Child-Free? Negativity from others?

Great responses from all! I personally have waffled from definitely do NOT want to maybe if I'm with the right person and we both want to, etc. As a result of my last relationship where my ex talked about our having kids as being a foregone conclusion and my not constantly pointing out that I am not positive I want that, I really had to sit myself down and think things over and...while I love children (most of the time) and do think having half my DNA make up another person would be a mindeff in an amazing way, I just don't think I really want to be a PARENT: I don't want that responsibility, I don't want to (rightfully so) put someone else first for at least 18 years, I don't want to worry about ruining them, or passing on my brain chemistry (simple things in life have been a real challenge at different times), etc. But mostly, when I give thought to the two different lives this is what I come up with: sure, without kids I might occassionally pine and feel sad but that's what biology and evolution have conspired to make me feel, it's part of the survival of our species (though evolution has not caught up to human civilization, but that's a whooooole other topic) but I would be able to do the things that set my soul on fire. With kids, I would LOVE them and be happy with them but there would ALWAYS be something missing that wouldn't be without kids.

As far as people's reactions and judgements, it's ****ty but it's not entirely their fault: most people feel an overwhelming urge to procreat because of the things I've mentioned above, and that's okay. Because of a number of reasons, people like you and I don't feel the same, and that's okay too. I am also an atheist and get some flack about that but basically I feel that the more threatened someone is by a lifestyle that is different than their own, the LESS secure they are in their own lives--what a pity. That doesn't excuse ignorance and nosiness, so I will include a link to an article that addresses this BRILLIANTLY: enjoy!

http://galadarling.com/article/i-dont-want-children-am-i-a-freak-why-wont-everyone-leave-me-alone

I preach to my two youngest that there is no "rule book" that states you have to get married, or that you have to have children in life to be happy and successful!

My oldest on the other hand seems to think nothing of going and being fruitful and multiply ( he is 22 and has three babys from three different baby mommas) I love my grand daughters they are awesome and bring me a lot of joy!

I often get judged because if I knew now, what I didn't understand 22 years ago and 9 months, I would of opted for sticking with the four legged babies!

I love my children deeply and would do anything with in reason for them, but if I had a redo I would of opted for a childless life! I am sure there are a few others out there who feel the same way I do, but are afraid to admit due to the harsh judgement from others! People shouldn't be so quick to judge. Sometimes if people could walk in someone elses shoes they would understand, this applies to several things!

You are the only one that can answer what you want in life. You should not be judged for it.

If it's easier after you get sterilized, just tell people you simply can't have children. They don't need to know it was your choice!

Best wishes~

I seriously love honesty like this! :flowerforyou: My grandmother had 5 kids. I remember one time her telling me, I love my kids, every one. But if birth control had been as easy to come by then as it is now, I would have stopped at 2! Granny rocked!

haha, I just saw your most recent post in the thread...the experience of pregnancy was realtively horrific for me. that said, I was always wishy washy about whether or not I wanted children, but eventually decided that I did. now I have one son, 5 years old and he's awesome. i would like to have more, but consider adoption because of how difficult my pregnancy was. but...in response to your first post, a absolutely have a friend who insisted she was never having children who actually did change her mind when she was in her early 30's. So...I don't know how old you are, but might you consider waiting at least until you are out of prime child bearing years just in case you do change your mind?

I'm child-free and I plan to adopt older children some day, once I have established a nice career for myself.

Where I live, it's pretty unheard of to be my age (27) and not only never been married but have no children. I can't wait to move somewhere that waiting until your mid to late thirties for kids is the norm.

I never thought that I wanted pregnancy, but lately I've thought that I may be ready for that step in about 10 years, even though I mostly want to adopt older kids, probably in my 40's or 50's. Time will tell, and there is no rush, especially since I've never really wanted pregnancy, so if it doesn't happen for me, I won't be sad.

I'm ridiculously pro-choice about children. Have them or don't, but do it on YOUR TERMS only.

^^^ Same here. May adopt someday, but we'll see.

I'm perfectly happy being child-free at the moment- my husband and I travel around the world, do whatever we feel like doing when we feel like it.... and people would LOVE for me to give that up to have a child. Why? Not like they would help me take care of it. I don't have family to watch the kids like some do. I can't just drop the kids off at the grandparents when I feel like going out. Not an option. So yeah, we've thought long and hard about it and still are.

I always get the 'When are you having kids?'. I just say maybe never. That shuts them up. Although my friends grandma who I haven't seen in years - first thing she said to me is - 'You don't have kids yet? What's wrong with you?' That kind of blew me away, but I didn't want to get into it with her since I was at her granddaughters' funeral who had a ****ty life because her parents were drug addicts who eventually got her on drugs too and she ended up committing suicide. And she asks what's wrong with me? Um I just walked away. I don't get the mentality that 'everyone' must have kids- even poor people and drug addicts. I'm not in that category, but I sure believe I have a choice.

My hubby and I don't have kids either...well we have three 4-legged ones...lol! For us, if it happens then great, but otherwise we aren't trying to having kids our lives are full as is.

Same here, my husband and I have been married for almost 10 years, no kids but we have two dogs. The dogs keep us plenty busy. We have the same thought, "if it happens great, but we're not trying". We are perfectly happy with our life the way it is. For some reason recently we've been getting a lot of grief from friends to "just do it, you'll be great parents, you'll resent each other if you don't have kids, you can't wait forever, etc". Bottom line is, its your life and nobody else is going to live it for you, so do what you know is best for you.

Being a parent is not for everyone. It's perfectly OK. Pregnancy is only 9 months, parenting is for your entire life. It's a comitment, not a fleeting whim.

I am an unwilling father of one. If I could go back in time, I don't know that I would or would not prevent having him. I mean, I do love my son (even though he frustrates the sht out of me) but knowing what I know now, maybe I would have had a vasectomy at 18.

Why is it selfish to NOT want to be a parent?

There's nothing wrong or selfish about not wanting to have children.

There's also nothing wrong or selfish about wanting to have your own biological children rather than adopting.

This is not a black-or-white, right-or-wrong issue.

I have three children and always knew I wanted kids, but I have to say...it is a HUGE responsibility that should be thought through very carefully because it's not easy. I love my children to death, but my husband and I often joke about the good old days when we had money, could do whatever we wanted, and didn't have to worry every minute of our lives about if we are being good parents.

I think it is extremely smart of you to really consider your feelings of not wanting to. It's nobody else's business anyway. I hate that people always pressure others into doing what they think they should do. Children should never be brought into the world just because someone feels they should.

Having kids changes your life forever, and even though it is very rewarding, it is the biggest challenge of my life! You question yourself and your decisions constantly and you just pray that you raise healthy, happy and well-adjusted kids. I commend you for not just jumping into it because of pressure. There would be nothing worse than having them because of the pressure of others and then being resentful and unhappy...the rest of your life is a long time to go through that!

Married for 19 years, no kids. Neither my husband or I wanted/had the urge for them. People do tell us all the time that we'd make great parents, but no one has badgered us. My family knew from high school that I didn't want kids (didn't want to get married either!). If it ever did happen (more and more unlikely, as we're 47 now), we'd accept it and move on. It's hard to meet new people. The first question is always, so do you have kids? When we say no the conversation drops and they move on to others that they have children in common with. So be it...there is more to live than your children! I do feel bad for my mom and my sister,, she's always wanted grandchildren and my sister wanted kids as much as I didn't but couldn't have them. My brother has finally had a baby (well of course he didn't, his wife did!) so now mom is feeling a bit better. I just never had the desire. Love kids, just like to give them back to their parents after a few hours! I have my fur babies and that's plenty for me!!!

A few years ago, someone asked me if I had kids, and I said no and that I don't want any.

"Oh, you'll change your mind once you hit 30."

"I'm 37."

I just don't have a biological clock. I have no maternal instincts. I think babies are cute and amazing, but I feel the same way about those little tiny cassette tapes for answering machines.

If people ask you why you don't have kids, it is none of their business, so burst into tears and tell them that you can't. That'll shut them up.
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or better yet , if you have pets and they ask about kids, say oh i do , and whip out pics of the furbabies. not only will they shut up they just might run :laugh: :laugh:

The only person who really made a minor fuss over my husband and my decision not to have kids was his mother. But that was once, and I set her straight. I've never really had anyone accuse me of being selfish, although I have heard of others having that experience. I find that sad. Some of my friends have been surprised by my decision, but only momentarily. I think I just have a face that says don't *kitten* with me.

It sounds like sterilization is for you, especially if you are ready to jump into an abortion.

The only person who really made a minor fuss over my husband and my decision not to have kids was his mother. But that was once, and I set her straight. I've never really had anyone accuse me of being selfish, although I have heard of others having that experience. I find that sad. Some of my friends have been surprised by my decision, but only momentarily. I think I just have a face that says don't *kitten* with me.

I'm not sure how you would be considered selfish for not wanting to procreate.
IMO it's more selfish to have a child due to pressue from outsiders and give that child a so so existence because you never wanted kids.

But that's just my opinon.
I hate people getting judged on this.

If people ask you why you don't have kids, it is none of their business, so burst into tears and tell them that you can't. That'll shut them up.

Don't do this, cancer took my chance of motherhood away, so I don't think it is something you should joke about. It also wouldn't work, because people are always tell me to adopt. My best friend knew in high school she didn't want to be a mother and she has been very happy in her life and grateful that she never did have kids, because her marriage failed, due to his chemical dependencies. She just tells people in a matter of fact way, I don't think I would be a good mother. And she is so firm in her tone of voice no one argues with her.