry, but not all moms are sunshine and roses. Her giving birth to me doesn't mean I have to allow her to get away with treating me in a mean, cruel manner. It doesn't make it okay.

    So. To answer your question - no, you aren't a bad person for hating your mother. Not all mothers are equal.
  • Lstrhi
    Lstrhi Posts: 132
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    Does it? Are you meant to love your mother no matter how much of a b***ch she is? My mother is exactly that, but when I say I dont care about her people go like "but she is your mother! how can you be so callous!", like being a mother automatically made her wonderful. Is there anyone out there who is in a situation like that? Or am I just plain evil? :devil:

    my mom is a drug addict and has been since i was about 6 or so. i even was eventually taken away from her by the state of florida and put in a group home. i hated her for many years, but having hate in your heart only hurts yourself. letting that hate go is one of the best things i've done for myself. you have to let that **** go.

    that being said, if the only thing that bothers you about her is a bad attitude or something, let her know you won't be around her until she can be pleasant. that may be the best choice.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    You should always love her, but it doesn't mean you should tolerate her crap.
  • Sarah_uk
    Sarah_uk Posts: 209
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    Is this a serious question?

    Ofcourse hating your mother is bad. She gave birth to you. Without her, you wouldn't be here! She deserves more respect than that.

    There are obviously some issues between you which I'm sure can be sorted out.

    I can't believe some of the answers people gave to this question!
  • KPaden1221
    KPaden1221 Posts: 433
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    i feel exactly the same way.. i do not get a long with my mother.. she has caused lots of pain in my life and etc.. but i dont care what people think.. i have very little to do with her anymore.. but then again, i dont hate her.. but i cannot deal with her or like being around her..
  • harrietlg
    harrietlg Posts: 239
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    I don't hate mine but she's a pain in the bum, I hope I'm not like her when i'm older, she's irrational, crazy, causes arguments for nothing and thinks she knows everything. I can safely say i'm glad I moved away for uni and i'm glad that I met a wonderful guy who wants to live with me :) while I was there cus going home would drive me to insanity!
  • meggers123
    meggers123 Posts: 711 Member
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    First off, I love my mama and she's one of my best friends... That being said, she is also one of the nicest, most generous and supportive persons I have ever met.

    Like any person, if your mother is critical and destructive to your well-being and happiness, then no, she isn't deserving of your love.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    It's really hard.

    I don't like my mother; I cringe even to type this in a public forum. It is a sad thing to say.

    My mother does not respect boundaries, she behaves inappropriately, treats others poorly, and sadly, it is never going to change. I do believe that my mother has borderline personality disorder, and for my own sanity, I limit my contact with her.

    People do react with shock, but no one lives your life but you. There are toxic, unhealthy people who cause all manner of damage to others. It is best to avoid such people, and if your mother is one, it may be best to avoid her or limit contact as is possible.

    It doesn't really matter what others think.

    blessings.
  • caiconCristi
    caiconCristi Posts: 255 Member
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    That's what I do. Gave up hate and just decided to live my life and let go of any expectations of how she should be. I'm happy. I just don't invite in any drama.
  • lisab64
    lisab64 Posts: 26
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    NO NO NO..............You are not evil or bad cuz you "hate" your mother. Hate is to strong of a word for me to use to describe how I feel about my mother (I don't care enough to even hate her) but I understand what you mean.. Just tell those that want to make you feel bad about how you feel that they haven't walked in your shoes so they really have no idea why you feel the way you do. Don't let them make you feel bad.
  • christinad95
    christinad95 Posts: 201 Member
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    Does it? Are you meant to love your mother no matter how much of a b***ch she is? My mother is exactly that, but when I say I dont care about her people go like "but she is your mother! how can you be so callous!", like being a mother automatically made her wonderful. Is there anyone out there who is in a situation like that? Or am I just plain evil? :devil:

    We don't have to like what they do, but we can't hate or not care about our mothers. All we really need to do is have respect for them because regardless of what she's doing, you're here because she gave birth to you and I'm sure you're an awesome person that is a great asset to others in your life. Keep in mind, for whatever reason you are at odds with your mother, the longer you have a problem with her, the longer you are allowing her to control you through your emotions. I'm someone who DOES NOT like others having control over me so I had to get myself to a point where I just didn't bother even thinking about her or what she had done to me. I'm now at a point that when she is brought up, I have no feelings at all. There's no anger or hate just a sense of respect that acknowledges she's my mom and that's it. Hope it gets better for ya.
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
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    I don't think it makes you a bad person. I would think you would have your reasons for disliking her.
  • Niveous
    Niveous Posts: 294 Member
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    Short answer: No.

    Although I would probably say that hating anyone (for me) is a waste of my time and energy, which are both very precious commodities to me. :P
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Is this a serious question?

    Ofcourse hating your mother is bad. She gave birth to you. Without her, you wouldn't be here! She deserves more respect than that.

    There are obviously some issues between you which I'm sure can be sorted out.

    I can't believe some of the answers people gave to this question!

    Sarah, I suspect you have a good relationship with your mom. Not all of us do, unfortunately. Not all of us have felt loved, cared for, and wanted by our mothers.

    I frankly do not care if she gave birth to me or not - that does NOT give her a free for all to say whatever she wants to say to me, do whatever she wants to do to me and be downright cruel to me. Sorry, but giving birth doesn't automatically give you those rights!

    I've had two children and I can NOT imagine saying and doing the same things to my kids that she's done to me. No way. No how. My mother NEVER should have had children. She was "too busy" for them and had unrealistic expectations of them. I was never more than someone to clean her house to her. She should have gotten a maid instead of having a child.

    Just be aware that not everyone has a wonderful, sweet mother. Some of us have tyrants, abusers, etc for a mother and I'm sorry but being called "a mother" doesn't give you rights to treat people in a cruel manner.
  • Dencrossgirl
    Dencrossgirl Posts: 501 Member
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    Anyone can make a baby, just having one doesn't make them a mother. I don't hate my mother I have just come to the realization that I never had one.

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