Is Marriage worth it???
So all my mates are married with kids. I’ve seen marriages going on 30 plus years and ones ending in few years which has put me off. Is it really worth it?
I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
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Replies
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So all my mates are married with kids. I’ve seen marriages going on 30 plus years and ones ending in few years which has put me off. Is it really worth it?
I know people will say you have to find the right person but how many couples thought they did and ended up breaking up
Im no expert on marriage, but i do believe just because something may be hard, and there is a chance of failure, its no excuse not to go for it. Being scared to try tough things in my opinion is worse than failing at them.16 -
Depends on who you're married to5
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Marriage is not about yourself. It about loving and serving the other person. Children just offers more people to pour into. If life is about you then maybe marriage and parenting are not paths you should explore.12
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You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.9
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It's not a question of whether or not marriage is worth it... it's a question of whether or not the other person is worth it.5
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Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »You would decide on a life long commitment based on what your friends think? You’re already looking at it wrong.
@Deadman_Diggingup not entirely but it does not feel me with confidence. Nowadays people don’t show the commitment like before.
How should I be looking at it
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How do you know what? If the person is worth it? If you have to ask, then either they aren't worth it or you aren't ready for type of commitment.9 -
So I've only been married about 5 years so obviously I don't technically know if we'll last but I have full confidence that we will, I'm literally never insecure or worried about it, I know he feels the same way. It's been wonderful for me, we love spending time together. Even during the pandemic we never got sick of each other, and we have very few gripes that come from living together. I'd say the most important thing is not to settle. I have a couple of friends who did and thought it would just work itself out, they haven't divorced but are miserable. One of them rushed it because of her rush to have a baby and seemed to think the baby would somehow fix their problems (it hasn't). I think you should just be really honest with yourself and end it if you see any red flags, no matter how much you might love the person in the moment. Also make sure your living habits are compatible first lol. I knew a couple who ultimately divorced but first were trying to work by staying married but living in different places lol.
Also, my mom divorced after 19 years of a difficult marriage (similarly, she knew it was a mistake and wanted to call it off, but bowed to parental pressure to go through with it), but then married her second husband and they have been happily married for 25 years now.3 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽0 -
You only really know yourself. Are you committed to sacrificial love for someone else or not. Through thick and thin till death due us part can include many challenges.6
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ladyoftherocks wrote: »So I've only been married about 5 years so obviously I don't technically know if we'll last but I have full confidence that we will, I'm literally never insecure or worried about it, I know he feels the same way. It's been wonderful for me, we love spending time together. Even during the pandemic we never got sick of each other, and we have very few gripes that come from living together. I'd say the most important thing is not to settle. I have a couple of friends who did and thought it would just work itself out, they haven't divorced but are miserable. One of them rushed it because of her rush to have a baby and seemed to think the baby would somehow fix their problems (it hasn't). I think you should just be really honest with yourself and end it if you see any red flags, no matter how much you might love the person in the moment. Also make sure your living habits are compatible first lol. I knew a couple who ultimately divorced but first were trying to work by staying married but living in different places lol.
Also, my mom divorced after 19 years of a difficult marriage (similarly, she knew it was a mistake and wanted to call it off, but bowed to parental pressure to go through with it), but then married her second husband and they have been happily married for 25 years now.
@ladyoftherocks thank you for this. Sounds like it’s a blissful marriage and I hope you guys last forever. I think you’ve hit the nail, never settle with anybody. I was with someone for couples years all hunky dory rarely argued and loved each other’s company and agreed to get married. Something happened and it all went sideways. I had to break it off even though I didn’t want to as I thought I couldn’t of done better but those red flags appeared and had to walk.
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@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.4 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »Oh I think its worth it.
Nice ring.
Nice dress.
Nice cake.
Big P A R T Y.
Holiday abroad for 2 weeks.
Loads of presents.
And a mention in the will. What's not to like? Oh and you might even actually like the person....bonus 👌🤌💖
Who said romance was dead 💀
Jk 😜
@Up_n_Running i don’t think I can pull or a dress 😂2 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.
Like this...
Can I expand this to... life is a journey of maturing yourself to be right for someone else.
Our society is so self focused today. How about betterment for the benefit of the other.2 -
You only really know yourself. Are you committed to sacrificial love for someone else or not. Through thick and thin till death due us part can include many challenges.
@KHMcG believe me I am I’m more worried the other person might not have the same fight. Yes I seem to have trust issues1 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.
@jjpptt2 makes sense 👍🏽0 -
Relationships of all sorts typically fail because of unmet expectations.
If we focus on being a better person for the other and seek to know what helps them grow we strengthen both the relationship and trust.
Trust is an fragile thing and difficult to build. It's roots are in faith. Do you believe the other has good intentions and motives. It is reasonable to make sure the other person is trustworthy before entering into an intimate relationship.4 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
I think being "right for someone" is a flawed mindset for the vast majority of relationships. It's not just something that happens... it's something you work on, it's a condition you create, not a situation you find yourself in. You don't go through life trying to find someone you're right for, you go through life trying to find someone you want to be right with.
Like this...
Can I expand this to... life is a journey of maturing yourself to be right for someone else.
Our society is so self focused today. How about betterment for the benefit of the other.
@KHMcG like many I been burnt by people
I thought I could spend my life with and created this mistrust in this institution1 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
People change as they experience life. Some people change in different shifts but eventually merge paths, some people change along the same path, some people's paths diverge.
I walked down the aisle knowing my marriage would end, but that it was supposed to happen. We were a good match as far as backgrounds, but t wasn't great when real opinions, thoughts, etc started to emerge. Was it worth it looking back? Yes, with no hesitation. The pain, hurt, etc... still worth it for the invaluable experiences I gained.
Is it marriage that is really an issue? Or is it dedication? You can be dedicated to someone without being legally tied to them.2 -
@jjpptt2 see this is where I have to disagree. How many people married each other thinking they were perfect for each other and then ended horribly. They also say you only really know someone properly when you’re married.
But I do get what you are trying to say though 👍🏽
People change as they experience life. Some people change in different shifts but eventually merge paths, some people change along the same path, some people's paths diverge.
I walked down the aisle knowing my marriage would end, but that it was supposed to happen. We were a good match as far as backgrounds, but t wasn't great when real opinions, thoughts, etc started to emerge. Was it worth it looking back? Yes, with no hesitation. The pain, hurt, etc... still worth it for the invaluable experiences I gained.
Is it marriage that is really an issue? Or is it dedication? You can be dedicated to someone without being legally tied to them.
@slessofme your right, experience helps shapes you. Atleast now I know before entering a relationship I know from the off what I do and don’t want0 -
I have been with my girl for 27 years married nearly 20. I dont regret a single moment of it, even though we are going through a very tough time right now. I will never give up on her or us. When I say she is the love of my life, I truly mean it.8
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dethstar77 wrote: »I have been with my girl for 27 years married nearly 20. I dont regret a single moment of it, even though we are going through a very tough time right now. I will never give up on her or us. When I say she is the love of my life, I truly mean it.
@dethstar77 luv hearing stories like this. I guess I don’t here them as often. Hope you guys sort thru it bro 👊🏽2 -
Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.
IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.
Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.3 -
There's no such thing as a perfect relationship/marriage because people are flawed. If you're looking for the perfect marriage you'll be hard pressed to ever step into the arena. Water seeks its own level. You can always find marriage misery on a daily basis if you look for it.
Yes, there are horrible marriages where parties stay together because it's cheaper to keep them. They're miserable and they refuse to seek counseling or even try to change their situation. They spend years railing and griping about their mates....doing what they've always done and getting what they've always gotten. Nothing. No change and no growth and zero happiness.
On the other hand, there are those who love their mates all of the days of their life. I know people like that. My father is gone but he never had anything but love and respect for my mother. His dying words were ....Please take care of your mother for me. I will and I am. He left me a legacy of love and my mother would tell you that it was soooo worth it. She'd do it all over again. The half has not been told.
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XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.
IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.
Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.
@XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy
Thank you1 -
XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.
IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.
Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.
@XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy
Thank you
But why does not married = lonely? Loneliness is a related to companionship, not institution or contract.3 -
Diatonic12 wrote: »There's no such thing as a perfect relationship/marriage because people are flawed. If you're looking for the perfect marriage you'll be hard pressed to ever step into the arena. Water seeks its own level. You can always find marriage misery on a daily basis if you look for it.
Yes, there are horrible marriages where parties stay together because it's cheaper to keep them. They're miserable and they refuse to seek counseling or even try to change their situation. They spend years railing and griping about their mates....doing what they've always done and getting what they've always gotten. Nothing. No change and no growth and zero happiness.
On the other hand, there are those who love their mates all of the days of their life. I know people like that. My father is gone but he never had anything but love and respect for my mother. His dying words were ....Please take care of your mother for me. I will and I am. He left me a legacy of love and my mother would tell you that it was soooo worth it. She'd do it all over again. The half has not been told.
@Diatonic12 thank you for sharing this story, heartwarming. Your old man sounded like a good dude1 -
XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »Is marriage worth it? Only you can answer that question by looking at the end goal and what's most important. Some people think that marriage is the last step in a relationship. Others look at it as a means to an end for financial, security or emotional needs.
IMO, too many focus on the marriage and not the relationship. As @slessofme said, you can be dedicated to someone without being legally bound to them. Which, really is nothing more than a government and religious sanctioned event. I know a few people who have been in a relationship for many years and didn't get married. I also know of at least one couple who finally decided to get married and within two years they were divorced and never spoke to one another again.
Focus on the person you're in a relationship with. Don't worry about marriage until you both think it's right. If you're being pressured into getting married by friends, family or the person you're in a relationship with, then it's all for the wrong reasons.
@XxFunctionalStrengthxX i guess the pressure is Coming from a good place. Nobody wants to see me lonely and want me to be happy
Thank you
But why does not married = lonely? Loneliness is a related to companionship, not institution or contract.
@jjpptt2 i think that’s what it’s more to do with, companionship than marriage perse.0
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