Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..

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Replies

  • beagletracks
    beagletracks Posts: 6,034 Member
    It seems like open marriage could work if that was the plan from the start with well defined boundaries. I suppose in a more traditional marriage it's better if your spouse proposes the idea of an open marriage rather than cheating and lying. Not optimal, but better than just cutting you out of the decision.

    I don't think I could do it unless the marriage were purely a business relationship/friendship and not a romance.

    Keep your hands off my hot dog.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,393 Member
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    Dear People,

    How many text conversations can you carry on simultaneously and for how long? Ever mix them up?

    Competently? One.

    I have a really bad habit of thinking I know which conversation is at the top of the list and not double-checking to make sure I'm in the right one, and sending the wrong message to the wrong recipient.
  • Emheia
    Emheia Posts: 24 Member
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    They're not for me, and I've seen them end badly WAY more times than I've seen them succeed. That goes for all open relationships, not just marriages. I think the only way it can really work and be healthy is if the couple both agrees on it being an open relationship from the start of the relationship. If everyone is happy and consenting, great. Not my cup of tea, though. I can barely tolerate one person let alone two or more.
  • fstrickl
    fstrickl Posts: 883 Member
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    pro

    Elaborate...

    It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.

    I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.

    This 1000x. A relationship is no body’s business but the two that are in it. I would say if one partner was surprised and found out they were in an open relationship it wasn’t truly an open relationship. Ethical non-monogamy is a choice between two people and it will look different for each relationship. Plus there’s different kinds of non-monogamy too. I am also of the opinion thatconsent should always be enthusiastic and informed. That means telling any additional romantic relationships (whatever that may look like, causal, sexual etc) about the open status.

    Communication, honesty, and respect!
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    fstrickl wrote: »
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    pro

    Elaborate...

    It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.

    I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.

    This 1000x. A relationship is no body’s business but the two that are in it. I would say if one partner was surprised and found out they were in an open relationship it wasn’t truly an open relationship. Ethical non-monogamy is a choice between two people and it will look different for each relationship. Plus there’s different kinds of non-monogamy too. I am also of the opinion thatconsent should always be enthusiastic and informed. That means telling any additional romantic relationships (whatever that may look like, causal, sexual etc) about the open status.

    Communication, honesty, and respect!

    Yes
  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,684 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    From just my own observations, i have never seen it work for long. But my anecdotal evidence by no means a study that shows its good or bad. For me, it has just swayed my opinion that sooner or later its going to lean to far in a direction that changes or ends the marriage. People will give evidence and examples on how it works for them or they know somebody it works for....so be it, im not gonna argue the point. To each their own i guess. But i do say it would take a couple of very secure and strong people with very few sexual hang ups to make it work. You know anybody like that? Most dont.

    I can get with this response...my preference is if I choose to be WITH you...its with you...I prefer monogamy...however I get it works differently for others.
  • fstrickl
    fstrickl Posts: 883 Member
    edited February 2021
    slessofme wrote: »
    twitchandshout wrote: »

    It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.

    I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.

    47cfq0bpg68l.gif

    Same. I have not been been in an open relationship myself, but if trust has been established and proven, there's open and honest communication and a deep, dirty discussion about boundaries... I'm in. I've been involved in open relationship in an ancillary role and those relationships are the type that should be aspirational. Opening up is a really great example of proper management through outsourcing when needs can't be met.

    Mostly just quoting this for the Kim's Convenience gif. That show deserves more worldwide praise!
    Thanks for sharing your experience! Also tbh: my partner and I have talked about it in a very very theoretical way. Heard each other's opinions on it, they have actually been really good and strengthening discussions.

    (Edited because I was having trouble trying to figure out what I wanted to say)
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    I’m for it. The older I get the more I don’t believe in monogamy (for myself). I haven’t seen monogamy or non-monogamy work out very well for anybody. It’s a person by person issue.
    Years ago I was a third in a open marriage and ya it was a disaster. 😂 I personally think they should have divorced but maybe they loved the jealousy and drama. Scared me away from that idea but it wasn’t so much a flaw in the concept as they just weren’t the people.
    It’s takes very special and mature people to be on the same page for any relationship to work.
    I love the idea of forever with someone. I also like the idea of freedom to do whatever I want.

    I do be jealous tho. 😏

    I might just try being single forever though. The ol’ no titles thing. After a few failed monogamous relationships I’m not into this feeling of being trapped. Of the big break ups. I do think that maybe from the start being like, hey, this is what it is. But ya know, life isn’t perfect.
    I also know so many cheaters. I think most would rather lie. When I got cheated on back in the day it wrecked my world but it was mainly because of the lies and the expectations for that relationship. While I was restricting myself, he wasn’t. Just wasn’t fair.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,510 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I've been overheard whispering this to a green chili burrito while seated at a quiet corner booth at taco cabana.


    it's heartfelt.
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    edited February 2021
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I like it. I’ve never had the experience of it being overused in a relationship

    But

    Once, a long time ago, a boy I was dating said it to me and I put him through such an interrogation to find out why he was saying it. And I was glad I did because it turns out we had very different definitions and I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,510 Member
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.

    giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47n94ene9dqnl71wea5lj88rqn1a6ag6ceccf74704&rid=giphy.gif


  • kinetixtrainer2
    kinetixtrainer2 Posts: 9,539 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.

    giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47n94ene9dqnl71wea5lj88rqn1a6ag6ceccf74704&rid=giphy.gif


    h6ttgghu2tmy.gif
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.

    giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47n94ene9dqnl71wea5lj88rqn1a6ag6ceccf74704&rid=giphy.gif


    I knew that would get your attention 😁
  • kinetixtrainer2
    kinetixtrainer2 Posts: 9,539 Member
    Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...

    My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...

    I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...

    But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
    I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...

    Excuse the hijack, but Jesse you need to get in the GIFtusyourlifts thread!
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...

    My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...

    I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...

    But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
    I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...

    I am unusual, I suppose. Maybe not, though.

    I appreciate when it is used genuinely, but I don't appreciate when it is constantly used in an effort to get me to talk, to open up or to otherwise manipulate me into saying something I don't feel.

    My partner is aware that I love him and is appreciative of when I say it to him because the words hold meaning (I don't say them every day and I really try not to make it a habit because I want the words to hold meaning many, many years down the road). He says it to me more often than I say it to him, but we both know when they are used that they are genuine.

    In the past, I have had many issues with people leveraging the "I love you" to either coerce me into stuff I didn't want to do, to say things I didn't want to say or who would get angry at me because my feelings didn't move on their time schedule, lol.

    My friends and other family though? I tell them pretty much every time we talk (since I don't get to talk to them every day). Or, I show them by making them stuff.

    I dunno, words are hard for me. And I'm aware I have hang-ups regarding love/relationships that others might not have.

    But that's lovely that your son openly says I love you to those he cares about. That's sweet. :heart:
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
    Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...

    My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...

    I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...

    But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
    I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...

    Excuse the hijack, but Jesse you need to get in the GIFtusyourlifts thread!

    Love this guy ❤️
    Stand by Homie!

    I totally started to make a gif and realized that I should actually be lifting something and not just flexing 😂

  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...

    My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...

    I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...

    But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
    I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...

    I am unusual, I suppose. Maybe not, though.

    I appreciate when it is used genuinely, but I don't appreciate when it is constantly used in an effort to get me to talk, to open up or to otherwise manipulate me into saying something I don't feel.

    My partner is aware that I love him and is appreciative of when I say it to him because the words hold meaning (I don't say them every day and I really try not to make it a habit because I want the words to hold meaning many, many years down the road). He says it to me more often than I say it to him, but we both know when they are used that they are genuine.

    In the past, I have had many issues with people leveraging the "I love you" to either coerce me into stuff I didn't want to do, to say things I didn't want to say or who would get angry at me because my feelings didn't move on their time schedule, lol.

    My friends and other family though? I tell them pretty much every time we talk (since I don't get to talk to them every day). Or, I show them by making them stuff.

    I dunno, words are hard for me. And I'm aware I have hang-ups regarding love/relationships that others might not have.

    But that's lovely that your son openly says I love you to those he cares about. That's sweet. :heart:

    Granted I don't know what it's like to be you... Those feelings belong to you and are yours to express however you choose...

    And that's great so long as you don't let anyone else dictate how you express them 💕
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    Like so many things, whatever is "normal" will vary person to person and couple to couple... I'd put more emphasis on changes in how often it's said, as that might be a sign of something bigger.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    edited February 2021
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    I have no issues with it conceptually, but I think it's harder to do than most people think in casual conversation. My guess is that it requires a degree is communication/honestly that can be difficult, especially given the broad/general taboo nature of open relationships.

    So if it works for others, great... but I don't think it's for me.

    I do wonder if it will become more common as future generations change what is viewed as normal/acceptable.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,510 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    Without the inclusion of a honest reach-around, the words really don't mean much.

    *shrug
  • _sw33tp3a_11
    _sw33tp3a_11 Posts: 4,692 Member
    edited February 2021
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    I dont like sharing the person I'm in love with.
  • Ironwoman1111
    Ironwoman1111 Posts: 3,913 Member
    LaneaJ wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?

    I don't think it loses meaning as long as the sayer maintains the sentiment in their heart. For example: I tell my husband I love you, or love you, or love ya, etc, each time we part (like if I'm leaving the house, not just a room). I also do this with family and closest friends. It never loses depth of meaning for me because I'm not just saying it to be saying it, I truely mean it for what it is each and every time. I love those people. Overall he doesn't initiate saying I love you as much, but that's ok because I know he's more of a take the trash out and wash the dishes for you says I love you kinda man. The questions that have always stuck in my mind are, What if something happens to that person? What were the last words I spoke to them? That train of thought was reinforced recently. The wife of a couple we know dropped dead of a heart attack in the bathroom while the husband went to close the house up for the night. She was 38. You never know what words will be your last. Be kind to the ones you love and tell them as often as you can. 💜

    I agree wholeheartedly!💝 It’s on my mind a lot lately as well. So, I let my people know I love them and give them a squeeze 🤗whenever I get a chance or just send a text too since we’re not allowed to hang out yet. Later may never come.
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    5ofseven wrote: »
    Kashmir_314_ wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen -

    A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.

    Open marriages?

    My answer? There's the door.

    I admit to being interested/titillated by the concept. So I suppose I'm starting off by declaring my hypocrisy when I say no, not for me, and generally unsuccessful by what I've observed - I do have friends who have experimented this way, and each is now divorced. Then again, most marriages are unsuccessful by any real standard, so does it truly matter how the failure comes? I'm not sure. A healthy percentage end in divorce, and many which hang together do so in various states of unhappy. My own is fortunately very good, but it's been a lot of effort, especially in the early years. The latter years have been filled with affection and joy and comfort, the kind that made the early years worth the effort, in hindsight. We are lucky, I am lucky, that we made it this far. My marriage would never have supported playtime with others, no matter how titillating the idea for me and how unburdening it might have been for my SO.

    In my life experience, few people can separate sex from affection (or love), and that's one reason why it mostly doesn't work. Humans are largely emotionally driven creatures, hence why so much bad comes from mixing sex with others into what (usually) formed from a monogamous start. Changing the bargain along the way usually means bad outcomes where one partner isn't being heard or respected.

    The lost thing in all of this is what becomes of our extra partners? They are often treated as throw aways, like sex toys or therapeutic outlets rather than humans. Or uglier yet, that the sex is payment enough somehow. You can read a bit of the emotional baggage in this thread, and there are many other sources that suggest the hit for these people is pretty bad once the fun is over.

    A good percentage of men think this is a way to have their cake and eat it. The rude awakening is that most men aren't all that attractive and would be far better served doting on and working with the mate that they have been fortunate to catch.

    My two pence.

    I have seen this be a difficulty.
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    Meh. Idk what I want at this point in time. I actually brought up this open relationship subject in my own relationship days before it was brought up here. We’ve talked about it a few times actually. She’s not into it. I didn’t like being a third back in the day either and why would I do that to someone else? In theory everyone’s needs would be met. That’s in monogamy and non. Doesn’t seem to pan out in either scenario.
    The quest for the ‘one true love’ seems out of reach. The quest for the perfect combo of well adjusted partners also seems unlikely. 😑 Idk I’m jaded obviously. Sometimes I wish we humans didn’t need others like we do. I’m tired of the mess.

    im0knhlahbl9.jpeg
  • slessofme
    slessofme Posts: 7,744 Member
    Which leads to the distinction between open and poly.

    I would struggle with being in a poly relationship. The thought of the person I love having similar romantic/emotional feelings for someone else feels like a bigger threat to me than physical interaction.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    The thing that I find interesting about all this is more along the lines of what we need from our relationships.

    Is it that love and companionship and whatever else you want to say makes up a "traditional" relationship, or is it also some degree of ownership/possession of that other person? Those of you who say you can't/won't share -- why not? Is there something about a relationship that can only be given if it's a 1:1 relationship.

    I love the concept of this... but I suck at pretty much all types of relationships, so it's something I'm interested in only conceptually.

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