What nobody tells you about losing weight
Replies
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@springlering62 ...IKR!! I'm still mourning a few of my favorite pieces and keep hoping I'll find a way to make them work.3
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That you will run out of clothes that fit, and How hard it is to buy clothes that fit. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m having a very difficult time finding clothes to buy that I like. I’m older, short and still fat, but I’ve lost 45 lbs. My shape is so very weird , that nothing fits right. I realize that now, my body shape is in the process of change, and looks a little different every couple of lbs. that I lose.
Ok, that’s the annoying part.
Here’s the good part- I’m a lot healthier according to my doctor, taking less medications, and have way more energy than before. I’ve joined humanity, and am living life.15 -
How important progress photos are and not just ones with you in a group. I’ve been taking a daily progress photo in the same pose since May. 40 lbs down and it’s mind blowing17
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RunningGirlKC wrote: »How important progress photos are and not just ones with you in a group. I’ve been taking a daily progress photo in the same pose since May. 40 lbs down and it’s mind blowing
I never cared til now, 3+ years into maintenance, that I never took measurements.
I now sincerely wish I had. I’m going through a period where I can’t button a lot of my pants, yet my trainer constantly asks if I’ve lost more weight. It feels like my thighs and butt are thinner, and my ribs have come in to “ normal” person status instead of splayed out, and it’s all conspiring to push everything between ribs and thighs into my abdomen.
My weight is still well within maintenance range, maybe a wee bit on the topside, so higher than I’m comfortable with, and I’ve been unusually sore and bloated the past three or four weeks. So much so I went to one doc and am seeing another next week, but honestly, I know it’s all in my head.
If I had taken measurements I could say “yep” for sure. But I didn’t. 🤦🏻♀️. Kicking myself.
Mucho regrets.10 -
[quote="springlering62: I’m going through a period where I can’t button a lot of my pants, yet my trainer constantly asks if I’ve lost more weight. It feels like my thighs and butt are thinner, and my ribs have come in to “ normal” person status instead of splayed out, and it’s all conspiring to push everything between ribs and thighs into my abdomen. [/quote]
I didn't know ribs did that! Does that happen if a person gains a lot of visceral fat? I carried weight all over but now most of what is left is in the abdominal area. Very little anywhere else. Unusual for a female but there it is. I never noticed my ribs being spread out more but maybe that's because the fat was more external?4 -
I didn't realize how much of this journey would be about identity and not weight. That is, I started out with an understanding of who I was that went along with the weight I was and what my body could do at that time.
That identity included a lot of unconscious fears and limitations. Lots of "I could never do X" type of beliefs. Fear of injury. Fear of failure. Fear of looking foolish. Believing I was just "getting old" and that it was normal to be less capable. It was normal to feel like crap in the morning and have to cling to the banister going down stairs. It was normal to avoid getting on the floor because it was hard to get up. My whole like was made up of little habits to accommodate my weight, most of which I wasn't consciously aware of. And my relationships were also calibrated around me being that size.
So, as I begin to lose consistently, part of me was honestly triggered and anxious by the change. Happy, yes, but deep down SCARED because it meant becoming someone new that I didn't know how to be. Some things were fun NSV things, but some of the changes felt threatening because they challenged my status quo.
Yes, it was fun being able to feel good in the morning, but it wasn't fun when I had to confront my fear of losing all my friends if I became thin. It was hard to push myself in the gym when my brain was screaming that I might get hurt because "someone like me" couldn't do stuff like that. Challenging the "someone like me" stuff and birthing the New Me was a process, and it was hard sometimes. I literally had to shed my old identity for a new one, and I still bump up against that occasionally even 2+ yrs into maintenance.
But, it's worth it. Worth facing the fears, even the silly ones. Worth challenging the limiting beliefs. Worth hammering out the New Me because dealing with THAT part of it is what will make this a long term change. If I keep my old identity, I believe I would gain the weight back because my mine/body would unconsciously seek to match that old identity. It would feel uncomfortable being smaller and seek to "fix it."
I honestly believe that's one reason a lot of people gain their weight back. Because they are still the fat person on inside, and losing weight hasn't changed that. Unfortunately there is no magic wand to change your identity. It's a process of its own that is separate from the scale/food part. For me, it took lots of self-awareness, prayer, journaling, and reading other people's posts. These days I truly don't feel like the same person anymore, and that's precious. Every day New Me feels more natural and innate. It takes time, but THAT is the part of weight loss that nobody told me about. It's also the process that has impacted me the most.30 -
Sand_TIger wrote: »"springlering62 wrote:I’m going through a period where I can’t button a lot of my pants, yet my trainer constantly asks if I’ve lost more weight. It feels like my thighs and butt are thinner, and my ribs have come in to “ normal” person status instead of splayed out, and it’s all conspiring to push everything between ribs and thighs into my abdomen.
I didn't know ribs did that! Does that happen if a person gains a lot of visceral fat? I carried weight all over but now most of what is left is in the abdominal area. Very little anywhere else. Unusual for a female but there it is. I never noticed my ribs being spread out more but maybe that's because the fat was more external?
My ribs didn’t start going vertical til last year. Before that, they stuck out at a 45 degree angle. I would hazard a guess that with the extra gut and weight, they were literally forced outwards over the years.
Fat hydraulics. 😬
I assume your skeleton size stays static when yoi reach adulthood, even as you add weight. Your body has to accomodate it somehow.
If you overstuff your pie, its gonna push that crust up and out, right?
Same with your pie-hole. 😂
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4
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BrightEyedAgain wrote: »
(snip)
That identity included a lot of unconscious fears and limitations. Lots of "I could never do X" type of beliefs. Fear of injury. Fear of failure. Fear of looking foolish. Believing I was just "getting old" and that it was normal to be less capable. It was normal to feel like crap in the morning and have to cling to the banister going down stairs. It was normal to avoid getting on the floor because it was hard to get up. My whole like was made up of little habits to accommodate my weight, most of which I wasn't consciously aware of. And my relationships were also calibrated around me being that size.
(snip)
That whole post was astoundingly good, insightful. This piece, though - it resonates especially hard.
Wow.
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@brighteyedagain Please excuse me while I’m over here crying. 💜5
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springlering62 wrote: »How cold your hands get at below 60
That you have to dry your belly button out after a shower
I'm at work sneaking on here for inspiration! Love this post! LMAO!!! I'm in a quiet office and just lol. Let them wonder...4 -
How, at the age of 73, climbing stairs seems to get easier and easier with each pound lost.15
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springlering62 wrote: »BrightEyedAgain wrote: »…. I wear more delicate jewelry because the chunky style overwhelms my frame now that the fat isn't there.
💡💡💡
OMG. I just realized why my huge collection of elaborate costume jewelry is going unused. You’re right!!!!!!
But it’s all so shiny!!!! 🥹😭
I can so relate...also some of my bags are way too big for my frame. Had to sell some really expensive bags - the jewelry too.6 -
The people who try to talk you out of sticking to the plan have one or two problems. The first and most likely is that you are making them feel guilty or are showing them up and they don't want that. It is a personal problem with them and not you. The second is this. We live in a country where 66% of people are over weight. No one is shocked, but they should be. the reality is that obese people are the norm and when someone begins to go the other direction they stick out. We are like fish swimming upstream. You will be persecuted for getting healthy and that tells you how bad things are in this country when it comes to health and it also tells you why you must stick to your plan!13
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Morgan_1893 wrote: »When you've donated almost all of your clothes and you're wearing the smallest size you kept stored away for years in the closet but you know next month those will be too big very soon so everything ordered needs to be at least a size smaller than what you're wearing now. Your old skinny jeans are thing of the past because you're 4 to 5 sizes smaller and you need new jeans in a single digit size you've never worn before as an adult. You've pulled out all the jewelry, fancy shoes and boots, tiny jackets, and purses but also shopped for new stuff because you're dressing this new person with updated preferences. It's like meeting yourself for the first time and finding out you like different perfume, styles of jewelry and clothing, and absolutely refuse to wear anything baggy anymore. It's surreal.
@Morgan_1893 I absolutely loved the line "It's like meeting yourself for the first time" - this is so true!!!8 -
The people who try to talk you out of sticking to the plan have one or two problems. The first and most likely is that you are making them feel guilty or are showing them up and they don't want that. It is a personal problem with them and not you. The second is this. We live in a country where 66% of people are over weight. No one is shocked, but they should be. the reality is that obese people are the norm and when someone begins to go the other direction they stick out. We are like fish swimming upstream. You will be persecuted for getting healthy and that tells you how bad things are in this country when it comes to health and it also tells you why you must stick to your plan!
This is smart perspective. I’ve found the “making them feel guilty” part to be the feeling I’ve gotten. By doing NOTHING except living your own life and bettering yourself. No words or actions against them.4 -
The people who try to talk you out of sticking to the plan have one or two problems. The first and most likely is that you are making them feel guilty or are showing them up and they don't want that. It is a personal problem with them and not you. The second is this. We live in a country where 66% of people are over weight. No one is shocked, but they should be. the reality is that obese people are the norm and when someone begins to go the other direction they stick out. We are like fish swimming upstream. You will be persecuted for getting healthy and that tells you how bad things are in this country when it comes to health and it also tells you why you must stick to your plan!
I'm sure some others' experience differs, but my experience has been that people were weird about my weight loss at first, then lost interest over time.
When I first got even near goal weight, comments started. Well, some started (about the change in my eating habits) even earlier.
Nearing goal weight, even when technically still overweight (by BMI) I started getting "too thin", "skin and bones", "skinny", "stop losing", etc. One usually sensible friend even worried that I was developing anorexia (while I was eating 2000+ calories most days and losing super slowly by then).
Honestly, I think some of it was just shock. It's unusual in my circle for anyone to lose a meaningful total amount of weight, let alone do it pretty consistently over many months. Sure, it happens when people have some dire illness, but not often in a healthy person.
Friends were all used to looking at fat me (for decades). During loss, it's normal to have a bit of slack skin, can look a bit haggard to people - that just makes concerns worse. (That slackness/haggardness will all straighten itself out in the early months of maintenance, IME, no worries.)
I'm in year 7 of maintaining now. The same people have zero to say about either my eating habits or body appearance. They're used to it, it's boring, not notable; they've lost interest because it isn't news. To some extent, from a few of them (and much more of new people I meet), I get "you don't have to worry, you can eat anything you want", "naturally thin", etc. New people often literally refuse to believe I spent 30 years in adulthood overweight/obese (if it comes up in conversation - I don't advertise it, because it is boring
).
Years on, I asked the friend who worried that I had anorexic behavior why she reacted that way. She said she thought it was probably a mix of shock and envy.
As I said, different people have different experiences. To the bolded: For me, people were worried, critical, skeptical at first - sure. But I never felt that I was being persecuted for aiming to improve my health (or for succeeding in various ways).
I admit, when I truly set my mind on something, I can be pretty focused on achieving it, more likely to see critics as annoying gnats I should brush away and ignore, not as persecutors. Maybe they were trying to be persecutors and I missed it.
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The people who try to talk you out of sticking to the plan have one or two problems. The first and most likely is that you are making them feel guilty or are showing them up and they don't want that. It is a personal problem with them and not you. The second is this. We live in a country where 66% of people are over weight. No one is shocked, but they should be. the reality is that obese people are the norm and when someone begins to go the other direction they stick out. We are like fish swimming upstream. You will be persecuted for getting healthy and that tells you how bad things are in this country when it comes to health and it also tells you why you must stick to your plan!
When I first got even near goal weight, comments started. Well, some started (about the change in my eating habits) even earlier.
Nearing goal weight, even when technically still overweight (by BMI) I started getting "too thin", "skin and bones", "skinny", "stop losing", etc. One usually sensible friend even worried that I was developing anorexia (while I was eating 2000+ calories most days and losing super slowly by then).
I also had some friends that thought maybe I had an ED when I got close to goal weight and then actually kept paying attention to what I was eating. After a while, they realized that I was just making sure I didn't go back to the way I started. I also think that my face looked a little gaunt for a short time. It's funny how that happens, and then it fixes itself.
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I've been fighting with weight issues since I was 18 and I am now 68. I can't tell you how many times I have lost the same 35-40 pounds! 183-143! In early October of 2023, I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes (T2D). I was is shock. I was angry, sad, self loathing set in. I knew I had been pre diabetic for close to 10 years, but I never took it seriously or did anything about it. NOW I AM DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. It's weird getting that diagnosis; that "medical Felony" on my record. This time my motivation is different. I'm steel focused! Over 9-10 weeks I've lost 12-13 pounds. (had lost 12 in 2021 and kept it off). I am so determined this time. I am a very social person and have attended several and hosted one holiday party. I gained a pound, but I am not flipping out. I felt good getting back on my routine today. My goal for 2024 is to lose 20 more pounds and keep it off throughout the year. I've never gotten to maintenance, so this will be a new experience. Thanks for listening.19
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Faith20000 wrote: »How cold you get when your in a pool, less fat to insulate!
Your clothes are way to big, so just keep the sewing machine out!
The disappointment from your grand children when they find out you fixed deviled eggs not cookies!
But then when you get your Dr. Report and your A1c is 5.2! No meds. Blessings
I am inspired by you!! I will have my A1c tested in January for the first time since being diagnosed with T2D. First reading in October was 6.8. I will post in january!!7 -
nolongergordo wrote: »Pros:
People noticing you a lot more and treating you with more respect.
People wanting to talk to you about nothing and strike up convos out of the blue now.
Looking much better in most clothes from the store.
Less snoring.
Running and walking long distances with no little / no heart rate increase.
Improved hormone related bodily function (I'll leave that one there)
Cons:
Dull aches from working out a lot.
Hunger pangs and belly growls from eating less.
Missing out on drinks and food options now you're serious about the journey.
Less social inclusion now you're not doing what most people do which isn't healthy.
I'm 68, so I'm not noticing any attention, but then I have a ways to go. I am struggling with the piece about "Missing out on drinks and food options now you're serious about the journey" I'm not there yet, but your write up might motivate me.2 -
BrightEyedAgain wrote: »I didn't realize how much of this journey would be about identity and not weight. That is, I started out with an understanding of who I was that went along with the weight I was and what my body could do at that time.
That identity included a lot of unconscious fears and limitations. Lots of "I could never do X" type of beliefs. Fear of injury. Fear of failure. Fear of looking foolish. Believing I was just "getting old" and that it was normal to be less capable. It was normal to feel like crap in the morning and have to cling to the banister going down stairs. It was normal to avoid getting on the floor because it was hard to get up. My whole like was made up of little habits to accommodate my weight, most of which I wasn't consciously aware of. And my relationships were also calibrated around me being that size.
So, as I begin to lose consistently, part of me was honestly triggered and anxious by the change. Happy, yes, but deep down SCARED because it meant becoming someone new that I didn't know how to be. Some things were fun NSV things, but some of the changes felt threatening because they challenged my status quo.
Yes, it was fun being able to feel good in the morning, but it wasn't fun when I had to confront my fear of losing all my friends if I became thin. It was hard to push myself in the gym when my brain was screaming that I might get hurt because "someone like me" couldn't do stuff like that. Challenging the "someone like me" stuff and birthing the New Me was a process, and it was hard sometimes. I literally had to shed my old identity for a new one, and I still bump up against that occasionally even 2+ yrs into maintenance.
But, it's worth it. Worth facing the fears, even the silly ones. Worth challenging the limiting beliefs. Worth hammering out the New Me because dealing with THAT part of it is what will make this a long term change. If I keep my old identity, I believe I would gain the weight back because my mine/body would unconsciously seek to match that old identity. It would feel uncomfortable being smaller and seek to "fix it."
I honestly believe that's one reason a lot of people gain their weight back. Because they are still the fat person on inside, and losing weight hasn't changed that. Unfortunately there is no magic wand to change your identity. It's a process of its own that is separate from the scale/food part. For me, it took lots of self-awareness, prayer, journaling, and reading other people's posts. These days I truly don't feel like the same person anymore, and that's precious. Every day New Me feels more natural and innate. It takes time, but THAT is the part of weight loss that nobody told me about. It's also the process that has impacted me the most.
Wow, just about everything you said resonates for me. I have not reached my goal yet, but I remember in times past, I could never actually get to goal and maintenance, because of the inner struggle with my identity.10 -
Following in some great comments here-
I joined a bunco group about six years ago. Lovely ladies. When I started losing weight, they really took notice. Didn’t say much but when they did it was along the “too skinny, your health ok? Don’t lose more” lines.
When the next member started losing weight, they transferred their attention to her and forgot all about me. Literally. I said something about being fat recently and they stared at me slackjawed, like they couldn’t remember at all. feel like I broke down the barriers for her, since they actually cheered her on.
When we got together for the holiday party, a couple, including the hostess, had started semiglutide injections. It was very interesting g to see how the party food choices had changed- including a Mexican buffet where we could pick and choose what we wanted, and we were discouraged from bringing food, especially desserts. One lady bragged that the pound cake she brought had the full pound of everything -and more- in it.
After all the discussion of diet and food over dinner, I noticed her cake was barely picked at, and I think that hurt her feelings.
I love the comment about “meeting myself for the first time”. My clothing and jewelry choices have completely changed. I went from leggings and baggy tunics to “buying it all because it fit” to trying to winnow it down to really unique pieces. Onky problem is, I’m in workout gear 80% of the time and seldom have the chance to wear it!
I need to Marie Kondo my costume jewelry collection. And some shoes I haven’t ever worn and never will, if I’m honest.
A capsule wardrobe sounds exciting and fun. Won’t happen in my life. 😂10 -
cakegoddess1 wrote: »Being ACTUALLY handicapped, I get really annoyed when large girls take the handicapped stall. It's NOY for you...it's for us who really need it. Please...a little respect.
I'm sorry you feel that way but ask any obese person if they are handicapped by their weight and im sure most will say yes. Obesity is a handicap just maybe different than yours.15 -
cakegoddess1 wrote: »Being ACTUALLY handicapped, I get really annoyed when large girls take the handicapped stall. It's NOY for you...it's for us who really need it. Please...a little respect.
The percentage of people who need to use the bathroom who are handicapped is considerably smaller than the percentage of bathroom stalls that are the large size. Also being morbidly obese is a disability for many people, it's incredibly rude and hurtful to judge someone for not being "disabled enough" when they are choosing a bathroom stall that they need to facilitate successfully using the bathroom. If you get to a bathroom and the stall is taken you can wait in line like literally everyone else has to.15 -
How much my confidence would grow.
I never felt like I lacked confidence. But now that I have more I understand some of my past behaviors better.
I am not proud. But if I was placed in a new social situation I would scan the room and reassure myself that I wasn’t the biggest person there. And if I was then that definitely sucked. I just realized I haven’t done that in a long time. My confidence is coming from within now. (Sorry - that sounds so horrible when I put it out there).
I am definitely becoming healthier in mind and body.18 -
@springlering62
I can totally relate to your comment "When I started losing weight, they really took notice. Didn’t say much but when they did it was along the “too skinny, your health ok? Don’t lose more” lines." I heard everything from speculation about how I was losing weight and asking me when I planned to stop. One person even said something about eventually gaining it back. I think people tend to project their own challenges and insecurities onto others. It's basically what they tell themselves so I'm learning to set it aside when it happens and just point to my giant lunch box full of food and tell them about my daily workouts.
I've lost count of how many bags of clothes I donated through this process. When my work outfits and casual clothes became way too baggy, I would try everything on over the weekend to edit my wardrobe down to what actually fits. Even my workout clothes needed an overhaul. I went through three major cycles of this, pulling down smaller clothes I had saved higher up on shelves in my closet and in drawers under my bed. Then the crazy thing happened where I was wearing my smallest size and those were starting to fit loose so I just started buying new clothes including the next size down so I could take advantage of the sales and I know I'll be fitting into it next month. It's taken a lot for my mind to see myself as this new size but the smaller clothes and that number on the scale is the proof. So all that to say, just keep trying on what you have, wear what fits, and treat yourself to new things for the new you.
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Melwillbehealthy wrote: »That you will run out of clothes that fit, and How hard it is to buy clothes that fit. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m having a very difficult time finding clothes to buy that I like. I’m older, short and still fat, but I’ve lost 45 lbs. My shape is so very weird , that nothing fits right. I realize that now, my body shape is in the process of change, and looks a little different every couple of lbs. that I lose.
Ok, that’s the annoying part.
Here’s the good part- I’m a lot healthier according to my doctor, taking less medications, and have way more energy than before. I’ve joined humanity, and am living life.
As I lost weight, my body composition and shape changed too. Pants that fit really well at a larger weight in a certain style no longer fit the same in a smaller size when I lost weight. I had to try other styles in that size that made more sense for this new shape. I went from being "curvy straight" to wearing just regular straight styles, bootcut, slim or skinny for jeans etc. It's just trial and error in that dressing room until you figure out what's right for your shape now.11 -
Your shoe size will also go down by at least half a size. Get ready to buy new shoes or you'll be walking right out of them and tripping all over the place. 10
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I concur with the always cold. I never wore sweaters in the winter to work. I was always hot. Now I am freezing.
Shoe - I never realized that I would go need smaller shoes.
For the not so nice - The sagging skin. I am down 88 of the 101 that I never realized the sagging skin in my stomach would be so bad. It's not too bad on my legs and arms but boy my stomach sucks.13
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