Going on a date while still legally married....Wrong?

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  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    As long as the new guy knows and doesn't mind being your rebound.

    He isn't necessarily a rebound.

    Not everyone who is at the end of a marriage and chooses to date someone else is "rebounding". I'm just telling you how it may be from someone who has been there, done that. Ain't no rebounding here! :)
  • fitplease
    fitplease Posts: 647 Member
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    It's a good sign to your new spouse that you were able to honor your marriage vows to the very end. Do not date until everything is finalized.
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
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    I guess my question is....is this a coffee between friends or starting a dating relationship? Obviously you are grown and will be making your own choices but if you are asking the question I also wonder if you are torn about doing this.

    In my honest opinion I would not go on a date with someone while legally married. I believe in the marriage commitment/contract and until it is legally broken I don't believe anyone should start anything new.

    I think I'm the only one on here so far that disagrees with this but you are going to make your own choices. Personally, I don't believe it's right and I wouldn't do it.
  • prissymissliss
    prissymissliss Posts: 17 Member
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    I'm going through the same and don't find anything wrong with moving on and dating.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
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    I guess my question is....is this a coffee between friends or starting a dating relationship? Obviously you are grown and will be making your own choices but if you are asking the question I also wonder if you are torn about doing this.

    In my honest opinion I would not go on a date with someone while legally married. I believe in the marriage commitment/contract and until it is legally broken I don't believe anyone should start anything new.

    I think I'm the only one on here so far that disagrees with this but you are going to make your own choices. Personally, I don't believe it's right and I wouldn't do it.

    I disagreed.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
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    It's a good sign to your new spouse that you were able to honor your marriage vows to the very end. Do not date until everything is finalized.

    Yeah, this.
  • Ksnoddy87
    Ksnoddy87 Posts: 121
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    I personally wouldn't do it, but I think you should make the decision based on your own convictions. I would decided based on how you feel about it. You know if it will make you feel guilty or not. We can't tell you that. :)

    I get what you're saying...I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn't wrong....you know? I've never been married before and this is my first, hopefully last, divorce and I just want to make sure that I'm not in way over my head
  • isherryb
    isherryb Posts: 47 Member
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    Um, its just coffee. Go for it.
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    I personally don't think it's a good idea. I think waiting for divorce is a good idea. Not only can it have potential to cause you problems in the event that you divorce it's also the concept that we don't seem to stand for anything any more. Our children are seeing adults blur the lines of right and wrong every day. I think it's important to honor our commitments even if the commitment no longer is important to us. Promise I'm not picking on you. This is merely only my opinion and on here I'm obviously on my own but that's ok. I encourage you to write pro's and cons. I know it's all about the now but I think it's also something mabe (as hard as it would be) for you to talk to your husband and find some common ground if you can so things don't get sorted. It always starts out innocent but emotions are hard to control. Why put your self smack dab in the middle of a bullseye if you don't have to. Life is filled with enough chaos. I am sorry for your situation. Definatly not easy. Best of luck and may the wisdom you are in search of find you. Be blessed.:flowerforyou:
  • beccadaniixox
    beccadaniixox Posts: 542 Member
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    Nothing wrong with that at all! The government can take forever to finalize papers, and you probably don't want to wait that long.
    My mom's boyfriend has been waiting almost 8 years for his papers to become finalized!! Haha.
  • emmaleigh47
    emmaleigh47 Posts: 1,670 Member
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    Im a very conservative person in my views ... and yet I see nothing wrong with this at all. The papers are signed, the relationship is over ... and you are waiting for the courts to catch up. If you were seperated but papers had not been signed then I would say I would be against it... but thats not your situation! :)

    Good luck ... and I agree not necessarily rebounding ... just having a cup of coffee!
  • YogiGirlLucy
    YogiGirlLucy Posts: 290
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    I did it, too, but with a twist. My husband and I were separated, but still friends and living in the same house -- separate bedrooms. Okay, not everyone can do this, but we were buds and still got a long very well, even though there was no chance of remaining married. After some months of this I told him I wanted to start dating. He said okay as long as I didn't bring anyone to the house. I went on a few casual dates with some guys and then met someone I really liked. Once it got serious I moved out, got divorced a few years later, and then ten years later I married my "rebound guy". I was totally honest with both guys every step of the way and it worked out for everyone! So, coffee? Yeah, go for it, just be honest with everyone involved.

    Lucy :)
  • RoanneRed
    RoanneRed Posts: 429 Member
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    You've taken all the steps to finalise the divorce rather than waiting till someone comes along to give you a reason to do it so I wouldn't consider it a problem. On internet dating I'm always wary of people who are 'separated', I worry they haven't fully dealt with the past.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
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    Our children are seeing adults blur the lines of right and wrong every day. I think it's important to honor our commitments even if the commitment no longer is important to us.

    This really made me think...thanks for saying that. It definitely is something to think about every day, in reference to everything.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
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    As long as the new guy knows and doesn't mind being your rebound.

    He isn't necessarily a rebound.

    Not everyone who is at the end of a marriage and chooses to date someone else is "rebounding". I'm just telling you how it may be from someone who has been there, done that. Ain't no rebounding here! :)
    I also like the term band-aid. Yeah, as long as the guy knows and doesn't care. In the interest of full disclosure.....
  • Amy911Gray
    Amy911Gray Posts: 685 Member
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    Yep!
  • Garvin51
    Garvin51 Posts: 16 Member
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    It's just coffee .... and its therapy ... :):smile:
  • Ksnoddy87
    Ksnoddy87 Posts: 121
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    I guess my question is....is this a coffee between friends or starting a dating relationship? Obviously you are grown and will be making your own choices but if you are asking the question I also wonder if you are torn about doing this.

    In my honest opinion I would not go on a date with someone while legally married. I believe in the marriage commitment/contract and until it is legally broken I don't believe anyone should start anything new.

    I think I'm the only one on here so far that disagrees with this but you are going to make your own choices. Personally, I don't believe it's right and I wouldn't do it.

    The reason why I'm torn is because of the family I come from and our beliefs. I do respect marriage very strongly and wanted to make my marriage work until the very end. He was the one that wanted out...We were not married for a long time...only about 2 years. We don't have any kids and nothing binding us together. I respect my marriage (whats left of it) to not commit adultry but my intentions are strickly to go out with this guy and just get to know each other. I'm pretty sure my divorce will be final by the end of this year which is what? Like a month and a half or so, give or take? So why not is all I was arguing to my mom....but hey, every body is going to have their own opinion.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
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    I did it, too, but with a twist. My husband and I were separated, but still friends and living in the same house -- separate bedrooms. Okay, not everyone can do this, but we were buds and still got a long very well, even though there was no chance of remaining married. After some months of this I told him I wanted to start dating. He said okay as long as I didn't bring anyone to the house. I went on a few casual dates with some guys and then met someone I really liked. Once it got serious I moved out, got divorced a few years later, and then ten years later I married my "rebound guy". I was totally honest with both guys every step of the way and it worked out for everyone! So, coffee? Yeah, go for it, just be honest with everyone involved.

    Lucy :)
    Isn't that a Fran Drescher sitcom? :wink:
  • Just_Dot
    Just_Dot Posts: 2,289 Member
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    Go for it. Not only did I start dating someone while I was still married (but separated for several months) I slept with the guy! (I'd known him for years, we never dated because the timing was off for one of us, blah, blah, blah...) I spent the last several months of my marriage feeling ugly, unworthy, and unlovable...dating helped me regain my self-confidence and help me establish a "self" outside of my marriage.

    My son never met this man, nor did any of the other guys I dated casually, so he never got confused about different people in was spending time with (not sleeping with...the first guy was a special case.) When I started dating my now husband, I waited until it started getting serious before they met each other.

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