60 yrs and up

Interact, @springlering62?

I never quite know what to post on threads like this. Probably that's why I wasn't an enthusiast for the old newsfeed, either. I try, here. Many people seems to feel there's a special lane for those of us who are older, but I feel like most people (all ages) trying to be active and manage bodyweight have a lot in common. I feel like I know what to do on "post your workout" or "post your food" kinds of threads, but don't know what to do with more chat-oriented ones. Because so many value age group interaction, I do try to participate here, even though I feel awkward . . . not because of age-peer-ness, but because I don't know how to chat.

Lately, I'm struggling a bit with eating, don't really know why. I've created some slow gain when I'd really prefer to have slow loss. I 100% understand that that's a decision on my part, whether I like knowing that or not.

I'm also in my annual Fall doldrums phase, where the weather is telling us we don't have much on-water rowing season left, and I'll soon be switching to the less-fun machine rowing and stationary biking during our (very real) Winter. I've made that shift for around 22 years so far, the first dozen of which I was still class 1 obese. I think I'll probably make the same shift again this year, even though I'm feeling more dispirited than usual.

FWIW, in case anyone is interested, I'll put a video link in the spoiler, where you can see what the rowing looks like.
I talked to a trainer at my Y at a "Meet the Trainers" event. I'm thinking about signing up for some sessions with him to try to bring better structure to my on again/off again strength training. I know I have some serious muscle imbalances, and I've struggled with some physical issues (nerve impingement, scapular mobility problem) that have required physical therapy. I'm wondering if personal training can help me sort this out.

Other than that, I just started a stint where I'm cat & house sitting for a close friend who's visiting her sister & family in the UK for just under a month. The cat is elderly, needs subcutaneous hydration every 3rd day (IV bag, large bore needle!), feeding & meds twice a day, etc. I'm more than happy to do it, but it's an hour or two of extra structure in my otherwise loosey-goosey days for the duration. I'm compensating by taking my laundry and similar portable chores there to do while I keep the cat company.

Tomorrow night, we're planning an after-dark barge row, last of the season. (Barge = large rectangular craft, about the size of your living room, equally stable as your living room, and with similar performance characteristics to your living room ). We use it for training beginners, and for parties . . . especially night-time parties. That should be fun!

I feel sorry for people who are bored in retirement. I am 29 months in, and I don't know where I found time to go to work. I haven't even had time to keep up with my garden!

To be sure, I have taken up a little part-time work, but I also made a promise to myself to not work for money for the first six months. I have plenty of volunteer activities.

I get an occasional e-mail from a fellow who digests some neat stuff and puts it in easy terms. Recently he sent one about "how to be happy in retirement." It had some gems, and I was glad to see I've been mostly doing it right. One of the things he wrote was that....

In year 1 of retirement, healthy retirees rate their overall quality of life slightly higher than those who are still working... But very quickly, somewhere between years 1 and 2, retirees hit a low point. Their overall quality-of-life ratings fall sharply, down to almost half that of those retired one year or less and those still working. Beginning in year 3, their quality-of-life perceptions start to recover—but only slowly—and it’s not until they are eight or more years into retirement that we finally see their ratings improve to when they were still working.


So for the first year you’re practically bouncing around with glee, acting like you’ve just escaped from Shawshank. But not too soon after, it often turns into the adult version of being grounded.

Yes, in the mystical, final level of life’s video game the reward is... having absolutely no idea what the heck to do with yourself. For many people it turns into a very long, very boring layover in the world’s dullest airport. You’re standing in your living room at 10 a.m., wondering if it’s socially acceptable to start drinking before The View is over.

“75% of preretirees believe they will find their lives satisfying in retirement, but only 54% of retirees had that experience.”

Huh? This is retirement, the big finale, the grand climax, and you’re telling me the satisfaction rate is lower than an airline’s approval rating? Turns out, “endless free time” is only fun when you’re supposed to be doing something else.

In fact, for many, after the first two years of retirement, they experience something similar to mild depression: “weakened self-esteem, a loss of direction and purpose, and much-reduced levels of motivation and open-mindedness. Relative to those in the workforce, retirees as a group are much less likely to believe their lives have been a success, to feel they are useful or productive, or to be optimistic about their futures.”

He goes on to give ideas to work on. Later he sums up all the advice:

Here’s how to have a happy retirement...

• Have A Plan Beyond Finances: Plan for the time, not just the money. You’re going to need structure, activities, some semblance of a reason to get out of bed in the morning that isn’t just “I need to pee.”
• You May Want To Keep Working: Many people do. You’ll miss having something to do other than waiting for the mail, hoping that today’s the day your Netflix DVD arrives because you’re the only person left on the planet still using that service.
• Get A Hobby: No, you aren’t going to befriend a quirky group of local eccentrics and solve murders like in a BBC drama. You need something you’re passionate about.
• Get Social: Retirement often means a bizarre form of social phantom limb syndrome. Have friends, see them often, and resolve any ongoing issues with your partner.

I think most of this stuff comes from a book by Rob Pascale Ph.D., Louis H. Primavera, & Rip Roach called "The Retirement Maze: What You Should Know Before and After You Retire."

@mtaratoot- interesting article! Although I have taken a much different path than you, I too (3.5 years in) am very fulfilled in retirement! I do look after my 2 grandchildren generally 2 days a week and my granddaughter joined Girl Guides this (Girl Scouts in USA) so I joined too as a volunteer 😝.

It has freed me up for lots of travel and improved both my family relationships and friends social life as I'm not giving the bulk of my time and energy to my job. My health has improved immensely and continues to do so. I love having all my time for me - it's such a luxury, a gift, I am ever grateful and so very happy 😊

@BCLadybug888, @mtaratoot -

I like reading about what others are retired are enjoying, the things they are doing, in retirement. I waited to the last age limit to file for SS so I would get the maximum pay, and have dropped my job to casual, part time work. So not really retired yet, but it is so nice, because as a casual I can let them know when I'm available and can work. So have finally had the chance to start doing fun things, like travel, local volunteering, hiking, boating, and "me time" just to lounge and pursue new interests. It is just lovely! The small hours I'm still working are a nice supplement to my SS. I do like the social interaction of my job, and because I am not working huge amounts of overtime that consumed my life, I enjoy it more! I am filling up my time off with so many things of interest that work is getting in the way! I will not be bored, there's too many opportunities for fun, volunteering, sightseeing, participating in, and enjoying, and crossing things off my bucket list! I am already becoming healthier as I have more time to take a good look at myself, who I am, and what I want, and throw in healthier eating and fun exercise. @BCLadybug888 -I FINALLY have a grandchild on the way, so excited! So far really enjoy being a senior!

@springerling62: I am sad for you, and hope things improve with your family. As we age, we find routines that work well for us, things that maximize our health, happiness, and fulfillment, and it doesn't always agree with the views of our adult children! They are still finding their way in life, and don't have the knowledge we have garnered. We try to eat for our health and attempt to avoid all those delicious irresistible foods, things that don't affect them now, but may hit them when they are our age. I end up being more of a listener than a participant, and keeping my thoughts to myself. I have a really hard time with salty, high fat chips, and try to bring or buy some healthy choices for myself as alternates. Silent examples, I guess. Try not to feel downed for wanting to keep up your healthy routines! Your younger family are at the stage where they will embrace certain lifestyles now, and change again, and again, as they grow older and their own learned knowledge changes with the times. Just as we did. I remember not listening to MY parents, and wanting to do things my own way. Just get through it, enjoy your grandchildren, and know that you will be home and back to your own routines soon. And hugs!

springlering62 wrote: »

Belated greetings from SoCal, where we are visiting family, particularly our wee granddaughter.

I feel like I’ve just given up temporarily. I’m forbidden from weighing or discussing food in certain ways (as in, “could we maybe eat something lighter for dinner?”) while here, since it’s a “trigger”. In fact, every bloody thing I think or say is a trigger in this strange new world of Don’t Upset The 30-Somethings.

This one is not just the 30-somethings. I've had friends my own age say that we shouldn't mention weight, weight loss, eating habits, or anything in that realm because it can be triggering for women who struggle with weight or body image.

I get why it's potentially rude to brag about loss (for example), but the full-bore implication of this philosophy is that I can't talk about my life story or preferences at all when it comes to weight or eating. That seems going too far, to me.

I believe in being polite and sensitive, but I also think that needs to extend to everyone.

To me, it's analogous to the arguments that extroverts ought to always tiptoe around introverts, exercise all the insight and sensitivity on their side of the interaction, protect the introverts' inclinations at the expense of their own. (NB I'm an introvert.)

I think there's a balance of needs/realities issue here. By and large, within reason, I think I need to figure out how to accommodate myself to the world, not expect the world to accommodate to me. For sure, I have more control over me. Desperately trying to control the world seems sad, and quixotic . . . not to mention a recipe for persistent personal discontent, because it ain't gonna happen.

So: Not 30-somethings, I think, but some other super-sensitivity subculture.

Am counting the days til eight solid weeks of travel to far-flung places interspersed with hosting international travelers hot to try American food (read: high calorie) are over with, and the remnants of this travel-related virus and the rather debilitating fatigue that go with it have faded.

I just want a routine back in my life, and food and activities I enjoy doing.

I feel big as a whale, I know my weight is up substantially, I’m constantly tired, and my head is not in as happy a place as it ought to be.

I hear what you're saying, and I empathize, truly. But I also think I have some vague idea what you'd say to someone else of your size (and history) who felt big as a whale, said weight was up substantially, etc.

But your pain is real (and realistic), I get it.

Note to self. Schedule breaks in between big trips and plans next time. Cramming it all into two months was just asking for trouble, . . .

I love it when a problem provokes a better plan for the future . . . even though the realization is a painful spot to be in, in the moment.

. . . and arriving in SoCal with a list of “House Rules” to abide by has left us both with massive chips on our shoulders.

That's ridiculous. Over the top. (Gotta say, I'd love to hear what's on that list: Three. Freakin. Pages.?!)

At the risk of stereotyping, that seems very . . . coastal? Of a piece with "don't talk about your reality or preferences because it's triggering" thing, though.

Never in my life would I give someone- much less an (ostensibly) loved one a three page list of House Rules and boundaries they must avoid crossing.

I feel like I must’ve been the worst mother on the planet to provoke this, though I don’t think I was. I accidentally got into some area of Reddit where Millennials were hammering “Boomer” parents , so this seems to be a thing.

Anybody care to reassure me?

I think you're on the sane side of this, but I don't think my reply is particularly reassuring.

I also hesitate to call it boomer vs. millennial.

Very honestly, I feel like the "boomer vs. youth" culture war theme is one of those that's being stoked by troll farms to sow division and create social chaos. In cultural and political terms, if financially-squeezed boomers (on low fixed incomes, struggling to find jobs because of age discrimination, etc.) were to find common cause with younger folks in financial straits for different reasons, that could create a juggernaut. (Notice how a bunch of the "jokes" are about boomers hogging the best jobs and having all the money, financial advantages?)

Ditto for elder progressives whose philosophies hatched in the 1960s, and young progressives . . . among other possible examples. Divide and conquer.

Yes, it's caught on. Personal anecdote: I got in an argument about boomer jokes with one of my young friends one night. She thought boomer jokes were hilarious, fun. I think they're inappropriate "divide and conquer" stereotyping. The same woman had endorsed another discussion where one of her friends taxed me about using the term "tribal" negatively in a political context (as being insensitive to indigenous people). There's a disconnect there, I think, when it comes to stereotyping, among other things.

Yes, boomer vs. millennial (or gen z or whatever) is a thing. An ugly thing. I refuse to play the intended boomer role in that little drama, personally.

Ha! How’s that for an old lady whinge?

Hey, you're entitled to it! Can't talk about your life and preferences? 3 pages of house rules? Holy bleep. I can understand why that, plus a round of sub-healthful eating, loss of happy routine, etc., can bring a person to a low point.

Virtual hugs!

Anyway, counting the days til I get home to my Ozeri and my Renpho scales. How many people can say that?

You're not the only one here who could. More hugs.

I hope you're able to get back into a happier routine (and mindset) very soon.

Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring the tone of the place down.

I was bent when I typed that because some old guy had just backed into our rental car and then tried to hoof it. Coincidentally we were standing next to it when it happened. 🙄

We head home Sunday. I’ve actually been (comparatively) OK this trip, but am trying to muzzle my husband who is usually the mild mannered one of us two. I’m the one with the short fuse. He never gets upset so I don’t know how to cope when he does.

I’m on tenterhooks waiting for him to blow. We can’t even hug the kid without asking her for permission to “enter her bubble”, which of course is a “no”. She’s not even three. I’m guessing ahe has no idea what “enter your bubble” means.

I’m from the generation where grandparents loved their grandkids and showed it at every opportunity. This being treated like strangers and asking their permission to play with them, touch them, or often to even talk to them is blowing my mind. It just takes the joy out of the whole experience.

I’ve got a near three year old grandchild who has hugged me exactly once in her life. I’m not allowed to hug her. She’s never hugged her grandfather. Frankly, this sucks. I totally get teaching a kid about inappropriate touching, but ye gods. Your own parents?!

Still, we’ve managed to have some fun with playtime, go get ice cream as a family, and we were allowed once (the morning the guy backed into the rental car 🙄) to walk her to the playground by ourselves.

In the realm of calories…..I’m calling it a win when I boredom and stress eat and still manage to stay within a few hundred of goal.

My NSV is, even feeling heavy and clunky with extra pounds, I was able to chase her on my hands and knees through a ball pit and maze, and (with her permission, of course) was allowed by her to hold her hand and slide with her. Wouldn’t even have thought of doing that when obese. Would’ve just watched from the sidelines.

Now, pardon me while I go shower my bubble.

springlering62 wrote: »

Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring the tone of the place down.

(snip rest of entirely reasonable and understandable venting-type post, for reply brevity)

You didn't bring the tone of the place down. You needed to vent, understandably, and this is a good place to do that.

I sincerely apologize if I made you feel otherwise.

Hang in there!

Perhaps we can hope that that dear child will eventually rebel - as many do on the path to maturity - and blow up that bubble herself.

@AnnPT77: Wow, not in the plan, so sorry about your fall! Were the steps icy? Not sure what your weather is like, but we have to watch for black ice where I live. So glad you were able to drive yourself to the hospital, I'm sure the ER was a bit incredulous that you did that. Sounds like you are in good hands, don't try to do too much for awhile and take it easy. Hope you bounce back soon!

@AnnPT77 Hope all goes well for you and you are home soon!

Oh,no, Ann! Of all the crazy things! That’s a helluva crack.

I wish I lived near enough to help out. I feel like you’re a good friend from years of reading your posts!

Take care of yourself. Do you have friends or family nearby to lend a hand if needed? Was someone able to fill in for Needy Cat?

Biggest question: Do you have a fridge full of welcome cheese for when you get home????

@AnnPT77 how scary. Wish you did not have to drive yourself to the hospital. And head wounds bleed SO badly... Hope all is ok now.

@AnnPT77 Just read your posts regarding your fall. I am glad to hear that you are doing okay, and wishing you a full recovery.