Feeling like the worst person ever

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135

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  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    Sounds to me like he needs to have his head surgically removed from his *kitten*
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    the funny thing is- they love their crates, they have bones and chew toys in there
    We never used the crates as punishment so it is just somewhere they like to be- half the time we are home, they lay in the crates (which are wide open) out of choice

    Yeah my dogs love their crates too, it's like their room. Lil dexter puts himself to bed everynight in his crate and My fiance says when I am not home they lay in Atty's (she's bigger) together until I come home.
  • emilydmac
    emilydmac Posts: 382 Member
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    Until I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them

    PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    has an uncanny talent for making me feel really guilty for things that shouldn't matter! it is a talent that i wish i had so i could use it on him when he leaves piles of sweaty socks on my porch for me to pick up and wash!

    This is NOT good nor healthy for a relationship on any level. All he is doing is manipulating you. I would seek counciling for the both of you and if he refuses, sell the ring, take 75% of his movies and Music and DUMP HIM!

    Ungrateful SOB
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    My boyfriend had this philosophy, and its true, dogs are den animals, they like it, but if the dogs can be left with the crates open they'll be able to stretch and you won't have to worry about them being crated so long...

    ah yes- have tried that many times, to the result of nearly all of my shoes, the rug, the legs of the tables and chairs and my computer cord being chewed to pieces.

    Right, hence the training suggestion...
  • dihar2
    dihar2 Posts: 29 Member
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    No one can make you feel anything unless you allow them to. You are a loving lovely person who deserves to be with someone who is a grown up. Please hear me when I say this, you appear to be living as a victim..I know from where I speak. A lot of counseling and introspective thinking. Everyone is correct in that these dogs are not your responsibility, it's ok to help but they are his. Time for some healthy boundaries and letting go of fear.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Until I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them

    PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW

    Seriously, you need to kick this guy to the curb before you've got legal reasons trapping you. You shouldn't be paying for his dogs, that is madness. Get out while you can.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Sweetie, think long and hard before you take the plunge with this ungrateful SOB. Seriously, any question from him via text or otherwise as to how your day is going? Or is a continuous stream of ways of making you feel guilty? Are you secure enough about yourself where you can truly put what's important to you FIRST? I am all for commitment and working hard for a relationship, but what's he giving? Sounds like a lot of grief to me for an honest mistake.

    Please, do yourself a favor and make sure you're ok with sticking with this guy the rest of your life!!


    <<APPLAUD>>
    And WOW at those legs NC!
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    Explain to him tonight after there has been sometime you are tired, upset, and you didn't mean to. Just talk it out. I've gotten angry over stupid stuff that hit me the wrong way with my wife and vice versa. Usually after about a little bit of time (usually and hour or so, I'm STUBBORN) I see her point and we talk it out and all is good. If he is like that all the time, probably not a great way to start your marriage. I usually get annoyed angry a couple times a year. (Hey I can admit it) and 99.8% of the time I'm wrong. (Wife would say 100% but I remember 1 time after we first got married!) Communication is key.

    Also not letting the dogs out seems like a bad reason to get ticked. They are his dogs, be responsible for your own animals and not expect others to take care of them for you. Isn't that a basic rule parents teach their kids?
  • mondeflottant
    mondeflottant Posts: 30 Member
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    My gush, you're so brave, his reaction was outrageous ! But, we can't judge anything, not him or your relationship based on this situation only.
    The only way to finish this is to communicate.
    You already have apologized. So, explain him everything now, every little thing of your journey.
    If he loves his dogs so much, he maybe have to sort out another solution to take care of them.
    Take care.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    They were 'fine'?? ... AFTER 10 HRS ??? Are you kidding me?

    Sure, they may seem fine .. because they can't communiticate their distress of having a full bladder and cramped from being in a crate for 10 .. I repeat 10 hours! .. as if 8 hours isn't bad enough!

    Have you EVER considered doing that yourself? How would you feel after say 4 hrs ? 6 hrs? 10 hrs? with no bathroom break. Krikey .. have you EVER gone on a long distance trip trapped in a car? After a few hours .. how do you feel sitting in one position the whole time .. YOU feel the need to empty your bladder and stretch your legs, right?

    I don't know how else to say this ... DOGS FEEL PAIN AND DISCOMFORT EXACTLY THE SAME AS PEOPLE .. The only difference is they can't communicate it. Even after suffering the discomfort to the degree they do, they have the uncanning ability to feel elation when you finally do get home.

    Good Grief!!!! People .. What are you thinking?

    I'm thinking they are the boy friends dogs and his responsibility. Him getting mad at her for not taking care of them for him is irresponsible. If he wants to have the dogs he needs to make sure they are provided for. I do agree that being locked up for 10 hours is hard on dogs. It sounds like the boyfriend may not be able to properly take care of the dogs, which is his issue.
  • emilydmac
    emilydmac Posts: 382 Member
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    My gush, you're so brave, his reaction was outrageous ! But, we can't judge anything, not him or your relationship based on this situation only.
    The only way to finish this is to communicate.
    You already have apologized. So, explain him everything now, every little thing of your journey.
    If he loves his dogs so much, he maybe have to sort out another solution to take care of them.
    Take care.

    Thank you so much- he doesn't get angry often, and he is a very loving person and we have a good relationship, it is a two way street and we are a team. I think it has been a rough week for both of us and we can only do our best
  • ESVABelle
    ESVABelle Posts: 1,264 Member
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    My other suggestion, have that fiance train his freaking dogs so they don't have to be crated.

    Seriously. My bullmastiff has free reign of the house when I'm gone. As soon as my Daniff is trained, he'll be out of his crate and roaming the house too.
  • lakersfan4life
    lakersfan4life Posts: 322 Member
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    is it possible that he's really upset about you being considerably more busy than you used to be, and having less time for the two of you to spend together. and this is just an excuse to let out that anger or frustration?
  • roblow65
    roblow65 Posts: 156 Member
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    thank you everyone (I think my horse is goodlooking too)!! i don't know why, but he has an uncanny talent for making me feel really guilty for things that shouldn't matter! it is a talent that i wish i had so i could use it on him when he leaves piles of sweaty socks on my porch for me to pick up and wash!

    I don't mean to over step my bounds but after reading this I feel compelled to write this. You need to rethink whether or not you really want to marry this guy. If your not married yet and he's showing you this side of him and using his "talent" for inducing guilt, then he COULD be much worse after you're married, especially with kids. Just think twice, not marrying him or even breaking up will hurt no doubt but in the long run it would be less painful, emotionally, physically, and financially. It's much worse with children involved. I wish you the best.
  • msshiraz
    msshiraz Posts: 327 Member
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    Sounds like you both need to talk it out- #1 relationship killer- lack of communication. If he doesn't want to hear it then you are in affect, an employee- dirty socks, ect, rules that apply to you don't apply to him.
    Hopefully for you both its just tough time but no one deserves to be yelled at in any relationship- have a better rest of your day!!! :) Don't forget your workout- we get super stressed and we need our exercise to give us the balance
  • BellySoonGone
    BellySoonGone Posts: 150
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    tell him doggie style can solve almost anything..he'll be happy
  • DBlake0926
    DBlake0926 Posts: 5
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    I'm new to the site, but I think I recognize venting when I see it. I have two great big dogs and am fostering a third and I work and I know how much care they are. As you said, you felt guilty about neglecting the dogs and no amount of people telling you you shouldn't feel guilty is going to change the way you feel. It's the way you feel, you can't help it. However, maybe your boyfriend needs to take a look at his responsibilities and your responsibilities and start being a bit more reasonable with what his expectations of you are. It sounds like he needs to learn that relationships are give and take, not just take, take. Maybe each of you should make a list and compare. Maybe if he sees it in black and white he'll realize he should be helping you out, not pushing more on you.

    Good luck.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Gosh people...I know you all mean well, but it seems like the OP (an obviously stressed-out girl) just wanted to vent a little bit, and sure did get a lot of unsolicited advice about her relationship, and dog care in return.

    Someone who is smart enough to be supporting herself while working two jobs AND going to school at 19 years old, is probably level-headed enough to know if she wants to marry this guy. Its easy to give advice when you hear someone vent (I'm guilty of doing it too, and also guilty of complaining about my man's bad days and making him sound terrible when he is actually a great guy). Every relationship has its little quirks and silly things people fight about...doesn't necessarly mean this guy is an evil manipulator.
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    Until I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them

    PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW

    I am not berating you .. You seem to think that there is nothing wrong with leaving dogs for that long ... I am trying to convince you otherwise. I don't care if they are your dogs or his dogs. We are talking about your way of thinking.

    Having said that, You are justified in thinking that these dogs are ultimately his responsibility ... if .. and only if .. they are not and will never be 'family' pets. Tyically, if you want to live together you have to assume somethings as communal property or responsibility or you have to come to agreement on which is which. .If you are living together and have decided to not combine your household, and that you will keep somethings seperated, you have to come to a decision and agreement on what is "yours, mine and ours". If the dogs remain as HIS pets and his pets only .. then he should not expect you to feed them, take them to the vet, pay for the vet bills, or care for them in any way.

    Perhaps, in his mind, he thinks he is taking care of his dogs needs by delegating the task of their morning break to you. If you don't take care of that inrefutable need, then the blame falls back on him which will ultimately cause him to be displeased with you. Which ever way you work it out ... The dogs needs were not being met ... and ultimately THEY are the ones who suffer the consequences.

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