What are some ways to redirect people when they comment on weight loss/body change?

Yup, say thanks and move on.

It doesn't sound like you feel the need to offer unsolicited advice to those specific groups of people (good! ) so quickly move on.

echristensen010 wrote: »

Great, succinct advice - I love it!

Do you have advice for friends who want to talk more about it? I have basically jsut been listening and limiting my comments (which can be REALLY hard!).

They say they care concerned about my weight, which I reassure them they don't need to be because I am working with a coach, and have a therapist, and have no history of EDs. From what I can tell her reaction is less about my progress/change and more about how she is feeling about herself.

Maybe the best thing I can do is just keep listening and try to ask insightful questions to help her work through how she is feeling...

I like the redirect (Thanks, then change subject) that others have mentioned.

Personally, if they want to talk more, I try to get a quick read on motivations. (If you really don't want to talk about it at all, you don't have to go any further than redirect, or "let's talk about something else" if they're pushy.)

Speaking for myself only, and with all observations about other people biased by my social context:

I've had a very small number of friends who sincerely wanted to learn "how to", or were deep into sincere weight-loss efforts themselves (not just pro forma claims of intent). (Sadly, it seems many women my age say they want to lose, but they don't actually want to change anything: More looking for magic tricks, because they think the weight gain was caused by external factors, not choices.)

With those people who have sincere/serious interest, I'm willing to talk about details, starting in a limited way at first, just short answers to their questions until I gauge attitude (science or magic) and seriousness. I prefer not to have these talks in groups, just one on one.

If instead the intent is "are you sick" (but they don't want to ask that outright), some of the responses above are good, like the "working hard" one. (I'm a cancer survivor, so know viscerally that there's very little as socially awkward as congratulating someone on weight loss when they're actually battling a serious health condition!)

If there's a whiff of "you're getting too thin" (caring on their part, or defensive because they're anxious about their own weight, doesn't matter), my go-to is ". . . my doctor is really happy with my goals/results" (which is true in my case, BTW).

One of my friends - usually smart, honest and insightful - did have that "are you anorexic" kind of reaction at one point. At the time, I brushed her off, mostly laughing sincerely at the thought, but also using the "happy doctor" line, and telling her I was usually eating more than 2000 calories daily at that point (true).

A couple of years later, I asked her why she reacted that way. It was a longer convo, but basically she thought it was a combination of shock (because it's pretty statistically uncommon in our social set to see a 60ish y/o woman lose multiple tens of pounds steadily, pretty happily, while healthy, and in a health-cautious way) and envy (her sentiment, not my re-interpretation).

I also do think that toward the end of losing, and for maybe a couple of months after, I realistically looked a little haggard, until my skin-shrinkage (especially facially) caught up with the fat loss a bit, and stuff like my glycogen levels topped up a bit again post-deficit.

Repeating myself: You don't need to go that far in any conversation, if you truly don't want to talk about it. Personally, I'm willing to be open about it, but don't want to waste my time if it's profitless for me and the other person(s) both. It matters to me who asks and why (in my best estimation) they did so. YMMV.

echristensen010 wrote: »

Great, succinct advice - I love it!

Do you have advice for friends who want to talk more about it? I have basically jsut been listening and limiting my comments (which can be REALLY hard!).

They say they care concerned about my weight, which I reassure them they don't need to be because I am working with a coach, and have a therapist, and have no history of EDs. From what I can tell her reaction is less about my progress/change and more about how she is feeling about herself.

Maybe the best thing I can do is just keep listening and try to ask insightful questions to help her work through how she is feeling...

You've already done the Appeal to Authority, and she is still persisting, which is...odd. I'd keep repeating "My doctor is delighted with my progress" and change the subject.

I've lost 155 pounds this year and work in an office with 900 people.

I know this all too well. It can be very awkward and it was becoming an issue with my co worker CONSTANTLY wanting to talk to me about it to the point I wasn't getting enough work done. They are all soooo nice and sweet but yeah I've learned to give a heartfelt thank you and move on

sollyn23l2 wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

echristensen010 wrote: »

Great, succinct advice - I love it!

Do you have advice for friends who want to talk more about it? I have basically jsut been listening and limiting my comments (which can be REALLY hard!).

They say they care concerned about my weight, which I reassure them they don't need to be because I am working with a coach, and have a therapist, and have no history of EDs. From what I can tell her reaction is less about my progress/change and more about how she is feeling about herself.

Maybe the best thing I can do is just keep listening and try to ask insightful questions to help her work through how she is feeling...

You've already done the Appeal to Authority, and she is still persisting, which is...odd. I'd keep repeating "My doctor is delighted with my progress" and change the subject.

To be fair, appeal to authority is a logical fallacy, meaning it's considered a completely invalid argument. Just because someone's a coach or a therapist doesn't immediately mean they're not a complete idiot. Which may be why she still gets some pushback. Honestly, the OP simply doesn't need to defend themself at all, just change the topic.

In practical terms, appeal to authority is not an invalid argument when the other side of the argument is some diet-myth nonsense that Aunt Susie read in a tabloid in the supermarket check-out line, next to stories like "Taylor Swift gives birth to alien baby".

"My doctor (or therapist, whatever knowledgeable actual formal authority) supports my goals" is a rational counter argument in that scenario. Perfect argument? No. Of course the doctor (etc.) could be an idiot. But in that scenario, odds are on the doctor vs. Aunt Susie's tabloid headline.

Aunt Susie has probably never studied formal/informal logic, debate, etc., either, so the structure of the argument is quite unlikely to be the reason for push-back. More likely: She probably believes all doctors are in thrall to Big Pharma, or paid to undermine people's health to save the government/companies pension money.

sollyn23l2 wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

sollyn23l2 wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

echristensen010 wrote: »

Great, succinct advice - I love it!

Do you have advice for friends who want to talk more about it? I have basically jsut been listening and limiting my comments (which can be REALLY hard!).

They say they care concerned about my weight, which I reassure them they don't need to be because I am working with a coach, and have a therapist, and have no history of EDs. From what I can tell her reaction is less about my progress/change and more about how she is feeling about herself.

Maybe the best thing I can do is just keep listening and try to ask insightful questions to help her work through how she is feeling...

You've already done the Appeal to Authority, and she is still persisting, which is...odd. I'd keep repeating "My doctor is delighted with my progress" and change the subject.

To be fair, appeal to authority is a logical fallacy, meaning it's considered a completely invalid argument. Just because someone's a coach or a therapist doesn't immediately mean they're not a complete idiot. Which may be why she still gets some pushback. Honestly, the OP simply doesn't need to defend themself at all, just change the topic.

In practical terms, appeal to authority is not an invalid argument when the other side of the argument is some diet-myth nonsense that Aunt Susie read in a tabloid in the supermarket check-out line, next to stories like "Taylor Swift gives birth to alien baby".

"My doctor (or therapist, whatever knowledgeable actual formal authority) supports my goals" is a rational counter argument in that scenario. Perfect argument? No. Of course the doctor (etc.) could be an idiot. But in that scenario, odds are on the doctor vs. Aunt Susie's tabloid headline.

Aunt Susie has probably never studied formal/informal logic, debate, etc., either, so the structure of the argument is quite unlikely to be the reason for push-back. More likely: She probably believes all doctors are in thrall to Big Pharma, or paid to undermine people's health to save the government/companies pension money.

Exactly right. And that's also why it's considered an invalid argument. No matter what I wa nt you to believe (women can't fast, women have to fast, eggs are bad, eggs are good, being overweight is good being overweight is bad, being overweight is neutral, losing weight is good, losing weight is bad, losing weight is neutral) I guarantee I can find a doctor/dietitian and/or therapist that will agree with me. I'm not saying we shouldn't ever listen to doctors, I'm just saying *most* people are not going to care if your doctor/therapist/whoever said somethings ok.

But the reason they don't care is not (usually) that they recognize that the technical structure of the argument is flawed. They keep pushing back out of some other motivation, typically, IME: Nosiness, pushiness, greater belief in their own "experts", envy, genuine concern in an environment where fat seems normal, etc., etc. That's my point.

I won't pursue this further. I understand your point. You are absolutely correct about the logical, technical flaw in appeal to authority.

I'm saying that it's not that technical flaw that matters in most of these discussions, that's all. The appeal to authority (doctor, etc.) will help shut some of these conversations down, in a practical sense, in my experience.

I'm not surrounded by logicians, but maybe that's just my biased sample of the total population.

I say thank you and do my best to move on.

Humans are visual creatures. We rely on visual cues to find food, partners, keep track of children and so on. The comments and compliments will come to an end, people adjust and adapt to changes.