Is it wrong to get pissed at your wife because..........
EuroDriver
Posts: 254
Is it wrong to get pissed off that your wife gets more flattered by other guys complimenting her than you? Is it wrong to get pissed off when ur wife goes to a bar gets home at 5am (bars close at 3am) and then have a guy add her on facebook next day asking her on a date because she told him she was single? is it wrong to get pissed off because a friend tells u that he saw ur wife at a bar dancing very "provocative"? Is it wrong to ask your wife to quit flirting with guys as its embarrassing because a friend points it out to me and asks if i care or not and why wont i do anything about it? Is it wrong to ask your wife to cool off and pay more attention to her family than how many guys hit on her? Is it wrong to get even more pissed when you confront her about it she tells you you are stupid, insecure, shes unhappy, and its retarded because all she got out everything you confronted her about was that you dont want her to dress up n do her make up everday because u told her to quit seeking attetion from other men..
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Replies
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Uh, you have problems. Wife is doing some way out of bounds crap.0
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Definitely not wrong to get pissed!!0
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Uh, you have problems. Wife is doing some way out of bounds crap.
Yeap ^^^0 -
Um.
Yeah.
I think you may need more help than anyone on this board can provide :frown:0 -
but shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..0
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Uh, you have problems. Wife is doing some way out of bounds crap.
Yeap ^^^
yeah^^0 -
^^ This!Uh, you have problems. Wife is doing some way out of bounds crap.0 -
She did mention something about a jealous ex..0
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Hummm...not sure if it's wrong as I haven't heard her side of the story. But what's right is counseling. Stat.0
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yes you should be very pissed!0
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Doesn't sound like your wife is ready to be a wife. Sorry. :flowerforyou:0
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sounds like my parents before they got divorced and she remarried a guy 2 years older then me ..... like .. exactly like my parents0
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From a woman... Your wife needs to be let go or you two need to go to counseling.. Sounds like she's getting a little more than attention.. In my opinon any woman in a bar not with her husband until 5 am is seeking a little more than just attention... JUST SAYIN0
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the problem is not the make-up or dressing up....
just saying... I do my make-up and dress nicely daily....
the problem is all the other S*** is doing!0 -
That's just out of bounds. You could go out with her... and if she still feels the need to be flirtatious with other men, then you truly have your answer.
I think getting ticked off isn't the right answer.
I think counseling might be the right answer.0 -
No it is not wrong.. And everything everyone else said. Go back to the part where she says she's unhappy.. BIG RED FLAG0
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Personally I'd give it shape up or ship out treatment.......0
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^^^ thisUm.
Yeah.
I think you may need more help than anyone on this board can provide :frown:0 -
How long have u been married? Are there kids involved? She sounds pretty immature and selfish IMObut shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..0 -
I think you have to solve this, because it is causing the rest.SNIP>>>
shes unhappy
<<<SNIP0 -
Is it wrong to get pissed off that your wife gets more flattered by other guys complimenting her than you? Is it wrong to get pissed off when ur wife goes to a bar gets home at 5am (bars close at 3am) and then have a guy add her on facebook next day asking her on a date because she told him she was single? is it wrong to get pissed off because a friend tells u that he saw ur wife at a bar dancing very "provocative"? Is it wrong to ask your wife to quit flirting with guys as its embarrassing because a friend points it out to me and asks if i care or not and why wont i do anything about it? Is it wrong to ask your wife to cool off and pay more attention to her family than how many guys hit on her? Is it wrong to get even more pissed when you confront her about it she tells you you are stupid, insecure, shes unhappy, and its retarded because all she got out everything you confronted her about was that you dont want her to dress up n do her make up everday because u told her to quit seeking attetion from other men..
All of her answers are simple excuses used to divert the issue away from her. She knows what she's doing is wrong.
Man...I feel for you...I've been where you are and the hurt caused by it is endless =(. My advice, don't talk to her about the symptoms...which is her behavior (this'll just cause a fight, and give her room to deflect), talk to her about the problem, which is why she feels all these things are ok. Tell her a marriage isn't like that, and you want to be married. Suggest counselling, tell her you'll work to change things on your end as well (they always blame you, if you won't 'work' to fix it...even if you didn't fookin do anything, they won't either)...if she won't do that...get your *kitten* down and file for divorce, because if you don't...she will be eventually, and as things stand, you've got the moral upper hand.
I wish you luck brother, and if you ever need someone to talk to...message me.0 -
but shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..
My ex was a cheater and had a voodoo mind game answer for everything I said. If she cared about your feelings, she'd listen to what you said and change her actions. She's not...she's all about her.0 -
Doesn't sound like she has plans to quit anytime soon (past behavior being an indicator of future behavior)... might be time to make some other plans or counseling if she's open to that. Or even for yourself..but shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..
But you're 22 and that's really actually young in the big scheme of things, maybe she's realizing there's more out there than she realized?
I'd agree far more than a fitness message board can help you out with... unless you're looking for us all to agree with you? This is only one side of the story so I would not be able to even come close to guessing the truth of what's going on.. each person views their behavior differently.
If you reread what you pasted from the other person (before you got all crazy on us) I think you'll see that she's agreeing that it's not wrong to be pissed about the situation. Which is the question the OP asked....... "is it wrong to be pissed"
It's NOT WRONG.. So your saying it's OK for her to be this way because she is UNHAPPY !!! SERIOUSLY .. WOW great advice * sarcasm *No it is not wrong.. And everything everyone else said. Go back to the part where she says she's unhappy.. BIG RED FLAG0 -
I'd be pissed that's for sure.0
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but shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..
The line about you being crazy and insecure - That's an attempt at reverse psychology... get help for your marriage asap.0 -
You can play this two ways (she's looking for a game)
1) Buff up. Spiff yourself up everyday and enjoy life (as she is) and eventually go seperate ways.
2) Get a counsellor. (Their may be something to salvage)
I would do option 1 and start a score board of who gets more 'hits'0 -
Well apparently she's been doing it for some time know. Tell her to respect you and quit the **** or your out. Sorry but you don't act that way in a marriage. That's for one disrespectful. She doesn't seem to want to change so i'm guessing it's your turn to either act on it or hear the same story whenever she goes out. Put your foot down now.0
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For the first question about compliments... you have to understand something. A compliment from you feels wonderful, I'm sure, but in the back of her mind she's thinking "He's just saying that because he loves me." It's like getting told you're beautiful by your mother. Are you flattered? Sure. But it doesn't really have much impact. A stranger doesn't have nearly as much reinforcement or incentive to offer compliments. Whether that is worth getting upset about, I can't say.
The second part. If she were my boyfriend, I would be furious and very hurt. It is NOT okay to claim singledom when you're attached, let alone married. Maybe she wanted to feel unencumbered while out having a good time. I don't care. That crosses a line, for me personally.
Third. Provocative dancing is kind of expected in a club or a rowdy bar. How provocative you can't say, you're basing your anger on a friend's judgment. Not saying it isn't "accurate" but perhaps this is the lesser of your problems.
Fourth. It would not be wrong to ask your wife to quit flirting, as long as you hold yourself to the same standard Some couples see flirting as harmless, others feel it is disrespectful or, in your case, embarrassing. This goes along with the ENTIRE bar problem, I think.
I'll stop there because this situation can't be solved going on a case by case basis. It sounds like you're VERY hurt by your wife's behavior, and I understand where you're coming from. Is this a recent development (perhaps part of losing weight herself?)? Or has she always sought the high of having men find her attractive and irresistible?
I would sit her down and have a nice long, no blame playing, conversation. Describe how YOU feel when she says or does these things and WHY you have a problem with it. Stay calm, and make sure you listen when she responds. If she gets defensive, say that this is important to you and that you are NOT trying to attack her, but you need to talk. Immediately.
If your attempts continue to lead nowhere, say you need counseling or a divorce. Some people can't be swayed from destructive behavior, but there is no reason for you to be dragged through emotional turmoil along with them.
Good luck
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Seperate your finances. No joint checking or CCs. Take stock of who's name is on the mortgage. Get your fianical and mental ducks in a row before you go full on confrontation. This isn't going to end well. You might want to stat documenting where she goes, how long, monitor FB etc..... Once the **** hits the fan, you want to be prepared for war and win. She is going to cheat pretty damned soon if what you are posting is accurate. Hire a private eye mabye.0
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No it is not wrong.. And everything everyone else said. Go back to the part where she says she's unhappy.. BIG RED FLAG
so being unhappy means you can get away with whatever the hell you want to and not deal with things maturely? lol i will remember that next time im unhappy with someone0
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