How do I support husband wanting to lose weight
heather9986hg
Posts: 61 Member
My husband says he wants to lose weight he says he needs to spend more time exercising
I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
What ways can I help him?
When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
I think his portion control is out of control
If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...
I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
What ways can I help him?
When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
I think his portion control is out of control
If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...
3
Replies
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This has to be 99% on him.
You can support him by not bringing in foods that you know will be triggers for him. Perhaps when you're making a meal, either make enough that you don't expect there to be leftovers OR package up the leftovers rather than leaving them out?
If he asks your insight/opinion, be honest perhaps but otherwise he has to figure out the eating part for himself.4 -
heather9986hg wrote: »My husband says he wants to lose weight he says he needs to spend more time exercising
I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
What ways can I help him?
When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
I think his portion control is out of control
If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...
If he asked then point him at MFP and tell him to log what he eats for a couple of weeks. I think that actual experience and awareness is much more effective than you telling him things. If he needs help logging then help with with that but do not comment on anything else. Let him see it for himself.
I lost a lot of weight eating some amounts of what you might consider junk food. Try not to judge his food. I credit my weekly pizza with adding to my ability to lose weight. The first thing he needs is calorie control with hunger control. Food selection is not that important unless it hinders hunger control.7 -
Hopefully, more gentlemen will respond to your post.
I know that when I was running/racing more seriously, I had to decide whether I was...
Eating to run or running to eat
I chose "eating to run" which - to me - meant fueling my body in order to be able to run longer and longer distances while avoiding injury and sticking to dietary veganism.
Yet, there are many runners who are "running to eat" (or drink) since the caloric burn gives them more room for indulgences. I've yet to see a sad Beer Miler or Hash House Harrier 😂
Hubby may not be running but he may need to make a conscious choice about how to approach his goals.3 -
1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean1 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.9 -
I think this is a sensitive matter, so tread lightly. Saying he eats junk probably isn't going to be helpful
I would suggest to him to log his food intake as is (including pizza etc.) and look up how many calories he burns in a day (with and without exercise), just to make him more conscious of the balance that is needed between intake and calories burned. Perhaps that will make him realise that exercising more might not be enough (or it might be, we have no idea) and portion control might be a good idea too.
And if he doesn't feel satiated after reducing his portions, you might offer suggestions to replace certain less filling foods with more filling foods, if he asks for more help.
I would really try to avoid being judgmental about his food choices and just try to make him understand that the foods he chooses are calorie dense, so portion control is important. And most importantly, let him take the initiative in finding his road to weight loss. I can't tell you how pissed off I would have been if my boyfriend had tried to tell me what to do to lose weight. (Oh wait, he did try to tell me what to do after I had already lost a number of lbs successfully on my own, I shut that down really quickly
) 1 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?1 -
I think this is a sensitive matter, so tread lightly. Saying he eats junk probably isn't going to be helpful
I would suggest to him to log his food intake as is (including pizza etc.) and look up how many calories he burns in a day (with and without exercise), just to make him more conscious of the balance that is needed between intake and calories burned. Perhaps that will make him realise that exercising more might not be enough (or it might be, we have no idea) and portion control might be a good idea too.
And if he doesn't feel satiated after reducing his portions, you might offer suggestions to replace certain less filling foods with more filling foods, if he asks for more help.
I would really try to avoid being judgmental about his food choices and just try to make him understand that the foods he chooses are calorie dense, so portion control is important. And most importantly, let him take the initiative in finding his road to weight loss. I can't tell you how pissed off I would have been if my boyfriend had tried to tell me what to do to lose weight. (Oh wait, he did try to tell me what to do after I had already lost a number of lbs successfully on my own, I shut that down really quickly )
No he asked me for help
I'm asking how to help
And I'm not being mean he was the one being mean
He told me if he can't be the skinny one I've got to gain more weight than he is...I don't think that was very nice
And he's saying if he was single tomorrow he wouldn't be able to find someone to be with because if his weight
Sorry that just got on my last nerve
And I've been in his spot and asked on these forums how to lose weight and yes they will tell you to eat healthier more veggies and less junk 🤷♀️4 -
heather9986hg wrote: »My husband says he wants to lose weight he says he needs to spend more time exercising
I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
What ways can I help him?
When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
I think his portion control is out of control
If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...
If he asked then point him at MFP and tell him to log what he eats for a couple of weeks. I think that actual experience and awareness is much more effective than you telling him things. If he needs help logging then help with with that but do not comment on anything else. Let him see it for himself.
I lost a lot of weight eating some amounts of what you might consider junk food. Try not to judge his food. I credit my weekly pizza with adding to my ability to lose weight. The first thing he needs is calorie control with hunger control. Food selection is not that important unless it hinders hunger control.
He asked for her to help him, not to be pointed to an app where he can do it on his own. He is all but asking to be held accountable.1 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
6 -
heather9986hg wrote: »I think this is a sensitive matter, so tread lightly. Saying he eats junk probably isn't going to be helpful
I would suggest to him to log his food intake as is (including pizza etc.) and look up how many calories he burns in a day (with and without exercise), just to make him more conscious of the balance that is needed between intake and calories burned. Perhaps that will make him realise that exercising more might not be enough (or it might be, we have no idea) and portion control might be a good idea too.
And if he doesn't feel satiated after reducing his portions, you might offer suggestions to replace certain less filling foods with more filling foods, if he asks for more help.
I would really try to avoid being judgmental about his food choices and just try to make him understand that the foods he chooses are calorie dense, so portion control is important. And most importantly, let him take the initiative in finding his road to weight loss. I can't tell you how pissed off I would have been if my boyfriend had tried to tell me what to do to lose weight. (Oh wait, he did try to tell me what to do after I had already lost a number of lbs successfully on my own, I shut that down really quickly )
No he asked me for help
I'm asking how to help
And I'm not being mean he was the one being mean
He told me if he can't be the skinny one I've got to gain more weight than he is...I don't think that was very nice
And he's saying if he was single tomorrow he wouldn't be able to find someone to be with because if his weight
Sorry that just got on my last nerve
And I've been in his spot and asked on these forums how to lose weight and yes they will tell you to eat healthier more veggies and less junk 🤷♀️
This makes it even more clear you cannot help him. Your relationship is already too strained over this issue. His unpleasantness is likely to escalate as he realizes what he will really have to do to lose weight.
You can try to help him find the help he needs but I encourage you not to be the help.
Some insurance companies are now offering programs with nutrition education and counseling. I am not sure how good they are but it might be a step in the right direction if you have access to one.9 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.1 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.5 -
-
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...1 -
I was making a joke at my expense. I was definitely not offended.2 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
10 -
heather9986hg wrote: »My husband says he wants to lose weight he says he needs to spend more time exercising
I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
What ways can I help him?
When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
I think his portion control is out of control
If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...
This will take some effort on his part. You didn't indicate how old your husband is, his height or how much he weighs, or how much he's tying to lose.
My wife does the shopping and supports me by buying healthy foods. She also does the cooking, and is conscious of the need to put correct portion sizes on my plate.
Being on MFP made me more aware of the total value of the calories I eat each day or the calories I burn through exercise. Maybe he should start his own MFP account and log accurately.
I've never eaten a whole pizza, but maybe a whole package of sweet biscuits or some other snack. Now I know a portion size of my favourite biscuit is just 3 or 4 rather than the pack of 15.1 -
Go_Deskercise wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it", it was tied to showing appreciation. I don't know any red blooded males that wouldn't enjoy being shown appreciation with some physical enjoyment.1 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »Go_Deskercise wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it".
I feed my dog on a schedule. He will definitely get food. I train my dog to do things by giving him treats. I would prefer not to be trained by my wife.
None of that is opinion.
10 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »Go_Deskercise wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it".
I feed my dog on a schedule. I train my dog to do things by giving him treats. I would prefer not to be trained by my wife.
None of that is opinion.
It actually still is your opinion, just sayin'. And the OP's husband was asking for help so a feeding schedule and treats for good behavior might just work lol (Relax, I'm only half serious.)1 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »Go_Deskercise wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it".
I feed my dog on a schedule. I train my dog to do things by giving him treats. I would prefer not to be trained by my wife.
None of that is opinion.
It actually still is your opinion, just sayin'. And the OP's husband was asking for help so a feeding schedule and treats for good behavior might just work lol (Relax, I'm only half serious.)
I thought you had a good handle on opinions.
Fact: I do feed my dog on a schedule.
Fact: He will definitely get food.
Fact: I give him treats to train him.
Fact: I would not like to be trained by my wife.
I can state a fact about my own preferences as they currently stand. I like teal. That is a fact.
7 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »Go_Deskercise wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it".
I feed my dog on a schedule. I train my dog to do things by giving him treats. I would prefer not to be trained by my wife.
None of that is opinion.
It actually still is your opinion, just sayin'. And the OP's husband was asking for help so a feeding schedule and treats for good behavior might just work lol (Relax, I'm only half serious.)
I thought you had a good handle on opinions.
Fact: I do feed my dog on a schedule.
Fact: He will definitely get food.
Fact: I give him treats to train him.
Fact: I would not like to be trained by my wife.
I can state a fact about my own preferences as they currently stand. I like teal. That is a fact.
I was saying you not wanting your wife to train you is your opinion with the regards to a wife training their husband. OP's literally asked for help. Training is help. Ok, let me flip flop on what I suggested.
1. Don't make any suggestions as to what food he should eat or how much.
2. Don't do anything active together.
3. If you see him slipping, don't mention it.
4. If you notice effort, don't say anything. And DON'T show appreciation through anything physical.
Good luck!1 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »Go_Deskercise wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it".
I feed my dog on a schedule. I train my dog to do things by giving him treats. I would prefer not to be trained by my wife.
None of that is opinion.
It actually still is your opinion, just sayin'. And the OP's husband was asking for help so a feeding schedule and treats for good behavior might just work lol (Relax, I'm only half serious.)
I thought you had a good handle on opinions.
Fact: I do feed my dog on a schedule.
Fact: He will definitely get food.
Fact: I give him treats to train him.
Fact: I would not like to be trained by my wife.
I can state a fact about my own preferences as they currently stand. I like teal. That is a fact.
I was saying you not wanting your wife to train you is your opinion with the regards to a wife training their husband. OP's literally asked for help. Training is help. Ok, let me flip flop on what I suggested.
1. Don't make any suggestions as to what food he should eat or how much.
2. Don't do anything active together.
3. If you see him slipping, don't mention it.
4. If you notice effort, don't say anything. And DON'T show appreciation through anything physical.
Good luck!
Not sure why you're having such a hard time letting this go, but for the record, all he said was he would not like to be trained by his wife. That's not an opinion, that's quite obviously a fact as it pertains to *his* relationship with his wife. My opinion is that you're overthinking this just to 'win,' when, in reality, it's a different strokes for different folks kind of deal.
To the OP: Having read through the thread including your subsequent posts, I agree with the stance that you should not be in the line of fire with your husband on this issue. I can see that ending badly for you, especially given his current mindset which sounds pretty unrealistic and potentially volatile. I think getting him to set up an account here and record everything he eats for a few weeks (which is something you *can* help him with) is going to be the eye opener he needs. And if that doesn't make the penny drop for him, it's likely that nothing will at this point. Yes, exercise is beneficial - I lost 75 lbs a few years ago logging everything I ate and being more active, but definitely 80%+ of my weight loss I would directly attribute to changing my diet, especially portion sizes. I never took any food off my table as being 'junk' - it's still food after all, just generally has a too high bang for the caloric buck. I still ate pizza, for example, just less often and in portion sizes that would fit into my caloric 'budget' for that day or week.10 -
I agree with encouraging him to get on the MFP app. Point out that it not only tracks food calories consumed but also exercise calories burned. If/when he joins, make sure you invite him to be you friend (assuming you use it yourself If not, start) and share your diary. That will make it easier for him to record food you share by letting him copy from you and adjust the portion size.
As he sees you using the app, sees your updates and successes, it will encourage him to stay with it. Let the app deliver the bad news that his exercise calories dont make up for the way he eats.
And yes, this is just my opinion. But as someone who also uses the gentleman's bathroom, I would love it if my wife was on MFP with me.3 -
Point him to some guys who have had success. Fit Father Project cones to mind.1
-
snickerscharlie wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »Go_Deskercise wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.
Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.
You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.
If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.
We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.
I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.
To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.
It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.
All of these are your opinions, not fact.
True.
Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.
Also your opinion...
Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.
I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol
I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
That sounds awful
If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it".
I feed my dog on a schedule. I train my dog to do things by giving him treats. I would prefer not to be trained by my wife.
None of that is opinion.
It actually still is your opinion, just sayin'. And the OP's husband was asking for help so a feeding schedule and treats for good behavior might just work lol (Relax, I'm only half serious.)
I thought you had a good handle on opinions.
Fact: I do feed my dog on a schedule.
Fact: He will definitely get food.
Fact: I give him treats to train him.
Fact: I would not like to be trained by my wife.
I can state a fact about my own preferences as they currently stand. I like teal. That is a fact.
I was saying you not wanting your wife to train you is your opinion with the regards to a wife training their husband. OP's literally asked for help. Training is help. Ok, let me flip flop on what I suggested.
1. Don't make any suggestions as to what food he should eat or how much.
2. Don't do anything active together.
3. If you see him slipping, don't mention it.
4. If you notice effort, don't say anything. And DON'T show appreciation through anything physical.
Good luck!
Not sure why you're having such a hard time letting this go, but for the record, all he said was he would not like to be trained by his wife. That's not an opinion, that's quite obviously a fact as it pertains to *his* relationship with his wife. My opinion is that you're overthinking this just to 'win,' when, in reality, it's a different strokes for different folks kind of deal.
To the OP: Having read through the thread including your subsequent posts, I agree with the stance that you should not be in the line of fire with your husband on this issue. I can see that ending badly for you, especially given his current mindset which sounds pretty unrealistic and potentially volatile. I think getting him to set up an account here and record everything he eats for a few weeks (which is something you *can* help him with) is going to be the eye opener he needs. And if that doesn't make the penny drop for him, it's likely that nothing will at this point. Yes, exercise is beneficial - I lost 75 lbs a few years ago logging everything I ate and being more active, but definitely 80%+ of my weight loss I would directly attribute to changing my diet, especially portion sizes. I never took any food off my table as being 'junk' - it's still food after all, just generally has a too high bang for the caloric buck. I still ate pizza, for example, just less often and in portion sizes that would fit into my caloric 'budget' for that day or week.
Because we're all giving suggestions, the OP can sort through what would apply to their situation and select/disregard. We don't need to referee other suggestions that we don't like; they're not directed towards us. I agree completely with "different strokes".2 -
Exercise is good for health even if he doesn't lose weight. So encourage him with that.
Tell him counting cals is a way to lose that works for many and encourage him to try out the MFP app or another similar one (I like Cron, but it works better if you eat mostly whole foods). Ask him what he thinks you could do to help -- that might lead to an interesting discussion.2 -
heather9986hg wrote: »I think this is a sensitive matter, so tread lightly. Saying he eats junk probably isn't going to be helpful
I would suggest to him to log his food intake as is (including pizza etc.) and look up how many calories he burns in a day (with and without exercise), just to make him more conscious of the balance that is needed between intake and calories burned. Perhaps that will make him realise that exercising more might not be enough (or it might be, we have no idea) and portion control might be a good idea too.
And if he doesn't feel satiated after reducing his portions, you might offer suggestions to replace certain less filling foods with more filling foods, if he asks for more help.
I would really try to avoid being judgmental about his food choices and just try to make him understand that the foods he chooses are calorie dense, so portion control is important. And most importantly, let him take the initiative in finding his road to weight loss. I can't tell you how pissed off I would have been if my boyfriend had tried to tell me what to do to lose weight. (Oh wait, he did try to tell me what to do after I had already lost a number of lbs successfully on my own, I shut that down really quickly )
No he asked me for help
I'm asking how to help
And I'm not being mean he was the one being mean
He told me if he can't be the skinny one I've got to gain more weight than he is...I don't think that was very nice
And he's saying if he was single tomorrow he wouldn't be able to find someone to be with because if his weight
Sorry that just got on my last nerve
And I've been in his spot and asked on these forums how to lose weight and yes they will tell you to eat healthier more veggies and less junk 🤷♀️
Yikes, girl. His weight is NOT the reason he wouldn't be able to find someone.7
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