Convincing spouse to lose weight?

Options
2»

Replies

  • collinsje1
    collinsje1 Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    In my experience this is a no-win conversation, for anyone involved until your husband decides that he want to lose weight on his own. And will likely end in hurt feelings, harsh words, and feelings of inadequacy. My advice would be to lead by example......you work on you, and let him see how much better you feel, how good your numbers at the doctors are, how other people notice you .......ect. And maybe that will be enough for him to think "hey maybe I should do that too".
  • Retroguy2000
    Retroguy2000 Posts: 1,530 Member
    Options
    As many of us have said, the decision ultimately will be his.

    My father-in-law told us of his doctor's visit:

    "You need to lose weight. Heart/health/etc. Now, this is a joint effort. I've told you that you need to lose weight. The rest is up to you."
  • Jacq_qui
    Jacq_qui Posts: 429 Member
    Options
    I disagree that the husbands weight is the husbands business. Sure, he's the only one who can change it, but it sounds like the poster is concerned he'll wind up with an early death, and that does affect the OP quite significantly IMO. For some people, maybe weight loss for loved ones is a better way to start if you don't have the self-confidence/self-worth to do it for yourself (I know people who've started a journey for their kids or even to support their mum!). Emphasising your own worries is probably the way to go, this underlines that you want them around for as long as possible, rather than allowing them to draw any conclusions about anything else.
  • loulee997
    loulee997 Posts: 273 Member
    Options
    I like walking in my neighborhood, but I live in an active neighborhood. Bicyclers, people on porches, driveway grills, evictions, kids on electric scooters.

    But you can also go to a weekend knife show, gun show, car show--these are often free and lots of walking--and depending on the event--people will go with you.

    My sister like to go window shopping on her walks so she drives to the outdoor mall.

    My brother is cheap--so he wants to to the store. Not a scenic walk, but he saves on gas.

    Maybe he likes to bike ride? Might be fun to go riding at the park some days.
  • Retroguy2000
    Retroguy2000 Posts: 1,530 Member
    edited October 2023
    Options
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Um, that's not what she said. She's objecting to someone else determining HER portion size. It has nothing to do with cooking a meal and it not being liked.

    I warn my partner, "If you don't like something, but don't tell me, you're going to get it again. If you never want to be served a dish again, let me know."

    He hates my Persian rice but failed to tell me that last time :lol:
    You edited out a key part of my post:

    "If he wants to eat something different, he'll have to put in the effort. Ease into that though."

    For example, if my wife has made a meal and I'm still hungry, you know what I do? I go into the pantry and grab something, maybe a few ginger snap cookies, or a rice cake, or a low calorie fudge bar from the freezer. I do not, let me repeat this clearly, I do not tell my wife to GTFO the house and sleep on the curb.
  • Corina1143
    Corina1143 Posts: 2,979 Member
    Options
    Just a thought for your approach.
    "I loved you a long time ago. I love you today. I want to love you for a long time to come. Please stay around for a long, long time." THE END. let him stew on that.
  • Corina1143
    Corina1143 Posts: 2,979 Member
    Options
    When my dad had his first heart attack, my mom bought all the cookbooks, threw out all the bad food, started cooking smaller portions of bland, unsalted, flavorless foods the very next day. Dad didn't say anything, just started going to the Cafe most afternoons. One day french fries, the next day pie, etc. It took them a while to work out a compromise.
  • bubbeE787
    bubbeE787 Posts: 34 Member
    Options
    It’s sounds like he’s at the higher end of his weight range not necessarily overweight? Not sure if I got that right. Without going into too much discussion- I would just encourage him to go for walks with you and prepare healthier meals and snacks. Men always seem to lose weight faster than us. Perhaps just some simple changes rather than challenging him with needing to “diet” might do the trick and be beneficial to both of you.
  • Justt_Brook
    Justt_Brook Posts: 2 Member
    Options
    I understand that you are coming from a caring and concerned place. However, there’s not much information to go off of. Is he tall? Muscular? I feel it can come off as rude commenting on someone’s weight, especially a partners. It may be better to get him to go for walks with you, cook healthy meals, that kind of thing.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    Options
    MamaBear5445 wrote: »
    Thank you everyone for your insight. He is 6ft, 260lbs, in obese category 1. I have taken advice here and brought up my concern for the family heart attacks and I really would love to have my husband be a father for many years to our young children. He was understanding and we will work together to reduce portions and walk together as a family. We have a rule for our children, last evening snack is at 7pm, and have asked to work together so he follows this as well. Saving this thread for the future here as to update y'all whether all these tips and tricks worked to have a healthy future together ❤️

    Great! Hope this works well for you. Best of luck.
  • Giniac
    Giniac Posts: 36 Member
    Options
    You could try to explain your point of view from a place of love and care, as this may help him become aware of your point of view.

    You could focus on making changes yourself through day to day actions, which might peak his interest to change overtime after seeing how you've changed.

    But, from experience, if someone doesn't feel like they have a weight problem then no matter what is being said to them will have an effect. If they feel like they're being lectured to, this will only make them become more resistant to what you're saying, because it could come across more from a position of criticism and shame.

    If you have a look at the image for the Cycle of Change, it sounds like they're at the pre-contemplation stage, and they need to make the move to the next stage themselves.

    Continue to be a silent example of change
    CofC.png 914.3K
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 9,986 Member
    edited October 2023
    Options
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    lynn_glenmont wrote: »
    MamaBear5445 wrote: »
    Thanks everyone for sharing your responses. A lot of insight given. I am concerned about his health (heart attacks run in the family).

    You can try telling him how you feel, how you're worried, how (presumably) you don't want to lose him. If he doesn't have adequate life insurance (especially if you have children who aren't fully launched), you can ask him about budgeting for more life insurance.

    But it's unlikely to be effective for you to tell him that you think he needs to lose weight. At some level, even if he won't admit it out loud, he knows he needs to lose weight.

    And if you are responsible for meals and start trying to control him by what you serve, don't be surprised if he starts stopping somewhere on the way home to get food. Or sneaking it into the house to eat in the middle of the night. He's already making the decision multiple times a day, conscious or not, that eating what he wants in that moment is more important to him than just about anything else in his life, especially long-term things. That's not likely to change because you decide to cut his servings in half and eliminate the things he thinks are tasty.

    I would think there might be some lightening up of tasty foods, recipes, and meals that would be modestly helpful, short of "cut his servings in half and eliminate things he thinks are tasty".

    I didn't "cut my servings in half and eliminate things I think are tasty" in order to lose weight. (Maybe you did?)

    I ate somewhat less, used less oil in cooking, substituted to reduce calories at similar taste (things like plain Greek yogurt for sour cream), cut down on calorie dense desserts, and that sort of thing.

    I'm not saying the cook in a house could sneak in every change needed to cut weight all the way without the other person noticing, but I think there are options that aren't as extreme, punitive and obvious as you seem to be suggesting.

    No, I didn't cut my servings in half and eliminate things that are tasty. But if someone else had decided to try to control how much and what kind of things I was eating when I hadn't agreed to those changes, I probably would have perceived it as cutting my servings in half and eliminating things that are tasty.

    Deciding for yourself that you need to make some changes is very different from accepting someone else's decisions about changing what you eat.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 9,986 Member
    Options
    MamaBear5445 wrote: »
    Thank you everyone for your insight. He is 6ft, 260lbs, in obese category 1. I have taken advice here and brought up my concern for the family heart attacks and I really would love to have my husband be a father for many years to our young children. He was understanding and we will work together to reduce portions and walk together as a family. We have a rule for our children, last evening snack is at 7pm, and have asked to work together so he follows this as well. Saving this thread for the future here as to update y'all whether all these tips and tricks worked to have a healthy future together ❤️

    I'm glad the conversation went well. Best luck to you both!

Categories