Help ... Should I gain weight?

JBanx256 wrote: »

First things first - are you speaking to a mental health professional at all?

Based on what you've said (including BMI*), it sounds as though you would probably be healthier if you were to gain a bit. However, your mental state is a confounding factor in that gaining weight may cause more distress etc etc...which is why, if at all possible, working with a counselor/therapist would, in my opinion, be highly advisable. There are a myriad of health consequences for being too underweight, especially as a female (low bone density, amenorrhea, etc. Hair and nails won't grow and/or can fall out. I feel confident you know these things, but if you've got personal hurdles preventing you from taking steps to get to a healthier weight (and not hate what you see in the mirror), then that carries its own burdens.

Are you active at all, or are you interested in being active? I am wondering if you have a "reason" (meaning besides strictly health) to gain some weight - eg, you want to be able to play XYZ sport more competitively or you're interested in starting to lift weights - you may be able to view it more from a standpoint of gaining physical capabilities?

And this is just me thinking out loud; I could be totally *kitten*-backwards here.

*yes I fully realize BMI isn't perfect (oh lawd how many threads there are about that on these forums); heck I'm overweight and often toe the line into obese territory based on BMI.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

harmonicDanute wrote: »

Female, 24 years old. Recovering from disordered eating which led me to be very, very underweight on my own.

I have reached a point now where I am regularly eating large amounts of food, above my daily requirements, but not gaining anymore.

My BMI is 17.2, which is obviously still underweight, but I'm really struggling to know whether I should be gaining more or just maintaining. I do seem to have a light build for my height and have never gone far above the minimum healthy weight for my height.

I am weak and not very muscular, and can tell I have lost muscle even further through the previous extreme undereating. I have started doing regular strength and resistance exercises to try and combat this.

I struggle with my body feeling and looking much too large to me, and feel like I must have quite a high BF%, especially around the abdomen.

I know that nobody here can give medical advice, but at the moment accessing help is not an option, and I feel I need a perspective other than my own.

Any perspectives/thoughts welcome.

If you are not gaining any more, you are not "eating above your daily requirements", by definition. You may be eating above what some so-called calculator estimates as your daily needs, but that's just an *estimate*. If you eat above your daily calorie expenditures (not exactly the same as "needs"**) then you'd be gaining. You aren't.

** "Needs" really means the amount that would be best for you. At BMI 17.2, with what you say is less muscle than you'd like, too weak, it seems probable that you should slowly gain a little weight, as much as practical of that gain being muscle, but a little fat may be OK, too. If so, that means that you *need* enough calories to very slowly gain weight, not hold steady in weight: To eat more calories than you burn, in other words. Muscle is more dense than fat, so to stay at about the same size, while gaining muscle, you will slowly gain weight. That's good, appropriate, healthy - will be positive for appearance, too, plus your ability to do things.

Body fat is not everywhere and always bad: We need some, for health and resilience. So, it seems probable that you should eat a little above what you burn, on average, daily, and continue working on strength/resistance. What do your ED treatment team and your GP doctor say? Or a registered dietitian to whom they refer you? I know you say those aren't available to you now, but access those resources when you can.

At BMI 17.2, it's extremely unlikely that you have excess fat anywhere, though - if under-muscled - you may feel that the fat you do have and need isn't arranged on your body on the way you'd prefer. Spot reduction isn't possible, but if you increase muscularity, the appearance of fat distribution will change, too. New muscles will create different proportions, with time and patience. (Most of us see ourselves through our outdated self-perceptions; it takes time to catch up mentally . . . by which time the hard-working person's body shape has moved on to an even better place. I'm at BMI 20-point-something, have been in lower 20s for 5+ years, yet as a former obese woman I still move to the side when I meet someone in a narrow hallway, thinking I need to make room for them . . . I don't. My clothes still look so small, like they won't fit: They do. And so forth.)

IMO, eating for very, very slow gain, and working hard on lifting, would be likely to give the best results for most women in your scenario . . . but you should seek personalized expert advice from specialist doctors, dietitian, *well-credentialed trainers (university degrees in things like kinesiology, plus good certifications), etc., when you can. If you truly can't - yet - maybe think in terms of gaining up to a couple of pounds a month, if you can, getting good nutrition, working hard on your strength exercise.

Speaking as an older woman who screwed up quite a bit along the way herself, getting this in a good spot while young is a really, really good idea. (I didn't do that.) With discipline and patience, good advice from experts when you can access that, that's still available to you.

What defines you is not how your body looks at a moment, but your character, things like the work you put in to achieve health, a strong body, a kind and generous spirit, knowledge and insight, and things of that nature. All of us are partly finished, at any snapshot moment. What matters is that striving for improvement.

Wishing you success, continuing success.