Marital issues

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  • FauxNinja
    FauxNinja Posts: 77
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    Are we voting on this? If we are, my vote is send him home to his Mommy. You are ill-equipped to raise a husband like a child.

    Get Out! Is this really the guy you want to pass genetics on to your children. Selfish? Lazy? Immature? Self-Involved? Undependable?

    He sounds like every Dad's nightmare for a son-in-law.
  • kellybelly113
    kellybelly113 Posts: 60 Member
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    Who runs in a room and locks the door? I thought you were the man talking about his wife for a second when I read that part. If he is not contributing to the relationship monetarily and otherwise. Sit down and write yourself a pros and cons list. You shouldn't have to live one second unhappy and if you feel that way most of the time. Be honest with yourself and find out what will make your truly happy.........cause denial is just a life waster.

    I agree with this. In my first marriage it was very similar. I was giving and he was taking. I didn't communicate well because every time I tried, I got the little boy tantrum similar to what you described, so eventually it just wasn't worth it. I would shut down. Looking back, we shouldn't have been married, got married too young, but I was committed to the marriage unfortunately he was not and sought other women's comfort several times. He also acted like it was my job to have sex with him. I tried to explain to him that it's 50/50, you help me with what I need and then I can help you with your needs. Or vice versa, but more often than not I gave him sex and he didn't help me with my needs. I will NEVER do that again. If you do decide in the end that it's over, chalk it up to a lesson learned, it's taken me three years to really appreciate what I have learned and be thankful I'm not in that relationship anymore. Good Luck
  • mightymom2
    mightymom2 Posts: 312 Member
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    seek counseling if not for both of you do it for yourself, if you would like feel free to add me as a friend on here, I'd rather not go into details on forums, but I'm in the same situation
  • 33KIKI
    33KIKI Posts: 304
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    Hope today is better!
  • MissingMyOldSelf
    MissingMyOldSelf Posts: 689 Member
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    Hope today is better!

    Me too! I'm for one curious to see how OP is feeling today, and to see if Mr. Crybaby apologized or acted like nothing happened.
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    I don't even know if counseling will work at this point.

    I came home from work sick. My general manager told me to leave, because I looked ill. That never happens. I've got walking pneumonia. I'm sick. Period. When I get home and crawl into bed, all I get from my husband, who is also sleeping, is "Are you going to make up those hours?" Really? Keep in mind, this was around noon that I came home. We both went to bed at 11pm. He was still sleeping when I got home.

    Then, a little while later, my mother calls. I spill soda as I get up to answer the phone because my husband refuses to answer it. I've got my mother *****ing in my ear about how she hasn't heard from me in a few days, which is complete BS. She asks me why I'm so short, I say because I spilled soda on the floor. My husband goes "YOU SPILLED SODA ON THE FLOOR? REALLY?!" I go "Yes, I'm sorry!" in a rushed voice because now I've got two people giving me ****.

    Apparently I didn't respond correctly because he ran off into the computer room and locked himself in, and refused to open the door. Then when I told him to take his dog because I was about to shower, he opens the door and instantly puts the dog in his cage. Really? So I stand there and try to figure out why he's acting the way he is. "YOU GOT AN ATTITUDE WITH ME AND WANTED TO START A FIGHT" Really? You couldn't just assume "You know, she snapped at me, she's on the phone with her mother. I'm going to let it go." No, you run off and lock a door in the apartment that I PAY FOR because I WORK FULL TIME and YOU DON'T.

    I don't even know why I'm married. He clearly doesn't care for me. He wants sex like it's my job to please him. If we don't have sex for a few nights, it turns into me never wanting to sleep with him or some bull**** reason he comes up with. He never looks at me or even acknowledges me when we argue or fight. Right now, he's sitting on his goddamn computer playing some stupid game. As I'm trying to talk to him all he does is roll his effing eyes at me and repeat what I say to him. Or, this is my personal favorite, I'll say something like "When you act like this, it makes me feel like you don't want to be with me." And EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I get a response like "Oh sure, because I don't want to be with you. Uh huh. You're right, you're always right."

    I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm so over crying about him. He doesn't care, why should I.

    Clearly honey, the writing is on the wall. I think you can see it as much as anyone. Of course, I am saying this without hearing his side of the story but .. if it is as you say it is .. Sounds to me as he is being aggressive (verbally and emotionally) abusive. He is shutting himself off from you and holding his affections as ransom .. to get you to do what he wants, or to 'punish' you for having the audacity to accidentally spill soda. Doesn't that wave some red flags to you?? All that's missing is him throwing himself on the floor to have a hissy fit of kicking a screaming. THAT might have worked when he was 5 .. IT SHOULDN'T WORK NOW THAT HE IS AN ADULT!

    He clearly uses his passive aggressive behaviour to manipulate you...because he can...It works. By your being so submissive to him, and apologizing for not speaking to him properly (even when that was not your intention), or having a accidental spill, or being ill ... You have enabled him to act this way.

    If you want a partnership instead of a dictatorship .. then you are going to have to stop enabling him .. You can't control how he acts, but you can control how you act and react. Tell him to grow up and deal with spilled soda, .. or deal with the dog .. or deal with your mother or what ever the situation. Instead of him being supportive and caring he became abusive, when you come home legitimately sick. This clearly illustrates a juvenile tendency to over react with very disturbing behaviour.

    Time to grow up if you wanna play this game called life.

    There is a time, when we all wonder why exactly we got married to the person we chose...for some more than others. There must have been some things that attracted you to him, or caused you to decide that he was the ONE .. or was he always this way? Let that be a lesson learned, so you don't make that same mistake again. Don't EVER .. and I mean EVER choose with your heart alone...especially when it comes to life altering decisions like committing to marry.

    Don't EVER be afraid to use a little common sense.
  • MrsDowns22
    MrsDowns22 Posts: 31
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    This sounds very familiar...I'm in the process of starting my divorce.
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
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    I only read up to "Are you going to make up those hours?"

    I think what he musta meant to say 'lay down and is there anything i can get you??'

    Or something along those lines...maybe 'get some rest' etc.

    I don't even wanna read the rest.

    :brokenheart:
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    Get out. Now. While you still can.
  • StrengthIsBeautiful
    StrengthIsBeautiful Posts: 309 Member
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    Just be careful and check out your options. If you are the main bread winner, YOU might wind up paying HIM alimony, depending on the length of the marriage and the state in which you live. It's not a good idea to let him loaf for too long.

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