Feeling like the worst person ever

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  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    It's important to him so it has to be important to you?

    What about what's important to you? He should realize all that you do and how overwhelmed you are.

    It was a mistake. Seems like it's something that doesn't happen often. Tell him to get the stick out of his *kitten* and get over it.
    Listen to _beachgirl_. Don't let the underscores fool you. She is smart.

    i don't know why, but he has an uncanny talent for making me feel really guilty for things that shouldn't matter! it is a talent that i wish i had so i could use it on him when he leaves piles of sweaty socks on my porch for me to pick up and wash!
    I'd like to suggest that this "talent" is being attributed on the wrong side of the equation. I know you are 19, so I can understand the "worst person ever" hyperbole. But you are an independent woman. I assume you are making healthy choices. You have already lost 8 pounds. You are participating in MFP. Own your behavior. Any guilt you feel (right or wrong) is your own guilt. If it seems like someone makes you feel guilty easily, or a lot, then perhaps the relationship itself isn't very equal.

    You are not the worst person in the world. Not even close. You care about your fiance. Make sure you care about yourself. You can acknowledge something is a big deal to him and still say no. It's not easy, but you can do it. A loving and respectful 'no' can be the key to a good relationship. You gotta set boundaries for lasting happiness and satisfaction. Learn this now and your marriage will be the better for it. I promise. (all your relationships will be the better for it)
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    they are not and will never be family pets because he is training them to be protection dogs, they need to be crated or they will rip the place apart. I don't necessarily agree with this route but it is what it is. I am more along the lines of get a dog that is small enough and well behaved enough to go most places I go, and wants to be a lap dog.

    Actually, if he is training them, then they need to go Everywhere he goes. I have a friend that does this professionally. The crates are fine, totally agree with it. but if you are Training them to be protection dogs, then they go with...that's how the greater bond is formed.

    This. Protection dogs, especially, need to be trusted to behave perfectly, other wise you're going to have a serious dog, with a serious issue, and is going to inevitably get sent to Animal Control..
  • jklm
    jklm Posts: 281
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    I feel so sorry to hear how you're being treated, but at least you can vent. Those poor dogs are miserable! They are big animals and need to roam...let alone empty their bladder! Please notice that your fiancee isn't sensitive to your needs regarding your oversleeping...well, he's also immensely insensitive to those 2 dogs of his. I am not a dog freak, but I am very upset to think about animals being crated for such a long time. Just because they're used to it being done to them...doesn't mean it's good for them. Sort of like you're used to him treating you like this...it's not good for you, either. I hope you'll do the right thing and take care of yourself and speak up for those two dogs, too. Please...
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    He needs to suck it up, and recognize all that YOU do in the relationship. They are his dogs...what is keeping him from taking care of them? No offense, but they are not Your dogs...they are HIS dogs.
    As a dog owner, I takre the responsibility for my dogs and their care. No, I am not one fo these over-the-top-love-my-dogs-greater-than-a-person-cause-they-are-family...no, dogs are Pets. If you want them, take care of them as You want. Sine they are Not yours, they are Not YOUR responsibility.

    Tell you fiance to grow up. God forgive you ever have children and he expects the same where he has little respoinsibility
    THIS.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    bak, he'll get over it, if not he has bigger issues than whether or not you forgot to leave the dogs out one morning.
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
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    You need to stop beating yourself up and stop letting him beat you up over a MISTAKE.
  • piezoeyjune
    piezoeyjune Posts: 186 Member
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    thank you everyone (I think my horse is goodlooking too)!! i don't know why, but he has an uncanny talent for making me feel really guilty for things that shouldn't matter! it is a talent that i wish i had so i could use it on him when he leaves piles of sweaty socks on my porch for me to pick up and wash!


    Ummmm, dont mean to be a jerk here (also, im not done perusing the thread so maybe you speak positively about him) but after reading what I did I have one question...

    Why do you want to marry this man?

    B/c so far he seems like a selfish egotistic butt hole...
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
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    Bless your heart. NOt only did you spend the morning beating yourself up and having him make you feel guilty but now others are making you feel guilty too! ((((((((hugs)))))))))
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
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    Hey hon. . . it was an accident as simple as that. . You have a lot on your plate right now. . . He will calm down about it and realize you weren't doing it to be mean. .

    It will be okay. . . You are taking a lot of things on and it happens. . . Not one of us is perfect. . Huggles. . .
  • krisntraining
    krisntraining Posts: 226 Member
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    It's important to him so it has to be important to you?

    What about what's important to you? He should realize all that you do and how overwhelmed you are.

    It was a mistake. Seems like it's something that doesn't happen often. Tell him to get the stick out of his *kitten* and get over it.

    Agreed!! Minus the stick in the a** ;)

    I am a dog lover and my lab is my child ( i know people will scoff at this, screw em) but you seem to be a supportive partner and accepting of something important to him.... think of the dogs as your "stepkids" and you will understand his frustration... would you have left them if they were human children? probably not. You obviously care and will make sure this doesnt happen again so you get a pass in my book.
  • krisntraining
    krisntraining Posts: 226 Member
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    I must say, to the people that are judging HIM, YOU obviously dont get the love of an animal...!!!

    A dog is JUST AS IMPORTANT AS A CHILD to some and those that don't respect that need to move on. The love of an animal is unconditional... you can leave them alone, not feed them (hungry little puppy, really???) or abuse them (sick twisted people going to HELL!!!) and they will still give you more love and companionship than anything ( I wanted to say "any child" fully expecting critisism...)

    My point, I don't blame her for forgetting ONCE, because it wasn't a priority for her but a secnod time???... well she wouldn't ;) so it doesn't matter :)
  • nikirushka
    nikirushka Posts: 27
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    Ok, first thing I will say is that I haven't read every single reply so apologies if this has already been addressed. I'm not going to touch the relationship issues - everyone else has done that!

    You say you and your fiance can't leave these dogs uncrated because they become destructive.

    As a behaviourist, this suggests to me that these dogs are bored and/or frustrated.

    What do you do to address their emotional and physical needs? GSDs are a working breed with a working mind - they need physical exercise, generally 1-2 hours a day bare minimum (and with them being crated for extended periods it should be 2 hours minimum IMO; also more if they can't be let off); they also need mental work - training (whether it's towards a goal such as competitive obedience, working trials, agility etc or just fun training - tricks, scentwork etc), play and so on.

    How do you feed them (or I should say, how does he feed them as they are his dogs)? Feeding the normal meals out of, say, a treat dispensing ball, or a kong, or scatter feeding can help with the mental needs of the dogs and keep them calmer.

    I think if you and he (primarily he, given how much you've got on) were to address these things then life would probably be a lot easier and the destructiveness could lessen or indeed, stop altogether.

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