We broke up because...
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π―π ππππππ πππππππ ππ ππ ππππππ, ππππππ ππππ ππ πππ ππ ππππ ππ ππππ!1
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Caught her poisoning my Lucky Charms π±0
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I know ....I nearly died π³0
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π―π ππππππ πππ ππππ πππ ππππππ ππ πππ ππ πππ0
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I got home and she'd changed the locks.0
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π―π ππππ ππππππ πππ πππ0
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She made me sleep in the shed on Tuesdays.0
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He wasnβt down with my βabsence makes the heart grow fonderβ mentality0
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I can't remember it was so long ago.0
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...because he didn't feel I was patriotic enough.0
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She kept using my razors.0
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Made me eat all the vegetables and when I was done he didnβt give me a cookie πͺ0
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πΊππ πππππ ππ πππππ πππ ππππππ0
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She'd call my fiancΓ© cookie and flirt with him all the time!0
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I bit a chunk out of her fiancΓ©βs arm because he was called cookie. I like cookies. π€·ββοΈ She didnβt appreciate it. π1
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Her heart turned to metal!!0
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She promised me sheβd get a third and fourth arm then didnβt deliver.0
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We did our DNA tests, it turns out weβre cousins.π³ Awkward... please stop texting me!π0
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Only went out with relatives.. π±1
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Hi ππ½ββοΈ uncle, coffee later?ππ
Tried breaking up with him but heβs a hypnotist
πππ1
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