I know this has got to be a rare post
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You're already getting a lot of physical activity in your schedule by just being a dad, so don't stress about it. There are tons of ways to include your kids in your workouts, but I don't want to get into that. What I want to suggest is waking up 35 minutes earlier or going to bed 35 minutes later. That's all it takes to get a good workout in. I managed to consolidate some of my P90X workouts into 35 minutes. I go hard at full blast, but it feels amazing and it's totally worth the exertion and sleep sacrifice.0
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I am a single mom and have ran into some of the problems you are having. It's hard to find the time. When I walk they would ride their bikes with me. I couldn't leave my kids at home in the morning before i went to work and the daycare closed at 6pm. I paid for a gym membership and didn't get to go as much as i wanted to because of this reason. I wish now i would have bought an in home gym of some sort. i felt guilty if I left them with a friend during the week because you don't have much time in the evenings. I know it sound like excuses, but most of the time its not. Good luck! hope you work it out. I'm still trying:)0
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It almost seems like you're not really willing to look at options that people are suggesting. I'm a single mom with a full time job, plus I run a home-based business and my daughter is involved in sports and other activities, yet I still manage to find time to work out. Where there's a will, there's a way. Does your daughter drive at 17? If so, you can put her in charge of grocery shopping and running errands and driving your son places. It'll teach her to be responsible as she becomes an adult. Sit down with her and teach her how to budget with whatever money you set aside for groceries. There is no reason why you can't give your kids more responsibility at their ages. My 8 year old folds all of her laundry and puts it away. It's all about delegating these things. Have a weekly chore list for your kids and designate a day or time each day to spend 15 minutes just cleaning or doing these chores. It's unrealistic for you to do everything that being a single parent demands, and since your children are in high school and jr. high, they are more than qualified to help you out.
Of course, none of this will help you if you're not willing to let go of some of the responsibilities that you hold. Sometimes you'll have a pink sock from a red item accidentally being tossed in with the whites...sometimes some things might be forgotten at the store...sometimes the laundry might get wrinkled...you've gotta let go of that perfectionism and teach your kids to be responsible, and as these mistakes happen, they'll learn from them and get it right the next time, which will free up SO much of your time. It's great that you are a supportive father, but you're in need of some balance here. Make a weekly plan or have a family calendar where everyone puts in their activities. Then schedule your exercise around those activities. You may not have a full hour or 2 to work out, but 30 minutes is better than nothing....and 10 minute spurts here and there is better than nothing. Be firm about last minute activities that come up...tell your kids that if it's not on there by a certain time that they risk you not being there. That is not sending the message that they're not important...it tells them that you have things you need to do as well. I bet you your kids understand that you've got to preserve yourself and do things for yourself too. Use your kids as your reason to find time for yourself, not as an excuse of why you can't.
I make no excuses, I do want to do whatever I can to get it done. Most people answering my post are are not reading my other post. Everyone has different lives, mine is not yours. Some things people suggest won't work in my situation, just because I say no to one suggestion does not mean I'm not willing to do the work. All I asked was suggestions from single parents, not to be judged by people.0 -
Okay, my situation is I'm a single dad that works til 6pm. I have custody of my kids which I love more than anything. Question is how do you make time for your exercises or workouts when everything else comes first? Don't laugh but, cleaning the house, cooking the meals( which they won't eat what I eat), doing laundry, grocery shopping and yard work doesn't leave much time for workouts. Is there any single dads out there running into the same problems and do you have an answer? I tried involving the kids in my workouts but they are active in their sports also.:grumble: PS the rare part is being a man with this problem.
Have you tried sitting down and asking your kids to help you come up with an answer? Maybe explain to them that you want to make a little time for yourself to workout and stay healthy. When I went thru my divorce and became a single parent I did this with my oldest son. He was able to understand that for our family to run smoothly that we had to work together to get homework, household chores, and extracurricular activities done.0 -
I make no excuses, I do want to do whatever I can to get it done. Most people answering my post are are not reading my other post. Everyone has different lives, mine is not yours. Some things people suggest won't work in my situation, just because I say no to one suggestion does not mean I'm not willing to do the work. All I asked was suggestions from single parents, not to be judged by people.
I think people are genuinely trying to help...not judge. You're right...no one is in your exact position; but many of us are in similar positions. So we throw out what has worked for us. You don't need to forgo sleep in order to get your exercise in. As I said in my earlier post a half hour here & a half hour there is better than nothing and you'd be surprised where you can squeeze in that half hour. More importantly, you need to make sure that you have some time for YOU. Even if it's just 10 minutes playing Angry Birds on my phone to unwind...or taking some time to read a few chapters of my book...I have my ME time. I find that I'm not nearly as cranky when I do that. Believe me, I know how hard that is. I always feel like taking time for me to do something for myself is like taking something away from my kids. But, if we lose ourselves, what good are we to our kids?0 -
I am recently a single mom of 3 kids. My kids are 4, 6, and 8, so I am having this same struggle. Between work, school, soccer, gymnastics, etc., it is very difficult to find time to work out. I try to have my mom watch the kids occassionally so I can go run. Running is my stress reliever. I am going to make it a goal to try to work out at lunch at least 2 days a week.
Congrats to you for stepping up to the plate and doing the right thing!0 -
Thanks, I've been trying to go it alone for 3 years. It is very stressful and I get frustrated. I wish I never put the post up. Some of the things I will try. I never disagreed with everything. I just don't wanna be judged either.0
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Frankly, I think you're being a bit sensitive. I've read through this thread and I don't see much judging being done. You've received, and rejected, a lot of suggestions both from single parents and others. Perhaps the right course of action for you right now is just not to work out. You don't seem to have time and you don't seem willing to make changes so you will. There's really nothing wrong with that. Losing weight is much more about diet than exercise, anyway, so continue to focus on how you're eating and when the time is right, perhaps after your daughter starts college, you can then start an exercise routine.I make no excuses, I do want to do whatever I can to get it done. Most people answering my post are are not reading my other post. Everyone has different lives, mine is not yours. Some things people suggest won't work in my situation, just because I say no to one suggestion does not mean I'm not willing to do the work. All I asked was suggestions from single parents, not to be judged by people.0 -
I got a family membership at the Y and we all go and work out and swim together. If you can afford it hire help for things that make sense. Prioritize the things you think you need to do, maybe some can be put off or maybe you can come up with a more efficient method. If you find you are having to do laundry alot, buy more clothes so you have to do it less often. I've found thrift stores are a great place to augment my wardrobe. Also if they are old enough have your kids help with some of the chores.0
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I empathize with you a great deal. My shrink told me something that kind of resonated with me, and maybe it can with you, too. He told me that the root of all my depression was from flawed thought processes - I felt (and still feel sometimes) that if I don't do EVERYTHING by myself and/or (God forbid) ask for help, I am a failure. When my kids ask for my ex, I am a bad mother. When my children don't get to do all the activities they want to do, either from cost or lack of time, I am the worst mother ever. I am learning that if a chore doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. I make my exercising the number one on my to-do list after the kids' health, and try and find a way for the other things to fit in. If I don't exercise, I feel bad for not exercising, I gain weight, etc., etc., thus putting my health at risk, thus putting me at risk for not being able to take care of my children (which I am the only one who can - no family for hundreds of miles around, and my ex is in another country). I also strated bringing my boys (ages 9 and 3) into the chore part. I figure it will help them become successful and independent as adults, and it helps lighten my load. We may be a fractured family, but we are a family, and we try and do what it takes to make it work. My life is far from perfect, but if there's a will, there truly is a way, even if that way is dark and obscure and seemingly friggin' impossible to find.
If you can't leave the house for whatever reason, try getting some sports equipment from craigslist or from a garage sale. Usually it's crazy cheap. If it is still beyond your means, you can take a couple empty milk jugs, fill them with water and there's your weights. I also thought the suggestions of getting your exercise in while they're at their activities was a good one. Just suggestions, take them for what they're worth. I bet with a little creativity and a lot of persistence, you can make it work. I wish you the best of luck
Friend me if you like, I'm a pretty good cheerleader 
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When I read "the 4-hour workweek" by Tim Ferris, I realized how much time I wasted doing things. It helped me free up time, learn to say no to unimportant tasks, and take a different look at life and work... Before you say you don't have time to read, I actually listened to it in audio format as I cleaned the house. Good luck...0
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many single moms i know either A. wake up in the AM before the kids, or B. do it after the kids go to bed. sorry i cant be much more help than this0
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try waking up earlier to fit your work out in before you leave for work. when my children were little i would do that. now that they are older (still little) i will send them into the other room with their cartoons so i can do a work out. i am a stay at home mom and do all fo the same things you do. i do the lawn and such to open up time for my husband to spend with the children at home often leaving my health behind. try to find the little spots in your already busy life to squeeze something in. maybe when your kids are at their sports walk the track. the little things m'dear!0
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Ok, I'll try to respond to all in one post. I already don't get enough sleep from being the only adult and doing everything, single moms know what I mean. If you don't have the energy to workout because of lack of sleep how good would your workout be. As for the gym, I have one, all free weights and cable machine from power lifting years(600lbs worth). As for coaching, I coached fastpitch travel softball at the highest level, coaching doesn't burn enough calories. My daughter is 17 and a junior in HS, my son is 11 in middle school. I guess I will have to fore go some sleep to get it done.
You're kids are old enough to be more self sufficient. Have THEM cook dinner and clean it up. Have THEM do the laundry or mow the lawn. I played both high school and club sports growing up. I still had to set and clear the table every night, bring the laundry down and sort it, mow the lawn (alternating with my sister), and help with the house cleaning - even if they are responsible for just their room and bathroom.
This! I agree 100%. With kids as old as yours, there's absolutely NO reason for you to be doing everything for them. The older one can watch the younger one while you go for a 40 minute run or something. I would try to engage your kids more than you have been and I think you'll find that not only will it free up more time for you to take care of your body, but they will learn how to be responsible adults in the process. Good luck!
B0 -
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Quote "Frankly, I think you're being a bit sensitive. I've read through this thread and I don't see much judging being done. You've received, and rejected, a lot of suggestions both from single parents and others. Perhaps the right course of action for you right now is just not to work out. You don't seem to have time and you don't seem willing to make changes so you will. There's really nothing wrong with that. Losing weight is much more about diet than exercise, anyway, so continue to focus on how you're eating and when the time is right, perhaps after your daughter starts college, you can then start an exercise routine."
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"I think you're being a bit sensitive" and "you don't seem willing to make changes so you will." Okay, thats an honest "opinion" of my post not judging. Some of the suggestions I will try, it was the sarcastic ones like "Dude, you don't do laundry everyday" Yes I do laundry everyday. I'm not shooting the suggestions down, I'm just pointing out the ones that won't work because of my situation, so they won't be repeated later in the post. Sensitive no, defensive probably, because if you are doing all you can it is stressful to me to be told I'm not.0 -
I'm not single but I am a dad who just started losing weight, 319 down from 340, and I bought a WII for the kids a while back. I recently bought the balance board and the biggest loser game. Not only does it give you a good work out but the kids love the challenges too(I have 7 year old twins who beg me to play it after my workouts). I also have a treadmill down in the basement that I use at night once the kids go to bed. I know I'm not one to give fitness advice but just saying what I do. Also I agree with some of the other posts that you need to move some(if not all) of your workout to your home if that's possible. Keep up the good work!
Doug0 -
I used to walk while my kids were at swim team practice and baseball practice. I'm a mom not a dad but I know how hard it is to get everything done and how easy it is to put yourself last. Good luck!0
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Thanks, I've been trying to go it alone for 3 years. It is very stressful and I get frustrated. I wish I never put the post up. Some of the things I will try. I never disagreed with everything. I just don't wanna be judged either.
If you interpreted my post as being judgmental, I apologize. I am not on MFP to judge people in their ways or discourage anyone. I am just a very straight-forward person and said what I was interpreting from your posts. It is stressful, and it is frustrating, but there comes a time where the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change. It sounds like you're wanting a change, but it doesn't seem like your mind is quite yet open to making the change. I've seen some posts that I think are extremely helpful to your situation...granted I don't know the ins and outs of your life, but those of us who are single parents have had to figure things out at one point or another in order to make life work...there isn't any reason why you can't take the suggestions and try to implement them in some way into your life. Nobody is telling you that you MUST do things this way or that. We're here to help you figure it out so you can solve your problem and get on with your life in a healthy manner. Find one idea that you like, and try to think outside the box to come up with a way for it to work in your own situation. Someone else said that we're speaking from our own experiences, which is absolutely true...what works for one, may not work for another. But if you're not open to the idea of changing something in your life, nobody's suggestions will help you. That is just the absolute truth.
We all have the same 24 hours in a day...some are better time managers than others...some multi-task better than others, but the thing about that is they're skills that are learned. We single parents have to learn how to do these things when we don't have help from others around us. We also have to learn to ask our friends for help when we need it. Ask yourself if you would be willing to help out one of your friends if they needed. If you said yes, odds are in your favor that your friends would do the same for you. From the sounds of things, I'd say your children would be willing to help you out too in taking on whatever they can to help. But they're not mind readers and they're not going to automatically do things for you unless you ask. The answer is ALWAYS no unless you ask. It's nothing to feel guilty about either...we're all human and none of us have super-human powers to take on everything life gives us without a little help and support.0 -
I'm very willing to do whatever to get healthy, its just not all of the suggestions in this huge post will work in my situation. I'm not being negative or non willing, just realistic. I remember when I used to workout and how I felt, always happy, lots of energy. I miss that a lot. I have sleep apnea and I still don't get enough sleep with the machine. I'll try some of the suggestions, and didn't mean to be so defensive, its just a tough situation right now until I settle in on some sort of routine. Thanks again.0
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Ok, I'll try to respond to all in one post. I already don't get enough sleep from being the only adult and doing everything, single moms know what I mean. If you don't have the energy to workout because of lack of sleep how good would your workout be. As for the gym, I have one, all free weights and cable machine from power lifting years(600lbs worth). As for coaching, I coached fastpitch travel softball at the highest level, coaching doesn't burn enough calories. My daughter is 17 and a junior in HS, my son is 11 in middle school. I guess I will have to fore go some sleep to get it done. I run a business for my X in-laws they are dealing with cancer right now. I get no breaks at work. If you can help get homework done( AP calc,AP bio,etc.), do dinner for them,laundry baths in bed by 8pm, wait til they get older. I also can't afford gyms, dude. I don't live with my mom either, I have a house and make payments. We live in the country away from others too.
You know...even if you can only get in 10-15 min walkks, they add up. Your kids would probably enjoy working out with you An hour a day with them = quality time wiht them and work out time with dad. I am not a single parent...but I do a good bit of parenting on my own since my husband travels alot. I work out while they are at school...but I also work out with my 11.5 year old at the gym. It is great bonding time 0 -
First, super proud of you taking care of the kids!!! Next, you have to put YOU first. I know thats hard with little ones, but its something you must do. Even If it means getting up at 5am (like me) you just do it. My boys are practically men and I still have to make a choice to put me first and be mom after that. Make that time for you and workout at home. Invest in some dvd's, weights and get after it. Seriously, you CAN do it, I am proof. Add me if you need support. Be well~~~~~0
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I know Zilla very well and have for years, and he is a great father that does have a hard time asking for help. His kids are very lucky to have him but also they could help more, he just never asks them to. And he does have people that care for him and would help but unless you force help on him, he never asks for it. Well when our girls get done with school softball things will settle down and you and I are gonna meet up and walk or run. And you know I will gladly take the kids for you to go work out with the guys. But you need to learn to ask the people that care about you for help sometimes 0
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I know Zilla very well and have for years, and he is a great father that does have a hard time asking for help. His kids are very lucky to have him but also they could help more, he just never asks them to. And he does have people that care for him and would help but unless you force help on him, he never asks for it. Well when our girls get done with school softball things will settle down and you and I are gonna meet up and walk or run. And you know I will gladly take the kids for you to go work out with the guys. But you need to learn to ask the people that care about you for help sometimes 0
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"Dude, you don't do laundry, and yard work every day. [/quote]
thinking the Dude who wrote this, does not have kids...0 -
I became a single parent a year ago. My husband was abusing our daughter, then committed suicide when caught. So I am TRULY alone, as it seems you are. It's very easy to get frustrated and stressed out, so I get where you are coming from. That makes it doubly important for you to get your exercise in one way or another; exercise helps tremendously with stress because of the release of endorphins, not to mention it will help you sleep better so those few hours you get will be more beneficial.
In my case, I tried working out at home. I have a 12 year old daughter and a 13 year old son who has developmental disabilities and Tourette's Syndrome. The minute I walked in the door, they were shoving papers in my face, asking when dinner was, blah, blah, blah...you probably know exactly what I'm talking about! There was no working out at home after work. I don't work out well in the evening because I'm tired from work. I have trouble getting up in the morning; I have to eat at least a little something before I work out, then let it settle before I work out. So I sat down and took a hard look at what I needed to do. I was new in town (moved to be near family), so I didn't know what was available in my area. I found an Anytime Fitness two blocks from work. I signed up for a two-week free trial, and yesterday I joined. It's $29 a month, but with a little tweaking of the budget, I was able to find the funds to do it. Some days I go on my lunch break and eat at my desk, other days I go after work. My daughter and son both help out at home (he can't do as much because of his limitations, but he takes out the trash). I started buying them lunchables that are easy to pack so they can pack their own lunches. They each fold their own laundry, even my disabled son. His is not always folded the best, but basically, my feeling is that anyone who fusses about the wrinkles in his clothes can come to my house and iron them for me (My version of ironing is to mist it down with water and throw it in the dryer!). My bathrooms do not get a scrubbing from top to bottom every week; some weeks they just get a quick "wipe everything down" cleaning. And you know what? No one would say my bathrooms are dirty. My daughter is learning to do some things in the kitchen, and she helps with the bathrooms (now if I could just get her to clean her room!).
The important thing is to talk to your kids. They are old enough to help out. Tell them your problem, and see if they have any ideas. Kids sometimes see things in such uncomplicated ways, while we adults want to make everything hard. Your kids may have some good ideas on how they can help Dad get in his workout. They love you, and I'm sure they want you to be healthy for them, too!
Kudos to you for being there for your kids! Keep your chin up, and you will find a solution. You just have to look at your situation and see if there is anything that can be cut out or something you can allow someone else to do for you or help you with. It's not easy, but it's so worth it in the end.0 -
I recommend getting you a $9 workout dvd from walmart! Just started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred.... it's like only 20 minutes long but intense. Can ya spare $20? All you need is hand weights!! Theres other dvds out there too or stuff online! I can speak first hand tho... Jillian packs it in 20 minutes. She is not easy on you!!0
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I must say..hats off to you for being a dad in that situation. It's usually always heard of as the other way around. That being said, I'm a single mom who works full time and goes to school part time...& there is a way to make it work!!
I usually work out on my lunch hour, or right after work (arranging it with the babysitter of course; and because I'm NOT a morning person). When I do make it to the gym, it's all business from there!! Just yesterday I knew I didn't have much time but was determined and rushed in, only got in a mile run, and rushed out; being there a total of 20 minutes!! To me, thats better than nothing!!
Sometimes I've even been known to workout around 10 pm or 11 after my son has gone to bed (tough, but you do what you gotta do.) By now my son has just gotten used to it being a part of my life. Usually I run and let him ride his bike along with me. (This works really great for fun/spending time together.) Some days I just do workout video's at home if I can't make it to the gym. Sometimes I've even taken my son to the park and while he played with the kids I ran cirlces around the playground/ran up and down the stairs of the equipment, did pull ups. Playing tag at the playground is a GREAT workout also!
If there's a will there's a way. You just have to find what works best for you, and even sometimes find the 'little' ways in life to make it work. Best of luck to you! :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm not a single dad buuut...lol I am a single mom and finding the time is very hard. As children get older they have more and more homework that we need to help them with, along with their chores. Then comes our jobs, dinner, and I'm going to school full time. I get up very early while my son is still asleep and work out in the yard (which can be tough in the Washington rain). I take my mat outside when it's dry and when it rains I do all cardio. Good thing I have a big back yard. This way you are with the kids and can hop in the shower just in time before they wake up. Also after my son goes to bed I'll do a video workout like 30 Day Shred or Abs. I know it's hard to find the time, but it's worth it! 0
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It sounds like you've gotten some great advice on how to fit exercise into your very busy life. I've been a single parent for years. Its hard to find time for yourself but you can do it. Hang in there!0
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luv_lea: I really liked all of your examples of fitting in a workout, no matter how much time you have. It is hard and it's true, the kids do get used to it. My son is getting used to it being a part of my life and every so often he'll do part of a video with me. It's cute and it's a good way to show them how to build life long habits!0
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