My 12 yr old daughter wants to be on MFP

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Replies

  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    I'm a bit concerned with my kiddo. She asked me last night out of nowhere if she can join and start counting calories so she doesn't over eat (I don't think she overeats but just sometimes she's more hungry than usual probley because of growing and hormones). She is not overweight according to her Doctor but she is in the higher percentile (always has been since a baby). I told her that I would not give in to pop tarts and junk food (my bad at times!) if she was wanting to get healthy, but I didn't think that counting calories is something she needs to worry about. I'm worried that she has a low self image although she says she doesn't and that perhaps her seeing me lose weight and being on here makes her want to follow my steps. What are your thoughts?
    Awesome that your kid wants to be healthy. I'd focus on that - the being HEALTHY part, maybe more than losing weight. Are you at maintenance? Still trying to lose? I ask because I know that my weight loss brings a lot of attention to food, being "fat", making changes, etc. at our house.

    Advice from one parent to another (my girls are 7 and almost 10): Eat healthy food with your daughter. Continue to talk to her about her body image/low self esteem - not that phrasing, but address those things directly in comfortable language for both of you. If possible, separate that discussion from healthy eating. That's cool that she recognizes your healthy choices and wants to be healthy like mom. This could be a great opportunity to bond/further develop the relationship with her.

    MyFitnessPal is not a site for children. The rules clearly state this, but even more than that, I see very little here that is uniquely beneficial to anyone under the age of 18. Kids can get support, nutritional info, community interaction, etc. on other sites. There are better nutrition tools on the Internet if that's what she really wants to do. But the forum community isn't going to be OK for kids. You know that, though. Also, counting calories at 12 seems like it could foster too much focus on food/weight issues. There is potential for more serious issues later.

    Rather than simply saying No! to MFP, why don't you help her find other tools that might work for her? You have your resource, she can have hers. It might give her a sense of ownership that she needs. Maybe a kid-centric website with exercise ideas and nutritional guidance would be better.

    I tried reading through all the comments so far, and it looks like a lot of good advice. Note that you are putting something very personal out there on the Interwebs (child-raising) and you are going to get advice that you may not like. Don't take it personally. Ignore what doesn't fit, while trying to keep an open mind, and try to absorb the helpful stuff.
  • JennW130
    JennW130 Posts: 460 Member
    I'd make her a chart kind of like the old WW's booklets where you have boxes for the required number of fruits in a day, the required number of veggies in a day, dairy/protein/carbs/fats and make it age appropriate for her requirements. Then she can fill in the boxes throughout the day and get a general idea of what she needs to keep her body fueled appropriately.

    It's easier for her because it's more visual and it focuses on teaching her that she needs to eat from all categories but not the same number of servings in each.

    Love this idea, Ms Julie!! I'm going to do this with my daughter.
    thats a really good idea.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    Counting calories is like budgeting your money. Never too early to start. Plus, it gives you a realistic picture of what you're eating rather than the unrealistic picture we cook up in our heads.
  • Molly_Louise
    Molly_Louise Posts: 503
    If I were you, I'd encourage her to take up a sport before calorie counting. That way she can take part in exercise and lose weight if she wants too. Make her aware of the foods she's eating as well, she's more likely to make healthier and better choices in the future if she knows what goes into what goes into her.

    This is a tough one though, because when I was 12 years old, a site like MFP would have changed my life completely as that's when my weight began to spiral out of control, but if I had been encouraged to take up sports things may have been different.
  • 16mixingbowls
    16mixingbowls Posts: 205 Member
    I didn't get to read the other replies on this but I DO think it might be helpful to plug in one typical day's food choices to show her that she IS eating healthy. The media is all about nutrition and fad diets and allergies, so maybe she's curious. I don't think I'd let her do it daily though.

    Curious to come home from work and read all of the replies.
  • istalkzombies
    istalkzombies Posts: 344 Member
    I'd make her a chart kind of like the old WW's booklets where you have boxes for the required number of fruits in a day, the required number of veggies in a day, dairy/protein/carbs/fats and make it age appropriate for her requirements. Then she can fill in the boxes throughout the day and get a general idea of what she needs to keep her body fueled appropriately.

    It's easier for her because it's more visual and it focuses on teaching her that she needs to eat from all categories but not the same number of servings in each.

    Love this idea, Ms Julie!! I'm going to do this with my daughter.
    thats a really good idea.

    For a kid this is great idea imo, at 12 years old I wouldnt really get too into the counting calories but I would teach her about calories and about watching them so as she gets old she's more aware of them
  • Ange_
    Ange_ Posts: 324 Member
    there are too many posts on here now to read them all so sorry if someone already says this.

    Studies show that if you diet from a young age you are more likely to be obese when you're older. It screws around with your metabolism, and i doubt a 12 year old would be able to negotiate the good advice from the crap on this site and would likely fall into the trap of starving herself. And there is also the risk of anorexia as well which is so common among teenage girls these days!
    I agree with what everyone is saying about getting her to be more active, and incorporating more healthy foods. But if she is hungry she definitely should eat she is in or about to get into her biggest growth phase since she was a baby.

    I've actually stopped counting calories as i got unhealthily obsessed with it. I just now use this site for the support network. I focus on eating the healthiest, natural most nutritious food i can and exercising around every second day or so. I realise that approach isn't for everyone, but it probably is the one your daughter should be taking.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I agree that she's too young to count calories but it sounds like a great time to build her up and make her feel good about herself-- point out and brag on any good fitness choices she makes. But also remember it's a formative stage-- I remember vividly that my mom pointed out that I had cellulite when I was a young teenager and it definitely had a negative impact on our relationship. You don't want her to feel like she's failing YOU if she eats an ice cream sundae, you want her to feel great about all aspects of herself, including her body, and set her up for a lifetime of not having to "diet."
  • tracy337
    tracy337 Posts: 199 Member
    I know what you mean, my son is 15 and wants to be on here, but big difference is my son is over weight. I will not allow him on here since this is for persons over 18 but even if it allowed minors I still wouldn't do it. Instead I talk to him about how he can make better choices at school. It sucks cause I can't afford to pack his lunch for him so he has to rely on free lunch provided by the school. But I sat down with him and went over the daily menu with him and pointed out the best choices, ones that are not the best, but not too bad, and the ones he should ALWAYS stay away from like fried stuff. I include him in my work outs and if he doesn't want to I let him borrow my kick boxing dvd and other so he can do it in privacy if he chooses. I know I have found I work out better alone ( the gym is fine, I am talking more like a friend since I like to chat lol and that usually ends up slowing me down lol) I give him tools he needs to get in shape without obsessing about calories. BUT he only needs to lose maybe 20-30 pounds. If he was 75 ore more then depending on how much he needed to lose I would incorporate watching calories but only to a point. Since your daughter isn't overweight at all then just inviting her to work out with you, walking with you, getting involved in sports or dance or family hiking ect.
  • RockHardAngel_777
    RockHardAngel_777 Posts: 68
    I would agree with those that say this might be a little too grown up of a site to be on, BUT I think it would be awesome of you to make a little calorie counter chart for her. Include fitness goals and healthy ways for her to be "fit". I think that would just be so much fun for her cause she would be a part of your "health and fitness world" but not be subjected to the criticism we as adults know is ok to hear (for our own good) in which children would not understand at times. Hey it might even help you with your goals as well, I think that would just be awesome of you! Hope you figure out and do whatever works for you and that sweet pea of yours.
  • RockHardAngel_777
    RockHardAngel_777 Posts: 68
    I only read some of these "answers" to your post. And let me just say I'm sorry darlin. Some people! I swear some people forget we are on here to Help and Encourge. Oh my goodness. You do what you feel is right darlin. (no wonder I keep my "friends"to a very minimum) sometimes you just don't want some people's "advice". ;(
  • CityOnAHill
    CityOnAHill Posts: 136 Member
    Personally I'd say pounce on this opportunity to teach your daughter about eating healthy! I know I would have appreciated it if my parents had taught me better as they raised me (I still love them so!). Just set it to make sure she doesn't lose weight. I'd supervise it.

    This. If you supervise. Yes, the site if for those over 18. That said; learning the good habits WITH YOU would be a great bonding experience and she would learn the good habits now.
  • InvictusPheonix
    InvictusPheonix Posts: 129 Member
    Maybe have her just count her fruits and veggies? (like, try for the appropriate number of servings a day)
    12 is wayyy to young.
    Just a warning to those out there with kids- my mom was a "yo yo dieter" most of my life, and it gave me some pretty messed up ideas about nutrition. It was just how I was raised. I just thought that was normal.
    It wasn't until I moved away that I learned there IS a balance, you can be conscious about what you eat without being black or white "on or off" a diet.
    Be careful, what you do, even if it's to "get healthy and keep up" with your kids, impacts them more than you know.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    I would get her a non-Internet based program like Diet and Exercise Assistant by Keyoe if you are committed to letting her learn about calorie counting. No forums...
  • aeisenhut
    aeisenhut Posts: 2
    Would it really hurt to teach her how to start counting calories? She doesn't need to be on here to lose weight she can maintain a healthy weight. I say if she is serious about it to let her try it for a week. If she wants to continue just let her. I wouldn't let her get too concerned about what she is eating though. Tell her that she can have those pop tarts but in moderation.
  • trishlambert
    trishlambert Posts: 213 Member
    My two cents (if you need more cents! laugh!!):

    If you do decide to go for it, up the ante by making it a calorie counter in AND out. In other words, stress the exercise side of the equation. There are a lot of people on here who are in great shape and who use MFP to continue to improve their health and strength. Look for those people and see what they have to say about using the site.

    Also, another ante upper is to require tracking more than general calories, but other key nutrients. Make an agreement re: carb/fat/protein calies she will budget and track, and come up with rewards/penalties so that there are consequences for her adherence or nonadherence to the agreement.

    Since she doesn't actually have a weight issue, limit the number of pounds lost she programs into MFP...like 1/2 pound per week or maintenance. If she wants to change her shape, refer her back to the exercise of the equation.
  • garlic7girl
    garlic7girl Posts: 2,236 Member
    I think the best thing a parent can do is show love (action), and be an example (action), and do things together (action again) which promote health and enjoyment...key enjoyment not punitive or in judgement.
    For example, I used to work in a high school with teens and I would watch them eat the most horrific things...esp in the morning...huggables (blue drinks) and Funions or chips and etc. So, I would bring my breakfast and lunch to work and they would come and eat with me sometimes and see what I had...carrots, wheat bread, apples etc and then it HAPPENED...."can I have a piece" "can I try" Gasp! That is a small example but that is what kids do to change...what they SEE :noway: thier parents and other adult figures do. Tell her also being a kid has some benefits and that is freedom...freedom from counting calories and FREEDOM to be healthy all on her own POWER! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • bluecal822
    bluecal822 Posts: 21 Member
    Have your daughter join a sports team, and encourage her to eat healthier, DO NOT let her on this site. At that age this site could easily help trigger an eating disorder.

    Focus on eating heathy and not on weight.

    Make sure that you tell your daughter how pretty she is. When I was her age, even though I was pretty skinny, I though that I was fat and ugly, because I didn't look that the women in the media. I would not at all be surprised if your daughter feels this way either. Every girl that I know, and even my 5'6 105 lb friend thinks that they are fat.
  • bluecal822
    bluecal822 Posts: 21 Member
    It sounds like she is starting to get a bit body conscious, as others stated she is too young to join, and I think teaching her to track calories, especially as she is about to hit HS is going to set her up for ED's and obsessive calorie counting.

    Right now, just sit her down and have a talk with her about basic good vs bad food, and how to read nutrition labels so she can decide whether or not she should really eat something. Focus on things like high sodium, high sugar content, heavily processed foods, this will set her up to eat healthy instead of just eat based on calories. Talk to her about how anything that comes from a box and often times from a bottle (excluding bottled water and tea of course), is probably something thats going to be heavily processed with lots of sodium or sugar. Make sure she knows that sodium and sugar are not necessarily bad but that she should only eat a limited amount of those things. Teach her that when she is really hungry she can eat several plates of veggies and it wont be anywhere near as damaging as something like a hot pocket. Teach her portions and that junk food is just fine in moderation.

    If you want to talk about her weight you can do that as well, talk about how much she weighs and what a healthy weight range is for her, make sure she knows she is in a healthy weight range, and does not need to loose a bunch of weight. Talk to her about muscle vs fat and how someone who is say 120lbs with a higher fat percent can appear to be much bigger than someone who is 120lbs who is more toned. Express how excercise can help her to shrink sizes even if her weight itself doesnt go down a whole lot.

    Finally, are you excercising? Ask her if she wants to set up an excercise routine with you for the two of you to do a few times a week. There is nothing bad about her getting down excercise routines this early in life instead of waiting until she is older and trying to figure it all out on her own. But since her body is still a developing body just keep the excercises light/moderate and of course try and keep them fun. Sports would help as well.


    No, you never talk to children, especially girls this age about losing weight. I know WAY to many girls who, after a very well-meaning conversation from their parents about losing a little weight developed eating disorders.
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