Unsupportive Husband

pcbossack31
pcbossack31 Posts: 20 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello everybody! I hope everybody is doing well, especially during these unprecidented times. I have been totally changing the way that I eat and exercise and my husband isn't being very supportive. I want to switch to being a vegetarian and he doesn't like it at all. He won't let me cook what I want to cook and he just comes up with all these excuses why I shouldn't make what I want to make. He is being very controlling. Can someone give me some advice? Is anybody going through anything similar?
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Replies

  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    If you're not trying to also change his diet and habits, it'll probably help just to rub along for the time being making what you each want to eat and dealing with the extra labour. If you are trying to change up his business when he was happy before, there's your problem.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    ps - I have a friend who has been a vegetarian since she was 13 and ethical vegan since her early 20s. I would never expect her to cook meat for someone else. But it sounds like you are making the switch for health reasons. So I suggest you continue to cook standard meals for him. You can also offer him some of your food.

    Last week I made Brazilian Black Beans and Kale Ricotta Pie. (This was the original "Moosewood Cookbook" Spinach Ricotta Pie that I adapted to accommodate the excess of kale from my garden. I'm not a vegetarian, but I do make a lot of recipes from that vegetarian cookbook.)

    Neither of us expected him to like either, and we had hot dogs as a back up. But he ended up liking both and went back for seconds.
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    As others said, your post is not clear on what exactly he is protesting.

    Speaking from experience, it is possible to change someone else’s eating habits with them resisting, but it takes time. In my case, like three years. My husband is (was) very much a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy, but we started small. We always make our weekly meal plan and grocery shopping together, and cook together as well. First, it was just meatless Monday, and not even every week. We usually tried a new recipe every time, so eventually we had some good ones we both liked and started replacing some red meat regulars with those. Now, my husband observes meatless Monday independently even if I’m not home, and is known to cook tofu for a Friday night dinner with his guy friends. We still eat red meat occasionally, but it’s slowly been replaced by vegetarian options, chicken and fish. When we do have red meat, it’s usually in smaller quantities than before.

    For the last 6 months we’ve been working on adding more veggies into meals to make them lighter and more nutritious. This process has been much faster than the shift from red meat towards vegetarianism, mostly because I found my secret weapon: agreeing to pretty much any recipe he suggests with ”ok, how do we add more veggies into that?”. He’s getting pretty good at it already, and it doesn’t feel like he’s being denied the foods he wants.

    If his issue is with you cooking for both of you and he still wants to continue eating meat, I think you could start small with a new vegetarian recipe here and there, and gradually switching from red meat to more chicken and fish, and going from there. Alternatively, especially if he eats lunch at work, could you have a discussion with him about maybe he could eat his meat on meals that are not shared with you, and have more vegetarian meals with you? It’s not really about vegetarianism, but my husband and I have a pact that we indulge in the foods the other hates when they aren’t home or when we eat at restaurants. That way, the meals we share are something we both genuinely enjoy but neither one is deprived of the other things we like.
  • kperk91
    kperk91 Posts: 226 Member
    My best friend and her husband are a mix household. She has been vegetarian her whole life. He eats whatever she makes, but he will cook his own meat for meals, etc. Hasn't been a problem for them.
  • MikePfirrman
    MikePfirrman Posts: 3,307 Member
    My wife started calorie tracking before I did. Then I started and she said, "well, this was my thing, so I quit now...". I lost 80 lbs over a year and have kept it off for 9 years now and counting.

    The next year, she got on board and lost around 30 lbs and kept most of it off. I did my thing first and when she saw that I could do it, she wanted to do it.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Geneveremfp wrote: »
    I'm a bit shocked at all of the "make two meals" comments. I'm assuming as he's a married man that he's an adult. If he doesn't like eating your food he doesn't have to. He knows where shops are and he knows what a kitchen is. If he can't cook YouTube has thousands and thousands of how to cook videos.

    I know it can be hard standing up for yourself when you're not used to it but I would suggest clearly and calmly having a conversation and making it clear what your intentions are and that his choices are to eat what you're eating or to make his own food. Try to have the conversation away from meal times so he's got time to make changes if he needs to.
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    I am in a relationship where we each prepare our own meals (I'm vegan and even before that my husband was a pickier eater than me, so we've always made our own), but that's a big change to spring on someone if you've always agreed to make their food. I'm not saying OP can't do that, but I think we should acknowledge that in many relationships, telling someone who has had their meals prepared for them that they must now make their own (unless they're willing to adhere to new dietary restrictions) would be a major event.

    Thanks for again articulating what I was thinking!

    My OH takes care of the cars. I would be hurt if he were to suddenly tell me I was on my own for this, even though I am completely capable of getting my oil changed, etc. And this is something that only gets done occasionally - it would be a bigger hurt for something that gets done every day.

    My family has a long history of accommodating food allergies. It's a simple step to move to accommodating food preferences. Every July 4th I make two potato salads - my mom's and his mom's. Every Thanksgiving I make two stuffings.

    As for dinners, he certainly pulls his weight by grilling and doing most of the cleanup.
  • JazzyJewel1969
    JazzyJewel1969 Posts: 31 Member
    I switched to vegetarian in March and it caused me to gain weight and have all kinds of problems!! Because I wasnt getting enough protein!! So if you are going to change do a whole lot of research and dont expect your family to change because you are!! And as of the support at home that is 1 thing that is so hard to get when your changing your diet habits .... Friend me if you like!! I am not trying to judge you in your decision but just becareful of how you do it
  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,522 Member
    In our current Quarantine condition, we have 4 adults living together. Me, my wife, my 24y, and my 18y. Everybody has different food requirements and preferences. (One is dairy free, one is dairy and gluten free, two have no particular issues and like having cheese and butter available.) My wife has a dietitian that gives complex and varying instructions over time.

    But, somehow we've all learned to cook meals that fulfill these requirements. Everyone participates in meal prep, including my 18y. If someone always wants to have meat, you can make vegetable dishes that are also side dishes for meat (e.g., tofu veggie stir fry). A meat lover could become their own grill meister, for example.

    Some specific changes have included dropping pizza. Also, several people don't like pork, so we've stopped having pork chops once a week. We eat more seafood than ever!

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