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Height-ism?
Replies
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Yeah I must be different because while "physical attraction" is of course a thing on first impressions, once I get to know someone my attraction is based on the person, not their physical attributes. The idea that you can't build a relationship with someone, and you would never be attracted to them, because they don't have certain superficial physical characteristics, just seems bizarre to me.
Yeah, agree. I don't participate in any of this these days (conscientious objector), but back in the olden days when I did, physical attributes might be material in choosing flings, but for serious relationships it's not a big, important factor in what creates true longer-term connection . . . even erotic connection in the long term, if I dare use that adjective here.
This exactly, for me.
I cared a lot how my casual relationship partners looked. By the time I wanted something longer term and that would stick around I did not care at all. Coming up fast on 25 years. Am I attracted to him? Well, yeah, because I love him. Objectively? Dunno because I can't be objective because I love the guy and we've been married 25 years. The bias is part of the deal - and really probably should be.9 -
i tried online for a while. i was honest but tried to make sure it was polite and in good taste. i dont see the issue in stating a deal breaker as long as your not a jerk about it.0
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I have experienced insults by women about me only being 5'8. Women do not want to be judged yet they often judge men and make comments their backs.3
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I'm barely over 5' as a female. nearly everyone is tall to me.
my husband is 5'7. to me... he's TALL. I have to climb on my counters to reach crap in my cabinets. he doesn't. that means TALL.
its all about perception.
We met online, though it was not a dating site. So, we were friends before anything else. Physically... not what I would have ever 'picked out of a catalog' for myself. Not similar to any body type I'd ever been with. About the same height. Same age. but thats about it. Long hair. Beard. Very slim build.
And absolutely perfect for me.
I have a friend who will ONLY date a very particular 'kind' of guy. They all look the same. Truly, from one to the next you can't hardly tell them apart. They all look like freaking lumberjacks. Thats her thing. okay. but not one of them has been right for her. but that is ALL she will even consider dating. if they dont look JUST LIKE THAT, down to the plaid shirt, she wont give them the time of day. And i always think, 'chickie, broaden that scope just a bit and you might actually find someone... '5 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I have a friend who will ONLY date a very particular 'kind' of guy. They all look the same. Truly, from one to the next you can't hardly tell them apart. They all look like freaking lumberjacks. Thats her thing. okay. but not one of them has been right for her. but that is ALL she will even consider dating. if they dont look JUST LIKE THAT, down to the plaid shirt, she wont give them the time of day. And i always think, 'chickie, broaden that scope just a bit and you might actually find someone... '
It's not their physical appearance that makes them "not right" for her, however. Otherwise that's akin to saying all big brawny men in plaid shirts make lousy mates, which is just plain silly. There are obviously some underlying character traits that make them incompatible.
I've always had a fairly narrow range of physical attributes that I find attractive (not THAT narrow though!) and attempts to date guys who weren't my type proved disastrous.6 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I have a friend who will ONLY date a very particular 'kind' of guy. They all look the same. Truly, from one to the next you can't hardly tell them apart. They all look like freaking lumberjacks. Thats her thing. okay. but not one of them has been right for her. but that is ALL she will even consider dating. if they dont look JUST LIKE THAT, down to the plaid shirt, she wont give them the time of day. And i always think, 'chickie, broaden that scope just a bit and you might actually find someone... '
It's not their physical appearance that makes them "not right" for her, however. Otherwise that's akin to saying all big brawny men in plaid shirts make lousy mates, which is just plain silly. There are obviously some underlying character traits that make them incompatible.
I've always had a fairly narrow range of physical attributes that I find attractive (not THAT narrow though!) and attempts to date guys who weren't my type proved disastrous.
no, but by ONLY focusing on their appearance- and the various sub criteria- shes ruling out guys who may be absolutely perfect for her.
does that make sense?
(personally, i think its her and not them, but thats another issue entirely
) 6 -
I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.5
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I have a friend who will ONLY date a very particular 'kind' of guy. They all look the same. Truly, from one to the next you can't hardly tell them apart. They all look like freaking lumberjacks. Thats her thing. okay. but not one of them has been right for her. but that is ALL she will even consider dating. if they dont look JUST LIKE THAT, down to the plaid shirt, she wont give them the time of day. And i always think, 'chickie, broaden that scope just a bit and you might actually find someone... '
It's not their physical appearance that makes them "not right" for her, however. Otherwise that's akin to saying all big brawny men in plaid shirts make lousy mates, which is just plain silly. There are obviously some underlying character traits that make them incompatible.
I've always had a fairly narrow range of physical attributes that I find attractive (not THAT narrow though!) and attempts to date guys who weren't my type proved disastrous.
no, but by ONLY focusing on their appearance- and the various sub criteria- shes ruling out guys who may be absolutely perfect for her.
does that make sense?
(personally, i think its her and not them, but thats another issue entirely )
Oh lord, yes, choosing a partner solely on physical criteria is nuts. I've met men who I initially thought were jaw-droppingly gorgeous and then once their personality was revealed I couldn't even see them as attractive any more.
Just find a decent one and buy him the requisite plaid shirt at every gift-giving occasion and you've got your lumberjack guy,7 -
I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.0 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.
I am 36 and I knew this was a thing when I was younger.5 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.
They were stored in a building and they filmed there. Then, if you saw someone you like you could request their phone number. If they agreed they would give it to you.
One thing, we would all be single in a room, looking at books of pictures and reading profiles before looking at videos. But, we avoided each other.
And, it was expensive. I forget how much. I chose the cheapest package which was 6 months I think, but met husband on first date.5 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.
I'm 47 and I only knew about it because it was the subject of many "Cathy" comic strips!
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T1DCarnivoreRunner wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.
I am 36 and I knew this was a thing when I was younger.
well ya learn something new every day LOL2 -
I have experienced insults by women about me only being 5'8. Women do not want to be judged yet they often judge men and make comments their backs.
A good friend of mine is 5'8 and he's very popular with the ladies, another one is 5'7 and he also has a lot of success.
There is a general trend but in the real world it's much more nuanced than that.
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »T1DCarnivoreRunner wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.
I am 36 and I knew this was a thing when I was younger.
well ya learn something new every day LOL
I learned something new too, I'd never heard of this. I'm going to guess it was never a thing here.3 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »T1DCarnivoreRunner wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.
I am 36 and I knew this was a thing when I was younger.
well ya learn something new every day LOL
I also remember when there were papers where people would post personal ads... some of the papers were entirely for classified ads, though many mixed buy/sell along with personal classifieds. These were papers in print, like the kind of paper made from trees.3 -
T1DCarnivoreRunner wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »T1DCarnivoreRunner wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I met my husband video dating (VHS). Yes, I am a dinosaur. He is my height 5’5”. Lucky for me if some girls did not date him due to his height.
wait. hold up.
im not young. im 43. am i understanding you met and dated sending VHS tapes to each other?
ive never heard of such a thing and i remember when VHS tapes came OUT.
I am 36 and I knew this was a thing when I was younger.
well ya learn something new every day LOL
I also remember when there were papers where people would post personal ads... some of the papers were entirely for classified ads, though many mixed buy/sell along with personal classifieds. These were papers in print, like the kind of paper made from trees.
i remember those. I also remember some sort of phone type dating thing. i dont remember/know exactly how it worked but it was in the 90s- you left some kind of voicemail basically about yourself and people could listen to it and leave a message for you that you could retrieve. something like that i think. i had a friend that went on a few dates from that thing.0 -
The guy that I am currently dating is shorter, yes SHORTER, than me (and NO, he’s not rich 😂😂😂). I’m only 5’7 so that tells you something.
Not ALL women judge men by height or physical appearance, and I would like to believe not ALL men do, either.
Do I personally think people are making a mistake by eliminating an entire selection of a prospective “forever mate” based on a physical characteristic? Absolutely. But that’s my opinion. I’ve never had a physical preference or bias when it comes to men and I’m glad. I’ve met some incredibly wonderful men in my life that I wouldn’t have if I immediately discounted them due to their physical appearance.6 -
Not everyone does it, but from my experience most people do.0
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forestfreek wrote: »The guy that I am currently dating is shorter, yes SHORTER, than me (and NO, he’s not rich 😂😂😂). I’m only 5’7 so that tells you something.
Not ALL women judge men by height or physical appearance, and I would like to believe not ALL men do, either.
Do I personally think people are making a mistake by eliminating an entire selection of a prospective “forever mate” based on a physical characteristic? Absolutely. But that’s my opinion. I’ve never had a physical preference or bias when it comes to men and I’m glad. I’ve met some incredibly wonderful men in my life that I wouldn’t have if I immediately discounted them due to their physical appearance.
Well said!
I told a friend recently of a friend who was looking for someone to go out with and she immediately discounted him because he doesn't have the look she likes. Well the look she likes was and probably still is stringing her along...so how's that working out?
I don't understand basing a relationship on the exterior....personally I'd rather learn what the person is like first.
I think too many are hung up on this look they have decided is what they like...perhaps it's why so many are unhappily still looking for "the one" because they let them go simply because they weren't the right height or look1 -
Just throwing out there, but if I had first "met" my wife through an online profile, I likely would have swiped past and never actually met her. But since we (almost literally) bumped into each other in real life, we will celebrate 20 years married this coming June.3
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Just throwing out there, but if I had first "met" my wife through an online profile, I likely would have swiped past and never actually met her. But since we (almost literally) bumped into each other in real life, we will celebrate 20 years married this coming June.
Just curious, and you don't need to answer if this is too personal, but what part of her hypothetical online profile do you think wouldn't have appealed to you? Conversely, what caught your interest at that first meeting?
Congrats on 20 years by the way!
eta I'm old and not an online dater, I only observe from the sidelines0 -
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
Mark Twain
If they're a man of integrity I don't give a rat's @$$ about their height or their looks. A man of integrity is a national treasure.3 -
I'm just shy of 5'8" (172cm) and if I'd have succumbed to the grief that women on dating apps gave me for years on account of my height (ruined my self-esteem completely and it was the good people of MFP who gave me support and encouragement) I probably wouldn't have had the guts to ask my current gf out!4
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No, but insulting someone based on their physical characteristics definitely IS judging.2 -
It's judging when you insult someone. I have to admit that I used to judge guys by their height. When you walk into a room, the first thing you see are the tall guys. I'm glad I'm past that now, and I don't care if guys are short or tall. It's more important that you feel good next to someone.
Even if you like tall people, you don't have to insult anyone by telling them because a lot of people are sensitive about their height. You can use this tool to see how tall or short someone would look next to you. It's a better way to do it.0 -
I'm 5'1" so everyone is tall to me 😅 but even if I wasn't a shorty, I don't care about a person's height. Would you really want to date someone who doesn't like you based on height? I wouldn't.1
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I'm more curious as to what is considered tall, short or average in today's standards.
Last I checked the average American man is 1m77, which is 5'9.5.1 -
I'm more curious as to what is considered tall, short or average in today's standards.
Last I checked the average American man is 1m77, which is 5'9.5.
The average male height in the UK/US is between 5ft 9 and 5ft 10.
According to women on dating apps, anything under 6ft (including 5ft 11.5) is total dwarfism - and they state in no uncertain terms that npbnody under 6ft is allowed to breathe the same air as them, even if they are between 5ft0 and 5ft4 themselves.2
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