Anyone Else “Vet” Friend Requests?
Replies
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I usually will accept with a message or if I recognize them from the forums. If they have an ED and /or post dangerous things I will delete them since that is not constructive for my feed.
Otherwise I leave it. I am terrible with letting them accumulate and forget to check them though, I have like 345 in my inbox.4 -
I will add folks when a request comes in, yet very picky on deciding who I keep around after about 2 weeks. If you aren't willing to share your diary and don't interact pretty much daily, then I will delete them. It's nothing personal, it's only I dont need folks around me who arent 200% into this. Sounds harsh, sorry.5
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Yes. I pretty much accept all requests, but don't accept requests from men who have lots and lots of female friends with cute profile pics (but no or vanishingly few male ones). Those are the ones with the highest likelihood that they'll be sending PMs with iffy to inappropriate come-ons, IMO. (Yes, even to their internet granny 🙄 . . . granny don't play that game. 🤣).
If it's borderline, I check their forum history.
I'm not at all a good "MFP friend" (don't post much in the status feed, don't reply much to others there, though I try to respond to direct questions people put right on my profile page, and I understand that some people will send a FR in order to send a PM - I do answer PMs, if they're actual questions, not come-ons; and I've told some people to FR me if they want to see what I eat for protein, as a vegetarian).14 -
Yup. I really don't need flattering correspondence from members of the opposite sex. I'm here for weight loss discussions not for social enrichment.7
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I'm happy to chat in the forums, but I don't add friends on MFP. Why?
Having done this before, I know I need to be 100% honest with my diary to myself, and I'm not going to do that if other people are looking. And if you don't share your diaries with your friends, I'm not sure what the point is.
I also sometimes like to complete my diary before I'm done, just to get a feel for that (inaccurate) 5-week prediction and what harm it would do if I did/didn't eat something - I don't want people liking my "you have completed your weight loss diary" notifications if they're not 'real.'
Losing weight is hard enough, I can't put up any unnecessary barriers for myself. Not everyone feels the same way, and some people genuinely find it easier with MFP friends, but that's one of the great things about this site/app. We all use it in slightly different ways, to arrive at a solution that works for us individually. For me, it's not adding people but being open to engaging on the forums.17 -
I just do a blanket delete of all requests 😂8
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Honestly, it depends on my mood. I'm more likely to delete someone after the fact, for various reasons. Now on facebook I vet a lot more, lol
I edited to add but then it disappeared. The long and short of it is I dont care about diaries or workouts, and I share a fair amount of pics of my dogs, in particular my great pyrenees.
All my fun cool friends have left over time, so if you like dog pics.... come on by lol4 -
Lynnsgoals2020 wrote: »I will add folks when a request comes in, yet very picky on deciding who I keep around after about 2 weeks. If you aren't willing to share your diary and don't interact pretty much daily, then I will delete them. It's nothing personal, it's only I dont need folks around me who arent 200% into this. Sounds harsh, sorry.
This (except I don’t care about the diary sharing). I try to keep my friend list to approximately one page but I accept everyone and actively seek out people who interest me. But I also regularly delete people. No hard feelings but if I’m not having positive interactions with you then I’m getting nothing out of having you as my “friend” so I clear out the space.thelastnightingale wrote: »Having done this before, I know I need to be 100% honest with my diary to myself, and I'm not going to do that if other people are looking. And if you don't share your diaries with your friends, I'm not sure what the point is.
I couldn’t care less if strangers see what I ate but I’m pretty sure very very few people ever look at my diary. I certainly don’t usually bother to look at anyone else’s. I must admit when I enter things it never crosses my mind to wonder if other people will read it.
But as someone else said a nice aspect of MFP is that you can use it however suits you.
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I would not accept a request without a message unless it is from someone with whom I am very familiar from the forums - and these people send messages anyway.
I rarely look at my feed and note in my profile that I am a terrible "feed friend."2 -
I ignore my feed, but occasionally I accept friends if I (1) recognize them and don't want to hurt their feelings (this is bad, I should tell them I just don't interact on the feed but would love to be supportive on the forum); and (2) want to exchange PMs with them, since it seems like PMs are not always delivered if those involved are not friends.2
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Xiaolongbao wrote: »I couldn’t care less if strangers see what I ate but I’m pretty sure very very few people ever look at my diary. I certainly don’t usually bother to look at anyone else’s. I must admit when I enter things it never crosses my mind to wonder if other people will read it.
Many lifetimes ago (under a different account), I did use to have MFP friends and read other people's diaries - for one thing, unless you knew what someone was eating, you wouldn't know whether to congratulate them or be worried for them (e.g. if too severely restricting).
Some of my friends from real life use MFP, but I would never add them as if I'm honest, I don't want them to know exactly how overweight I am, or exactly what I'm eating. Which is exactly why I should be on this journey - if you feel the need to keep your food secret, you're probably not eating right.9 -
Yay, a few more 'life's too busy' or simply introvert people here! We should all be friends! Oh, wait...14
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Oops, I just realized my profile was not visible to other people. Now it is. Now people should be able to read that I don't do friends. Lets see if it makes a difference.2
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eatpolerepeat wrote: »I do check people out though before I accept
Me too.. sometimes I make a mistake though and have to delete straight away.3 -
LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »I accept them all but don't ever talk outside of the forums and don't post things on my page so I don't know what others get out of it.
so you're the kind of friend who doesn't contribute I love my newsfeed being newsy and chatty but its like everything, you gotta contribute to get anything out of it....just saying ;-)
Yes that would be me too - the sort of friend that doesnt contribute
Yes like everything I'm sure you gotta contribute to get anything out of it - but thats fine since I dont want to get anything out of it and really am not into the whole friends behind the scenes thing.
I never send friend requests and I ignore any I recieve.
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eatpolerepeat wrote: »
Pfft . 😂2 -
This is all very interesting. Tbh there’s so much junk on my newsfeed that if people are making legit comments I only find them at random. Wish there was a way to turn off the “so and so earned XX calories”, and so on. It just floods it.
I had hoped to make some “real” friends here, as I did in the early internet days (still visit with eBay buddies from back in the day!) but this format doesn’t lend itself well.
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Yes. I pretty much accept all requests, but don't accept requests from men who have lots and lots of female friends with cute profile pics (but no or vanishingly few male ones). Those are the ones with the highest likelihood that they'll be sending PMs with iffy to inappropriate come-ons, IMO. (Yes, even to their internet granny 🙄 . . . granny don't play that game. 🤣).
If it's borderline, I check their forum history.
I'm not at all a good "MFP friend" (don't post much in the status feed, don't reply much to others there, though I try to respond to direct questions people put right on my profile page, and I understand that some people will send a FR in order to send a PM - I do answer PMs, if they're actual questions, not come-ons; and I've told some people to FR me if they want to see what I eat for protein, as a vegetarian).
Huh... well aunt granny, I'm like 40% men 60% women. Better delete me!😉1 -
psychod787 wrote: »Yes. I pretty much accept all requests, but don't accept requests from men who have lots and lots of female friends with cute profile pics (but no or vanishingly few male ones). Those are the ones with the highest likelihood that they'll be sending PMs with iffy to inappropriate come-ons, IMO. (Yes, even to their internet granny 🙄 . . . granny don't play that game. 🤣).
If it's borderline, I check their forum history.
I'm not at all a good "MFP friend" (don't post much in the status feed, don't reply much to others there, though I try to respond to direct questions people put right on my profile page, and I understand that some people will send a FR in order to send a PM - I do answer PMs, if they're actual questions, not come-ons; and I've told some people to FR me if they want to see what I eat for protein, as a vegetarian).
Huh... well aunt granny, I'm like 40% men 60% women. Better delete me!😉
I could name people who, if you could look at their profile, the friend set would make you chuckle at the truth of what I'm saying. One - before I was smart enough to screen better - had a friend set of dozens or hundreds of muscular women. He sent multiple messages encouraging me to lift weights more, and to give him contact info so we could chat. Yeah? No.
Then there was one who wanted to have a "text fight" by chat. I have no idea what that is, but yeah, no. And one guy who PMed "wonder how the two old timers would do agst each other in a wrestling match". No. Just no.
I could go on, and it could be worse, but I won't. I think they have no idea how truly pathetic they seem . . . still, I assume they must get some takers? 🙄
You? I don't know how you treat other MFP friends, male or female. To me, you seem like an intelligent, inquisitive, polite, slightly grumpy and unpredictable teddy bear. I plan to keep you.
I'll take a chance on men with very few male friends, but regardless, at the first "let's chat" kind of thing, they're gone. My profile says "If your PM says things you wouldn't say in church in front of your wife/GF and all your friends/neighbors . . . we can't be friends." S'truth.22 -
springlering62 wrote: »This is all very interesting. Tbh there’s so much junk on my newsfeed that if people are making legit comments I only find them at random. Wish there was a way to turn off the “so and so earned XX calories”, and so on. It just floods it.
I had hoped to make some “real” friends here, as I did in the early internet days (still visit with eBay buddies from back in the day!) but this format doesn’t lend itself well.
It’s possible. I’ve been here 8 1/2 years and some of my closest friends are people I’ve met here. I’ve met (in person) I think 30-something people from my FL, some just in passing while traveling, some doing races and travels and things.
As for “vetting” - most of my FL doesn’t even venture into the forums. I’m not sure some of them even know they are here. Most of our activity is in comments on posts (ours and mutual friends). I recognize user names from these conversations. I will occasionally check with some other old timers if it looks like another reincarnation of a certain skeevy dude.
We chat about all kinds of things. We often describe/discuss workouts in the comments part of the “burned such and such calories doing whatever they did”. We talk about life things-celebrations, successes, challenges & frustrations.
Some are hosting/joining zoom gatherings during lockdown.
It’s very rare that anyone on my FL posts a “question” (not like on the forums anyway). We all have struggles and challenges-but it’s never what/how do I do ______. Its more just navigating life and fitting in this health and fitness stuff. And a lot of fun stuff too.
So it’s possible to make “real” friends here.
One note: a relatively new “feature” (some places call them bugs) is that messages sent with friend requests aren’t always showing up in the request. Sometimes they (the message) will show on the app or the web (but the same FR will be blank on the other), sometimes the note doesn’t show up anywhere. This is different than the FR not going through at all because the requester used a naughty word in the message. This is just seemingly random. I know instant denial of requests without a message is popular-so I thought I’d pass that along.4
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