43 days ago I found MFP. Not sure what to expect I but I wanted to give it a try.
I lost 25 pounds. I still weigh 337 pounds and now I am ashamed of it. I can't love my body or my weight no matter what the media tells me. I don't want to look and feel like this. How did it even happen? I love myself as a person, but not the obese woman I have become. I feel disgusted knowing I easily ate 3000 to 4000 calories a day before I started logging.
I am learning. I am weighing my food. I am writing a journal. I met with a dietician. I signed up for a cooking class to learn to prepare healthier meals. I log my meals. I am honest when I log my food. Every day I struggle. Every day it's a choice. I am angry with myself. How did I get here?
I know this is the fight of my life? A fight for my health. I don't want to be housebound. I want to walk. I can only manage 1000 steps a day and it feels like a marathon. My cheap watch is counting and I feel silly wearing a fitness watch. I haven't done much small talk here with my friends. I have been focused on myself. I feel like I am in a league of my own.
I don't want diabetes. I don't want a heart attack. I don't want to weigh 400 pounds. I want me exactly like I am just thinner and healthier.
I feel like a failure but I know a weight loss of 25 pounds is a huge success. I want more and I want it fast. I know it's not possible. But if you don't shoot for the stars?
8/1 320 pounds
9/1 305 pounds
10/1 290 pounds
11/1 285 pounds
12/1 270 pounds
New Year 265 pounds
I am a little bit proud of myself. 25 pounds is a lot but only the tip of the mountain for me.