no support at home or work!!!

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denisegolden
denisegolden Posts: 206 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
so crazy, you would think that the ones who love you would want you to be healthier, and help you on that journey. but, noooooooooooo, not me and my friends, family and co-workers. it is driving me crazy! anybody else have this same problem? how do you cope with your lonely weight loss journey?
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Replies

  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
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    Oh yeah my bf and family really wish that I wouldnt xD
  • camy_chick
    camy_chick Posts: 277 Member
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    i feel ya girl! i have the same problem here! my support at home seems to just disappear when i REALLY need it. and when i am not having the support i need at home, i just remember, I AM HERE FOR ME! and I NEED TO DO THIS FOR ME! if people don't understand that, then i just try not to worry about them.

    just remember, you got yourself to the weight you are at, not others. so we have to be strong and lose the weight ourselves, even if it means with out support from others. support is nice, but we are strong enough to do this on our own!

    and always remember, you have your MFP family here for your support system!
  • psmd
    psmd Posts: 764 Member
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    Sadly people don't often support you doing something good for yourself because you're in a sense leaving them behind, and doing something that they can't do for themselves. Forget them! No one will do this for you except you, and I think that's part of what is great about this website, the reason people here are so supportive is b/c we're all doing the same thing. Good luck!
  • Alphax13
    Alphax13 Posts: 2
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    I feel ya. Everyone's happy with me just the way I am is what I hear. Everyone's happy but me. How do I deal with it? I will some days are better than others.. and each day is it's own battle. I have to realize and remember each and every day, that I am doing this for ME and not THEM. And the only way for me to do it, is stick to my guns.
  • MrsM1ggins
    MrsM1ggins Posts: 724 Member
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    i feel ya girl! i have the same problem here! my support at home seems to just disappear when i REALLY need it. and when i am not having the support i need at home, i just remember, I AM HERE FOR ME! and I NEED TO DO THIS FOR ME! if people don't understand that, then i just try not to worry about them.

    just remember, you got yourself to the weight you are at, not others. so we have to be strong and lose the weight ourselves, even if it means with out support from others. support is nice, but we are strong enough to do this on our own!

    and always remember, you have your MFP family here for your support system!
    This^^^

    People are scared of change. When they see you changing for the better it makes them think about their own health issues. They are scared that you are doing it and they may not be able to if they try - so they don't try and try to sabotage you instead!

    You know you're doing the right thing for you. Your family will come around eventually. Colleagues might not...
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
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    I think at the beginning of my journey no one thought I would stick with it very long. That had always been the case in the past...I would say I was doing it, then two weeks later I was back to eating whatever. Now that I am 30 pounds down they are coming around.

    So at the beginning I turned to this site. Now when I have a nsv or a scale change, I come here first...tell the family later
  • neuro316
    neuro316 Posts: 42 Member
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    There's a complicated psychology at work. The short answer is jealousy. But, I think it's more than that, obviously depending on the individual situation. Sometimes it seems that when you lose a large amount of weight, change your lifestyle and habits, etc., it can appear threatening to people, because it changes the way they've seen you, themselves, and your relationship/friendship.

    Just focus on your own goals and priorities. If someone criticizes you, either ignore them, or tell them that you'd appreciate their support and not their criticism.
  • charly_80
    charly_80 Posts: 45
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    We got your back here! Have the same situation at home here! Feel free to add me!

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    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods
  • Nikki582
    Nikki582 Posts: 561 Member
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    My husband seems to think that making better choices means not having fun... so sometimes he encourages me to eat unhealthy stuff... normally I go with a small portion or slightly modified favourite to keep him from getting stroppy.
  • athaliah
    athaliah Posts: 24 Member
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    Same here. Loving with a vegaphobe who's addicted to processed food. Just gotta pull up your pants and do it for yourself and try very hard to ignore the crap food in the house and do it for yourself and prove them wrong. You can do it.
  • lackie09
    lackie09 Posts: 123 Member
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    I have the same no support issues i told my brother, who i live with, that i am trying to eat healthier and exercise and he went and picked up Taco bueno for lunch... but I guess im just going to have to stick to my rules that i have laid out and waist the food he brings home I understand he was trying to be nice and that i was being a total *B* to him but i had just told him
  • aurorasangel2000
    aurorasangel2000 Posts: 38
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    Exactly. A lot of people won't support you, because, believe it or not, they're jealous!!! I know it might sound silly, but, they know that you are unhappy with something in your life and you're willing to put the time in and make a change so that you can be happy about it. A LOT of people don't have the will or are just too lazy to do that, so, when they see you succeed, sometimes, it makes them feel bad about themselves and they won't support you. Don't worry about them. Once they realize that this is something you're dedicated to and that it's important to you, if they care enough, they'll begin to support you as well. If they don't, remember that you're doing this for YOU, not them or anyone else. You'll make it through!!! You'll get plenty of support here ;-) GOOD LUCK!!!
  • razorspells
    razorspells Posts: 162
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    Well it would be nice if our peers would join us in this endeavor but it's just the way it is. For me I consider it as my own choice and personal journey. I get strength from the people who complete their journey and stayed that way and also the results that I see from my own effort. Don't worry you are not alone. We are all here :smile:
  • ManderG03
    ManderG03 Posts: 45 Member
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    I HAVE BEEN THERE. HONESTLY I THINK EVERYONE HAS, IT IS REALLY SAD. BUT, I WILL TELL YOU SINCE I STARTED THIS SITE, I HAVE BEEN SOO MUCH MORE MOTIVATED THEN BEFORE. JUST HAVE THE MIND SET THAT YOU CAN DO THIS AND IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO!!!
  • guessgigi
    guessgigi Posts: 28 Member
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    Logging in everyday on MFP and reading the different topics everyday will help ease your loneliness and keep u motivated. I also started out alone but was determined to be happy and positive and talk about how great this site is and what great support I have been getting from my MFP friends and so happy that is rubbed off on my hubby!! He's now joined me and loves the support and encouragement he's getting in just a short time!! Don't give up! Your positive example will pay off:)
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    so crazy, you would think that the ones who love you would want you to be healthier, and help you on that journey. but, noooooooooooo, not me and my friends, family and co-workers. it is driving me crazy! anybody else have this same problem? how do you cope with your lonely weight loss journey?

    I was getting the 'third degree' from my mother as I was helping to set her dinner table (I was invited for dinner).... unfortunately she is not a very healthy person herself and despite the fact she is an amazing cook, I cant have the majority of the foods she makes... So I grab the salad, some chicken (she does usually make grilled chicken as an option), a wedge of lemon to use as dressing on my salad, and a big glass of ice-water... They sat there looking at me saying "Why arent you eating?" - I held up my plate filled with salad and chicken... gave them a puzzled look and said "I am!?"

    They would try to beat me down with the whole "you arent living if you arent suppose to eat dairy or breads..."... and I would give them one chance to listen to reason - most of it I cant digest, I get really sick (severe spike of insulin and Im in the hospital) (PCOS and Metabolic X Syndrome)... their response is "its all in your head"....

    I got up, picked up my plate, place-setting, dumped the glass of water, put the plates on the counter, and said "have a good evening" and walked out the door...

    My mother came after me outside "WHY ARE YOU LEAVING????" - I replied with "If eating salad with chicken makes you THAT mad, Id rather go home and sit next to my husband who supports me UNCONDITIONALLY" - got in my car and drove away....



    NO ONE should be saying SQUAT to their friends and family that is considered counter-productive... if they cant at least be supportive by NOT offering/teasing you with the wrong foods, then re-evaluate your relationship with them.... related or not.

    Im sorry, but I dont take **** from no one. (Excuse the french) Not even my own mother.... I would GLADLY get up from my chair at anyone's dinner table that thought they could coax me into eating everything and multiple portions of everything and try to belittle me. They dont control me... and I LOVE seeing them lose control of their wits because they couldnt win!!!! MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


    I really think it boils down to a jealousy pit of hell for them... they see you doing so good, and it just hits a nerve - whether they are consciously aware of it or not... People like that love misery and love to dwell on negativity - sorry but that does not mean anyone should have to put up with it due to closeness of a friendship or due to being related via family...
  • 2ht2hand1e
    2ht2hand1e Posts: 116 Member
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    Change for you means changes in the lives of the people who are closest to you, and a lot of us fear change a bit. Some of your friends and family may have some insecurities and fear as you make changes for what you feel is for the better. Some of our loved ones feel pressure to change as well. Just remember who you are doing this all for, andremember that you are worth every bit of what are are working towards, just as you deserve what you give to the ones you love. It might help to let them know how much you value them, often, and remind them that you are there for each other through tough times and that you also hope to have them there with you cheering each other on and celebrating victories together.
  • azzalene72
    azzalene72 Posts: 6
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    I know exactly what you mean!

    It's really hard not to get upset sometimes. We're trying really hard to better ourselves - and it seems like it's just an inconvenience to everyone ....

    Don't let them get you down. I'm a stubborn thing - and they're negativity just makes me want to succeed even more :)
  • fragilegift
    fragilegift Posts: 347 Member
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    I live alone, with no significant other in my life, so I am definitely doing this alone. My family, via Facebook, has been less than supportive in the beginning, but are slowly changing comments (or maybe I am reading them differently). My MAIN source of support are from three people I chat to online. One is extremely fit, one is losing their fitness, and the other battles to 'get healthy.' But I can go to these guys and talk about what to have for tea, or how to stretch, and how hurt I got from some backhanded comments from family/friends.

    Now days, in my rule of F's, it goes family, fitness, friends. Family comes first (if they happen to need me - which they don't often). Fitness before friends - unless said friend WILL NOT try to talk me out of that walk, or WILL encourage me to have that upsized KFC meal. At this time of my life, anyone who isn't supportive can bugger off. Which is about what I told a friend who wanted a baby sitter for a time I wanted to be walking and tried to convince me to do it 'later.'
  • gods_gal
    gods_gal Posts: 305
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    Sadly people don't often support you doing something good for yourself because you're in a sense leaving them behind, and doing something that they can't do for themselves.

    This is so true! Your success may be convicting to them, and if they're not willing to do the work to reach the goals you've reached, they will try to sabotage you, maybe even not realizing what they're doing. If you quit, then they'll feel better about themselves. Good luck and remember that we're here for you.

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