Inspo for people that lost and gained again -post here-

I began struggling with my weight in middle school. In high school I struggled with atypical anorexia... at my low point I lived off of 500-700Cal/day & you could see my ribs through my back. Regained my final year of high school, but relapsed in college - becoming bulimic.

Finally broke the ED cycle halfway through college. Over the next couple of years I steadily gained - becoming overweight, then obese. Began dieting with DH & lost some, but not enough. Got pregnant, & hit 200lbs for the first time. Fought my way back to “overweight” by the time DS was a toddler. Moved overseas & my weight shot up. I became morbidly obese. Lost 40lbs in 2019; progress, but not enough to leave the “obese” category behind. Morbidly obese again by mid-2020, when I got fed up & decided to try again. I’m currently about 0.5lbs from “obese class II”.

It’s been 20yrs. Weight feels like the battle I’ll never win, while for so many others it seems so effortless. I’ve literally NEVER been a healthy weight in a healthy manner. I’m exhausted, but too stubborn to give up...

In 2009, I graduated law school and weighed probably 180 lbs (I'm 5'4). I got my first job Jan 2010 and bought my first smart phone, immediately downloaded MFP. In four months I was down to 150. I stuck to it and by 2011 I was 123. I was a cardio bunny and at this point i felt i didn't want to be smaller, i wanted to have muscle so I started lifting.

Lifting weights is amazing- my knee pain went away, I was stronger, and the scale meant less. I got back up to 145 and felt that was a healthy weight for me with all the muscle I was gaining (my squat PR is 225!). I maintained this until 2016. I can peg the month- Nov. 2016- because I went to standing rock and that's when my routine went to the wayside. I crept into the 150's. I didn't think it was a big deal. In 2017, I bought a new scale that said I was actually more into the 160's. I didn't feel ashamed of my body- i was still running and lifting.... but I didn't like the number on the scale. i'm not sure how good I am at judging my own body tbh- part of me thought I looked good, another part of me thought i was repulsive.

Anyways, in 2018 I got both toxic hepatits and cancer and was on bed rest for three months. I have never been so sick in my life. I was supposed to eat a lot of protein to rebuild my liver. I'm a vegetarian so I just ate a lot. By the time I was ok to go back to work, I was 180 again.

I did IF and started exercising again (with doctor's permission) and got back down to 165-170. And this is where I am today.

The past year, I kept trying different things- I tried Keto, I tried time restricted eating.... none of this has really helped get me out of the 160's and I genuinely think it's because i am HAPPY. My fiance and I have our own house, my son got a scholarship to college... everything is good except when I look at pictures of myself. That's really the only time I'm bothered.

My reasons for wanting to lose have changed. It's no longer just for the pics (though it's great to feel like I look like a model, and it's kinda depressing to delete every selfie because I look like the Pillsbury dough boy), it's for my health. This belly fat I'm carrying around can't be good for my organs, it's also just so disappointing to not be able to do some of the things I could- like a pull up. I'm a really active person- I surf, I sail, I backpack- My weight has made those things harder (I fell out of my dinghy just last weekend in Puget Sound and had to pull myself back out of the water which luckily I could do!). My last backpacking trip, I was ashamed at how hard it was. Of course it was! I was carrying an extra twenty pounds!

Anyways, I have spend the last year or so trying to figure out the "key" to success and i have settled on it's totally psychology. I need daily interactions of motivation and excitement about this thing. When I lost before, I had a job that was honestly pretty low pressure so every day at work I spent a good chunk of time on these forums. Now I have a much more demanding job so being here isn't an option (after work I don't want to look at a screen) and the MFP app is crap- let's be honest. it crashes constantly. So I'm going to try to use my breaks at work to interact here more and get more motivation. I remember when i was losing before, my life felt like magic and I felt all powerful. I was achieving the unachievable! And I know I can do this again. WE GOT THIS.

I once lost 70 pounds but lost it the wrong way and as soon as I quit dieting I started gaining it all back plus some. Now I'm dieting the right way. I'm trying to learn healthy eating habits and find healthy foods that I know I'll continue eating for the rest of my life. Now I'm back down 30 pounds again and no where close to stopping any time soon.