For the Married or Previously Married..

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  • BattyMama
    BattyMama Posts: 136 Member
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    my first wedding was better but my second marriage is much better
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Lots of great answers and insights, thanks for the replys.

    As the original poster I feel an explanation is in order...
    I have been married 26+ years to my 'first wife' and completely enjoy it. For the wedding we took a half day off work and went to the courthouse.

    I've seen so many people get tied up in planning the perfect wedding for a year or more and spending tens of thousands of dollars, only to have the actual marriage fall apart within a short span of years.

    My stepson had a gorgeous wedding, a combination of his scottish heritage and his bride's mexican heritage. A great time was had by all as these families blended together. 5 years and 1 kid later it ended in divorce. HIs second wedding was similar, a huge and expensive affair, but this one lasted 10 yrs. Divorce was final last month. Thank goodness no kids to tear apart.

    My stepdaughter had pretty much the traditional all-American wedding, big $$ dress, classic car limo ride to the reception, party all night. It lasted 7 years and 2 kids. Her second marriage a few years later was a bit more understated and so far looks to be a perfect match.

    I think too many people get caught up in the idea of having a wedding and don't think about what comes afterwards..

    I propose the new tradition be a simple ceremony, no party, no gifts, and for the 7th anniversary, if you make it that far, have the party of a lifetime, gifts galore, and cash in all that money that was saved from the original wedding not happening.
    No 7 years, no party!

    I agree, to a certain extent. I do think a lot of people go crazy with their weddings and the whole thing becomes more of a "look at me" spectacle and brushes aside what I feel is the true intent of a wedding. It's a joining of two people, two families, and the whole thing should be a celebration of the love those two people have for each other. My wedding was small and was (supposed to be) about us celebrating with our closest friends and family members. (We had to postpone the event by a couple of weeks because my husband's sister needed emergency surgery the day of our originally scheduled wedding. Only two of our friends and our immediate families were able to attend.) We enjoyed the day and got to spend it with those who we were closest to. A wedding is a big deal but it can get out of hand easily.

    I think what's most important is truly knowing and loving the person you marry. Living with them before you get married really lets you get to know their habits. If you're completely honest about who you are there won't be any surprises that pop up and if you have a realistic attitude toward your relationship you won't overlook little things that could potentially drive you crazy later on. My husband and I were our honest selves from the very beginning and we just "clicked" the first time we met. It was as close to love at first sight as anyone can get in the real world. He proposed 5 months into our relationship (the day before we found out I was pregnant) and we were married 11 months in. It sounds crazy, it sounds fast. But we knew from the start that we had each found our soul mate. There have been difficult times but we're so committed to each other and to our children that we will always work things out, no matter what. And because of that commitment we would never do anything to hurt the other person (so there's no worry about cheating, etc.).
  • JJ_Mamma
    JJ_Mamma Posts: 42 Member
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    The wedding was small and sweet, and inexpensive. But the Marriage is much much better! It will be 4 years in march!:love::heart:

    Same but we will celebrate 15 years early next year.
  • aolani
    aolani Posts: 80 Member
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    We wanted to get married at the courthouse, but we were guilted into having an actual wedding by both parents. We had a very small ceremony at the park with just my parents and his parents. It was thrown together in like a week. We ended up going to a local restaurant for wedding dinner (didn't even have a reservation just showed up) and they brought us out a cake. Our marriage has been very good we will make 11 years in April. Although it thrown together on such a short notice it was still a very nice wedding. So hard to compare both are special in their own way.

    Never understood why people spend so much money on a wedding day. Just not my style our wedding total (dress, tux, restaurant, minister, pictures, champagne) was less than $500. My cousin spent 25k on her wedding and the marriage didn't last 2 years. They were still paying the debts from the wedding years after the divorce.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,845 Member
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    I've been married for close to 31 years. The wedding was at the courthouse. Weekend honeymoon in Dallas. Nothing big but it has special memories.

    The marriage has been lots of ups and downs. Sometimes wonderful and sometimes pretty bad. It's been lots of hard work and lots of compromise for both of us. It hasn't been perfect, but nothing in life is.

    Wedding 1 day. Marriage a lifetime! I pick marriage!
  • Jeannelin
    Jeannelin Posts: 35
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    The marriage. I barely remember the wedding.

    Exactly!
  • sarah_ep
    sarah_ep Posts: 580 Member
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    I love my boyfriend. We probably would of gotten married a while ago but I prefer to travel.

    I really do not see how a wedding or paper will change our relationship.
  • ansleya
    ansleya Posts: 192 Member
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    My husband and I were our honest selves from the very beginning and we just "clicked" the first time we met. It was as close to love at first sight as anyone can get in the real world. He proposed 5 months into our relationship (the day before we found out I was pregnant) and we were married 11 months in. It sounds crazy, it sounds fast. But we knew from the start that we had each found our soul mate. There have been difficult times but we're so committed to each other and to our children that we will always work things out, no matter what. And because of that commitment we would never do anything to hurt the other person (so there's no worry about cheating, etc.).

    I completely understand your story. I met my husband on a Friday night. We talked for 9 hours straight. On Saturday night he came to pick me up from work, brought me a rose, we went back to his place. I spent the night. Moved in on Sunday. LOL That was in May. We got engaged in June. Married on Dec 27th so all of our family would be together. Everyone thought we were crazy. But when you know, you just know. We've been together 14 years now. Coming up on 15!!
  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
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    Previously married.
    Both were equally ---- um well they both rated up there as sucking big time!

    'Both' as in wedding and marriage. (Didn't mean to imply I made the same mistake twice!)

    Well I did and it all sucked!!
  • hbart500
    hbart500 Posts: 304 Member
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    been together 8 years married 4 and i wouldnt change it for anything. Marriage definitely better when you are with the right person and you are always willing to work at it. :)
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    It never ceases to amaze me what kind of money people are willing to spend on a wedding.

    I know celebrities "put on the show" for longevity related to their careers (or at least boost to it) .. not the marriage. It's a publicity stunt. They CAN do it because they can afford to do it. What they spend for a single day could feed a starving country. Makes me cringe to think of it.

    I had a 'big wedding' .. not extravigant, by any means, but with the shear number of family and friends we wanted to invite we wanted to include 250 people (In those days ..that was about average size for a wedding). Although it was exciting picking out flowers and dresses .. I couldn't help feeling guilting about spending my parents money. They were not weathly by any means, and my Dad worked hard for his money. So, I kept it as minimal as possible. Even borrowed my Wedding dress, to save money.

    The day itself, was a blurr. It was like Christmas morning as a child where you wait and anticpate it for months then boom .. it's done and overwith before you even blink an eye.

    Our 2nd wedding .. we did 18 yrs later. We were married at 18 and had been married for 18 yrs .. so we were married for exactly the half our lives...We wanted to celebrate that...on the same exact date of our 1st wedding. So we had a very simple ceremony with a justice of the peace on the bow of a cruise ship. Nothing fancy, very simple, but more spectacular than the original fiasco 18 years earlier. We were much more mature, more commited, and profoundly meant EVERY word we vowed to each other. There wasn't a dry eye around.

    It was SUCH an emotional ceremony. Hubby and I were both crying, the JP was moved to tears, the photogapher and his wife both missed up, and looking around at the bystanders who came to see what was happening were also. THAT to me was the most heartfelt wedding ceremony and surpassed our 1st one by leaps and bounds..because of sentiment, not flowers, caterers, decorations, expensive dresses and suits, fireworks, or any of the other 'stuff' involved with planning a typcial wedding ceremony.

    Just us .. and a JP surrounded by the majesty of a magnifcent ocean.

    FYI: We just celebrated our 35th year last July ... and still going strong.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
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    I guess this qualifies as 'chit-chat'....

    If you are currently married or used-to-be married,
    Which is/was less miserable...the wedding or the marriage?

    Fixed.

    grim.
  • couponfun
    couponfun Posts: 714 Member
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    for our wedding, my dad was in the ER until the morning of...the photographer messed up the video, my parents refused to see me off at the end of the reception, and the priest kept mispronouncing my husband's name (really, who can't pronounce "thomas"?) Plus I was sick as a dog and had slept about 30 minutes and was hopped up on cold medication.


    As crazy/un-fun as that was, it was better than the marriage (15 yrs) :laugh: At least i got the dress of my dreams for the wedding :smile:
  • ctprofessional
    ctprofessional Posts: 63 Member
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    Weddings are stressful, expensive, parties for your friends and family. My marriage is a commitment to my best friend. I wish we had eloped and spent that money on ourselves!
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
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    The divorce.
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
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    The wedding was small and sweet, and inexpensive. But the Marriage is much much better! It will be 4 years in march!:love::heart:

    Same but we will celebrate 15 years early next year.
    Can't wait till we celebrate our 15 year mark! It goes by so fast!:smile:
  • southofmadness
    southofmadness Posts: 316 Member
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    Marriage i think. The wedding was great , honeymoon even better but some of the most painful,wonderful, exciting, frustrating and amazing things have happened while being married for the last 17 years. I wouldn't trade one day of it to relive the wedding......honeymoon ,........maybe :)

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