What nobody tells you about losing weight

Tammie0018 · January 27

The fear of excess skin from weight loss

mjstewies · January 28

BrightEyedAgain wrote: »

I didn't realize how much of this journey would be about identity and not weight. That is, I started out with an understanding of who I was that went along with the weight I was and what my body could do at that time.

That identity included a lot of unconscious fears and limitations. Lots of "I could never do X" type of beliefs. Fear of injury. Fear of failure. Fear of looking foolish. Believing I was just "getting old" and that it was normal to be less capable. It was normal to feel like crap in the morning and have to cling to the banister going down stairs. It was normal to avoid getting on the floor because it was hard to get up. My whole like was made up of little habits to accommodate my weight, most of which I wasn't consciously aware of. And my relationships were also calibrated around me being that size.

So, as I begin to lose consistently, part of me was honestly triggered and anxious by the change. Happy, yes, but deep down SCARED because it meant becoming someone new that I didn't know how to be. Some things were fun NSV things, but some of the changes felt threatening because they challenged my status quo.

Yes, it was fun being able to feel good in the morning, but it wasn't fun when I had to confront my fear of losing all my friends if I became thin. It was hard to push myself in the gym when my brain was screaming that I might get hurt because "someone like me" couldn't do stuff like that. Challenging the "someone like me" stuff and birthing the New Me was a process, and it was hard sometimes. I literally had to shed my old identity for a new one, and I still bump up against that occasionally even 2+ yrs into maintenance.

But, it's worth it. Worth facing the fears, even the silly ones. Worth challenging the limiting beliefs. Worth hammering out the New Me because dealing with THAT part of it is what will make this a long term change. If I keep my old identity, I believe I would gain the weight back because my mine/body would unconsciously seek to match that old identity. It would feel uncomfortable being smaller and seek to "fix it."

I honestly believe that's one reason a lot of people gain their weight back. Because they are still the fat person on inside, and losing weight hasn't changed that. Unfortunately there is no magic wand to change your identity. It's a process of its own that is separate from the scale/food part. For me, it took lots of self-awareness, prayer, journaling, and reading other people's posts. These days I truly don't feel like the same person anymore, and that's precious. Every day New Me feels more natural and innate. It takes time, but THAT is the part of weight loss that nobody told me about. It's also the process that has impacted me the most.

Oh my gosh. What you said really hit home for me and made me want to cry. Your feelings truly explained what I haven't figured out for my entire journey. I have been self sabotaging my efforts for so long and couldn't figure out why, but lately I've just made a breakthrough and I think it's because I'm just starting to be happy with who I am. Getting smaller seems threatening in some way, but what you said really made me feel better. Now, because of you, I will start taking care of the "new me" and I will try my best to let the "old me" go. Sometimes the old comfy friend you find in yourself isn't really much of a friend at all. I need to show her to the door. I'm so glad I found your post. I really needed it! Missy

nuzziek · January 30

I'm loving get back on here and reading where I left off in this thread in 2019-2020, on page 450. This is such an inspiration and also makes me reflect on my own journey.

I lost about 45 pounds back in 2019-2020, from ~180lb at 5'7" to ~135lb. I've kept most of it off, but gained ~15 pounds back. A lot of it is muscle. I took up lifting pretty seriously over the past few years. However, I'm back on here trying to lose some fluff.

Here are some things I'm reflecting on while reading these pages:

1) You have to learn an important lesson about self love and self acceptance in order for weight loss to be successful. There were points along my journey that I became too restrictive, and became obsessed with hitting my goal weight. I got there, but as it turned out, my body didn't like weighing that amount. I had to put a few more pounds back on, unless I wanted to live off of salads and baby carrots (don't do that). What you think is an ideal weight isn't necessarily YOUR ideal weight - at some point you have to listen to your body. If your weight is HEALTHY, that's what important - don't get wrapped up in trying to look perfect.

2) This is a lifelong journey. You have to make permanent changes, so make sure they are reasonable ones - changes that bring you JOY. Running, hiking, lifting, and eating a whole food plant-based diet bring me JOY.

3) It will always be only YOUR journey - no one else is going to care. The positive side of this realization? Knowing that the people who love you, will always love you, at any size. They don't care about your weight. The rest don't matter anyway. You can only do this for yourself.

4) You may always feel like it's a struggle to maintain your new happy, healthy weight. But it is ALWAYS worth it. Being healthy and getting your life back is PRICELESS. "It's hard to be overweight. It's hard to lose weight. Choose your hard." - Autumn Calabrese

Thank you all for all your inspirational stories and thoughts

mattbell007 · January 31

When I was heavy, I thought I was fine. And I was, mentally. But after I lost the weight, I could do so much more than I could before. Fun things. I decided I really liked being lighter. Ten years later, I'm back up a bit again (up 40, but still down 80). I'm still able to do the things I could when I was lighter, but not as well as I could. My exercise of choice is riding my road bike. I still ride, but I'm not as fast. My endurance isn't as robust. That's not because I'm older, it's because I'm heavier.

My motivation now is remembering how I felt when I was lighter. Remembering how I could move. Remembering how easy things were. How fast I was on my bicycle. I want that again. The images in my head are not about what I don't want to be. The images are about what I do want to be, and do. That's my motivation.

actinteach1 · January 31

I have a mirror that tends to make things look a little taller and a little leaner. I can't wait until I really look like the person in the mirror.

mkculs13 · February 4

Greetings. My last time around when I got down to "merely overweight, " I noticed how thin my arms looked with the remaining fat hanging below as "bat wings." I was so excited to have bat wings! I didn't notice the previous two time I got down to that weight. Now that's my current motivation; to love my "thin" arms. I was very thin when young and knew most of the other stuff I've read posted here--but this was a new one!

My goals: leave Obese 1 for overweight and having bat wings.

charitybella84 · February 6

How much it encourages your family to eat healthy. I have little ones and they really started to take notice that “mommy likes her vegetables… can we try?” It’s the best!

Jeni3864 · February 6

How MENTAL weigh loss is!
I've lost 100 pounds and still have 50 more to go. I do see the huge improvements in my arms and legs but when not looking in a mirror all my mind focuses on is my apron belly and how much I hate it even when people compliment me I say to myself 'I have alot more to go, I feel ashamed for letting myself get so big'. Being overweight for all my life definitely gave me poor self esteem. Not only is it eating healthy, watching portions, exercising... It's overcoming all the years of mental abuse too.
I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and it is WORTH IT but definitely harder than anticipated.

Jeni3864 · February 6

Being able to sit with my legs crossed! Greatest feeling in the world!

mollypw1994 · February 6

Jeni3864 wrote: »

Being able to sit with my legs crossed! Greatest feeling in the world!

Agree! I’ve recently been able to do this, and it makes me so happy!

Elanor2368 · February 7

The body dysmorphia a bad- I just see rolls of skin, even though I'm in a size 4, now. I've lost #175 total, and people are nice about it, but I still feel like I'm just a smaller fat person. These are not healthy thoughts, or the truth of my situation, but again, the body dysmorphia is real.

springlering62 · February 7

Elanor2368 wrote: »

The body dysmorphia a bad- I just see rolls of skin, even though I'm in a size 4, now. I've lost #175 total, and people are nice about it, but I still feel like I'm just a smaller fat person. These are not healthy thoughts, or the truth of my situation, but again, the body dysmorphia is real.

I feel for you. I’m a 4 now, but only lost a net 82, after deciding to add some back for muscle weight. You at 175 (!!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻) gone, I almost feel guilty saying this, but the floppy skin waistband... It drives me nuts but the alternative is surgery and I’m too old and having been through a reduction, ain’t no way in hell anything else is coming “off” unless as a lifesaving measure.

So high waistbands it is, til death do us part.

My “nobody told me” lately is I am *kitten* tired of other women telling me how “lucky” I am.

I used to whip out my phone and show them before photos but I haven’t done that in ages til I had lunch with a new friend. While she was at the counter I was busy logging my lunch. Yep, when she got back, she told me I just work so hard, and she doesn’t understand why I’m always at the gym. Cue whipping out of phone.

I was upset with myself for being upset. She was genuinely curious and didn’t pull the “lucky” card at all

I’d delete the stupid damn photos but I have so few of myself at the higher weight, they were happy times, and tbh, I need the reminder once in a while.

mtaratoot · February 7

@springlering62

Keep the pictures. They are useful. They were good times, and they also were a physical you that you graduated from by hard work and determination. You reap the values today from the habits you built then. Keep reminding yourself of that, and it's OK to remind others if they don't get it. But you don't HAVE to. You can just be nice and say, "Yes, I am fortunate to have made positive changes in my life; you should have known me 90 pounds heavier." Being fortunate isn't the same as being lucky. You have some input to your fortune. Luck is just rolling dice.

AnnPT77 · February 7

@springlering62, if someone told me I was "lucky" to no longer be obese, I would tell them something back, I'm pretty sure.

I'm generally a polite person, but there are limits. There are also (IMO) polite but firm responses.

I've had people disbelieve that I was obese a few short years ago, which I can deal with fine; and a few people tell me silly things. Those latter get a slightly more pointed reply.

For sure I get "naturally thin, you can eat anything you like". That's worth something like "Actually, I have manage what I eat, or I'll be right back at obese again. That doesn't mean never eating a treat, it just means I no longer eat all of them."

Early on, I got "You've lost so much weight, it must be all your rowing" (even from people who knew I'd been rowing for over a decade while obese). That gets "I don't row any more than I've done for a decade. It's all about keeping my eating reasonable."

For "lucky", it would probably be more like "Lucky? No luck involved. It took work, and a plan . . . but it was honestly easier than I expected, and the payoff was more than worth the effort."

Maybe it's a character fault, and I do try to be pleasant, polite, conversational . . . but I can't just let other people's nonsense sit there in the air as if it were actual truth. Frankly, many of them (in my actual life) are telling themselves a little story in their heads about how I got thin by doing things they never even could, thus letting themselves off the hook to try (at a goal they claim to want, BTW). I don't need to help them with their self-deception.

Overheadfan · February 8

Totally agree with all of the above. It has always been so surprising to me at the number of people who offer unsolicited advice or commentary about people's bodies. And don't get me wrong ..we all like a compliment ,but negative or frankly stupid remarks are just so draining and annoying.
I always give people a leave pass if they're just trying to gain info or say something kind, but the delivery is clunky.
It's all about intent isn't it. A well meaning fool is just a well meaning fool. A nasty idiot with bad manners is another.

I'm enjoying this MFP community because there's so much information and support from all you good people.

I have never discussed my weight journey with my friends. We all have different shapes, sizes, heights , hair colour, eye colour, skin colour etc and it's never been a factor in how we relate to each other. They're all accomplished, lovely , competent and fun women to be around. Or to put it another way..I've never left a catch-up with any of them thinking " Gee..they're really such a great bunch of women but if they were thinner / fitter / taller/ shorter etc I'd enjoy their company more. ".
All the ignorant / nasty/ insensitive/ tactless people obviously didn't get the memo....

Melwillbehealthy · February 9

I’m never sure how to react to people’s comments about weight loss. I recently saw a close friend after a couple of months. Her reaction was complimentary, and strong. She was blown away by how different I looked. I thanked her for noticing. Later, I heard her tell someone else that my husband has to follow my diet. I felt guilty like he was suffering. I’m a good, healthy cook who cooks most of our food with thought, planning, and a sense of adventure and variety.
I tried to explain that I’m not on an actual diet. I’ve just changed. She didn’t understand, but I still like that someone saw positive, physical changes in me.

springlering62 · February 9

This is an unexpected consequence that just dawned on me while folding clothes a moment ago, and emptying the lint trap, full of pink lint from a sweatshirt I’ve worn umpteen times.

I haven’t gained weight. I’m holding well in maintenance, just getting a bit more muscle.

But some clothes have gotten tight and it makes me feel like I’ve gained or something else is going on.

It hit me while folding sweatshirts , it’s not me, it’s the clothes.

Cotton clothes shrink, right? Especially after multiple washes (I’m trying to be more conscientious about not buying everything I see!).

When you’re wearing an XXL, the shrinkage is proportionally less noticeable than when you’ve bought a S or XS.

It’s the clothes shrinking and becoming noticeably tighter, not me ballooning up.

Lightbulb moment. 💡💡💡💡💡

As I was folding the sweatshirts, and now looking for it, I could see where they’d shrunk.

I can’t tell you what a relief finally figuring that out has been. I’ve had to donate several pieces of clothing I really liked because they just got too uncomfortable to wear. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why my workout gear fit fine, but some of my “grownup” wear didn’t.

Well, duh. Workout gear mostly polyester or recycled water bottle fabric. Grownup wear mostly cotton, because I hate to iron.

mtaratoot · February 9

@springlering62

Yeah - I am waiting for some new jeans to shrink up more. I have some from past years that fit. The next newest ones are still OK, but seem a bit big. They probably will keep shrinking too. My new ones? Just plain too big. I'll wait!

Joeman55 · February 10

So far so good. down 22lbs in 2 months. Had oral surgery last week so I'm modifying my 36hr Sat fast. Still on target for my April 1st 50lb Goal....

Overheadfan · February 11

Well done, that's really significant weightloss and a great effort.

What nobody tells you about losing weight

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