How about instead of "look how gross I was" we say...
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lisaidem
Posts: 194 Member
It can be kind of hurtful to others to say "I weighed X number of pounds and I was completely disgusting." There are plenty of people that weigh much more than whatever weight you mention, and would LOVE to be that weight. Or there are those (like myself) who have lost a good amount of weight, and are at YOUR starting weight, when you were "so disgusting."
How about the for the sake of motivating others, we just say that we weren't happy at that weight, rather than making judgement statements?
This behavior kind of reminds me of a friend I have, that makes statements about how only very thin girls are attractive. Says this to my face. Who does he think he is talking to? He doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, although I am obviously not on his radar of potentially attractive people (maybe he thinks I'm a man?), but it does anyway.
Just a thought.
How about the for the sake of motivating others, we just say that we weren't happy at that weight, rather than making judgement statements?
This behavior kind of reminds me of a friend I have, that makes statements about how only very thin girls are attractive. Says this to my face. Who does he think he is talking to? He doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, although I am obviously not on his radar of potentially attractive people (maybe he thinks I'm a man?), but it does anyway.
Just a thought.
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you know, i thought this post was going a different direction...
you have an awesome point...while i would kill to weight so and so's weight, someone would kill to me my weight...thanksf or pointing that out *hugs*0 -
I appreciate your kind sentiment. I imagine it's coming from a nice place.
However, I will choose to describe MYSELF as I see fit.
And I WAS fat. Very FAT. And I felt horrible, and disgusting, and I hated it. So I changed it.
The fact that other people started at other weights has nothing to do with my own journey, and if someone wants to generalize the things I say about my former self to their own situation, that's their problem, not mine.
Best wishes.
Limiting people's speech isn't an idea I like on any day, especially Veteran's Day when we're supposed to be celebrating freedom and all.0 -
i have often had this same thought. thank you for sharing, I completely agree!0
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@ OP: Amen, sister.
@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?0 -
I agree. I have heard on more than one occasion someone that is now 130 lbs say "I was so fat and disgusting when I was 200 pounds..." Well I am close to 200 lbs so that does hurt my feelings. Yes, I KNOW I am fat, but just hearing it in that particular wording is harsh.0
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That is a very good idea! Reminds me of a friend of mine who talks about how pathetic people are who don't have enough money to go out and "enjoy their life" all the time to my face when I had to move back in with my mom after my ex and I broke up. People are just *doh* sometimes
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while it would be nice to see people not writing things like this, it'll never stop...we are our own worst critic.0
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LOL I am not limiting anyone's speech, and throwing Veterans Day in there is a cheap shot. Suddenly I'm not patriotic because I suggest people maybe think about their harsh words in a support forum...yeah.0
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@ OP: Amen, sister.
@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?
^^^^^THIS!!!!0 -
Agreed. I topped out at 306 and though I was unhappy with myself, I never thought of it as disgusting and felt pretty bad when I saw people saying that at 200lbs.0
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i totally agree!!! i know it's a self perception thing, but you probably shouldn't be posting on boards about how "disgusting" you look at a certain weight when there's ALWAYS going to be someone who weights more than you!!0
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statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.
statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.
One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.
I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.0 -
@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?
Free speech is important especially when it's unpopular. Sorry. I'm not into candy-coating and pre-worrying over how I speak so I can prevent someone else from misinterpreting it and hurting their own feelings.0 -
Thank you for posting this! I feel this everytime I see someone's pic that is alot smaller then me and think, "my god I love myself and think I am beautiful but just want to be healthy and they think they are fat and disgusting?!? Man they must think I look fat and disguesting". I'm 32 yrs old and have stuggled with my weight since I was in 5th grade! Not that I've not tried doing things before but when you hear people refer themselves or people in a higher weight Gross and fat and disgusting, it breaks my heart b/c I was made fun of most of my life for being fat, I didn't think anyone would ever want to be with me or marry me for that matter... Now I am engaged n working on my body issues together! Every morning before work we go to the gym for an hr! So Thank you for starting this topic!0
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statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.
statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.
One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.
I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.
^^ This
When other people talk about themselves and you allow it to hurt your feelings you need to examine yourself for why. That's not healthy.0 -
When someone says "look how gross I was" at a certain weight that others would be delighted to get to, I think it's more of a statement of how they feel about themselves, not an opinion about anyone else. I agree though that it can be helpful if we could take the time to think about how our words may affect others. Sometimes, it just pops out. Personally, if I know no harm was intended, then I choose not to be offended.0
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Nobody can make you feel a certain way. You own your emotions, feelings and reactions. If I thought I looked gross at a certain size, I'd say it. It doesn't mean I feel someone else looks gross at that size... but even if it did, who cares? I am some anonymous person on the internet.0
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I agree with this post and for what it is worth Lisa you look great, keep up the good work.0
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wow interesting conversation....I must say I did not expect it to go the way it did0
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statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.
statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.
One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.
I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.
^^ This
When other people talk about themselves and you allow it to hurt your feelings you need to examine yourself for why. That's not healthy.
Like minds
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