Is it wrong to get pissed at your wife because..........

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245

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  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Is it wrong to get pissed off that your wife gets more flattered by other guys complimenting her than you? Is it wrong to get pissed off when ur wife goes to a bar gets home at 5am (bars close at 3am) and then have a guy add her on facebook next day asking her on a date because she told him she was single? is it wrong to get pissed off because a friend tells u that he saw ur wife at a bar dancing very "provocative"? Is it wrong to ask your wife to quit flirting with guys as its embarrassing because a friend points it out to me and asks if i care or not and why wont i do anything about it? Is it wrong to ask your wife to cool off and pay more attention to her family than how many guys hit on her? Is it wrong to get even more pissed when you confront her about it she tells you you are stupid, insecure, shes unhappy, and its retarded because all she got out everything you confronted her about was that you dont want her to dress up n do her make up everday because u told her to quit seeking attetion from other men..

    All of her answers are simple excuses used to divert the issue away from her. She knows what she's doing is wrong.

    Man...I feel for you...I've been where you are and the hurt caused by it is endless =(. My advice, don't talk to her about the symptoms...which is her behavior (this'll just cause a fight, and give her room to deflect), talk to her about the problem, which is why she feels all these things are ok. Tell her a marriage isn't like that, and you want to be married. Suggest counselling, tell her you'll work to change things on your end as well (they always blame you, if you won't 'work' to fix it...even if you didn't fookin do anything, they won't either)...if she won't do that...get your *kitten* down and file for divorce, because if you don't...she will be eventually, and as things stand, you've got the moral upper hand.

    I wish you luck brother, and if you ever need someone to talk to...message me.
  • shakemybooty
    shakemybooty Posts: 681 Member
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    but shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..

    My ex was a cheater and had a voodoo mind game answer for everything I said. If she cared about your feelings, she'd listen to what you said and change her actions. She's not...she's all about her.
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
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    but shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..
    Doesn't sound like she has plans to quit anytime soon (past behavior being an indicator of future behavior)... might be time to make some other plans or counseling if she's open to that. Or even for yourself..

    But you're 22 and that's really actually young in the big scheme of things, maybe she's realizing there's more out there than she realized?

    I'd agree far more than a fitness message board can help you out with... unless you're looking for us all to agree with you? This is only one side of the story so I would not be able to even come close to guessing the truth of what's going on.. each person views their behavior differently.
    No it is not wrong.. And everything everyone else said. Go back to the part where she says she's unhappy.. BIG RED FLAG
    It's NOT WRONG.. So your saying it's OK for her to be this way because she is UNHAPPY !!! SERIOUSLY .. WOW great advice * sarcasm *
    If you reread what you pasted from the other person (before you got all crazy on us) I think you'll see that she's agreeing that it's not wrong to be pissed about the situation. Which is the question the OP asked....... "is it wrong to be pissed"
  • ashnm88
    ashnm88 Posts: 748
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    I'd be pissed that's for sure.
  • liveinthemix
    liveinthemix Posts: 360 Member
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    but shes telling me im crazy and insecure because i care about how much she cares bout her looks? mind you when she was just putting on makeup and dressing up.. i didnt comment only when i felt like she has too much make up on... but now shes starting to flirt and i guess tell ppl shes single.. so yes.. i care that everyday she gets ready as if shes going to a modeling show.. if she could quit being a flirt i wouldnt care..

    The line about you being crazy and insecure - That's an attempt at reverse psychology... get help for your marriage asap.
  • Adina81
    Adina81 Posts: 252 Member
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    You can play this two ways (she's looking for a game)

    1) Buff up. Spiff yourself up everyday and enjoy life (as she is) and eventually go seperate ways.

    2) Get a counsellor. (Their may be something to salvage)

    I would do option 1 and start a score board of who gets more 'hits'
  • d_llopez
    d_llopez Posts: 167 Member
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    Well apparently she's been doing it for some time know. Tell her to respect you and quit the **** or your out. Sorry but you don't act that way in a marriage. That's for one disrespectful. She doesn't seem to want to change so i'm guessing it's your turn to either act on it or hear the same story whenever she goes out. Put your foot down now.
  • Liluth
    Liluth Posts: 84 Member
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    For the first question about compliments... you have to understand something. A compliment from you feels wonderful, I'm sure, but in the back of her mind she's thinking "He's just saying that because he loves me." It's like getting told you're beautiful by your mother. Are you flattered? Sure. But it doesn't really have much impact. A stranger doesn't have nearly as much reinforcement or incentive to offer compliments. Whether that is worth getting upset about, I can't say.

    The second part. If she were my boyfriend, I would be furious and very hurt. It is NOT okay to claim singledom when you're attached, let alone married. Maybe she wanted to feel unencumbered while out having a good time. I don't care. That crosses a line, for me personally.

    Third. Provocative dancing is kind of expected in a club or a rowdy bar. How provocative you can't say, you're basing your anger on a friend's judgment. Not saying it isn't "accurate" but perhaps this is the lesser of your problems.

    Fourth. It would not be wrong to ask your wife to quit flirting, as long as you hold yourself to the same standard Some couples see flirting as harmless, others feel it is disrespectful or, in your case, embarrassing. This goes along with the ENTIRE bar problem, I think.

    I'll stop there because this situation can't be solved going on a case by case basis. It sounds like you're VERY hurt by your wife's behavior, and I understand where you're coming from. Is this a recent development (perhaps part of losing weight herself?)? Or has she always sought the high of having men find her attractive and irresistible?

    I would sit her down and have a nice long, no blame playing, conversation. Describe how YOU feel when she says or does these things and WHY you have a problem with it. Stay calm, and make sure you listen when she responds. If she gets defensive, say that this is important to you and that you are NOT trying to attack her, but you need to talk. Immediately.

    If your attempts continue to lead nowhere, say you need counseling or a divorce. Some people can't be swayed from destructive behavior, but there is no reason for you to be dragged through emotional turmoil along with them.

    Good luck :).
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    Seperate your finances. No joint checking or CCs. Take stock of who's name is on the mortgage. Get your fianical and mental ducks in a row before you go full on confrontation. This isn't going to end well. You might want to stat documenting where she goes, how long, monitor FB etc..... Once the **** hits the fan, you want to be prepared for war and win. She is going to cheat pretty damned soon if what you are posting is accurate. Hire a private eye mabye.
  • Deathwithab
    Deathwithab Posts: 462 Member
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    No it is not wrong.. And everything everyone else said. Go back to the part where she says she's unhappy.. BIG RED FLAG

    so being unhappy means you can get away with whatever the hell you want to and not deal with things maturely? lol i will remember that next time im unhappy with someone
  • sm423
    sm423 Posts: 210 Member
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    Yeah, I always believe there is two sides to the story. But if all you say is true, then you definitely need to figure our whats going on and if the problems can be fixed. If there are kids invovled, definitely get some help.
  • traceybarbour
    traceybarbour Posts: 226 Member
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    She stated shes unhappy so she has already left just not left the house. Good luck no one should ever settle when it comes to a marriage..
  • Robina37
    Robina37 Posts: 17
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    Aw... You are very right to be pissed and she needs to smarten up or leave that isn't right... My question is why are you letting her do this with no consequences? Yes she's a grown women but if she's married with a family she needs to smarten up... try talking to her calmly... see what her problem is and let her know where the door is if she thinks what she's doing is o.k... See if you can get a babysitter (if needed) and go out together and hit on her all night!! lol I don't know... So though it seems the world doesn't understand love, commitment and trust anymore... I have my own problems (wahh wahh lol) my child's father left me to go out and be an *kitten*... So I'm working on me and my girls he can do whatever he wants now.. it's just not going to be with me anymore...
    And I was a good girl :)
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    You can play this two ways (she's looking for a game)

    1) Buff up. Spiff yourself up everyday and enjoy life (as she is) and eventually go seperate ways.

    2) Get a counsellor. (Their may be something to salvage)

    I would do option 1 and start a score board of who gets more 'hits'

    Marriage isn't a game. It's a lot of hard work.
  • jhardenbergh
    jhardenbergh Posts: 1,035 Member
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    i have gotten pissed off at my wife for far less things
  • kerri007
    kerri007 Posts: 123
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    um yea id be very pissed off. **
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    I read "family" too. ie.. might have kids in the picture. If that's the case, there ain't no games to play.
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
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    From a woman... Your wife needs to be let go or you two need to go to counseling.. Sounds like she's getting a little more than attention.. In my opinon any woman in a bar not with her husband until 5 am is seeking a little more than just attention... JUST SAYIN

    but she sais she didnt dance with any guys n she left the bar when it closed with her friends to go to her house.. n then hung out there..
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
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    Getting compliments and flirting is one thing, saying she's single? That's just wrong... Maybe she wasn't ready to be married?
  • audigal2008
    audigal2008 Posts: 1,129 Member
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    Is it wrong to get pissed off that your wife gets more flattered by other guys complimenting her than you? Is it wrong to get pissed off when ur wife goes to a bar gets home at 5am (bars close at 3am) and then have a guy add her on facebook next day asking her on a date because she told him she was single? is it wrong to get pissed off because a friend tells u that he saw ur wife at a bar dancing very "provocative"? Is it wrong to ask your wife to quit flirting with guys as its embarrassing because a friend points it out to me and asks if i care or not and why wont i do anything about it? Is it wrong to ask your wife to cool off and pay more attention to her family than how many guys hit on her? Is it wrong to get even more pissed when you confront her about it she tells you you are stupid, insecure, shes unhappy, and its retarded because all she got out everything you confronted her about was that you dont want her to dress up n do her make up everday because u told her to quit seeking attetion from other men..

    All of her answers are simple excuses used to divert the issue away from her. She knows what she's doing is wrong.

    Man...I feel for you...I've been where you are and the hurt caused by it is endless =(. My advice, don't talk to her about the symptoms...which is her behavior (this'll just cause a fight, and give her room to deflect), talk to her about the problem, which is why she feels all these things are ok. Tell her a marriage isn't like that, and you want to be married. Suggest counselling, tell her you'll work to change things on your end as well (they always blame you, if you won't 'work' to fix it...even if you didn't fookin do anything, they won't either)...if she won't do that...get your *kitten* down and file for divorce, because if you don't...she will be eventually, and as things stand, you've got the moral upper hand.

    I wish you luck brother, and if you ever need someone to talk to...message me.
    Some woman do not know that they are wrong, they feel ``entitled`` This world OWES them. I hope your wife snaps out of it, she may be left a lonely soul

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