How do I convince my brain to lose weight?

I know that I need to lose weight.
I know how to lose weight.
But for some reason my brain just doesn't get it.

I seem to be constantly thinking about what I can eat and how I can go out and buy junk food. I feel terrible eating it and tell myself it needs to stop, but then the next day I'm the same.

I saw myself on the ring camera yesterday and was a little surprised how I look. What I saw on the camera is not what I see in the mirror but it is probably a more accurate reflection of how I look to others.

I need to lose weight but I need to start by getting my head in the game.

Do you have any hints/tips/experience on how your got your mind straight?

Replies

  • lmf1012
    lmf1012 Posts: 402 Member
    I have spent the last few years on again and off again but never fully engaged with the process. Like you, I knew exactly what to do but just couldn’t get it going.

    I don’t know that I have any good tips but I just finally got sick enough with how I looked and felt that I made a real plan to change.

    Having a plan of what I am going to eat has been the single most important thing that has helped me. If I do not know what dinner will be, I will eat something that is easy and off plan likely.
  • MotherOfEldritch
    MotherOfEldritch Posts: 4 Member
    Seems like you need a *pop* moment in your brain. Happened to me in 2014 when I quit smoking (after 15 years or so).
    In a way you need to "make an inner journey" and look for this moment. Pay close attention to yourself and what's going on around you, you need to be very conscious. What helped me this time with fit journey was "Holy *kitten* Moment" by James Fell, which is about epiphanies and how they can change lives and how to kind of seek them around you. Only recommend if you're ok with swearing in your literature though.
  • MotherOfEldritch
    MotherOfEldritch Posts: 4 Member
    LOL, did not realize they had censorship here!
    The book is called "Holy **** Moment". No kittens involved.
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,129 Member
    Steve25k wrote: »
    I know that I need to lose weight.
    I know how to lose weight.
    But for some reason my brain just doesn't get it.

    I seem to be constantly thinking about what I can eat and how I can go out and buy junk food. I feel terrible eating it and tell myself it needs to stop, but then the next day I'm the same.

    I saw myself on the ring camera yesterday and was a little surprised how I look. What I saw on the camera is not what I see in the mirror but it is probably a more accurate reflection of how I look to others.

    I need to lose weight but I need to start by getting my head in the game.

    Do you have any hints/tips/experience on how your got your mind straight?

    It is without a doubt the hardest part! You know we've been here years and I lost a good chunk in 2017 but have regained it in 2018 and have been unable to shift my mindset long term in the last couple of years.

    When I do well it's because I make time to set non-weight goals that contribute to weight loss without directly focusing on weight related goals and make an effort to look after my wellbeing. I am at my worst when I am under pressure at work (working longer hours and on call over nights, early mornings and weekends). So I am trying my best to focus on managing my work stress through meditation, spending time disconnected from work/life and just generally doing things that bring me joy.
  • Steve25k
    Steve25k Posts: 125 Member
    Many thanks all, there are some good things for me to remember here:
    - have a food plan
    - track food
    - take away temptation
    - find a positive reason for change
    - small steps

  • ITUSGirl51
    ITUSGirl51 Posts: 191 Member
    I understand how hard it is to get motivated. You have to want it. It’s hard work. The big thing for me is to take it one day at a time.
    Here are some other things I recommend:
    1) Stop telling yourself you will “start tomorrow” when you get hungry the first day.

    2) set small goals. I tell myself “by my anniversary I will be down to this weight”. “By my birthday I will be at this weight” The goal is never more than 1 lb a week. Time goes by and a year from now you can be at your goal weight or you can be in the same miserable place. Just start today.

    3) forgive yourself if you eat too much sometimes. Some days are REALLY hard and I’m really hungry and I want to stress eat everything. It’s usually because I’m tired or upset about something. I have to white knuckle through the entire day to not overeat. BUT The next morning I wake up and I feel happy because I made it through ONE MORE DAY. Sometimes I do overeat and I feel horrible the next day. I just get back on it. I don’t totally give up.

    4) find something to do besides eating, go for a walk, go to the store, plant some flowers, clean your house etc

    5) walk every day. I try to get in an hour a day but I do it throughout the day.

    6) don’t eat too little. Cut your calories to just lose 1 lb a week. That’s just a 500 calorie deficit a day. I set my calories in MFP as inactive and eat back my exercise calories. I wear an Apple Watch and count just my active exercise calories. I don’t always eat them all back either. This motivates me to exercise.

    Don’t expect to be perfect every day. Good luck!
  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,522 Member
    Take the challenge to prepare all your own food for a month. Want a burger and fries? Make them. Find other foods you like while you're at it. Doesn't need to be fancy, but, you can learn to cook anything from YouTube.

    If you do that for a while you won't ever want fast food again.
  • nasr25
    nasr25 Posts: 214 Member
    Grow as a person to become smaller😁
    Life gets so much easier when you focus on yourself and how things make you feel then thinking what that action might bring you.
  • GigiDeborah
    GigiDeborah Posts: 36 Member
    nasr25 wrote: »
    Grow as a person to become smaller😁
    Life gets so much easier when you focus on yourself and how things make you feel then thinking what that action might bring you.

    ding ding ding - love this
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    Steve25k wrote: »
    I read something last night that stuck with me this morning. It was something like - A fixation with the end goal demeans the here and now. It renders the moments we live less important than the place we want to go.

    This means that I need to learn to love the process, the journey, and not focus solely on the end result.

    Exactly as many of you had said:
    nasr25 wrote: »
    What I mean is that instead of become so emotionally invested in how or how much weight I was losing I started loving the process of it.


    I think I am embarassed by the process, I want to hide away and do it on my own. Admitting I'm trying to lose weight means admitting that I am obese. It's obvious that I'm obese, everyone can see it's true, but I think in my head if I don't admit it, it isn't a problem.

    I think my goal should be to "be healthy" and I can start that today - I can't start to "be thin" or "be 100lbs lighter" today.

    That brain shift for me--from eating less to "lose weight" to making better choices/eating less to be healthy--was what made the difference for me.

    There's been a lot of great advice already but I don't think I see it yet, but one thing successful people will tell you is to rely on discipline rather than motivation. Motivation comes and goes, but discipline is something you can cultivate for long-lasting success. The thing is with discipline, your goal has to be important enough to you to stick with it when it gets tough, or pick yourself back up when you fall off the wagon a bit. View mistakes or falling off the wagon as opportunities to learn rather than excuse to just throw in the towel.

    As others have said, start with small, sustainable changes. Maybe for now that means logging your food without the intent to restrict it initially, just so you get an idea how much you eat and where you can start to make changes. Remember, these are habits you want to build for life (maybe not necessarily the tracking part), so if it feels way too hard right now and the end goal isn't big enough to overcome that, you may fail.
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
    88olds wrote: »
    Excuse me if this is nitpicking but consider this- who says you “need” to lose weight? What if you don’t? You don’t like the way you look. How is that so terrible? Overweight? Chances are you look like scores of other people.

    I started weight loss from a different place. I was 44, had sleep apnea, HBP, debilitating back pain and a seemingly permanent cough. I weighed 285 lbs. it was going to either outright kill me or result in a stroke. We had 2 little kids. So the first step for me was deciding if I wanted to live or die. I think that’s “need to lose weight” kind of thinking.

    Later I became stuck around 218 lbs. Years. But life was good. I had found the gym. Trained with weights and built my body. My wife liked the results. I ran my kids into the ground in the parks in Orlando. But I had that nagging voice. I was nowhere near a healthy BMI. I wanted to lose more.

    Do you want to lose weight? Wanting is different that needing. Try this- piece of paper, line down the middle. Why you want to lose weight in column 1, why you don’t column 2. Think it over. Write everything down even if it seems silly.

    Now look at your lists and try to make a plan that might get each side some of what it wants. Avoid the temptation to beat down the don’t side. Dieting is a pain in the neck. Everyone has reasons to resist. Respect those reasons because they are yours. Respecting your resistance is the first step to respecting your decision to change. For example, you can lose weight and eat junk food. But it’s not going to be all you want whenever you want. You need to accept some limits and make a plan.

    But you can work anything into a plan within limits. Weight loss has two parts- eating in a calorie deficit and living with it. There’s a tendency to go all in on the deficit and try to beat ourselves into living with it. Generally doesn’t work. The best plan is one we will actually follow.

    How to get your mind straight? Pay attention to what you say to yourself. It’s important. As a friend said to me once- the fat is mostly in our heads. Good luck.

    I read this post because I can strongly relate to the OP. I've lost weight before, and regained most of it. While I have all the reasons, thinking about it has just made me feel incredibly tired - and maybe even fuelled the weight-gaining behaviours. I tried making this list and I was so surprised by how many things I have in the "no" column.

    I've had several health scares already, but no real moment of inspiration. When I did lose before, it was definitely falling in love with the process. It was basically my only hobby. Now I worry if I try to lose again I'll lose my other hobbies! :| (among other equally silly "no" reasons) lol.

    I realized half of my "yes" reasons could be achieved at least partially without losing weight, but by just exercising regularly. I'd be pretty happy if I could do more regardless. I might focus on just that for a while, maybe to give the cognitive dissonance a rest, and work on addressing some of the sillier "no" reasons over time :D

    Thanks for this!
  • HawkingRadiation
    HawkingRadiation Posts: 31 Member
    I was in the same place. I feel that I need to 'brainwash' myself into the mindset by reading fitness forums/podcasts, etc.
    You have to get it in your mind motivated.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,223 Member
    Steve25k wrote: »
    I read something last night that stuck with me this morning. It was something like - A fixation with the end goal demeans the here and now. It renders the moments we live less important than the place we want to go.

    This means that I need to learn to love the process, the journey, and not focus solely on the end result.

    Exactly as many of you had said:
    nasr25 wrote: »
    What I mean is that instead of become so emotionally invested in how or how much weight I was losing I started loving the process of it.


    I think I am embarassed by the process, I want to hide away and do it on my own. Admitting I'm trying to lose weight means admitting that I am obese. It's obvious that I'm obese, everyone can see it's true, but I think in my head if I don't admit it, it isn't a problem.

    I think my goal should be to "be healthy" and I can start that today - I can't start to "be thin" or "be 100lbs lighter" today.

    That brain shift for me--from eating less to "lose weight" to making better choices/eating less to be healthy--was what made the difference for me.

    There's been a lot of great advice already but I don't think I see it yet, but one thing successful people will tell you is to rely on discipline rather than motivation. Motivation comes and goes, but discipline is something you can cultivate for long-lasting success. The thing is with discipline, your goal has to be important enough to you to stick with it when it gets tough, or pick yourself back up when you fall off the wagon a bit. View mistakes or falling off the wagon as opportunities to learn rather than excuse to just throw in the towel.

    As others have said, start with small, sustainable changes. Maybe for now that means logging your food without the intent to restrict it initially, just so you get an idea how much you eat and where you can start to make changes. Remember, these are habits you want to build for life (maybe not necessarily the tracking part), so if it feels way too hard right now and the end goal isn't big enough to overcome that, you may fail.

    When I say this, I acknowledge in advance I'm being a weirdo: For me, I don't even consider discipline to be a workable foundation, as a hedonistic old-hippie type. (I don't know that I'm officially "successful" either, but I have been at a healthy weight for 5+ years now, after multiple previous decades at a weight that was class 1 obese, or at least nearby.) I'm not a disciplined person, rarely "motivated" long term.

    For me, what worked was to use my limited supply of discipline temporarily, plus some intellectual curiosity, to experiment with calorie counting, seeking a good balance of reasonable calories, adequate nutrition, satiation, tastiness, practicality, and that sort of thing on the food side; and mostly enjoyable activity on the exercise side of things. It was like a fun science-fair experiment for grown-ups.

    Experimentation led to finding the sweet spots where things were easy, i.e., I found habits that were not difficult or or demanding, that kept me at a reasonable calorie balance without too much effort, thought, or stress. I needed a little discipline during the experimentation, and during the time where some of the habits became automatic, but long term they're just habits, routine.

    I'm not saying that will work for everyone. (Personalization of methods is key to success, I think.)

    In a way, I think my conceptual framing is similar to what the PP said about enjoying the process. I have habits that are easy and happy, and the fact that if followed they'll keep me at a reasonable weight so my future self can be as happy/healthy as possible: That's plenty of motivation, to do easy stuff. If there were a bunch of difficulty and self-denial and hard stuff involved, no way it would stick long term.

    As an aside, IMO, someone who's motivated by the scale drop, and doesn't find *some* alternative to that along the way, is going to have a really hard time in maintenance, when the scale is supposed to stop dropping. If that person has used approaches to lose weight that don't feel sustainable long term, that require really high motivation or discipline because they're unpleasant, it will be doubly difficult to handle maintenance.

    There's something to be said for finding one's personal "relatively easy", and running with it.

    P.S. I'm not intending to be disagreeing with the post I quoted. I'm intending to riff on this part of the "conversation" to talk about alternative ways to conceptualize the process, because I really do think different things work for different people. I'd bet there are a few people out there who feel so proud about doing things that are really super difficult that that can be super motivating, make them feel like a champion, help them stick with it long term. I am NOT that person, and I'm thinking I'm probably not the only one.😉
  • lmf1012
    lmf1012 Posts: 402 Member
    @AnnPT77

    I have to agree with you on this. A great friend of mine would tell me constantly that all I needed was more discipline. I hate to exercise, and find that to be a particularly more difficult part of losing weight. So, at first I put my focus on the diet side of the calorie equation, knowing I’d find that to be much easier. I also knew that trying to fix my eating and add in exercise at the same time would make me want to quit rather quickly. Now that I have the eating part working like a well oiled machine, I have started lifting weights and am actually finding it enjoyable.
  • plcarpenter
    plcarpenter Posts: 83 Member
    My brain is such a jerk. I'm trying to stick to a healthy eating plan so that I can lose some weight to get back to feeling good, healthy, and fit. My brain is such a liar too, we are all on board with doing the right thing, we have agreed to no eat out too much, snack on unhealthy snacks, and drink too much booze but the moment there is even a suggestion to get take out (usually food that's gonna make me bloat up like a tick) my brain is YES that sounds awesome lets do it and brain takes over, then the next day when brain is off thinking about going for a walk or hike I'm like Hey, what happend last night, I thought we were on the same team? Brain doesn't give a *kitten*, so selfish and bossy and sure as *kitten* not giving a damn about what heart and lungs needs to stay alive and be healthy. I'm so tired of brains BS.
  • plcarpenter
    plcarpenter Posts: 83 Member
    Ha! That's funny MFP replaced "$h!T" with "kitten"
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,839 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Steve25k wrote: »
    I read something last night that stuck with me this morning. It was something like - A fixation with the end goal demeans the here and now. It renders the moments we live less important than the place we want to go.

    This means that I need to learn to love the process, the journey, and not focus solely on the end result.

    Exactly as many of you had said:
    nasr25 wrote: »
    What I mean is that instead of become so emotionally invested in how or how much weight I was losing I started loving the process of it.


    I think I am embarassed by the process, I want to hide away and do it on my own. Admitting I'm trying to lose weight means admitting that I am obese. It's obvious that I'm obese, everyone can see it's true, but I think in my head if I don't admit it, it isn't a problem.

    I think my goal should be to "be healthy" and I can start that today - I can't start to "be thin" or "be 100lbs lighter" today.

    That brain shift for me--from eating less to "lose weight" to making better choices/eating less to be healthy--was what made the difference for me.

    There's been a lot of great advice already but I don't think I see it yet, but one thing successful people will tell you is to rely on discipline rather than motivation. Motivation comes and goes, but discipline is something you can cultivate for long-lasting success. The thing is with discipline, your goal has to be important enough to you to stick with it when it gets tough, or pick yourself back up when you fall off the wagon a bit. View mistakes or falling off the wagon as opportunities to learn rather than excuse to just throw in the towel.

    As others have said, start with small, sustainable changes. Maybe for now that means logging your food without the intent to restrict it initially, just so you get an idea how much you eat and where you can start to make changes. Remember, these are habits you want to build for life (maybe not necessarily the tracking part), so if it feels way too hard right now and the end goal isn't big enough to overcome that, you may fail.

    When I say this, I acknowledge in advance I'm being a weirdo: For me, I don't even consider discipline to be a workable foundation, as a hedonistic old-hippie type. (I don't know that I'm officially "successful" either, but I have been at a healthy weight for 5+ years now, after multiple previous decades at a weight that was class 1 obese, or at least nearby.) I'm not a disciplined person, rarely "motivated" long term.

    For me, what worked was to use my limited supply of discipline temporarily, plus some intellectual curiosity, to experiment with calorie counting, seeking a good balance of reasonable calories, adequate nutrition, satiation, tastiness, practicality, and that sort of thing on the food side; and mostly enjoyable activity on the exercise side of things. It was like a fun science-fair experiment for grown-ups.

    Experimentation led to finding the sweet spots where things were easy, i.e., I found habits that were not difficult or or demanding, that kept me at a reasonable calorie balance without too much effort, thought, or stress. I needed a little discipline during the experimentation, and during the time where some of the habits became automatic, but long term they're just habits, routine.

    I'm not saying that will work for everyone. (Personalization of methods is key to success, I think.)

    In a way, I think my conceptual framing is similar to what the PP said about enjoying the process. I have habits that are easy and happy, and the fact that if followed they'll keep me at a reasonable weight so my future self can be as happy/healthy as possible: That's plenty of motivation, to do easy stuff. If there were a bunch of difficulty and self-denial and hard stuff involved, no way it would stick long term.

    As an aside, IMO, someone who's motivated by the scale drop, and doesn't find *some* alternative to that along the way, is going to have a really hard time in maintenance, when the scale is supposed to stop dropping. If that person has used approaches to lose weight that don't feel sustainable long term, that require really high motivation or discipline because they're unpleasant, it will be doubly difficult to handle maintenance.

    There's something to be said for finding one's personal "relatively easy", and running with it.

    P.S. I'm not intending to be disagreeing with the post I quoted. I'm intending to riff on this part of the "conversation" to talk about alternative ways to conceptualize the process, because I really do think different things work for different people. I'd bet there are a few people out there who feel so proud about doing things that are really super difficult that that can be super motivating, make them feel like a champion, help them stick with it long term. I am NOT that person, and I'm thinking I'm probably not the only one.😉

    I think there are different interpretations of the word 'discipline' and you're not necessarily far apart in what you mean.
    I interpreted 'discipline' in the sense of 'consistency' (perhaps because I'm hedonistic myself and making myself do things I don't like would backfire, so that's what fits with my view).
    And yes, consistency is way more important (to me) than motivation. I focus on the process (which, BTW, I made as painless as possible), because it works in the long-term (which makes me happy, in the sense of fulfilled) but I have long periods without any particular motivation (in the short term sense of being excited, raring to go) and I just keep plugging along out of habit. Occasionally I'll get to a certain milestone (new low weight - but that's rare now since I'm inching closer to my goal weight-, improving my running times/distances, lifting heavier weights, etc.) which gives me a little boost, but that's not my focus.
  • Anniesquats100
    Anniesquats100 Posts: 3,291 Member
    One thing that brings me back to reality is the Photos Only Success Stories thread. Looking at people with their weights next to them makes me face that my current weight looks obese. Then my brain gets on board with dieting.

    Another thing is the challenges. Being on a team makes me less likely to go over calories.