Confession of a former (almost) 500lbs guy

bmmadeen, sounds like me....Blue Bell ice cream is sold locally, and I used to be their number one customer...esp the Homemade Vanilla and the Tin Roof.......chocolate decadane. And there were times I could finish the whole half gal....pretty sad

Glad I m not the only one....those days are in the past, thankfully....Nice post 500 lb man...LLoyd

Oh! Am I the only one who has ordered 2 drinks, just so it would look like I wasn't eating it all myself? Lol! I probably only did it once... most of the other times I just didn't care, but still... that's funny!

For quite a while I would go to subway after class and order at least 1/2 a dozen cookies...

That's 1,200+ calories right there... Did that every day for months on top of the useless junk meals and snacks.

My bad relationship with food began at age 18. I was friggin miserable. Living in a dump of a place, in a relationship that was just plain weird, doing a degree I just felt under-prepared for and out of my depth (I did it though and did well), my family were unsupportive, I felt very alone.
During the tougher times I would stop at the supermarket and buy things like satay sticks, samosas, chocolate, sausage rolls, anything with cheese in and a pack of ten *kitten* (cigarettes).

I would eat everything I had whilst smoking as many cigs as I could, then throw the wrappers and remaining cigs in the bin and go home. Never admit, never confess, hide the evidence.

Looking back now I wonder if I was subconsciously trying to break a Guiness record for the quickest self induced heart attack!

I was looking for a particular pair of boots under my bed through the week, and I found two separate carrier bags with chocolate bars and crisps, sweets, some uneaten, some empty wrappers, that I stashed as an emergency, cos I didn't want anyone to know about, or share. It brought back some weird emotions, not only the fact that they were there in the first place but that I was the sort of person that did that.
I would not eat till maybe three or four in the afternoon, but boy did I make up for it. I would go to shop before I picked the kids up from school and get whatever chocolate bars were on offer - 3 for a pound or whatever - it made me feel better than spending more on them, then sit in the car and eat them. I would hide food under my bed, in my wardrobe, in the car, handbag, jacket pockets, on top of cupboards, anywhere really. I would eat huge portions of dinner and leftovers from kids plates, during the evening I would retrieve some of my stash from wherever and shut myself in the loo and ram in into my face without tasting or even enjoying it. Thats what makes me sad, when I have my meals now, I look forward to them, I enjoy them. The old me barely tasted anything, just crammed stuff in to numb whatever I was feeling at the time, I'm amazed that after 30 years of abuse (started as an early teen) that I was only 70lbs overweight, and not 200lbs.
Its refreshing to hear others stories, I love how people can be open on here, no-one knows this in my 'real' life, it makes me feel that I am not a freak or a weirdo for doing those things, I just hope that those days are gone forever...oh, and case you were wondering, those carriers bags, I binned them

I was looking for a particular pair of boots under my bed through the week, and I found two separate carrier bags with chocolate bars and crisps, sweets, some uneaten, some empty wrappers, that I stashed as an emergency, cos I didn't want anyone to know about, or share. It brought back some weird emotions, not only the fact that they were there in the first place but that I was the sort of person that did that.
I would not eat till maybe three or four in the afternoon, but boy did I make up for it. I would go to shop before I picked the kids up from school and get whatever chocolate bars were on offer - 3 for a pound or whatever - it made me feel better than spending more on them, then sit in the car and eat them. I would hide food under my bed, in my wardrobe, in the car, handbag, jacket pockets, on top of cupboards, anywhere really. I would eat huge portions of dinner and leftovers from kids plates, during the evening I would retrieve some of my stash from wherever and shut myself in the loo and ram in into my face without tasting or even enjoying it. Thats what makes me sad, when I have my meals now, I look forward to them, I enjoy them. The old me barely tasted anything, just crammed stuff in to numb whatever I was feeling at the time, I'm amazed that after 30 years of abuse (started as an early teen) that I was only 70lbs overweight, and not 200lbs.
Its refreshing to hear others stories, I love how people can be open on here, no-one knows this in my 'real' life, it makes me feel that I am not a freak or a weirdo for doing those things, I just hope that those days are gone forever...oh, and case you were wondering, those carriers bags, I binned them

This story kills me! I'm sitting here about to cry! Ugh! It hits so close to home. I didn't hide stuff under the bed or in closets, but we have two bread baskets that sit on top of the fridge that 3 of my 4 kids can't reach, so that's where I stuffed my stash. Then I'd wait for them to go to bed and eat until I was sick... not even enjoying a bite of it. Couldn't really even taste it, I was shoveling it in so fast. And like you, I can't understand why I didn't weigh more than I did. My husband is a big guy... 250 lbs and almost solid muscle, and I could out eat him any day. I'd seriously finish my food, work on his plate then eat my kid's left overs.

I pigged out again last weekend (not to that extent at all) but I did eat a lot of cookies and other junk, and the light came on. I just sat there thinking "these aren't even GOOD ENOUGH for me to allow past my lips!" But all week long I thought about why I ate what I did last weekend, and I've decided I was nervous about my husband leaving on a business trip. I turn to food when I flip out about stuff. He was in San Diego, CA all last week and the entire city lost power on Thursday. For a while the FBI couldn't confirm that it wasn't terror related. I was so scared and so upset, I wanted noting more than to sit down with a big load of food. I stood in the kitchen and stared at it And then I walked away. Whew!

I don't know what it is about food that has had such a strong hold on us! I'm just so grateful that day by day, we're working through it I'm really proud of us all

I never ate secretly. No hiding wrappers or pretending I wasn't over eating. My husband and daugther and everyone else knows that I enjoy eating. Love Doritos, love McDonalds. I always figured anyone can tell that I'm overweight anyway, lying about it didn't make any sense.
I never had secret stashes but I now hide my Cream Cheese Special K Cereal bars (90 cals only) from my daugther because she likes them so much.

Favorite/worst meal: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Large Fries, Diet Chemicals...err Coke, entire pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

I'm not prepared to say I'm out of the weeds yet, so I can't use past-tense.
My name is Lisa and I am a secret-car-in-a-dark-parking-lot-eater, a cake-evener-outer, a left-over thief, a perpetual over-portioner, a binge buyer, a sucker for seconds (and thirdsies)...

People who don't believe that food addiction is a real thing are insane. We are all describing behaviors of addicts. Food addicts that can't go cold turkey. MPFers are the ish!

I am/was totally the same way..Only while eating in the car, I would stop in mid-chew if another car pulled up next to me or if I felt they could see me in the rearview mirror. I wouldn't eatt in the car unless I was sure no one was paying attention. I didn't want to feel the shame I guess. I know my downside is portions and second's and thirdsies :-). Not a huge junk eater but love FOOD like meats, potatoes, etc. I would also snack after 10p eating leftovers or just a whole different meal like a lunchmeat sandwich and chips. I didn't want to use the microwave to heat up the leftovers at that time of night because I didnt want my hubby to know I was eating "again".

First, let me say that it's AWESOME that you not only recognized where you were going wrong, but you ALSO made steps to improve it!

Second, my thing was how I'd consume a huge bowl of ice cream, followed by a huge bowl of potato chips (you know, to get the sweet taste out of my mouth...lol), then a glass of soda......every....single....night. Now all I have is maybe a handful of baked chips (portion control) a couple of times per week and ice cream is a once or twice a month "treat".

As a kid, I was always given these treats every day. Treats should be just that....a "treat".

Now I have to work on my going out to eat. I've had to start tracking expenses, because I receive assistance from my son's Indian tribe. Part of the requirements of receiving this assistance is to track your monthly expenses. I'm only a week in and I'm seeing just how often I'm going out to eat. And it ain't cheap!