What nobody tells you about losing weight

SheilaDundon · December 2023

nolongergordo wrote: »

Pros:
People noticing you a lot more and treating you with more respect.
People wanting to talk to you about nothing and strike up convos out of the blue now.
Looking much better in most clothes from the store.
Less snoring.
Running and walking long distances with no little / no heart rate increase.
Improved hormone related bodily function (I'll leave that one there)

Cons:
Dull aches from working out a lot.
Hunger pangs and belly growls from eating less.
Missing out on drinks and food options now you're serious about the journey.
Less social inclusion now you're not doing what most people do which isn't healthy.

I'm 68, so I'm not noticing any attention, but then I have a ways to go. I am struggling with the piece about "Missing out on drinks and food options now you're serious about the journey" I'm not there yet, but your write up might motivate me.

SheilaDundon · December 2023

BrightEyedAgain wrote: »

I didn't realize how much of this journey would be about identity and not weight. That is, I started out with an understanding of who I was that went along with the weight I was and what my body could do at that time.

That identity included a lot of unconscious fears and limitations. Lots of "I could never do X" type of beliefs. Fear of injury. Fear of failure. Fear of looking foolish. Believing I was just "getting old" and that it was normal to be less capable. It was normal to feel like crap in the morning and have to cling to the banister going down stairs. It was normal to avoid getting on the floor because it was hard to get up. My whole like was made up of little habits to accommodate my weight, most of which I wasn't consciously aware of. And my relationships were also calibrated around me being that size.

So, as I begin to lose consistently, part of me was honestly triggered and anxious by the change. Happy, yes, but deep down SCARED because it meant becoming someone new that I didn't know how to be. Some things were fun NSV things, but some of the changes felt threatening because they challenged my status quo.

Yes, it was fun being able to feel good in the morning, but it wasn't fun when I had to confront my fear of losing all my friends if I became thin. It was hard to push myself in the gym when my brain was screaming that I might get hurt because "someone like me" couldn't do stuff like that. Challenging the "someone like me" stuff and birthing the New Me was a process, and it was hard sometimes. I literally had to shed my old identity for a new one, and I still bump up against that occasionally even 2+ yrs into maintenance.

But, it's worth it. Worth facing the fears, even the silly ones. Worth challenging the limiting beliefs. Worth hammering out the New Me because dealing with THAT part of it is what will make this a long term change. If I keep my old identity, I believe I would gain the weight back because my mine/body would unconsciously seek to match that old identity. It would feel uncomfortable being smaller and seek to "fix it."

I honestly believe that's one reason a lot of people gain their weight back. Because they are still the fat person on inside, and losing weight hasn't changed that. Unfortunately there is no magic wand to change your identity. It's a process of its own that is separate from the scale/food part. For me, it took lots of self-awareness, prayer, journaling, and reading other people's posts. These days I truly don't feel like the same person anymore, and that's precious. Every day New Me feels more natural and innate. It takes time, but THAT is the part of weight loss that nobody told me about. It's also the process that has impacted me the most.

Wow, just about everything you said resonates for me. I have not reached my goal yet, but I remember in times past, I could never actually get to goal and maintenance, because of the inner struggle with my identity.

springlering62 · December 2023

Following in some great comments here-

I joined a bunco group about six years ago. Lovely ladies. When I started losing weight, they really took notice. Didn’t say much but when they did it was along the “too skinny, your health ok? Don’t lose more” lines.

When the next member started losing weight, they transferred their attention to her and forgot all about me. Literally. I said something about being fat recently and they stared at me slackjawed, like they couldn’t remember at all. feel like I broke down the barriers for her, since they actually cheered her on.

When we got together for the holiday party, a couple, including the hostess, had started semiglutide injections. It was very interesting g to see how the party food choices had changed- including a Mexican buffet where we could pick and choose what we wanted, and we were discouraged from bringing food, especially desserts. One lady bragged that the pound cake she brought had the full pound of everything -and more- in it.

After all the discussion of diet and food over dinner, I noticed her cake was barely picked at, and I think that hurt her feelings.

I love the comment about “meeting myself for the first time”. My clothing and jewelry choices have completely changed. I went from leggings and baggy tunics to “buying it all because it fit” to trying to winnow it down to really unique pieces. Onky problem is, I’m in workout gear 80% of the time and seldom have the chance to wear it!

I need to Marie Kondo my costume jewelry collection. And some shoes I haven’t ever worn and never will, if I’m honest.

A capsule wardrobe sounds exciting and fun. Won’t happen in my life. 😂

blackmantis · December 2023

cakegoddess1 wrote: »

Being ACTUALLY handicapped, I get really annoyed when large girls take the handicapped stall. It's NOY for you...it's for us who really need it. Please...a little respect.

I'm sorry you feel that way but ask any obese person if they are handicapped by their weight and im sure most will say yes. Obesity is a handicap just maybe different than yours.

arendiva · December 2023

cakegoddess1 wrote: »

Being ACTUALLY handicapped, I get really annoyed when large girls take the handicapped stall. It's NOY for you...it's for us who really need it. Please...a little respect.

The percentage of people who need to use the bathroom who are handicapped is considerably smaller than the percentage of bathroom stalls that are the large size. Also being morbidly obese is a disability for many people, it's incredibly rude and hurtful to judge someone for not being "disabled enough" when they are choosing a bathroom stall that they need to facilitate successfully using the bathroom. If you get to a bathroom and the stall is taken you can wait in line like literally everyone else has to.

mlrtri · December 2023

How much my confidence would grow.

I never felt like I lacked confidence. But now that I have more I understand some of my past behaviors better.

I am not proud. But if I was placed in a new social situation I would scan the room and reassure myself that I wasn’t the biggest person there. And if I was then that definitely sucked. I just realized I haven’t done that in a long time. My confidence is coming from within now. (Sorry - that sounds so horrible when I put it out there).

I am definitely becoming healthier in mind and body.

Morgan_1893 · December 2023

@springlering62

I can totally relate to your comment "When I started losing weight, they really took notice. Didn’t say much but when they did it was along the “too skinny, your health ok? Don’t lose more” lines." I heard everything from speculation about how I was losing weight and asking me when I planned to stop. One person even said something about eventually gaining it back. I think people tend to project their own challenges and insecurities onto others. It's basically what they tell themselves so I'm learning to set it aside when it happens and just point to my giant lunch box full of food and tell them about my daily workouts.

I've lost count of how many bags of clothes I donated through this process. When my work outfits and casual clothes became way too baggy, I would try everything on over the weekend to edit my wardrobe down to what actually fits. Even my workout clothes needed an overhaul. I went through three major cycles of this, pulling down smaller clothes I had saved higher up on shelves in my closet and in drawers under my bed. Then the crazy thing happened where I was wearing my smallest size and those were starting to fit loose so I just started buying new clothes including the next size down so I could take advantage of the sales and I know I'll be fitting into it next month. It's taken a lot for my mind to see myself as this new size but the smaller clothes and that number on the scale is the proof. So all that to say, just keep trying on what you have, wear what fits, and treat yourself to new things for the new you.

Morgan_1893 · December 2023

Melwillbehealthy wrote: »

That you will run out of clothes that fit, and How hard it is to buy clothes that fit. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m having a very difficult time finding clothes to buy that I like. I’m older, short and still fat, but I’ve lost 45 lbs. My shape is so very weird , that nothing fits right. I realize that now, my body shape is in the process of change, and looks a little different every couple of lbs. that I lose.
Ok, that’s the annoying part.
Here’s the good part- I’m a lot healthier according to my doctor, taking less medications, and have way more energy than before. I’ve joined humanity, and am living life.

As I lost weight, my body composition and shape changed too. Pants that fit really well at a larger weight in a certain style no longer fit the same in a smaller size when I lost weight. I had to try other styles in that size that made more sense for this new shape. I went from being "curvy straight" to wearing just regular straight styles, bootcut, slim or skinny for jeans etc. It's just trial and error in that dressing room until you figure out what's right for your shape now.

Morgan_1893 · January 8

Your shoe size will also go down by at least half a size. Get ready to buy new shoes or you'll be walking right out of them and tripping all over the place.

cherilittrell · January 8

I concur with the always cold. I never wore sweaters in the winter to work. I was always hot. Now I am freezing.

Shoe - I never realized that I would go need smaller shoes.

For the not so nice - The sagging skin. I am down 88 of the 101 that I never realized the sagging skin in my stomach would be so bad. It's not too bad on my legs and arms but boy my stomach sucks.

Morgan_1893 · January 9

@cherilittrell I bought new jackets and sports coats too and I'm wearing gloves. It's not really that cold where I live but I feel it. Seat warmers on in the car as well.

My shoes arrived today in the half size smaller and really there's one pair I could have gone a full size smaller but I think I can make it work with those socks you wear inside pumps.

Congratulations on your weightloss! Skin takes a minute to bounce back but I've found that working out in compression athletic clothes helps a lot. Many people who've lost a lot of weight, even baby weight, swear by compression garments under their clothes for x amount of time during the day. Maybe something to consider but I think it takes time. I kept up with some light resistance training as well to keep tone as I lost the weight.

sharon81 · January 10

I am sure with this many comments, mine will not be a revelation and someone else has probably already mentioned them, but:
*I agree with being cold.... all the time. Only 40lbs down and I am freezing.
*I can't believe that 40lbs off gives the amount of limberness. I am still achy and stiff but getting up into my hubby's lifted 3/4 ton truck with ease now rather than struggling before and climbing things... with ease. It's weird.
*Even if you are "hippy" have a naturally big booty.... you may require a belt as you lose. For the first time in my whole life I am wearing a belt with jeans because they won't stay up!
*You have no idea what size you are anymore and trying on clothes is actually more frustrating than it was before and I HATED it before.
*Not many people verbally notice the weight loss in me but if hubby loses 5 lbs they mention it and praise him. (I'm not jealous, I actually don't like attention. I just find it humorous that I have literally lost 40+lbs and very little mention it.)
*You won't always see the difference when you look in the mirror. I still look to myself like I am 230lbs.
*The scale is a LIAR LOL 🤣
*You'll get more motivation the more you lose to do the things you had no interest in before. I hated exercising and the thought of exercising, especially scheduled, routine exercising.... if I am being honest I still don't love the idea and I don't do much. But the thought is there and the willingness to do something is there, even if it's 10 sets of ________________________ because I have nothing else to do while I wait to stir the food on the stove. Or a little dance jig of sorts or 10 walks down the hall and back... just doing something. I even bought weights to use at home. Gotta start somewhere.

mtaratoot · January 10

@sharon81

I wonder if it's social politeness that keep people from mentioning your changes versus your husband. I think many people are reticent to comment on a woman's weight. It's a social landmine.

Why do you say the scale is a liar? It is a tool. If yours is broken, get a new one. I have learned to trust my gauges. One time I was SCUBA diving in Waldo Lake. It's one of the clearest lakes in the world - on a clear day you can see over 100 feet down from a canoe. The dive site was only supposed to be about 60' deep. I was down and looked at my computer. It said I was at 80 feet. The water is gin-clear, and when I looked up at the surface, it looked like maybe 20 feet down. I watched my computer and slowly ascended to 60 feet. I looked up again and it still looked like 20 feet. I actually WAS down at 80 feet. I reminded myself to trust my gauges; they don't lie.

sharon81 · January 10

mtaratoot wrote: »

@sharon81

Why do you say the scale is a liar? It is a tool. If yours is broken, get a new one.

I was just a joke 😉

PepeLPew · January 11

Losing weight the second time around with exercise `unlocked something inside me akin to a caged animal.
My entire life I've been told I'm too opinionated, too intense, too this, too that. Meanwhile I live and work in a society that itself is too compliant, too docile, too soft, too accepting, and too inert, physically and mentally.
Once I bought a Peloton my weight loss journey became something completely different. Exercise became the main conduit through which I could get that energy out with a massively positive ROI. Weight loss became secondary because exercise seriously refocused my mind, energy and attitude.

No one told me that weight loss would mean unlocking potential I had no idea existed...

aerochic42 · January 25

I have to remind me self frequently that the little changes choices actually do add in the long run. Like adding a couple extra pieces of tomato/lettuce to my sandwich actually help me to eat less of that sandwich or that extra chunk of cheese to munch on adds up to extra calories. Going the extra 100 steps or flight of stairs also adds up.

caliboy0051 · January 26

• That you're going to feel like crap: your hunger hormones will rule your every thought until you give into them
• your clothes won't fit right, and you'll look shabby until you update your wardrobe
• that you'll gain it all back if you do not stay consistent with what you did to lose the weight, so make sure you lose it in a sustainable and healthy manner.

springlering62 · January 26

caliboy0051 wrote: »

• That you're going to feel like crap: your hunger hormones will rule your every thought until you give into them
• your clothes won't fit right, and you'll look shabby until you update your wardrobe
• that you'll gain it all back if you do not stay consistent with what you did to lose the weight, so make sure you lose it in a sustainable and healthy manner.

Are you eating enough to fuel yourself? That sounds just awful. I never had that experience during a large loss.

Have you experimented with your macros? I found early on that eating high protein satiates me. If I have high carbs, I just want more and more and more of same. Fats don’t bother me one way or the other, though I tend towards low fat.

So I eat very high protein, low’ish carb, and just let fats fall where they may.

Many people here report success changing up their macros.

You might also investigate volume eating. That was helpful for me at one point.

willboywonder · January 26

This is a reminder that falling off the wagon is bound to happen sometime. Don't let it discourage you. Just get back up and start again. One thing I find helpful is, include in your meal plan a serving of those Doritos or a chocolate chip cookie. When it's a part of your plan, you won't overindulge. Don't do any mindless eating, like you might do when you are hungry and just head to the kitchen and grab whatever you see. Plan it ahead of time.

Melwillbehealthy · January 27

Nobody tells you to get a ‘nightguard’! It helps you lose weight. You can’t eat with a nightguard in your mouth🤓

What nobody tells you about losing weight

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