Child-Free? Negativity from others?

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  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    I dont get much negativity, but more surprise since I love kids! ^^

    I just don't have any desire to have any of my own. I have never found babies cute like a lot of girls seem to, so I'm not sure if that is the reason or what.

    I would love to become a "big sister" to a few kids someday, because it would allow me to spoil them and give them a great life, but I would be able to return to a peaceful home :smile:
  • RissaDean
    RissaDean Posts: 189 Member
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    What sucks? My fiance wants kids. But its my uterus, and im all........not

    Figure this out BEFORE you say I Do. Otherwise you will be fighting about it for years and years, because he thinks you're starting to come around to having kids, and you think he's starting to be ok with not having kids and then BAM you're in the biggest fight ever. Every 6 months.

    I don't want kids, never have. I'm 28 and have been with my husband for 10 years (married for 4). He (and both of our families, minus my sister) just knooooooow that I will just wake up one day with baby fever. It's not going to happen. I will spoil my neices and nephews and such, but having kids is not in the cards for me. I'm not going to have a kid in the hopes that I will love it, because more than likely I will just resent the lil bugger. But no one really understands/accepts that :(
  • aolani
    aolani Posts: 80 Member
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    I don't understand the negativity towards those that are child-free. Having children is a very personal choice.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    To the OP, you are just as ridiculous and judgmental as the people you talk about in your post.
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
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    I have just one child at this point, but if it is my creators will that I have more. . I would love to. . . I want to do what lines up with my spiritual beliefs. . . not the worlds~! Just my personal perspective.:bigsmile:
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    To the OP, you are just as ridiculous and judgmental as the people you talk about in your post.

    did i miss something? :indifferent:
  • BloomingLily
    BloomingLily Posts: 62 Member
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    Pple are never satisfied ! If ur single its why don't u have some1. If ur dating then when are you getting married ? When ur married the when are u having kids ? Have a kid then its when are you having another ????

    This is SO TRUE!!! Being a mother was not something I ever wanted to do. I haven't had anyone tell me I'm selfish because I don't want children, but the number of times I have been told I would change my mind are too many to count. I haven't changed my mind, don't have any children, and won't have any. That kind of decision isn't one where anybody and everybody gets a vote.
  • BloomingLily
    BloomingLily Posts: 62 Member
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    To the OP, you are just as ridiculous and judgmental as the people you talk about in your post.

    did i miss something? :indifferent:
    I must have missed it also.
  • thor1god1of1awesome
    thor1god1of1awesome Posts: 481 Member
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    I don't want children and no one has given me any crap about it. (Except one time, but it was someone I didn't know and it wasn't directed at me personally.)

    But the following is very judgmental, just as bad as people judging you for not having kids:
    People often think that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but personally I see it the other way around. Why bring another person into this world for your own benefit? There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already.
    ^^^^this
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    to be honest, they're probably jealous.... i have my moments where i wish i could have stayed child-free, travelled more, enjoyed being selfish, instead i made the decision to bang my head on a brick wall daily, argue with a 5 year old, change nappies, be spewed on, bitten, hit, yelled at etc....

    your life is one to be envious of... why do you get to avoid all of the above? it's not fair?
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    To the OP, you are just as ridiculous and judgmental as the people you talk about in your post.

    did i miss something? :indifferent:
    I must have missed it also.

    Yeah you missed the part where she disses people who DO choose to have children. Hypocrite much?
  • BloomingLily
    BloomingLily Posts: 62 Member
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    [/quote]

    Yeah you missed the part where she disses people who DO choose to have children. Hypocrite much?
    [/quote]
    I went back and read it again. Are you talking about the question regarding bringing another life for your own benefit?
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    I'm talking about this part, where she calls people who have childred selfish:
    "People often think that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but personally I see it the other way around. Why bring another person into this world for your own benefit? There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already. "

    Basically she's passing judgment on people who DO have their own kids. How is she any different then from the people who criticize HER choices? For the record I don't care who has or does not have kids. But it's funny how she gets upset about people being judgmental and does the same herself :)
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    I'm talking about this part, where she calls people who have childred selfish:
    "People often think that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but personally I see it the other way around. Why bring another person into this world for your own benefit? There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already. "

    Basically she's passing judgment on people who DO have their own kids. How is she any different then from the people who criticize HER choices? For the record I don't care who has or does not have kids. But it's funny how she gets upset about people being judgmental and does the same herself :)

    I didnt catch that part. ^^ I think she was trying to say how hypocritical other people are insulting her for not having kids, but in doing so she also became hypocritical. >_<

    I think she mentioned that though because in real life she probably does not say anything to people who decided to have kids, but people say stuff to her for deciding not to ^^
  • swimmchick87
    swimmchick87 Posts: 458 Member
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    Ditto! I'm only 24, but I have NO desire to have children. I find it ridiculous that in 2011 society still sees it as our "duty" as women to have children- like I'm expected to want them just because I'm a woman. I'm a teacher- I actually love kids. However, I don't want to have my own! I see kids all day, those are my kids! Unfortunately, teaching seems to be such a family-oriented career that I get crap for my opinons from coworkers all the time. I get the very condescending "you'll change your mind" too. I also think some of them feel like they need to defend themselves (lots of babies happening at work right now) to me b/c I might judge them for wanting kids (I don't) so that act defensive and then get on me even more for not wanting them. Unfortunately, I'm an only child and my parents desperately want grandchildren. IF I ever decided I wanted kids when I'm older (much older), I'd for sure want to adopt. The whole pregnancy and giving birth thing sounds like the most horrid experience in the world to me- all of it! I don't want to experience that anyway, and there are so many kids already here that need homes through adoption.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    22 here - BF and I have discussed this at length, and if I ever do have children, it will be through adoption and I would have to be at least 35-40, established, etc. A lot of people tell me that it's 'selfish', but we want to be able to travel, go away for weekends on a moment's notice, pursue our own interests, all the things that the responsibility of caring for a child usually takes away. If things do change down the road, I'd be very interested in international adoption.

    For my whole life, kids have just sort of gotten on my nerves. When encountering a newborn or young child, my friends will 'ooh' and 'aah' and talk about how adorable they are, and while they can certainly be cute, I never really understood the appeal of having my own. I have a large family so I spend a lot of time caring for my cousins' children and am generally good with them, but I really have no desire to experience pregnancy or childbirth. At the end of the day, I get to hand my cousins' crying, cranky kids back to them and go about living my own life. My parents are sure it's a phase that I'll grow out of, but who knows.

    Kudos to you for sticking to what you feel is right. You have my support - I never really saw how it was 'selfish' to bring yet another child into an already overpopulated planet :)
  • Lozzy_82
    Lozzy_82 Posts: 324 Member
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    I don't currently have children and I don't know if I will ever want them. I have always thought "sure, someday when I'm ready", but I'm now married and nearly 30 and don't feel any closer to being ready than I did when I was a teenager! It's getting pretty tough as my husband is very much ready to be a dad and it's breaking my heart that I don't feel able to give that to him. I am so sick of the questions from friends and family about when we'll be having babies because it just makes me feel so guilty and selfish for not wanting them :cry: I want more than anything to WANT to have kids, but I can't make it happen.
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
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    I'm 22, went of the rails at 16, only just got back to college and setting myself up for a career. My BF doesn't want kids... Yet. I'm not sure. I would like to work in a proper job, move out into our own house, travel the world and get married first. Does that make me selfish? I don't think so. My parents always told me that it's more selfish to bring a child into the world if you cannot afford the time to love and look after it and the money to provide the best life you can for it. I agree with this and if the day came that I decided I wanted kids ever then I'd make sure we were in a comfortable situation first.
  • sinclare
    sinclare Posts: 369 Member
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    I wanted kids but it didn't happen. People are so nosy and I just learned to lie a little and tell them that I couldn't have any. It's better than getting into a long discussion about it. And it shuts them up.
  • snorktharpe
    snorktharpe Posts: 41 Member
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    i do not have kids and somehow never really thought i would. i don't mind but i do find that many of my friends seem to feel sorry for me or are doubtful that it doesn't really bother me. i do love kids and i've learned that i also have maternal instincts. but i left it up to God and don't question it or miss having kids. but i do perceive a sort of "superior" attitude by some women who did have them- friends, etc., its as if they're convinced i envy them and refuse to believe i'm okay about not having kids. but there were never any circumstances under which i would've aborted a baby.

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