The Fight of my Life -Update WaistBasket
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TheWaistBasket
Posts: 56 Member
43 days ago I found MFP. Not sure what to expect I but I wanted to give it a try.
I lost 25 pounds. I still weigh 337 pounds and now I am ashamed of it. I can't love my body or my weight no matter what the media tells me. I don't want to look and feel like this. How did it even happen? I love myself as a person, but not the obese woman I have become. I feel disgusted knowing I easily ate 3000 to 4000 calories a day before I started logging.
I am learning. I am weighing my food. I am writing a journal. I met with a dietician. I signed up for a cooking class to learn to prepare healthier meals. I log my meals. I am honest when I log my food. Every day I struggle. Every day it's a choice. I am angry with myself. How did I get here?
I know this is the fight of my life? A fight for my health. I don't want to be housebound. I want to walk. I can only manage 1000 steps a day and it feels like a marathon. My cheap watch is counting and I feel silly wearing a fitness watch. I haven't done much small talk here with my friends. I have been focused on myself. I feel like I am in a league of my own.
I don't want diabetes. I don't want a heart attack. I don't want to weigh 400 pounds. I want me exactly like I am just thinner and healthier.
I feel like a failure but I know a weight loss of 25 pounds is a huge success. I want more and I want it fast. I know it's not possible. But if you don't shoot for the stars?
My goals:
8/1 320 pounds
9/1 305 pounds
10/1 290 pounds
11/1 285 pounds
12/1 270 pounds
New Year 265 pounds
Reasonable?
I am a little bit proud of myself. 25 pounds is a lot but only the tip of the mountain for me.
I lost 25 pounds. I still weigh 337 pounds and now I am ashamed of it. I can't love my body or my weight no matter what the media tells me. I don't want to look and feel like this. How did it even happen? I love myself as a person, but not the obese woman I have become. I feel disgusted knowing I easily ate 3000 to 4000 calories a day before I started logging.
I am learning. I am weighing my food. I am writing a journal. I met with a dietician. I signed up for a cooking class to learn to prepare healthier meals. I log my meals. I am honest when I log my food. Every day I struggle. Every day it's a choice. I am angry with myself. How did I get here?
I know this is the fight of my life? A fight for my health. I don't want to be housebound. I want to walk. I can only manage 1000 steps a day and it feels like a marathon. My cheap watch is counting and I feel silly wearing a fitness watch. I haven't done much small talk here with my friends. I have been focused on myself. I feel like I am in a league of my own.
I don't want diabetes. I don't want a heart attack. I don't want to weigh 400 pounds. I want me exactly like I am just thinner and healthier.
I feel like a failure but I know a weight loss of 25 pounds is a huge success. I want more and I want it fast. I know it's not possible. But if you don't shoot for the stars?
My goals:
8/1 320 pounds
9/1 305 pounds
10/1 290 pounds
11/1 285 pounds
12/1 270 pounds
New Year 265 pounds
Reasonable?
I am a little bit proud of myself. 25 pounds is a lot but only the tip of the mountain for me.
105
Replies
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You know, it takes a while to figure everything out and find your way. There's nothing shameful about it. Yes, it's going to take time. Time will pass anyway. You choose. Congratulations on your loss. It sounds like you're pulling out all the stops to change your WOE and correct it. That's a good thing for your future. Keep going and don't give up--no matter what.11
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You're probably going to need to adjust the expected rate of loss downward as you go. 15lbs in a month right now is pretty doable but as your weight decreases you're going to lose less. Expect no more than about 1% of your weight per week.
I don't say this to be discouraging but because I don't want to see you GET discouraged as time goes on and rate of loss inevitably slows down.
You're doing super well and I am super proud of you, even if you aren't proud of yourself (yet).27 -
Its never fast enough I started at 367 barely able to walk around the block and at 60 my BP was starting to rise and then one day I decided I had to change or face chronic problems and my Dr warned me I was prone to many things that could kill me at my weight. I took over a year to lose 80 something pounds and every day I was frustrated it wasnt fast enough. I kept with it and increased my exercise kept logging my food and eventually lost over 170 pounds and honestly became a runner. fast forward to last year and I am quarantined and slowly not running much and still eating I gained almost 30 pounds. Covid weight everyone says. I got fed up and rededicated myself and guess what even though I have done it before and I am losing weight. ITS NOT fast enough.
Stay faithful to your process and enjoy the losses as they come enjoy the health benefits understand your goals and it will happen. I am 73 now I run 5 days a week close to 4 miles a day and swim every morning 60 minutes 90 laps trying to get to 10 miles a week in the pool and the weight is SLOWly coming off again
good luck and congratulations on your progress48 -
Just being here you are winning the struggle...Just keep trying. The only time you fail is when you give up. I felt the same as you when I weighed 300lbs. Met my goal of 175lb and am maintaining. It is not a diet it is a lifestyle change, and you simply need to get into healthy habits, and get rid of misconceptions. Don't expect quick miracles. Losing a pound a week is ok. baby steps....slow, but steady. OK, 1000 steps is fine. when you get used to that, make it 1001...1002 the next day....and so on. A lot of getting healthy (not just losing weight) is mental. You can start playing tricks on your mind, and once those tricks, like eating on small plates (that kind of thing), it will become a part of your new lifestyle.
You are doing great...Just keep up the work, and never give up. There will be good days and bad days. Don't feel too bad about the bad days, just learn from them. There will be times when you feel like you are starving yourself for a week and no weight loss. That happens and is VERY discouraging.
Just keep going and you will succeed.....see you on the light side!27 -
You're practical, honest, and down in the trenches slugging it out. Good for you. Keep at it, one step at a time. You're doing well.
And let yourself voice those feelings, but give yourself other messages, too: "I'm getting stronger, I'm doing better."14 -
Congratulations. 25 lbs down is huge victory!
You can't change your yesterdays, but you can change your todays and tomorrows. Work to understand how you got to your current weight, but don't feel shame or waste time getting down on your "yesterday self." Instead, focus on what you CAN do for your "today self." She has all the power to make your "tomorrow self" even better.
Good luck. Everyone here struggles. Know you are not alone, and you can reach your goals, as far off as they may seem!11 -
Congratulations on your loss and your decision to take control of your life!! You’re going about it the right way (weighing, measuring, seeing the dietician, and posting and logging here)...it all makes you accountable for yourself and your decisions. Don’t be ashamed (we all started somewhere!)...be proud that you made this decision and just stick with it. I started with Weight Watchers many years ago, struggled on my own for a long time, eventually found an online support group called iChange which helped me a lot. I first tried MFP in 2012 when I was still using iChange and when it eventually closed, switched permanently to MFP. So as you’re hearing from many of us, this is a process that requires commitment and patience...there’s no quick easy fix! You’re doing a good job, keep up the good work!8
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Remember - every purposeful step you make is still better than if you were staying on the couch. I know it's hard to do, but be patient with yourself. You have done a great thing already! With every pound you lose you will feel better and better, as your body has less work to do.
There are so many ways to lose weight, that you can be sure to find a way that doesn't feel like torture. You may have made mistakes from the past but if you learn from them, they don't have to be forever! Just keep this in mind- your body is doing the best it can with the fuel it is given. It's trying to protect you and keep you alive. So you can still love it for doing the best it can under tough circumstances. You and your body can get along better too as you nourish it and give it the activity it craves deep inside.
If you want to send a friend request I'll be happy to support you in your journey. I have gotten rid of 97 pounds so far, around 20ish to go and I know what it's like to be where you are. All the best to you!11 -
Going through this process now to be healthier, I have wanted to kick myself for waiting so long to get serious about it. Then I realized that it was a pretty useless exercise as it changes absolutely nothing. Instead I choose to feel good about the choices I am making today and every day to change my body for the better. That positive mindset helps keep me moving in the right direction.
25 lbs is fantastic!! It may seem slow at times but those pounds add up! 43 days ago I bet 25 lbs seemed a bit insurmountable but look at you now!12 -
Way to go! 25 lbs is an amazing accomplishment! Keep up the good work, you are worth it. There are lots of reasons why people overeat and gain weight which can lead to feelings of shame and guilt. Focus on your weight loss committments from now on, and you will continue to reach your goals.4
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Congratulations on 25 lbs! I am also proud of you. I'm glad you're still here - I believe you can do it. In fact, I know you can, because you're already doing it. If you're a "shoot for the moon and land amongst the stars" kind of person, the goals you have set may serve you well. But, if you're like me and you get discouraged when your reality doesn't live up to your own high expectations, you may want to reconfigure a little bit. It's OK to set yourself up for success by setting more conservative goals - when it comes to weight loss, slow progress is good progress.
I so totally get the impatience, wanting to get to goal weight/become a New Me like yesterday, wanting it to go faster than it should. Cultivating that patience and focusing on the day-to-day choices that serve my overall goals has been my primary struggle, even 200+ days into this iteration of my journey. I say that not to discourage you, but to let you know you're doing it right. Some days logging, exercising, just doing so damn much THINKING about food, weight loss, my body, all of it feels like such a drag and I hate it. But I do it anyway. I can scowl and grumble and cuss the whole time if I feel like I need to, so long as I do it, whatever "it" might be (updating my diary, weighing ingredients for a recipe, packing my gym bag, getting up at butts o'clock in the morning to work out).8 -
I totally understand your feelings, but you are doing something about it... and the decision to start is sometimes the hardest one to make. If you keep your goals in mind and celebrate the wins, even 25 lbs is a huge accomplishment, you will get there. Just don't put yourself down, it takes strength to realize that you need to make a change, and you've done that....
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Losing 25 pounds is a great achievement! Congrats! You've taken the first steps on the journey to better health and a slimmer you. Time and patience are your best friends, because it will take a lot of both to reach your goals.2
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Don’t set date goals in stone. Set weight goals to achieve.
My first goal was 175 (50 pounds). I never thought I’d get there. I did it a chunk at a time. Ok, can I lose five? Good job. Five more? Ten? Yay me!
When I reached 175 I reevaluated my goal, and did that several times.
If I’d had a particular date and didn’t reach it by then, my mind would have said “failed”.
One thing I can tell you, a year and fifty or a hundred pounds seems miles away right now, but if you stick with it, it’s gonna be here in a blink.
@Ke22yB what a great post, in so many ways.15 -
All the comments are inspirational. So much motivation and wisdom. It's a fight for sure. A daily choice.
Thanks to all of you.15 -
Don't minimize your wins! 25 lbs is a lot of weight. That there is still a long way to go doesn't mean the distance you have come is any less meaningful. The journey will be long and the road will be difficult, but you will get to see and experience many wonderful things along the way. Also, regarding the feelings of shame... being fat is morally neutral. It doesn't make someone a bad person. Being thin is morally neutral too. It doesn't make someone a good person. Our culture (many cultures) have assigned moral implications to weight, and it messes with our minds and our hearts. Try to push out the negative self talk (easier said than done!) Just keep going. Little by little, day by day. You will get to where you want to go.11
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43 days of faithful logging is a huge accomplishment. Keep that up and the weight will come off, I promise you. The way to victory is to keep it up and never quit.
It is hard to be patient. And while 25 pounds is a lot, you probably aren't seeing a difference when you look in the mirror. But your body is feeling the difference. Next time you are grocery shopping try to pick up a 25 pound bag of dog food or kitty litter and try to carry it around for just a bit. It will give you an appreciation of what you lost.
Regarding shame, I know that feeling too. But you should feel so proud for coming here and making your post. That took courage and required you to look at those feeling of shame in the eye. And when you do that, the shame starts to melt away and you can go about the hard and important work of healing your body and mind.
This is a long process, and the habits you are cultivating today are ones that you will want to do for the rest of your life. So while I understand wanting to lose weight as fast as possible, don't try to white knuckle it and make yourself miserable in the process. Eating at a 1000 calorie deficit a day right now is plenty and if that is too difficult to maintain, drop it to 750 or 500. Whatever you need to do to achieve adherence 80 or 90% of the time. Adherence and sustainability is going to get you to your goals faster than speed.
Best of luck to you! We are all rooting for you.7 -
It takes a brave and strong person to admit when things aren't right, get off the couch, set goals, and put your wants into action. You are NOT a failure.
But it is a struggle. If it were easy, then 60% of our nation wouldn't be considered obese.6 -
***I am super glad to see you around AND very successful so far!***
It is not uncommon to see people start angry and push hard yet at some point down the road they disappointingly disappear once the scale (and/or life) throws them some curve-balls and they prove slow in adjusting their goals towards sustainability.
I want you to be here five years from now. Here and successful and posting your story to others about how you changed your life back in 2021!
Anger is good when it PUSHES you to TAKE ACTION. Will it serve you well to SUSTAIN action? You and your brain hamsters are the only ones who know how your brain operates the best!
My own brain hamsters have personal evidence to believe that sustainability of effort is incredibly important when it comes to losing weight (and maintaining your weight loss), and that's our mantra which we share!
15lbs * 6 months = 90lbs. Pretty good, right?
But 10lbs * 12 = 120lbs. I think you will agree that 120 is better than 90, right?
And 10lbs * 24 = 240lbs. So 240 is even better, right? But what shape (physically and mentally) are you in when you get to that -240? And what happens next?
Weight loss is not without any side effects. MOST are good, a few less so. The good is of course that you're getting leaner and losing weight and reaping health benefits galore. The not so good? Your body is all eager to accommodate a more normal weight when you first start losing... but it won't continue to do so forever... subtle changes will take place and the longer and larger the deficit the more likely it is that these changes will be more substantial and intense and will not be aiding you in continuing to achieve your goals.
So.... how about an even better(er) RESULT. Not a plan set in stone because I tend to think that you should aim for percent deficits levels at various times, percent deficits such that you are likely to get the results you want instead of directly aiming for results and judging your success by whether you see numbers reflected on a scale!
So let's try this for a sketch of a desired future result to try to create deficits that will bring it about...
15 + 15 + 10 + 10 + 10 + 10 + 8 + 8 + 5 + 5 + 7 + 7 = 110
and then 7 + 7 + 7 + 7 +7 + 5 + 5 + 0 + 0 + 5 + 5 + 5 = 60
and then 5 + 5 + 5 + 5 + 3 +3 + 3 + 0 + 0 + 2 + 2 + 2 = 35
and then 2 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 0 + 0 + 0.5 + 0 + 0.5 = 10
and then 0 + 0 + 0.5 + 0.5 + 0 + 0.25 + 0 + 0 + 0.5 + 0.25 = 2
(consider the months interchangeable... I've added a couple of months of lower loss to accommodate vacations and holidays when many people eat closer to maintenance)
And all of a sudden you're 147 lbs in 2025 and in 2026 you're posting that you went on to try and lose 0.5lbs a month for the year... but maintained / lost just another couple of lbs and you're now at 145lbs happy as a clam and continuing to do what you've been doing the past few years with no intention of changing anything!
Keep up your great work. Keep examining everything and thinking things through. And please don't let your anger stop you from adjusting. Sustainability of effort is your friend!25 -
You *should* be proud of yourself. You're actually losing at a very good clip, and before long, you will be really noticing the difference. I know it's hard to be patient, but you are really on the right track, and looking back you will probably be surprised at how quickly you changed.3
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