Young boys pressured to be masculine- what do you think?

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LemonPoppySeedMuffin
LemonPoppySeedMuffin Posts: 302
in Chit-Chat
My brother is 13 & is getting crap from his peers that his arms are 'too small' & that he should work out. Why should he? He's of healthy weight, he eats a good balanced diet, he walks to & from school & walks most places. Why does he need to 'work out?' It scares me, I don't want him to fall to peer pressure. He either wants to be a chef or fire fighter but his so called friends have made fun of him, saying he's not masculine enough. So far, he is keeping above, but school is a dangerous place to plot ideas into people's heads.
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  • Shizzman
    Shizzman Posts: 527 Member
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    Hate to break it to you, but guys too face stereotypes and roles that we are expected to feel. Gender norms tend to suck...
  • mirenner
    mirenner Posts: 205
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    strangely, how it works, in 5-7 years hell most likely be more developed than his teasers
  • jcn1109
    jcn1109 Posts: 49
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    All you can do is continue to encourage him to be himself. Eventually, he'll find friends who get him and won't be so hard on him, which will lessen the negative impact of the gender norms.
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
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    This sounds more of a bullying issue than anything. It's unfortunate, but kids can be cruel (especially at that age). I started working out with weights when I was around that age, but it was something I enjoyed doing as a hobby. It wasn't something I was bullied into doing.

    If your little brother is interested in weight training, I think it's a healthy and fun hobby. Just have to do it for the right reasons. But this sounds more of a bullying issue than anything else.
  • jah7700
    jah7700 Posts: 276 Member
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    Hate to break it to you, but guys too face stereotypes and roles that we are expected to feel. Gender norms tend to suck...

    ^ this
  • Larius
    Larius Posts: 507 Member
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    That's pretty typical. In reality, I see only 2 choices: he toughens up either physically or mentally.

    If it amounts to bullying, then you have recourse. Parents, school, police in that order.
  • Tujitsu56
    Tujitsu56 Posts: 392 Member
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    As long as he doesn't fall a victim to get larger and put on fat he will be fine. Boys are extremely competitive and we often talk about strength and speed. I shouldn't hurt him and might only make him stronger.

    You can enlighten him and help him understand that it MAY be too early for weigths, but push ups wouldn't be such a bad idea. I'm pretty sure they are doing that in gym and stuff anyway.
  • Jemmuno
    Jemmuno Posts: 413 Member
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    Well he's only 13 so i think his muscles will come with a little more time. Also, if he wants to look into firefighting go to your local fire department and see if they have a program called Explorers he's not quite old enough yet, you must be 14 to join this programs. Anyway this programs teaches teenagers about firefighting and EMT's. It's a great program I did it for 2 years. If he joins this program his muscles will just come by being in the program, and if he want's to be a chef he doesn't need big muscles for that.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    I never had that problem but I do remember the skinny kids getting made fun of a lot. Guys are supposed to be big and strong and since all 12-13 year olds are trying to be men there tends to be some ribbing there.
  • PBJunkie
    PBJunkie Posts: 652
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    I started at the age of 21...he has more than enough time to start weight lifting so he should enjoy his childhood, he wouldn't add significant mass anyway since his testosterone levels will be too low.
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
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    My son is 14 and is very tall and thin. He wants to lift weights to be a bit more "meaty". Peer pressure is always going to be there, it was there when I was a teen and it will be there when my kids have teens. Your little bro needs to do what makes him happy. My question is on your choice of the word masculine...are you referring to body type or to the way he behaves?
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    That sucks big time.

    It sounds like maybe they are afraid of something. Is he effeminate? Are they maybe homophobic?

    Poor kid. He should be allowed to be a kid and not concern himself with his appearance for another few years. ::proxy huggz::
  • LemonPoppySeedMuffin
    LemonPoppySeedMuffin Posts: 302
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    strangely, how it works, in 5-7 years hell most likely be more developed than his teasers

    Exactly, you can do all sorts of damage by doing strenuous work outs too young. His friends have started weight lifting, 13 in my opinion is way too young for it. I think they should be at least 16!
    Give your body a chance to develop first!
  • mmmichelle8486
    mmmichelle8486 Posts: 269 Member
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    It is sad that kids have to face these things at school, but it has always been this way. Gender roles play such a huge part in society and kids learn that from a very young age. Men are supposed to be tough and muscular and women petite and fragile. It is unfair and wrong and presumptuous but it is embedded in many people. It stems from the beginning when the man was the sole provider for his people. Times change but it is hard to change stereotypical thoughts like this. Your brother will do just fine, he seems to have a great family to show him what is right. Best of luck.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
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    boy does this bring back memories, esp at P E class in jr high.........

    Id never get picked, when coach would line us up to choose who would be on whos team..........

    I was always last, me and Chris Scheel............

    I hate bullies. I filled out/toned up I guess when I was 17, but really small before that.............He will eventually grow, just give him time

    also, let him know if he gets bullied at school from those punks to fight back, even if he gets his *kitten* kicked..........theyll have more respect for him, it happened to me until I came back swinging.............

    I hope he makes it, high school can be pretty dam rough.............Best Wishes, Lloyd
  • dosesr4winners20
    dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
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    strangely, how it works, in 5-7 years hell most likely be more developed than his teasers

    this is what happened to my brother. LOL
  • brooke4fitness
    brooke4fitness Posts: 39 Member
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    If he's healthy and strong, he just needs to develop the confidence to take up for himself. It's possible that he could develop that from working out or playing a sport so he knows the capabilities of his body. My boys can do push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups and because of that, they know their bodies are strong. None of them would take that kind of teasing from another boy. Just a thought...
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    .... You people are all pretty disturbed.

    Rather than panic about what ultimately is just kids being *gasp* kids, you should let him suck it up and do what HE wants. Either he will decide to toughen up, or he will tell off his teasers. That isn't "Bullying", they are just being kids.

    Part of growing up is becoming tougher. We've become a nation of pansies because no one has to just learn to be tough and deal with their issues. Kids need confrontation. Its how they learn to deal with real life.
  • LemonPoppySeedMuffin
    LemonPoppySeedMuffin Posts: 302
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    If he's healthy and strong, he just needs to develop the confidence to take up for himself. It's possible that he could develop that from working out or playing a sport so he knows the capabilities of his body. My boys can do push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups and because of that, they know their bodies are strong. None of them would take that kind of teasing from another boy. Just a thought...

    Why should he take up sports when he doesn't want to? He shouldn't change himself to shut people up. I'm very proud of him!
    When he was 10, he stood up for a multi racial boy in his year, he got so much crap for it but he's never regretted it. Also, I think it was last year, he told his friends that there's nothing wrong with being gay. Our parents brought us up to accept diversity & see the benefits of it.
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
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    My son has dealt with this for many years. Come to find out the beginning of this school year, the boys all played a game in the locker room. They would punch each other till the other one gives, my son was always the winner. No one messes with him anymore about it. I hate that they played this game and I always wondered why he had so many bruises on his arms. Now I know why.


    Kids are mean!! Plain and simple!

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