Self-sabotage accountability

I probably weigh my self 4/5 times a day, but if I didn’t a part of accountability would not be their. Yes our weight depends on the time day also if we eaten and if we been for a 1/2 ect. It fluctuates up and down. But if I see a jump that’s not normal for my body’s behaviour. It’s that leash that pulls me back says *hay think time roll it back *what can we do from here on to make better choices. This better than throwing the towel in and then having all the self hate put downs within the mind. Not say this doesn’t happen but it’s shorter lived. I’m starting to see my weight go down. Which great every pound is awesome. Trying get my brain go to positive from “it’s going down but we could of done better” is hard one. Self sabotage is something I’ve always said I’m good at but lately I’m great at having the confidence to say no to others self sabotage. Example “they want a take away. Only one mouthful won’t hurt. Eat you can’t starve your self. You have to have a treat. I don’t want to eat what your cooking” order a plain salad and a bottle of water. Problem solved I don’t feel guilty their peed off. I’m happy. For me having food addictions this means one mouthful and I will start to binge. I’ll hide and binge. I steal others food and binge. I’ll make myself physical sick. I either control it or it rules me. So this where we are years down a serial binger and diet yo-yo-ist. I’m not sure what happened I woke up one day decided I’d had enough. I had felt like a broken record. I felt I had no voice. I felt that my voice didn’t want to be heard. I hated myself, I put myself down. I would make fun of myself to others. Took me time to shake that mould off. Because I am worth a lot more than I give myself credit for. First change water between coffee. Second less coffee with less milk. Working on even less milk. Realising the stress of cooking for everyone and working out portions is too much. Ordered portion control containers Yay! Decided working out just my fat carbs kcals ect.. is best. Putting everyone else on a diet is not fare. Working out a meal divided by per head. Then age portion size and then left over food . The guilt of left over food. All too much for me. If they wish they can eat healthy but for now I’ll cook my food separately from theirs. Lead by example not forcing them. By having no choice. Few my kids have eating disorder this may be a result of my jo-jo dieting. Fourth using a smaller plate to trick my brain the plate is full. Compared to large plat smaller portions the plate is empty. Feeling guilty for a half empty plate. Telling myself it’s ok to leave food on my plate I don’t have eat it all. Trying to listen to my body am I hungry, am I thirsty, am i bored? I’ve started so many different plans.. noom, ww, sw, fad diets.. seeing them as this one this the one this the one this time, but that worked last time why not now, that doesn’t work for me anymore. In reality I’d missed that was me. They all work when you have accountability for your actions. Taking responsibility for what I put in my mouth, how active I am. The time effect I put in. Anything is possible if you apply your self. Looking forward to today. I’ve been given some exercises that will help my flat feet. So after breakfast that first part my day that is planned. 4lb down and feeling that I’ve really achieved something and feeling ok let’s do more.

Thank you for taking time to read my daily thoughts. This is it xxx lots of love have a fab day and love your self xx