Has Anyone Else Experienced “Eye Contact Haters”?

You should carry a disposable camera with you and ask the next person to take pictures while you pose for them.

Well, this is unsettling. makes me think of the saying damned if you do and damned if you don't! However thank God we let it slide and move on with our lives. Regretfully there are a LOT who don't let it slide. And this makes them quit even. my question is; is it so hard for us to just give a smile and move on with our lives? Why do we have to hate each other? we all know the struggle and how we made it, or how we are still trying to make it. There is enough hate out there for us to be hating each other because of our weight! Thanks for sharing. I am glad to know that it is not only I that go thru this!

IMO, maybe it's just because I'm bad at interpreting social cues, but I think it's quite difficult to know what another random person (stranger) is really thinking.

Friends/acquaintances are frequently wrong in their interpretation of what I'm thinking (I guess based on facial expression), and they actually know me. One co-worker, smart guy who knew me well, would actually seem to get in arguments with my face, thinking I was objecting to his initial statements, and putting up better arguments after looking at me, when I was just thinking about lunch or whatever. It was bizarre.

In another online environment, one with a lot of single 55+ woman, there was one woman who said she didn't like to go out to eat at Denny's or whatever, because all of the women our age who were there with their husbands would glare at her and think she was there to steal their man. In that specific case, pretty sure there was more projection than reality. (Others in the group suggested maybe the women were glaring because they wanted to be alone like her, not saddled with the doofus across the table from them. 😉)

IOW, in some cases, what we think people think can be more about us, than about them, IMO. There may be un-thought-of interpretations of the same facial expressions. Or not.

A former friend used to fuss (to her table, not the target person) about pretty much any woman wearing leggings, whatever the woman's size ("legging are not pants" was a key quote 😆). I don't know whether she glared at leggings-wearers. Maybe. She's obese, but as far as I could tell, it wasn't a thinness/fitness thing, just an opinionated person thing.

I've noticed some differences in how people, strangers and those I know, react to me now that I'm thin, but I haven't noticed the effect you describe. I'm slim and strong ("toned" I suppose, whatever that means), probably statistically unusually so for my age (65), plus quick and pretty agile, but not overall aspirationally cute (not cute at all, actually). I do tend to dress in non-eyecatching ways (all my leggings are various shades of gray, though I do have a bunch of neon t-shirts for biking/rowing safety, but the t-shirts are cheap unisex crew-necks . . . I quite often wear those things, or the occasional tank with skinny jeans, out in public). Maybe the haters don't notice me, because camo. 🤷‍♀️

I guess I'm a possible look-giver. I joined a gym about a month ago. It's definitely flashier than any gym I've been in before - lots of very fit women wearing sports bras or crop tops. I try very hard to not stare, but I guess I sometimes do, especially if they're on a treadmill in front of me. I hope I'm not glaring daggers at these poor girls, but I might be? I get lost in my own very bitter thoughts, and I'm not sure my expression is the nicest.

I *was* those girls 7 years ago, before my back gave out. I was an early 20-something who ran and lifted and was focused on getting even fitter. And then my genetics decided that nope, that wasn't a thing I could actually do, and I slowly gained 50 lbs from moving a lot less, from eating being one of the few reliable pleasures in my life, from drinking to deal with the pain. The surgery I needed wasn't covered by my insurance until recently, and even then it was only partially covered, so I had to scrape together $25K of my own money to get a semblance of my life back. Even then, I will never squat or deadlift a barbell again. I *may* be able to run, but I may not be. I really enjoyed doing those things. They made me feel pretty awesome. The elliptical and the machine weights do not make me feel awesome, and it's kind of unpleasant seeing people doing things you love to do and you just...can't.

So to those women who might catch me giving them an ugly look, I really don't mean to, and I don't hate you. I don't begrudge you your health or your fitness at all. I definitely think you should wear whatever you feel good in. But I am still very bitter about the hand I've been dealt, and I'm jealous that you get to do the things I want to do, and I really miss my old body that looked a lot more like yours. I haven't felt good about myself or comfortable in my skin in a long time. I feel frumpy, weak, and sad. I wish I could hide those emotions 100% of the time, but some days it really gets to me.

I'm pretty sure no one is paying THAT much attention to me, and if they are, that's their problem?? I guarantee I don't have the power to ruin anyone's day just by existing in public where people can see me. I'm not here for you boo, go about your business and I'll go about mine, thanks.

Every last thing Ann said. I have had too many people think I am mad at them or hate them because I'm a shy introvert with a resting witch face. I've ALSO thought people hated me when in reality they were socially anxious or had something going on int heir life at the point we met that had nothing to do with me.

Or, put more simply: I am not a telepath, and "What other people think of me is none of my business" (don't remember who said it, but it's a quote I live by).

Sometimes it isn't you persay that people are giving ugly looks...someone else said, there is a possibility it is something like leggings. I know I had a disapproving look on my face at the gym the other day. A women was wearing a "shirt" where her breasts were literally sticking out of the sides of the "shirt." The "shirt" was literally about a 4 inch strap that went inbetween her breasts.

Seriously, wear what you want...but that was just silly. She should have just gone shirtless...aaaaand eventually she did go shirtless. I was annoyed by her shirt.

People are annoyed by random weird things that really have little rhyme or reason. I wouldn't let it bother me.

To those folks just starting off, and you're still self-conscious and ashamed because you think, "Oh.... I'm so fat and out of shape.... I'm probably making a fool out of myself...."

YOU'RE LAPPING EVERYONE SITTING ON THE COUCH

Honestly, they're probably not even thinking about you. I mean that in a positive way! People always believe I'm giving them dirty looks because I apparently have RBF (resting b**** face), but I'm usually thinking about something totally benign. Like cats, or books, what I'm going to eat for dinner.

Even if it is a mean look- there's tons of reasons someone might be doing that (personal problems, tired, hungry, bad mood, thinking about something upsetting, even squinting to see can seem like a dirty look!), or it could even be you mistakenly feeling like people are judging you. So there's a good chance it isn't actually directed at you.

Xiaolongbao wrote: »

Think about this a little. If you have been a person who has been obese or overweight (or are now) did you ever glare at people in exercise clothing? I'm sorry but it seems VERY unlikely to me that this is a real thing that happens frequently. Not saying it never happens but I really doubt that once a week someone is getting the evil eye simply for being out walking in a jaunty manner (which is what was claimed). In my experience the more overweight someone is the more likely they are to be overly polite and accommodating - even if you are doing something that deserves being glared at.

This.

though in defense of that feeling, I think a lot of people who were recently obese or overweight are somewhat sensitized toward feeling like people are thinking Bad Things about them and being insecure in how they are perceived. See also that overly polite and accommodating thing.

Overweight people get glared at a lot because people, idk, don't understand that they're human beings and they enjoy being mean. But as for a plethora of overweight people glaring at joggers . . . that sounds like anxiety. When you have anxiety, it can seem like all eye are on you, all the time. But most people don't go around obsessing about strangers they happened to glance.

If people are seriously glaring at you once per week while you jog, then there's some other factor at play. Like an offensive tattoo or something. Or you're wearing a Team Jacob shirt and are in a hardcore Team Edward neighborhood.

In the little town I live in, there's a central park, that is surrounded by a pretty nice sidewalk. Many people walk that for exercise. A couple of years back, while I was driving past (where I, myself, should have been walking), I saw a woman, about my same size, walking on the walkway, alone. She wasn't gracefully gliding, but nearly flat-footed, struggling along, obviously winded and tired.

I beeped my horn, as I stopped at the corner stop sign. I'm sure she was expecting rude comments or worse, as she turned her head and glared at me. I threw a "thumbs up" to her. Her face, beamed with a huge, lovely smile and she seemed to gain renewed stamina, when encouraged!

I've just now lost 37#. My goal, now that I'm recovering from some health issues, which prevented me, is to start walking, for exercise. I will work my way up, to making it around the little park. And, I will remember that woman, as I do! To this day, I regret not parking my car and walking with her...I may have missed making a Friend & walking buddy. I hope we, too, look for the opportunity to uplift others ~kath

Back when I went to the gym (I now workout in a home gym), I hated this type of brief interaction. I always went at the same time which meant half the time I saw those same people. I just made it a point to smile when making eye contact and eventually waving hello if I saw them repeatedly. I'm SUPER not like this, but I always wanted people to know I was supportive of their efforts without us ever having to say a word to each other. I swear it made a world of difference!