Criticism

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"This is how I feel about it -- and this is my struggle personally. Honestly, it's a victory for me when I don't eat the whole bag, even if I do go over my calories for the day. I live with skinny people who eat whatever they like, whenever they like, and I have a really, really tough time saying "NO" on my own behalf every time they hit the junk. And they certainly don't say no on my behalf. When I had a Ben & Jerry's milkshake the other day, it was because my husband went off and bought them for everyone while I was in the restroom with one of the kids. I came out and there he was with ice cream for everyone. He apologized later, but I told him honestly that I wouldn't have felt better if he'd left me out, either.

When everybody else is getting the gooey desserts, it's HARD to say "None for me, thanks." I'm just not there yet. But I am really trying. I know how it looks. But for me, some days, the victory is recording every bite even if I missed the mark by 500 calories *sigh*.

So I would err on the side of trying to find something encouraging to say, like "Good for you for tracking everything!" Or something sympathetic like "Man, those caramel blizzards are SO good, aren't they? I have a hard time turning those down." They know it was bad for them. But they also know you're there for them."
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^^^ I agree completely!!!

Not sure where the quote box went...oops!

I find it curious to make my food diary public and be offended if someone comments on what I've eaten.

Because if you make your diary private, knowing that you're not open to criticism, you'll get it anyway in the form of accusations of lying, hiding something, shame, not being 100%. Seriously, I have seen people on here get REALLY worked up about closed diaries. It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't around here.

So then what?

I think your first sentence is important - the "knowing that you're not open to criticism" part. If someone truly isn't open to criticism, they might consider tracking calories on a spreadsheet. Or locking down their profile and not wander into the forums. Yes, people *should* be respectful. But sometimes people are jerks. That's life, isn't it? Pick and choose the feedback you get. Ignore the stuff that doesn't apply/hurts your feelings/makes you angry/is too critical/is constructed grammarly poor.

I find it curious to make my food diary public and be offended if someone comments on what I've eaten.

Because if you make your diary private, knowing that you're not open to criticism, you'll get it anyway in the form of accusations of lying, hiding something, shame, not being 100%. Seriously, I have seen people on here get REALLY worked up about closed diaries. It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't around here.

So then what?

I think your first sentence is important - the "knowing that you're not open to criticism" part. If someone truly isn't open to criticism, they might consider tracking calories on a spreadsheet. Or locking down their profile and not wander into the forums. Yes, people *should* be respectful. But sometimes people are jerks. That's life, isn't it? Pick and choose the feedback you get. Ignore the stuff that doesn't apply/hurts your feelings/makes you angry/is too critical/is constructed grammarly poor.

*grammatically poor

:bigsmile:

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Because if you make your diary private, knowing that you're not open to criticism, you'll get it anyway in the form of accusations of lying, hiding something, shame, not being 100%. Seriously, I have seen people on here get REALLY worked up about closed diaries. It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't around here.
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So then what?

so true hey if i opened my diary you'll be wondering where you can get the different types of foods curries etc where they came from handed down recipesand how to cook em no i'm not sharing.

it was sliver no wonder she was offended haha

I don't look at diaries or make comments on the diaries of others, even friends, unless

1: The friend is a monster in terms of energy & athleticism and I am looking for ideas ..kind of tongue in cheek.

2: The friend is posting topics to forums on how they can't lose weight even though according to them they are doing everything right. If their diary is public and they are looking for input from non-friends, then I know its okay to comment.

3: She's hot and I'm curious.

I do and don't understand people getting offended with people making unwanted comments on their diaries.

I understand its the internet and they are just words spoken without context and different people have varying skills in commmunicating their intent via the written word.

However..if you don't want input..then make your diary private

Depends on how you phrase it. If you sound judgmental, then that's always going to be a problem. If you're constructive, then it's okay. Example:

Whoa, someone had a calorie fest today! Hope you plan to work out tomorrow! <-Bad
Good job tracking everything today. I'll bet you're going to be under tomorrow! <-Good

I honestly love people keeping me accountable, but I also don't want people creeping through my diary and criticizing me.

That's a delicate area. I think criticisms are a lot like houseguests. They may come with good intentions, but if uninvited they can be a real pain in the *&^%$. If someone invites the feedback or asks a lot of questions, then I would feel free to give my two cents--but gently. But for me, I wouldn't give unsolicited comments. I trust that we're all intelligent grown-ups on here, and we're all reading (or have read) lots of books and articles on healthy eating. I don't know how many people are overweight just because they didn't know that fast food dinners and full pints of icecream while crashing on the couch watching 30 Rock would make them fat (pointing at self right now!) I'd also have to guess that I'm not the only one who grew up in a household where criticism reigned supreme when it came to weight. My favorite defiant retort was to stuff my face. :bigsmile: So, good intentions might yield bad results.

Right now I need someone to tell me "put the chocolatey gingerbready things down fatty!" I'm not having a good day :grumble: Come on someone, yell it at me.

I don't mind the comments like "Never mind, you'll make your goal tomorrow" or "tomorrows a new day" when I've had a bad day. Nor do I mind the "Nice diary" comments when I've had a good day. Suggestions on how to reduce calories, fat, sugar or whatever in something I've made are always welcome as are healthier substitutes for what I've eaten. I don't see how any of those things can offend somebody to be honest. Then again, someone saying "put down the cookies fatty!" if I'd logged a load of cookies would just make me laugh and think of it next time I went to eat cookies so I guess I'm not easily offended.

Right now I need someone to tell me "put the chocolatey gingerbready things down fatty!" I'm not having a good day :grumble: Come on someone, yell it at me.

I don't mind the comments like "Never mind, you'll make your goal tomorrow" or "tomorrows a new day" when I've had a bad day. Nor do I mind the "Nice diary" comments when I've had a good day. Suggestions on how to reduce calories, fat, sugar or whatever in something I've made are always welcome as are healthier substitutes for what I've eaten. I don't see how any of those things can offend somebody to be honest. Then again, someone saying "put down the cookies fatty!" if I'd logged a load of cookies would just make me laugh and think of it next time I went to eat cookies so I guess I'm not easily offended.

I agree.
In order for your friends to give you the appropriate feedback, they need to know what your typical routine/food/exercise is like. Or you have to admit in your newsfeed that you're having "one of those days".
My problem is I don't often use a Web Browser to access MFP, rather just an iPhone app. I can't often see other people's diaries.