Where's the line between pushing yourself a little harder and accepting yourself for where you are?

The "line" is in your brain.

I didn’t realize this was an older post when I started reading it, hoping you’re still hanging around. Your BMI at 122 is 24.6, which is at the higher end of normal. I would say there’s nothing wrong with deciding you’re happy at a normal weight. You don’t have to consider it a failure or giving up to choose strength over appearance.

I’m 5’8”. Personally during my lifetime I have been at every BMI between 15 and 42! And I look “prettiest” when unhealthily underweight. I would love to weigh 137, which is what BMI calculators call my “ideal weight” but my body maintains almost effortlessly at about 150, which is still well within normal, and when I try to dip below that it’s a real effort and makes me feel deprived. Life is too short.

Anyway, maybe when you are able to resume all of your favorite activities and spend time with friends again your weight will naturally drop, while you maintain your strength gains. Here’s hoping those days come soon!

This is something I can totally relate to!!

I'm fit, and more fit than probably 80+% of the women my age (as in, I can out lift, out endure, out hike, out ride, etc) - also in my 40s (just turned 43). I could be more fit, and am slowly integrating more fitness (physical AND mental) into my life (life long mission there lol).

Much like you, I like food - I enjoy eating. It is frequently an experience for me, especially if it is a meal out or even a meal I took special effort or time to cook. I want to enjoy those things while they are fresh - leftovers are okay, but they are NOT the same!!

I weigh more than I should, and a fair bit more than I want to weigh. For most of my life (until more professional "desk" jobs), I had very few issues with my weight, and while I often "felt" fat, I could still wear a bikini and not be embarrassed.

Not so much anymore.

My self-confidence has improved, I'm very happy with who I am as a person, but those 15-20 pounds haunt me every time I look in the mirror. The guy I'm seeing has never uttered anything resembling anything other than a compliment (no matter how much I try to twist it, even I can't find a hidden non-compliment). I've had a few other people who've given me plenty of compliments. Yet I am very insecure about how I currently look vs how I know MY body has looked.

And therein lies my biggest issue - I'm not comparing myself to someone else, or some ideal I can't fit, or myself as a teenager - I'm comparing myself to who I was in my early 30's - not that long ago

I am NOT making excuses - I know it all boils down to CICO - I've come closer, but found it hard to sustain, and revert back to my "happy weight" the past decade.

It boils down to priorities - I'd rather enjoy that meal out than fit into a smaller size jean. I'm not going to compete with 20 year olds in the looks department no matter how much I hate that fact, so I have to enjoy what I do have, where I am in life, and who I am as a person.

In the end, I'd rather be the person I am, with the confidence in who I am, at this point, than the insecure 20 year old who had no clue who she even wanted to be, none the less who she was.

I'll still be watching that scale and working towards lifestyle changes that fit the mid-life lifestyle and my current goals and hobbies though

I know a few guys from my old gym that have pretty elite physiques. Not really bodybuilder, but more fitness model/underwear model type of physiques. For me, it's not even a matter of pushing myself. Those guys live for the weight room and have very strict, almost "robotic" diets that I would find incredibly mundane. I'd rather just be healthy and fit and enjoy myself and hit up the little cafe for a late breakfast after a morning of mountain biking for a big old pile of eggs, bacon, and hash browns or hitting one of the local breweries for a couple of beers after a half day of mountain biking than worry about six pack abs. Those guys I know are also quite a bit younger than me...I'm pushing 47 and they're in their late 20s. They have jobs and no wife or kids...I have a career and a wife and two kids. Even if I wanted to have that kind of body, my other life obligations would make it incredibly difficult time wise. I'd rather spend quality time with my wife and kids.

My happy place is at about 180 Lbs. At that weight I look healthy and fit and while not super lean, I'm also not fat. No love handles, mostly flat stomach with some visible ab definition in the right lighting. The lowest I ever got down to was around 173 in the spring of 2016 and I was pretty lean. Fully visible abs though not popping ripped. I had to put in a mess load of work in the gym and had to be pretty strict with my diet for a good 6 months...all for a beach vacation that I really thought getting super lean was going to help me enjoy more. It was actually quite the opposite in a way...drinking beer on the beach and eating yummy Colombian food bloated me up pretty good just after a couple of days of vacation. There was really no way I was going to be able to maintain the work I was putting in along with the strict diet and in general just wasn't really worth it. I had that kind of thing going on in my 20s, and that's where I'm leaving it.

Pushing 47, my primary goal is to be healthy and be fit and from a vanity standpoint, look the part and look reasonably decent poolside or on the beach. I don't think about it so much in terms of "pushing myself" as I see it as not particularly important at this juncture of my life and thus not worth that kind of effort. Having fully visible abs for a few months didn't change my life one bit.