Anyone Else “Vet” Friend Requests?
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I’ve had a few weird requests over the past few years on here. They tend to get deleted as soon as they get weird. I go through my friend list every couple of weeks and anyone whose been inactive for a month gets deleted (including the husband). Anyone who I’m looking to add as a friend I’ll vet first and see whether or not they’ve been active in the past few days. I have a small group of friends on here now and I like seeing how they’re doing and I’d notice if they dropped of the radar and went from maintaining a 1000 days streak to nothing.1
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I "vet" by posting in my profile that if you send me a friend request, you should explain why you think I would be a good friend for you to have. Most friend requests I receive have no message at all, so I just delete them, except for the extremely rare case where I recognize the name from a discussion thread. Every once in a while I delete anybody who hasn't been active for a few months. And I delete anybody who sends inappropriate PMs. Honestly, I don't get that many requests.0
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TheLastMrBig wrote: »reading comments because some words dont match actions ...hell the pics some upload leads to an assumption that contradicts "I'm not looking for attention or friends"
What sort of pictures leads you to assume anyone is looking for attention or friends even though they have stated they are not???
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paperpudding wrote: »TheLastMrBig wrote: »reading comments because some words dont match actions ...hell the pics some upload leads to an assumption that contradicts "I'm not looking for attention or friends"
What sort of pictures leads you to assume anyone is looking for attention or friends even though they have stated they are not???
If I had to guess, based on my own experiences, I'd say pictures where anyone is "showing off" their hard earned physique... on a site surrounding health and fitness. Especially if they're a woman.1 -
I check out their FL and if they've collected a certain type, I usually just delete it. If it's some one I have had interactions with in the forum, sure. I never delete friends. Obviously I haven't had any weirdness. If they go inactive, I'll be here when they get back.2
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slimgirljo15 wrote: »I reject all friend requests.
Will speak privately w/anyone who sends me a PM but I have no interest in "collecting" virtual friends here or anywhere else on the Net.
Unfortunately if you try to send someone a pm who is not a fr it does not go through. they never see it. Strangely if you can catch their attention on forums and ask them to send you one it will close the loop and subsequent pm will be received. Mfp glitches 🙄
This was a chg in programming that I wasn't aware because I have gotten PMs b4 but it has been a long time since I've recd one. Surprise, LOL!
Well, ppl can still direct msg me in a thread in response to a post of mine (I almost always ck back on threads that I've posted in) and we can carry on a conversation there or move it to PM if reqd.1 -
crystalsan726 wrote: »Yes I do vet friend requests. There are some crazies out there!! 😄 I usually don't send friend requests one because on the app it isn't easy to do. I wish they would make it if you are in the forum and see someone you want to request for a friend there is an add friend button instead of trying to remember the name and search for it and then request for friendship. I don't do guy friends on here because I am married and the only male encouragement I need is from my honey. If I get friend requests and they are female I usually accept. I will only delete them if I see foul language (I don't like seeing that on my feed) or we don't interact much. I don't like to see a lot junk on my newsfeed so I have a small friend group of some amazing ladies that I met on here and we have been friends for quite awhile. Call me old fashioned I don't care. I am here for losing weight, getting healthy, and going on this journey with people who are like minded.
You can send a FR from the forum, it just takes a couple of steps (details depend on whether web or phone app).
In their post, click on their user name (at left of post in web version, above it in Android app so I assume likewise in iOS version). You'll get some kind of a display about them. If you don't see an "Add As Friend" button (web version) or the two-people-heads icon that is the same thing in the phone app, click on their name again, until you see one of those two (it'll just be a couple steps, not dozens). Then click on the "Add" button or the people-heads icon to send a friend request.
@AnnPT77 Thank you for your help on that!1 -
paperpudding wrote: »TheLastMrBig wrote: »reading comments because some words dont match actions ...hell the pics some upload leads to an assumption that contradicts "I'm not looking for attention or friends"
What sort of pictures leads you to assume anyone is looking for attention or friends even though they have stated they are not???
If I had to guess, based on my own experiences, I'd say pictures where anyone is "showing off" their hard earned physique... on a site surrounding health and fitness. Especially if they're a woman.
I hope you are wrong and poster does not really think women with pictures of healthy fit physique on a site about health and fitness are wanting attention and friends, even though they say they are not.
What a sad sexist assumption that would be.
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paperpudding wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »TheLastMrBig wrote: »reading comments because some words dont match actions ...hell the pics some upload leads to an assumption that contradicts "I'm not looking for attention or friends"
What sort of pictures leads you to assume anyone is looking for attention or friends even though they have stated they are not???
If I had to guess, based on my own experiences, I'd say pictures where anyone is "showing off" their hard earned physique... on a site surrounding health and fitness. Especially if they're a woman.
I hope you are wrong and poster does not really think women with pictures of healthy fit physique on a site about health and fitness are wanting attention and friends, even though they say they are not.
What a sad sexist assumption that would be.
Well, I got a single "disagree" from that. I hope it was from that poster and that I was wrong.
Hard to say. It's kind of sad that it would be an extremely fair guess in some places, online or off.1 -
MelanieCN77 wrote: »Given that there's not much identifying info in my profile, I generally accept and then I just delete again if they are weird.
This is what I do too2 -
MelanieCN77 wrote: »Given that there's not much identifying info in my profile, I generally accept and then I just delete again if they are weird.
This is what I do too
Yup I do this too.0 -
paperpudding wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »TheLastMrBig wrote: »reading comments because some words dont match actions ...hell the pics some upload leads to an assumption that contradicts "I'm not looking for attention or friends"
What sort of pictures leads you to assume anyone is looking for attention or friends even though they have stated they are not???
If I had to guess, based on my own experiences, I'd say pictures where anyone is "showing off" their hard earned physique... on a site surrounding health and fitness. Especially if they're a woman.
I hope you are wrong and poster does not really think women with pictures of healthy fit physique on a site about health and fitness are wanting attention and friends, even though they say they are not.
What a sad sexist assumption that would be.
Not sure you two are on the same page about "showing off." If I were a guy and got a random FR from a woman with a picture more appropriate for a hookup site, I'd make assumptions too.5 -
Honestly the only reason I am here is to hopefully give some solid advice that changes someone's life for the better and keep quiet when I'm not in position to answer.
I met some a couple of awesome people here that were even more awe-y in real lift but I'm not that social here to check into somebody's closet.2 -
I add anyone who asks, with the exception of obvious salespeople. I’m a terrible friend though, I never pay attention to my feed.
Sometimes I really wonder what inspired someone to friend me if I have never heard of the person and we have nothing in common, but that kind of friend can be interesting.1 -
I totally vet weirdos. I accidentally accepted a weirdo and now I worry too much about being mean to unfriend and so I sit in a conundrum of "omg but this is awkward but omg now what do I do and omg I don't' wanna be mean but omg."
Since I am far too passive IRL.
The few people I've friended (handful), it's because I shared something with or something they said resonated with me. I'm not the best "feed friend", I guess, though I try to respond to people's thoughts if I see 'em on my feed. I'm just in the silent masses, cheering them on in my whisper voice.
I don't friend men with only girl MFP friends. I'm happily married and don't wanna get stuck in a creeper cycle.
ETA: I am glad I take a chance on some or go out of my comfort zone to friend request some because I have made a good friend or two that goes beyond weight loss! (minus my already RL friends
) 5 -
I take it as a compliment someone thought I was approachable enough to become an "acquaintance" on a forum full of thousands of strangers and would not "vet" them unjustly without knowing much about them except their online name and picture. I have empathy enough to believe on some school age level, we all have trouble reaching out to people and feel like a wallflower or loser if our profiles have empty spaces under "friends." I have no judgements. I do not see people as fat, ugly, weird or different then me. I am not a "karen" or "mean girl" I love people. All kinds and if you are crazy enough to want to friend me, I am probably one of the weird ones you are speaking about. The Alice, in Wonderland mixed with the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat. I can ramble, my mind wonders about everything, I am a free spirit or I am intelligent and reigned in. Who am I to Vet, anyone? Most people are smart enough to understand this is a forum of like minded people. Young or old. just reaching out into the void with other humans that may have a common purpose. If you mean they started disagreeing too much with your posts well, then, yes, its your page and you have a right to disengage with argumentative people if you cannot deal with conflict but at least you gave them a fair chance like you would hope someone did the same for you. So many posts here saying they would be a terrible friend. Do you honestly think that is what people who "friend" you in a forum are asking from you? Repeat: Acquaintance. Casual "online" Encounter. A stranger that you come to be acquainted with their lives and encounter and interact with without personal meetings. Online. To take it farther than that, is a personal choice but to worry every friend request is because someone wants something from you or you are all that and need to fight them off because of how you look, is well, vain.
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Or some people, me included, are just not into the friends thing and say so on our profiles - I don't think I have to fight them off and I certainly don't think it is to do with how I look ( actually I don't really look like a Christmas pudding ) and I'm not worried that friend requests are after something else and I don't feel like a wallflower or loser if my profile is empty under friends.
So, yes I do think I would be a terrible friend ( or acquaintance or causal online or whatever you want to call it, MFP happens to call it friends) since I have no intention of interacting 1:1 with people which is what the friends system is intended for.
If others, including you, do want to do that - great, go for it, enjoy.
But respect that some of us don't want to.5 -
I reject all men's friend requests. Nothing at all against men... some of them are even cute, but as far as friends, I want women who are anywhere from 20 years younger to 20 years older. I look at their meals and exercises when I have time and cheer them on and if they have time they cheer me on also. I don't care how heavy or how fit a woman is. I just want friends with a positive attitude who keeps trying.6
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MiaBella444 wrote: »I take it as a compliment someone thought I was approachable enough to become an "acquaintance" on a forum full of thousands of strangers and would not "vet" them unjustly without knowing much about them except their online name and picture. I have empathy enough to believe on some school age level, we all have trouble reaching out to people and feel like a wallflower or loser if our profiles have empty spaces under "friends." I have no judgements. I do not see people as fat, ugly, weird or different then me. I am not a "karen" or "mean girl" I love people. All kinds and if you are crazy enough to want to friend me, I am probably one of the weird ones you are speaking about. The Alice, in Wonderland mixed with the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat. I can ramble, my mind wonders about everything, I am a free spirit or I am intelligent and reigned in. Who am I to Vet, anyone? Most people are smart enough to understand this is a forum of like minded people. Young or old. just reaching out into the void with other humans that may have a common purpose. If you mean they started disagreeing too much with your posts well, then, yes, its your page and you have a right to disengage with argumentative people if you cannot deal with conflict but at least you gave them a fair chance like you would hope someone did the same for you. So many posts here saying they would be a terrible friend. Do you honestly think that is what people who "friend" you in a forum are asking from you? Repeat: Acquaintance. Casual "online" Encounter. A stranger that you come to be acquainted with their lives and encounter and interact with without personal meetings. Online. To take it farther than that, is a personal choice but to worry every friend request is because someone wants something from you or you are all that and need to fight them off because of how you look, is well, vain.
Terrible FEED friend - meaning I never pay attention to my feed and my diary is private. Someone friending me for feed interaction or to view my diary would be very disappointed.
I don't WORRY about friend requests - I only accept them if I know the person from the forums and think we might exchange DMs.2 -
I stopped bothering to add friends.
I interact enough here with the people I would accept friend requests from anyway as genuine friends, and those who randomly add me for whatever reason, by finding me on someone's thread, I used to add them but often found that people always had problems and wouldn't listen to practical advice and would rather listen to the other woo people giving them woo.
I'd also often see people under eating constantly and people telling them good job for it and them not caring about what it will do to them if they dont eat more.
Eventually I just get annoyed and delete every single one of them and figure if they struggle enough eventually they will be here asking for help on the things I already tried to help them.with before.5 -
MiaBella444 wrote: »I take it as a compliment someone thought I was approachable enough to become an "acquaintance" on a forum full of thousands of strangers and would not "vet" them unjustly without knowing much about them except their online name and picture. I have empathy enough to believe on some school age level, we all have trouble reaching out to people and feel like a wallflower or loser if our profiles have empty spaces under "friends." I have no judgements. I do not see people as fat, ugly, weird or different then me. I am not a "karen" or "mean girl" I love people. All kinds and if you are crazy enough to want to friend me, I am probably one of the weird ones you are speaking about. The Alice, in Wonderland mixed with the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat. I can ramble, my mind wonders about everything, I am a free spirit or I am intelligent and reigned in. Who am I to Vet, anyone? Most people are smart enough to understand this is a forum of like minded people. Young or old. just reaching out into the void with other humans that may have a common purpose. If you mean they started disagreeing too much with your posts well, then, yes, its your page and you have a right to disengage with argumentative people if you cannot deal with conflict but at least you gave them a fair chance like you would hope someone did the same for you. So many posts here saying they would be a terrible friend. Do you honestly think that is what people who "friend" you in a forum are asking from you? Repeat: Acquaintance. Casual "online" Encounter. A stranger that you come to be acquainted with their lives and encounter and interact with without personal meetings. Online. To take it farther than that, is a personal choice but to worry every friend request is because someone wants something from you or you are all that and need to fight them off because of how you look, is well, vain.
Some of us (me, and I believe others) are talking about things we do now because of actual past experiences here on MFP with people sending friend requests, and after the acceptance, those people send inappropropriate personal messages that make it pretty clear that what they want is . . . well, I'll say flirtation, but it's something well beyond that.
If it's "vain" to have that kind of bad experience, then start being cautious about friend requests after that happens, then . . . yes, I'm vain.10 -
KrissDotCom wrote: »I stopped bothering to add friends.
I interact enough here with the people I would accept friend requests from anyway as genuine friends, and those who randomly add me for whatever reason, by finding me on someone's thread, I used to add them but often found that people always had problems and wouldn't listen to practical advice and would rather listen to the other woo people giving them woo.
I'd also often see people under eating constantly and people telling them good job for it and them not caring about what it will do to them if they dont eat more.
Eventually I just get annoyed and delete every single one of them and figure if they struggle enough eventually they will be here asking for help on the things I already tried to help them.with before.
Yes, one of the reasons I stopped looking at my feed was due to two undereaters and the positive comments they got.5 -
paperpudding wrote: »Or some people, me included, are just not into the friends thing and say so on our profiles - I don't think I have to fight them off and I certainly don't think it is to do with how I look ( actually I don't really look like a Christmas pudding ) and I'm not worried that friend requests are after something else and I don't feel like a wallflower or loser if my profile is empty under friends.
So, yes I do think I would be a terrible friend ( or acquaintance or causal online or whatever you want to call it, MFP happens to call it friends) since I have no intention of interacting 1:1 with people which is what the friends system is intended for.
If others, including you, do want to do that - great, go for it, enjoy.
But respect that some of us don't want to.
I think that makes you a good (online) friend. But for context, I have a cat. The no pressure we're friends not spouses kind of friendship is where it's at.5 -
Similar to @AnnPT77 I do now, because I've had more than a few annoying unsolicited messages from men.
I don't get it - nowhere on my profile do I say I'm looking for a relationship/fling/ flirtation/anything else along those lines, yet I still get messages. I am here on a fitness site to lose weight and get mutual support from others doing the same. That is IT. Why don't people use a dating site instead if they want to meet someone?
Anyway, I started off naive and friendly and accepting all requests, but now I don't accept friend requests unless people send a message along with it, and I always check them out too. Sad, but that's the way of the internet it seems!4 -
Yes... i've been logging for over 1,050 days and i have zero friends. Solves everything. Do my stuff solo, lurk the forums.4
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Yep. I check em out. There being said I have made some really good friends here...then again many creepy people have cropped up too0
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I wanted to add, but forgot....
I’m sure it’s been discussed as I’ve not read every post here. I feel bad for the ladies, as I’m nearly certain they are the ones that get the weird and creepy requests.
Please accept my apology on behalf of decent men.
Please don't apologize for something you didn't do or for the pervs...
Just my 2¢
(Flame suit on)4
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