Chuck Norris jokes please

24

Replies

  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


    Yeah, I love chuck norris jokes
  • webfootcajun
    webfootcajun Posts: 41
    Chuck Norris has counted to infinity......Twice.

    A king cobra bit Chuck Norris and after thre agonizing days of pain, the snake died.
  • mamabearr
    mamabearr Posts: 304
    Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris pee's his name in concrete.
  • mamabearr
    mamabearr Posts: 304


    One time chuck norris gave a bunch of his used belt buckles to a group of kids..........they are now known as the power rangers


    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    The 'c' in Einstein's 'E = mc^2' equation originally stood for Chuck Norris. But Einstein realized no human mind could fully grasp the concept of Chuck Norris multiplied by Chuck Norris, so he dumbed it down to something easier to understand, like the speed of light.

    Haha, I love this one!
    If Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you will die.

    Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.

    These are awesome!
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member


    One time chuck norris gave a bunch of his used belt buckles to a group of kids..........they are now known as the power rangers


    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    Yeah, that one's pure gold!
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

    When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the *kitten* he wants.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Chuck Norris tells Chuck Norris jokes:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6UdFshe6JA&feature=related
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Chuck Norris tells Chuck Norris jokes:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6UdFshe6JA&feature=related

    LOL... I saw that!
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

    Chuck Norris knows what you did last summer.


    If you are stuck on a test and you don't know the answer to a question, write in Chuck Norris. The answer is always Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed
  • BrandNewMia
    BrandNewMia Posts: 461
    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Chuck Norris has no hair on his balls... because hair won't grow on steel.
  • daniellesb1
    daniellesb1 Posts: 178 Member
    My husband is obssessed with Chuck Norris jokes ! So here are some of my favorites.....

    Chuck Norris can read an eye chart with his eyes closed.

    If you want to wake up tomorrow, dont dream about Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can roll a 13 with a pair of dice.
  • daniellesb1
    daniellesb1 Posts: 178 Member
    My husband is obssessed with Chuck Norris jokes ! So here are some of my favorites.....

    Chuck Norris can read an eye chart with his eyes closed.

    If you want to wake up tomorrow, dont dream about Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can roll a 13 with a pair of dice.

    Chuck Norris can put toothpaste back in the tube.

    When Chuck Norris eats ice cream too fast, the ice cream gets brain freeze (HAHAHA LOVE this one!)

    When Alexander Bell invented the phone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris won American Idol using sign language (another fav!)

    Chuck Norris doesnt call the wrong number, you just answer the wrong phone.

    Ghosts sit around the campfire telling Chuck Norris stories.

    Chuck Norris doesnt cheat death, he beats it fair and square.

    Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.

    Chuck Norris has a stunt double. For crying scenes.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • BrandNewMia
    BrandNewMia Posts: 461
    Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

    Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

    Bahaha!
  • Vegan_Chick
    Vegan_Chick Posts: 474 Member
    Chuck Norris's tears are a cure for cancer
  • Maggiedc
    Maggiedc Posts: 49
    When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.....


    There is no theory of evolution....just a list of creatures that Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
  • skittybang
    skittybang Posts: 1,525 Member
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  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    Ckuck Norris can run over his enemies with a parked car.

    Chuck Norris won an Oscar without being nominated.

    When Chuck Norris kicks a mirror, his reflection doesn't move.. Not even his reflection is dumb enough to attack him
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Googled favs:

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

    Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's potato chip.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Chuck Norris's penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.

    God wanted to create the world in 10 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    Chuck norris likes to vacation in the Bermuda Triangle and he doesn't like when people bother him. The mystery is solved!
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    edit: duplicate; i will try to find another one =)

    Find Another one? It's Chuck norris...

    Chuck Norris created the stars by splitting the Very first atom....by looking at it.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    Chuck norris doesn't smile; the corners of his mouth run upward away from his fist
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    Chuck Norris can roll a 13 with a pair of dice.
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