I Think My Husband Wants a Divorce

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  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Nice vent...

    Looks like you Respect and Honor the Vows you took. Sit down with him and remind him of those. If he blows it off. Let him go. You are the better person.

    Remember that you can only choose to take care of the part of relationship that is YOU. You can not expect him to do the same. You can hope he has the respect to remember why he married you, why he loves you...but that is ultimately his choice. It sucks, but it is reality. And he he can not trasure that which he has, then he has no respect for anyone, including himself.
  • pinkakira1
    pinkakira1 Posts: 235 Member
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    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Very well said!

    And yes I will pray for you too. You are so very right about marriage being hard work and it is a constant work in progress. I hope it all works out for you guys. Just tell him marriage is till death do you part not when I get bored, it gets hard or either of you get lazy do you part!
  • ginny1214
    ginny1214 Posts: 338
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    You can't force it.

    I forced my marriage for over the past year, now we ARE friends, we have two children together, and I'm loving our decision, we haven't gotten the divorce yet but have been separated for over two months, it has it's ups and downs as were in two different states, but I value our friendship
  • ckdub428
    ckdub428 Posts: 453 Member
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    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Amen!!! Praying for you and your family! If its a big scary financial corner, check into "debt snowballing". It worked for me and my husband when we were battling that!
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
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    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Amen..
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
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    You can do your best, but what I found out is that it takes 2 to make the marriage work. You can only carry an unwilling person for so long.

    Agreed!! You can't "force" love...he needs to be just as committed as you are. If he's not, let him go and don't let him drag you down.

    I think there is a diffence between forcing love like a stalker and fighting like he** to make your marriage work. She is staying true to the promise she made to him and to God. Some people get so overwhelmed they feel it is easier to walk but that is when your partner has to be the stronger one and hold you both up (but only for as long as she can). I tell my Sisters, never give a man so much of yourself, and he is giving nothing in return. That only leaves you with nothing left of yourself. If you are giving him all you got and he is giving you all he's got them you've still got a strong part of you left.

    They may be going through tough times but for her to turn her back immediately is just as two-faced as she is angry at him for. I agree tearing him down when he already feels like he has failed as a provider will not help. If you can't argue with respect you 2 need some help.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
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    sounds like there's something to try to save, but you and he don't have the tools you need to communicate about the issues in a non-confrontational manner. I recommend that you read about Retrouvaille (see link below) and talk to your husband about signing up for a weekend.

    http://www.retrouvaille.com/
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
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    You sound like a strong woman who is in this for the long haul. I'll add my prayers to the mix and hopefully your husband will see that you are worth sticking around for. Money problems are tough and if he knows that he spends unwisely and gets in trouble he probably feels guilty. Keep the faith.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    I can only hope my husband is telling people on an online forum that he thinks I'm an idiot. That being said, sit down with him, talk it out calmly, explain how you feel, and ask him how he feels. Be straight about it, tell him you FEEL like he wants out and ASK him if that is the case. Maybe don't tell him you think he's an idiot, though. That might not go over well.

    Best of luck to you both! I pray it all works out - sooner, rather than later.
  • Cortez123
    Cortez123 Posts: 78 Member
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    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Very well said!

    And yes I will pray for you too. You are so very right about marriage being hard work and it is a constant work in progress. I hope it all works out for you guys. Just tell him marriage is till death do you part not when I get bored, it gets hard or either of you get lazy do you part!

    Amen! Keep firm in your faith. God will see you through this. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless...
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Agreed with most of what you said, but maybe he is scared of the fact you are talking to an invisible man.

    seriously? come on man this isnt the time to take jabs at a person's religion
    I agree 100% People need to draw strength from whatever source they need.

    Signed the Atheist
  • LaDiablesse
    LaDiablesse Posts: 862 Member
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    It takes 2 to make a marriage or relationship work. When one person carries the burden that's when resentment starts. Seems it's already begun with your calling him an idiot. Counseling may help get the two of you on the same page & you can move forward from there.
  • KatyG0409
    KatyG0409 Posts: 74 Member
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    My prayers are with you and your family. May God bless you all and help your husband see that the only way to get over it is to go through it -- together. Many blessings.
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
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    Agreed with most of what you said, but maybe he is scared of the fact you are talking to an invisible man.

    seriously? come on man this isnt the time to take jabs at a person's religion
    I agree 100% People need to draw strength from whatever source they need.

    Signed the Atheist

    Well, I can poke away because this whole thread is a little hilarious. A marriage and it's pros and cons are between that couple. The OP decided not to adress her grievances to her friends via personal message or on her personal thread, but rather broadcasted to the entire MFP commnunity that

    A: She thinks her husband is an idiot.
    B: She thinks God is specifically talking to her.

    So first, if I were the husband, I wouldn't be invested in a marriage where my personal business, shortcomings, and personal problems are being broadcast by my signifigant other, the person that is supposed to be my truest supporter.

    Second, I want to know what God said specifically. Was it a sign? Was it a voice? Did he say, "Pay the rent until next June and ease off the Applebees, thy will be done." I won't be interupting anyones church service anytime soon, but if this is on a public forum, I have some questions.
  • cindaboo1
    cindaboo1 Posts: 150 Member
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    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Couldn't have said it better.......~Amen.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
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    Signed the Atheist

    Signed the COMPASSIONATE EMPATHETIC Atheist :drinker:

    as for the others, I also have a few descriptives......:angry:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    To the OP, I'll be praying for you and your husband. Stay strong and keep your faith in God. He can get you through this.
  • jewelzz
    jewelzz Posts: 326 Member
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    Im having a problem with "if he LETS me stay" you do realize you can do all that without him
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    Well, I can poke away because this whole thread is a little hilarious. A marriage and it's pros and cons are between that couple. The OP decided not to adress her grievances to her friends via personal message or on her personal thread, but rather broadcasted to the entire MFP commnunity that

    A: She thinks her husband is an idiot.
    B: She thinks God is specifically talking to her.

    FIRST of all, she's 23.
    That, in and of itself, should be a clue to this whole dilemma..................I got married at 22, had a child at 23, another at 25. My marriage was a mess.
    Things got better - because we grew up a little and faced the demands of every-day life with children and work and mortgage and all..................

    My opinion? Get some counseling. Talk to your husband. TELL him how you feel. Get help with financial things and relationship issues. Talk to people who have been there, done that.


    and, if you feel it's worth it..........DON'T give up!

    Now, me? I stayed in a bad marraige for WAY tooooo long, because I felt I had invested so much time and effort in it, and my 'x' just didn't want to make it work anymore. He was in love with booze and drugs, not me. Oh well, live and learn :wink:
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
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    Well, I can poke away because this whole thread is a little hilarious. A marriage and it's pros and cons are between that couple. The OP decided not to adress her grievances to her friends via personal message or on her personal thread, but rather broadcasted to the entire MFP commnunity that

    A: She thinks her husband is an idiot.
    B: She thinks God is specifically talking to her.

    FIRST of all, she's 23.
    That, in and of itself, should be a clue to this whole dilemma..................I got married at 22, had a child at 23, another at 25. My marriage was a mess.
    Things got better - because we grew up a little and faced the demands of every-day life with children and work and mortgage and all..................

    My opinion? Get some counseling. Talk to your husband. TELL him how you feel. Get help with financial things and relationship issues. Talk to people who have been there, done that.


    and, if you feel it's worth it..........DON'T give up!

    Now, me? I stayed in a bad marraige for WAY tooooo long, because I felt I had invested so much time and effort in it, and my 'x' just didn't want to make it work anymore. He was in love with booze and drugs, not me. Oh well, live and learn :wink:

    I agree. But being in the marriage and demeaning him in public is ludicrous. I've seen it in men and women who have their foot already halfway out the door. It's a campaign to smear your future ex so if things go sour, you look like the good guy. If someone is truly committed to a relationship, you don't go out into public smearing your spouse.

    I never in a million years, even when thing with my wife were a rocky, would trash her to people. Even when talking about these things to close friends, I didn't call her names. It would undermine the whole relationship and strain the trust. This whole thread just sounded like a preemptive strike against an future ex.

    If he's you ex, bombs away, you don't owe him anything. But if you want the relationship to work, quit calling him a undisciplined idiot in public.
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