Is it wrong to get pissed at your wife because..........

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  • SweetVaness
    SweetVaness Posts: 30 Member
    WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!! I WOULD BE UPSET IF MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER WAS DOING HALF OF THOSE THINGS. HONESTLY I WOULD BOUNCE, YET AGAIN I HAVE NO KIDS SO THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I WOULD TALK TO HER AND TELL HER SHE NEEDS TO STOP. IF SHE DOESN'T THEN YOU HAVE A SERIOUS ISSUE IN YOUR HANDS.
  • dragonbait0126
    dragonbait0126 Posts: 568 Member
    For the first question about compliments... you have to understand something. A compliment from you feels wonderful, I'm sure, but in the back of her mind she's thinking "He's just saying that because he loves me." It's like getting told you're beautiful by your mother. Are you flattered? Sure. But it doesn't really have much impact. A stranger doesn't have nearly as much reinforcement or incentive to offer compliments. Whether that is worth getting upset about, I can't say.

    The second part. If she were my boyfriend, I would be furious and very hurt. It is NOT okay to claim singledom when you're attached, let alone married. Maybe she wanted to feel unencumbered while out having a good time. I don't care. That crosses a line, for me personally.

    Third. Provocative dancing is kind of expected in a club or a rowdy bar. How provocative you can't say, you're basing your anger on a friend's judgment. Not saying it isn't "accurate" but perhaps this is the lesser of your problems.

    Fourth. It would not be wrong to ask your wife to quit flirting, as long as you hold yourself to the same standard Some couples see flirting as harmless, others feel it is disrespectful or, in your case, embarrassing. This goes along with the ENTIRE bar problem, I think.

    I'll stop there because this situation can't be solved going on a case by case basis. It sounds like you're VERY hurt by your wife's behavior, and I understand where you're coming from. Is this a recent development (perhaps part of losing weight herself?)? Or has she always sought the high of having men find her attractive and irresistible?

    I would sit her down and have a nice long, no blame playing, conversation. Describe how YOU feel when she says or does these things and WHY you have a problem with it. Stay calm, and make sure you listen when she responds. If she gets defensive, say that this is important to you and that you are NOT trying to attack her, but you need to talk. Immediately.

    If your attempts continue to lead nowhere, say you need counseling or a divorce. Some people can't be swayed from destructive behavior, but there is no reason for you to be dragged through emotional turmoil along with them.

    Good luck :).

    I totally agree with this^^^. But I'm about to ask a question that I know I'm going to get jumped on for. You made the comment that you never said anything to her when she was just wearing make-up and a dress except to tell her that she had on too much. Now granted I haven't read the entire thread yet so I apologize if I missed something but why the heck didn't you compliment her instead of only telling her she had on too much make-up? I don't want to jump all over her and while I do NOT condone her actions, it makes me wonder what the driving motivation behind her actions are.
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
    You both really need to talk. She shouldn't be do somehting of these things. Nothing wrong with getting dressed up and feeling good about yourself. The excessive flirting and pretending to be single has to stop. Ask her if she wants to be single. Sometimes people start to show us there true colors and we just dont want to see them. Other times we've pushed ppl to feel like they need outside attention.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    EuroDriver has deactivated their account.

    Just a note
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