Convincing spouse to lose weight?

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Replies

  • Justt_Brook
    Justt_Brook Posts: 2 Member
    I understand that you are coming from a caring and concerned place. However, there’s not much information to go off of. Is he tall? Muscular? I feel it can come off as rude commenting on someone’s weight, especially a partners. It may be better to get him to go for walks with you, cook healthy meals, that kind of thing.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    MamaBear5445 wrote: »
    Thank you everyone for your insight. He is 6ft, 260lbs, in obese category 1. I have taken advice here and brought up my concern for the family heart attacks and I really would love to have my husband be a father for many years to our young children. He was understanding and we will work together to reduce portions and walk together as a family. We have a rule for our children, last evening snack is at 7pm, and have asked to work together so he follows this as well. Saving this thread for the future here as to update y'all whether all these tips and tricks worked to have a healthy future together ❤️

    Great! Hope this works well for you. Best of luck.
  • Giniac
    Giniac Posts: 36 Member
    You could try to explain your point of view from a place of love and care, as this may help him become aware of your point of view.

    You could focus on making changes yourself through day to day actions, which might peak his interest to change overtime after seeing how you've changed.

    But, from experience, if someone doesn't feel like they have a weight problem then no matter what is being said to them will have an effect. If they feel like they're being lectured to, this will only make them become more resistant to what you're saying, because it could come across more from a position of criticism and shame.

    If you have a look at the image for the Cycle of Change, it sounds like they're at the pre-contemplation stage, and they need to make the move to the next stage themselves.

    Continue to be a silent example of change
    CofC.png 914.3K
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,093 Member
    edited October 2023
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    lynn_glenmont wrote: »
    MamaBear5445 wrote: »
    Thanks everyone for sharing your responses. A lot of insight given. I am concerned about his health (heart attacks run in the family).

    You can try telling him how you feel, how you're worried, how (presumably) you don't want to lose him. If he doesn't have adequate life insurance (especially if you have children who aren't fully launched), you can ask him about budgeting for more life insurance.

    But it's unlikely to be effective for you to tell him that you think he needs to lose weight. At some level, even if he won't admit it out loud, he knows he needs to lose weight.

    And if you are responsible for meals and start trying to control him by what you serve, don't be surprised if he starts stopping somewhere on the way home to get food. Or sneaking it into the house to eat in the middle of the night. He's already making the decision multiple times a day, conscious or not, that eating what he wants in that moment is more important to him than just about anything else in his life, especially long-term things. That's not likely to change because you decide to cut his servings in half and eliminate the things he thinks are tasty.

    I would think there might be some lightening up of tasty foods, recipes, and meals that would be modestly helpful, short of "cut his servings in half and eliminate things he thinks are tasty".

    I didn't "cut my servings in half and eliminate things I think are tasty" in order to lose weight. (Maybe you did?)

    I ate somewhat less, used less oil in cooking, substituted to reduce calories at similar taste (things like plain Greek yogurt for sour cream), cut down on calorie dense desserts, and that sort of thing.

    I'm not saying the cook in a house could sneak in every change needed to cut weight all the way without the other person noticing, but I think there are options that aren't as extreme, punitive and obvious as you seem to be suggesting.

    No, I didn't cut my servings in half and eliminate things that are tasty. But if someone else had decided to try to control how much and what kind of things I was eating when I hadn't agreed to those changes, I probably would have perceived it as cutting my servings in half and eliminating things that are tasty.

    Deciding for yourself that you need to make some changes is very different from accepting someone else's decisions about changing what you eat.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,093 Member
    MamaBear5445 wrote: »
    Thank you everyone for your insight. He is 6ft, 260lbs, in obese category 1. I have taken advice here and brought up my concern for the family heart attacks and I really would love to have my husband be a father for many years to our young children. He was understanding and we will work together to reduce portions and walk together as a family. We have a rule for our children, last evening snack is at 7pm, and have asked to work together so he follows this as well. Saving this thread for the future here as to update y'all whether all these tips and tricks worked to have a healthy future together ❤️

    I'm glad the conversation went well. Best luck to you both!

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