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Height-ism?
Replies
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I was trying to suggest a friend meet a guy I know because she needs a nice guy and this is a nice guy but she declined since he doesn't have the right look or height! I was shocked cause isn't what's inside that counts? I get being attracted to a certain look but to simply discount someone cause of physical attributes floored me.
I don't understand the height thing. I'm on the taller side for a woman so I'm used to, especially when wearing heels, being taller or as tall as many men. It certainly is a thing but I just don't understand why. I'd rather someone treat me well and be kind than be 6 feel tall.2 -
Realistically, a person who is 5'11" is likely going to be more difficult to subdue physically than one who is 5'1".
Yeah, I was going to bring this up. I've been physically picked up, put over a shoulder, and carried out of a bar by a tall drunk man, and no amount of "No," "Stop," or "Put me down" did anything. He was too strong for me to get away. He dropped me in the parking lot, and the only thing anybody did to help me was tell the guy to give up his keys because he was too drunk to drive. I don't think any of my tall friends have ever been *literally* picked up and moved somewhere by a stranger, and it's hella scary.7 -
I don’t think it is true that men have no luck on dating apps. Until I met my husband I had a hard time as a woman. I got a lot of dates but majority of guys were not looking to be serious and it became very clear to me that most of the guys I met were juggling multiple women at a time. So clearly, those men had no problem getting dates…….
Regarding preferences, everyone is entitled to them. Plenty of men I know want a slender, younger woman, a blonde woman, or unrealistic proportions ie slim with large breasts that don’t often come naturally without plastic surgery. I can’t meet those expectations. I’m not sure why men would be upset if I prefer a taller man.5 -
I don’t think it is true that men have no luck on dating apps. Until I met my husband I had a hard time as a woman. I got a lot of dates but majority of guys were not looking to be serious and it became very clear to me that most of the guys I met were juggling multiple women at a time. So clearly, those men had no problem getting dates…….
Regarding preferences, everyone is entitled to them. Plenty of men I know want a slender, younger woman, a blonde woman, or unrealistic proportions ie slim with large breasts that don’t often come naturally without plastic surgery. I can’t meet those expectations. I’m not sure why men would be upset if I prefer a taller man.
Here is the difference between most women on dating apps and most men...I got a lot of dates
Here is a video where someone reviewed Tinder data between men and women:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPuQ1Wjd2Rk&ab_channel=BetterBachelor
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I don’t think it is true that men have no luck on dating apps. Until I met my husband I had a hard time as a woman. I got a lot of dates but majority of guys were not looking to be serious and it became very clear to me that most of the guys I met were juggling multiple women at a time. So clearly, those men had no problem getting dates…….
Regarding preferences, everyone is entitled to them. Plenty of men I know want a slender, younger woman, a blonde woman, or unrealistic proportions ie slim with large breasts that don’t often come naturally without plastic surgery. I can’t meet those expectations. I’m not sure why men would be upset if I prefer a taller man.
No one is upset by individual personal preferences, or by the fact that you prefer a taller man. Men are saying that most women prefer taller men, so obviously someone who is on the shorter side is going to be upset, because it limits their chances of finding a partner. And if most women's preferences are influenced by (ridiculous and outdated) societal contructs then it why wouldn't short men be upset by that?
It makes perfect sense to me that 5' 3" man would be upset by (probably repeatedly) being rejected as an unsuitable partner, and even less masculine, simply due to his height.
Also - you already stated you only date tall men. So maybe those are the ones who had no problem getting dates and were dating multiple women? I mean men are literally on here saying it is hard for them and you don't believe them?0 -
Oh my god, I just heard the most hilarious form of height-ism: Someone just said they don't date short women because they're not a pedophile. Apparently this tool thinks every woman under 5'5" is literally a child, and I just.... what? WHAT?!?7
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"I don't get mad. I can't get mad. When you're really tall, you can't get angry."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC1MSxv-DUU 0 -
So a lot of women would date men that are 7 feet tall? Interesting.
Not me. I dated someone 6'8" once, and, while it may have been that particular guy, it felt wrong being next to him. As it did with guys under a certain height.
I'm not going to argue with my lizard brain about this
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If I posted a profile, it would 100% have things in it that I think would be deal-breakers for a lot of silly or unsuited men (i.e., opinionated, argumentative, eccentric, poor housekeeper, sarcastic, likes being every minute of her (advanced) true age and looking it. . . .). I don't even want to have that ice-breaker mid-day coffee date with incompatible idiots. Ugh.
Everybody has their deal-breaker things. And that's okay, we can't expect to appeal to everyone. Lord only knows, I'm sure being a tall woman has put off many possible suitors in my past.
For example, although I'm a huge animal lover, I could never date a cat owner. I'm violently allergic to cats and I can't see a relationship going very far if I'm allergic to the dude, his clothes, his home. That's just a practical consideration.
Of course, I'd have deal breakers, too, if I cared to deal.
My point is not "why do people do have deal-breakers" but "why do 3rd parties get angry about people having what they think are arbitrary, ridiculous deal-breakers, when that (the published silly deal-breakers) stop the 3rd parties from wasting their time dating people who think things the 3rd parties find dumb".
It's a service. If I *were* online dating and someone put a deal-breaker in their profile, I'd say (to myself) "thank you for letting me skip you". Silly criteria are just a form of deal-breaker. Why want to date someone that silly? Why not be glad they revealed right up front that they're silly?
Yes, I always used current pictures on my profile and also mentioned in text that I was overweight. I knew women who used pictures that made them look a good 40 pounds lighter. And I met a number of men who used pictures that were 15 years or so old. I don't see the point in creating a false impression that then needs to be overcome.
I worked hard to ensure compatibility so as to not waste our time.3 -
LaBellaHarris wrote: »Oh my god, I just heard the most hilarious form of height-ism: Someone just said they don't date short women because they're not a pedophile. Apparently this tool thinks every woman under 5'5" is literally a child, and I just.... what? WHAT?!?
Yet he likely expects his 5'5" and up women to have bald genitals, which is infinitely more pedophilic in appearance. Irony.6 -
I've definitely had tons of advantages being 6"5. Without a doubt.2
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I never had it on my dating profile but I certainly wasn’t interested a shorter man… I went on a date with a guy stood beside him and he was 1cm shorter than me and I instantly in my head said ‘nope, this isn’t going to work’…. Anyway we are now married with two kids 😂5
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I have never been on dating apps as I am so old that they weren't even available when I was dating THANK GOD. I have been happily married 26 yrs on 7th June, i.e. in about an hour my time 😄
Dating apps seem to encourage people to see each other as products and also like the whole process is a job interview. Instant decisions are made on a photo and nothing else where sexual attraction and chemistry cannot be conjured up or manufactured based on how tall someone is. My husband is tall but alsmot all the guys I dated were between 5"6 -5'8". My husband pursued me pretty hard, otherwise I always went for funny guys with a lot of personality that weren't that tall as I found them really sexy. My celebrity crush has always been Bob Hoskins (Roger Rabbit) !!
So I think yes, women seem to like tall men just as many men like young curvy women.
If you are having no luck on dating apps or they are making you depressed get off them and focus on meeting people IRL because you have to meet in RL to see if you actually have chemistry.
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I’m pretty sure that it’s been said time and time again in this thread but fairness doesn’t factor into preferences.
Why would you want somebody to date you who doesn’t see you as their type?
That said, some people do get passed this with personalities and just ‘getting on well’ from day one but I’ve never personally experienced this - if somebody isn’t my type, I don’t go back.
I really don’t think that you can use protected characteristic in the context of dating preferences - for a start, trying to enforce it is essentially coercion lol.
I always hated online dating, my preferences are pretty particular and I’ve just always been pretty good at going up to people and talking. On dating sites, it seems that people are just trying to sell an enhances version of themselves, doesn’t feel ‘real’.3 -
I know one person who was successful with online dating. Only one. It's theatre, AdamAthletic. It's a dog and pony show. Everyone can put on the dog, prance around the arena, start a dog fight for more attention, prance around some more and then pack up their marbles and go home. There are no winners.
Connection is everything and face-to-face is the way to go.1 -
I think i used to care about height back in middle school0
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I used to hang out in internet chat rooms a lot and knew many couples who got together. Not exactly online dating type websites but you're still talking to people. (Except for the height and age thing) people can still lie to you if you're face to face. It's not just an online thing.
It never worked out for me with the guys I dated but online isn't as bad as people make it out to be.Hiawassee88 wrote: »I know one person who was successful with online dating. Only one. It's theatre, AdamAthletic. It's a dog and pony show. Everyone can put on the dog, prance around the arena, start a dog fight for more attention, prance around some more and then pack up their marbles and go home. There are no winners.
Connection is everything and face-to-face is the way to go.
I used to hang out in internet chat rooms a lot and knew many couples who got together. Not exactly online dating type websites but you're still talking to people. (Except for the height and age thing) people can still lie to you if you're face to face. It's not just an online thing.
Sometimes it's easier for people to connect with others in a safe space (I use that term loosely
) like online before meeting up. Meeting up is just the last test of compatability.
It never worked out for me with the guys I dated but online isn't as bad as people make it out to be.1 -
Whoa Nelly. Doggone it, Glassyo. Here all of this time I thought you were a man.
I have been duped by online personas trying to pass themselves off as women and men, but somewhere along the line they always mess it up. Heckatoot, they've even pretended to be my friends. It's the multiple moniker shell game. You can't lie about those things in person, generally speaking. Sidenote: Sometimes, I use cute, darling, handsome, beautiful men for monikers to keep the flies away.😂🤣😅 I don't know how tall they are but who really gives a rat's @$$. 0 -
Hiawassee88 wrote: »Whoa Nelly. Doggone it, Glassyo. Here all of this time I thought you were a man.
I have been duped by online personas trying to pass themselves off as women and men, but somewhere along the line they always mess it up. Heckatoot, they've even pretended to be my friends. It's the multiple moniker shell game. You can't lie about those things in person, generally speaking. Sidenote: Sometimes, I use cute, darling, handsome, beautiful men for monikers to keep the flies away.😂🤣😅 I don't know how tall they are but who really gives a rat's @$$.
Hey! I could be gay, ya know!
LOL I'm such a bad liar I can't even do it online.
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Glassyo. Hugs and kisses all around.
You want to know why I post soooo many songs. Why do people spend hours answering questions for others and some of them are half a page long or more. All science-y, detailed, finer than frogs hair. You know why they do it? I'll tell you why. It gives their brain a big euphoria hit. They enjoy helping others and they want to share their knowledge with the world. It makes them happy.
It's a family tradition for me. A sassy indian. We sing, we dance and it gives me a respite from the world which can be very mean and cruel. When I sing and dance, I lose myself into another world. I've been doing it since I was a young child. Every night, I would sing and dance until it was time for bed. I can jack myself UP and make myself cry or laugh, every emotion you can think of. It makes me happy. Behind the scenes, I'm working like a sonuvagun. I swim and hike and shovel snow. I fish and climb mountains. I do all kinds of things. I use the music to make my playlists and I can go and go and go... on music. I'm lit like a Christmas tree when I hear music. I'm not going to change. So, I started my own thread and no one pays any attention to me. I've way out of their orbit and reality but it doesn't matter, Glassyo. Someone out there may find a song for their playlist and use it on their pathway to a better quality of life and health.1 -
@glassyo I've really been thinking about your comments. In a nutshell without the whole bushel or we can harangue it, too... I can read more from body language than I can from someone's online messages. Give me 7 minutes and I can tell you more than what I learn from 7 years of exchanges. Face-to-face contact works for me. People reveal more with their body than their devices do.
I know immediately if I have chemistry with a person. Lock eyes and next thing you know, you might have a hugger on your hands. Witty, flirty banter is fine but too many compliments turn my stomach. People judge others by their texting styles. That's swimming in some shallow waters. You can tell everything from the way people greet you. I've learned everything I know from wild creatures and critters. The animal kingdom is beautifully pure.
Some people react and some people respond. There's a big difference. When someone constantly reacts to you in a negative manner, it says nothing about you. It's the way they are experiencing you through their personal biases. When you know who you really are, their criticism does not weigh you down.
You can't let their compliments build into your self-worth, either. Self-worth is not built on compliments or criticism. You can't let opinions affect your self-worth. Anyone can present an image on social media that does not match their reality in any way. That's why people use filters and hide behind monikers. Online imposture is a real thing.
Face-to-face. That's vulnerability.2 -
@Hiawassee88 I came in to leave a quick thank you for finally answering my question but now this with you being all serious and stuff. I'm leaving work but will come back to unpack this later tonight. 1
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@glassyo Okey dokey. We've a lorra lorra going on in my neck of the woods. I like thinking about things whilst I'm doing some heavy lifting, so to speak. It keeps me going. So long now.0
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Shouldn't the matches be about quality, not quantity? Assuming you're looking for something beyond a casual fling, at least the shallow people are selecting themselves out.
People always talk about heightism in online dating but, when I look at the guys I know in real life, height doesn't seem to make a difference in whether they are in relationships or not. I know many short guys who have zero problem getting dates. Maybe this phenomenon is limited to online dating? I suspect online dating would by nature be more likely to attract a higher proportion of shallow people relative to the general population. Since the entire idea of it is that you present a "false self" to the world and this would appeal more to shallow people, while non-shallow people would likely feel some degree of uncomfortable with the idea.1 -
@siberiantarragonsiberiantarragon wrote: »Shouldn't the matches be about quality, not quantity? Assuming you're looking for something beyond a casual fling, at least the shallow people are selecting themselves out.
People always talk about heightism in online dating but, when I look at the guys I know in real life, height doesn't seem to make a difference in whether they are in relationships or not. I know many short guys who have zero problem getting dates. Maybe this phenomenon is limited to online dating? I suspect online dating would by nature be more likely to attract a higher proportion of shallow people relative to the general population. Since the entire idea of it is that you present a "false self" to the world and this would appeal more to shallow people, while non-shallow people would likely feel some degree of uncomfortable with the idea.
I'd argue strongly that being 'shallow' is definitely subject to definition. I would consider myself to be shallow, based on vague definitions (being bothered about aesthetics as well as personality) - though, I do also care about personalities.
I'd say that the world of relationships isn't 'fair' because the nature of being human is to have preferences in the different aspects of our lives, some people being more open to drifting from their own ideals, some less so. I honestly don't think that online dating really caters to either.
Anybody can pretend to be a certain way, both aesthetically and personality wise, though it's far less easy to hide your personality (in my opinion) after chatting for a long while online, in that sense I'd argue that online caters for the less 'shallow' in a realistic way.1 -
Height-ism. It's real or some men wouldn't suffer from insecurity about it.
"Short Wives & Tall Husbands Are Scientifically The Best Couple Combo"
“Although it has been known that women prefer tall men in mating for evolutionary reasons, no study has investigated whether a taller husband makes his wife happier. A greater height difference in a couple was positively related to the wife's happiness,” explains Dr Sohn in the Journal Of Personality and Individual Differences. The study further goes on to reveal that husbands play a rather significant role in building and making a relationship last and stand the test of time. Women with taller husbands generally tend to be happier in their relationships than most others. "
However,
"Couples who don't have much of a height difference between the two spouses, don't feel disheartened. Your relationship is based on a lot more than just height differences and scientific studies."
If you have to constantly prop someone UP about their height and everything else, that's so exhausting.
Tall, good looking men tend to climb the ladder faster and women go for taller men. They'll fall all over them in an office situation. Heckatoot, they'll run after their car and lick their tires. Prance around the office to get their attention. I've watched all of it in action.
I dated a short man who constantly wanted to flex his muscles and strike a pose. He caught me watching the
TV behind him while he was posing and he came unglued. Threw a temper tantrum and a hissy fit. I packed up my marbles and went home.
Lastly, he was always working out late in the gym. Come to find out, he was running all over town....really working out. That insecurity was a constant driver in his head. Strike a pose. 🥱1
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